By the books, there were 104 points possible on last night's quiz. I fudged that up to 105, because I think Sigfried and Roy are awesome enough to merit a point apiece. Putting aside for a moment the bonus points I gave to Wolfpack for their fawning sycophancy, that means 3+1=5 got over 92% correct last night, playing a perfect game all the way up to round 7.

I checked with my predecessor Aaron, and he's confimed that their score of 97 points sets a new record for McCabe's (the previous being 93), so, like, you all got to witness history or something. Of course, previous record-holders didn't have access to our latest invention, the 16-points-possible Double or Nothing round, but let's not get all nostalgic for the olden days of pub quiz, back when we all wore hats and darned socks and plowed the field with a team of horses and none of this gas-powered new-fangled poke-e-mon-ey crap.

Or maybe let's do get all nostalgic, because as I mentioned next week Aaron's back, for a special limited-time engagement! Let's talk for a minute about what that means, for the benefit of our new regulars (or at least those I haven't managed to drive away yet). Let's start with what he looks like:

Your replacement quizmaster

One of the highest (and, er, only) compliments I've ever gotten as quizmaster was: "gee, you're a lot nicer than that skinny jeans guy." That might give you an idea what to expect: he wears skinny jeans and isn't as nice as I am. And he for goddamn sure isn't going to put up with any "but drew does it this way" whiney crap, so don't even try. All that being said, he's also a lot funnier than I am, so y'all really should have a good time. So good, in fact, that I wish I could see it. But not really. You know why. See y'all in three weeks!

Pictures:

Golden Girls Gone Wild

Loraxes of Evil

Unitarian Jihad

Team Miles

Paul

Go Go Power Rangers . Ordinarily they would find themselves penalized for running the 8-top, but in this case it proved unnecessary (see scores below)

Scores:

3+1=5 .......................................97
Golden Girls Gone Wild ......................89
Loraxes of Evil .............................84
Unitarian Jihad .............................82
Why don't you worship me as your god ........74
Paul ........................................71
Vampires don't sparkle ......................66
Wolfpack ....................................58
Team Miles (♥s to boom) .....................55
Sexual Napalm ...............................54
Never trust a fart ..........................53
Go Go Power Rangers .........................46
Spotted Cow .................................33
The Enablers ................................31
Late Cummers .................................5

So I think next week, instead of pub quiz, we should just play sports instead. That way, the next time there's a round on sports, instead of bitching about the round that's on sports, instead you can say "hey, last week, instead of playing pub quiz, instead we played sports, so really it would be hypocritical of us to bitch about the round that's on sports." 50 Caliber Catheter even went so far as to write "geeks don't watch sports. Fuck sports" in lieu of any answers whatsoever on their round 4 scoresheet, which, by the way, doesn't get you any points whatsoever.

That being said, we played a pretty exciting sport to break the first-place tie last night, namely the first-ever drink-off (thanks for the idea, Mike!). And despite however much he might not drink during quiz proper, Doug from Golden Girls Gone Wild totally pounded it, netting them the victory. Remember also the "just fucking" guess bonus question (also about sports) which he won after the submission of something like 20 wrong answers. So yeah, I think the guy's good, not just lucky, and should perhaps consider going to emeritus status or something.

In other news, I still retain no sympathy for those of you who know nothing about Pee Wee Herman, which is good, because most of you do know something about the latter and harbor similar sentiments toward the prior. The song parodies were funny, and the jizz, piss, or blood round was pretty funny, and it was also pretty funny when my collection shuffle decided to play Tom Waits after him being one of the answers to round 2. Hope no one cheated on that.

Pictures:

I say this every week, but everyone please show up next week. There will be a very special announcement. Uh, at least kind-of special.

Scores:
Golden Girls Gone Wild....................77 (drink-off victory!)
Loraxes of Evil...........................77
3+1=5.....................................72
We've had Plenty..........................67
Brainiac 4+1..............................65
Burt Bacharachattack......................57
We have a Tiny Dog........................57
King Leonidas as Portrayed in the
Film "300," Based upon the Frank 
Miller Comic of the Same Name.............54
Carlos!...................................52
50 Calibur Catheter.......................43
Lindsay Lohan is my Cell Bitch............41
The Ring of Queens........................41
Devil Dogs................................36
Germarican................................35
Einstein Loves Buns.......................23
FTW.......................................13

Tonight I took the winding highway through New York, New Mexico, and Nevada home. Took me about 5 days, but I finally made it. Nice, y'all.

Besides taking the long way home, tonight was full of contradictions. Vegetarians taking home sausage, old people getting the rap questions, children getting the oldies questions, women knowing sports, men knowing chick flicks. I don't even know what to think anymore!! Keeping impressing me with your unexpected off the wall knowledge and back talk.

Look at you, making momma proud:

The Scores

Stock Adders                      71
Jack Burton and Pork Chop Express 69
Squirrels                         64
Backroads                         60 
Oops! I crapped my pants          57
Moose                             52
Doppelganger                      48
Ludakris Librarians               47
I’m not in the mood               41

Okay, so let's take stock of everything we learned last night:

• Andrus Vasiliev isn't even remotely a passably Estonian-sounding name
• Dr. Dre, Jay-Z, and Lil' Wayne's real names aren't very Estonian-sounding, either
• Marilyn Manson didn't sing "I put a spell on you" (to our knowledge)
• Dr. Suess is a children's author, not a children's series
• I like and know more about Max Headroom than all y'all, which means I should have been playing, not you

Aside from all that, as I mentioned, we had some downright hilarious team names, though I'm disappointed in remaining unconvinced that the Underwater Welders were, in fact, underwater welders. Also, remember when I was going to give bus driver, pull over and let my brother Jack off bonus points for buying me a ton of shots? Yeah, I didn't, and it turns out they didn't need them, for they roundly smoked y'all. Speaking of buying me drinks, a shout goes out to Wolfpack for doing so with their winnings from a bonus question. Again, not that I do monkey with the scores in such a petty fashion, but yeah, Wolfpack, you guys are cool.

The standings proved quite volatile, with a lot of teams cycling through the lower end of the top five. There were a lot of points available on round six, if you knew how to get 'em. And if you do, please share. Also, please be impressed that, much like sofas last week, we managed to squeeze an entire round out of postal systems.

I think that pretty much covers everything. Apologies in advance for not knowing who most of the teams were who appear in the pictures, since most of the teams I do know decided to forgo that whole taking-pictures-of-themselves part of the process. But that's cool, everyone please come back now!

Scores:

Bus driver, pull over and let my 
     brother Jack off..........................81
Golden Girls Gone Wild.........................79
3+1=5..........................................78
Wide Awake and Birthday Cake...................70
Trivia Newton John.............................69
Mad Max beyond Blunder Phone...................69
Loraxes of Evil................................62
Wolfpack.......................................60
Ass Hats.......................................49
Sexual Napalm..................................48
The Shiza Minellis.............................45
Chocolate Cake.................................41
Under Water Welders............................40
Team K.........................................20

So what with the rain and the holiday weekend the turnout last night was on the lighter side, which was kind of nice in that it made for a calm, intimate evening with lots of shit-talking banter among the teams and myself, and kind of not so nice in that it made a little less extravagant the return of Geeks who Drink's question editor, McCabes veteran, and G-unit lynchpin Christopher Short. While extravagant it may not have been, triumphant it was, as his four-top came away with a healthy eight-point victory for the win, even after it appeared for a minute that I fucked up on the final scoring. Oh yeah, about that:

As you can see, it turns out I did fuck up the scoring, but that was only in giving Golden Girls Gone Wild an undeserved point for "liver" while they both in fact did receive their point for answering "Valero." Slick.

So as I noted, while the quiz is fixed and we would have been fully within standard operating parameters in allowing Chris to cheat like Ted Haggard at this event, I assure you that everything was done above-the-board and that he knew, if anything, less about the questions that you did (having not received the email). Tonight's questions were hand-picked by John Dicker, and he gave us some great ones. I was honestly surprised we got an entire round about sofas, and the Crayola Crayon or AVN award winner? was pure gold. Uh, I think "pure gold" was one of the questions, actually...

A few quick shouts: our resident medical staff on Sexual Napalm, while turning in far from a command performance in general, did prove to be the only dudes in the room who know was your spleen does. Newcomers Abby and Audrey started off impressively, holding third place into round six, and I hope to see them again (maybe with a few more people, maybe whose names will also begin with the letter A). Some other former G-Unit stalwarts moved off into a splinter faction calling themselves Where's my Guiness...cake!? (about which, Carmen still doesn't know), so yeah the remnants of that team were running this whole total hegemonistic thing. Also, special thanks go to one-third of Asian Gracefully with the Bartender's namesakes for running around with my camera and grabbing team pictures, since she is consummately adorable and got everyone to smile and made for much more interesting pictures than we normally get.

The OGs (original g-unit?)

Golden Girls Gone Wild

Asian Gracefully with the Bartender. Note the Asians, Sarah Grace, and the bartender

Abby & Audrey

The Beards

Meth Lab Einsteins

Where's my Guiness... Cake!?

Sexual Napalm

Unitarian Jihad

Scores:

The OGs                              86
Golden Girls Gone Wild               78
Asian Gracefully w/ the Bartender    76
Unitarian Jihad                      65
Where's my Guiness......cake!?       58
Abby & Audrey                        56
Meth Lab Einsteins                   54
Sexual Napalm                        52
Beards                               50
Confused                             13

So, not that it's any of your business, but I'm writing this from US highway 34, working my way toward the Colorado/Nebraska border. See, it wouldn't be any of your business, if the bartender hadn't decided to make it so, busting out the shot counter for the first time in my tenure as quizmaster. Yeah, that made meeting my mom at 11PM for a roadtrip really fun, let me tell you. Generally when I'm meeting a mom when I'm that drunk and it's 11PM, it's not my mom that I'm meeting, know what I mean?

As I said at the beginning, this week's quiz was really easy, which I remind you may not be any reason to celebrate prematurely. Because what that means is you find it only kind-of easy, while teams like Golden Girls Gone Wild find it really, really, really, really easy, to the point that they don't even have to think about it and spend their entire time (I mean, even more than usual) bitching about what time it is and reminding me that the music I'm playing is still not Slayer.

So yeah, we finished with a kind of standard run-down, GGGW leading 3+1=5 (who didn't take their own picture, AGAIN) leading an especially hot installment of Unitarian Jihad, whose picture you're totally getting.

A few other teams did something interesting and I'd love to recount it if I, uh, weren't hung over and could maybe see the Rocky Mountains still. And if my breath didn't taste rather exactly like the feedlot I just passed. Or maybe the one before that -- I'm not sure. So here's an unceremoniously uncaptioned photodump of all the other pictures taken. I hope you're all happy. I'm off to find a truck stop with WiFi.

Special bonus update: You know how easy it is to find truck stops with WiFi anywhere between Greeley CO and Lincoln NE? LIKE FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE. So sorry for being late.

Scores:

Golden Girls Gone Wild             80
3+1=5                              76
Unitarian Jihad                    71
Domestic and Imported              70
Brainiac 4                         69
Loraxes of Eeeeevil                60
Sexual Napalm                      57
Wolfpack                           54
Electric Camel                     51
We don't actually know each other  51
Spank my little pony               50

The following writeup follows the template suggested by Choo, the quizmaster of Ozzies, combined with the words you suggested on the madlibs handouts. Check the above link to see how other teams riffed on the same theme.

Thank you guys for another smurfy night. It certainly brought joy to my spleen to look out at all 
69 of you excitedly throwing your vas deferenses in the air, ready for the quiz to begin. Seriously,
 I almost defenestrated in my wifebeater. That's how totally and completely wept I was to be among you.

We kicked things off with a round on anagrams. While many of you may not have scored well in your
theology classes, you certainly had a way with horses tonight. I think my favorite anagram of all time 
is changing Spiro Agnew into suck it.

The music round on creepy twins certainly lived up to its name. Nelson couldn't be more harried if 
they tried. Remember that music video with the epileptic father yelling at his son who later dreams 
about meeting Nelson and an old Klingon man who gives him a tank so he'll stop crying? Hard to believe 
what passed for entertainment in the 1790's.

Then a round about dead celebrities. Yes we make light of it at Geeks Who Drink, but if you weren't 
laughing, you'd be bloating. Besides, it's not like you aren't reminded that Gidget is dead every time 
you order baba ganoosh from Flingers.

I'd also like to thank that hot guy from Golden Girls Gone Wild for offering his "correction" during 
the supergroups round. Sure, he could have submitted a report to the Errorogenous Zone, but then he wouldn't 
have got to shout, "The Superfriends are all pudenda and wouldn't stand a chance against the NRA much 
less the Legion of Doom!" Next time, how about you take it easy on the free water, buddy.

I hope you're all intimately familiar with the term MacGuffin now that we've had a whole round on it. 
I'm still not. Whenever I hear MacGuffin, I think about McFuckNuts, the Crime Yellowbellied Sap 
Sucker. He visited my school once and gave us all tips on yeasting safety. Haven't thought about 
Scottish names the same since.

Alright, enough of my nonstop replacing, let's look at the teetotaling winners, shall we? I'll see you 
all one week from now for the next lathed palm tree climbing from Geeks Who Drink.

So yeah, that pretty much goes to evidence how much more clever the writeups can be if you guys help out, rather than leaving it only to me. If you didn't fill out a madlib sheet, I ask that you do next week, if the idea doesn't get shut down by then. Meanwhile, have some site-specific pictures:

3+1=lorax, who, for all the incestuousness, didn't really see anything through

I think this is Team Awesome, but I'm really not sure since they've never really introduced themselves

The Mighty Boosh

Domestics and Imports

Golden Girls Gone Wild

She didn't play, but is relevant for having the name Jessica

Sexual Napalm, all 18 of them...

Define Statuatory

Silence of the Vuvuzelas

Scores:

Golden Girls Gone Wild                63
Silence of the Vuvuzelas              62
Define Statuatory                     60
Domestic and Imported                 59
The Mighty Boosh                      58
Goooooaaaaaallll!!!!!                 54
Sexual Napalm                         54
3+1=lorax                             53
Where's Stephnie?                     47
The Interns                           40
Team Awesome..... Maybe               34
Landon Donovan is my Homeboy          24
The Wolfpack                          13

Another packed house last night, thanks largly in part to Trevor's birthday party. Right, so they weren't playing, and they were making a lot of noise, so I probably shouldn't give them a shoutout like that, but I'm doing so because they actually did everyone a tremendous service: that of giving y'all a wide spectrum of people for you quizzers to feel superior to.

So yeah, it was crowded, and rowdy, and to be honest I don't really remember a lot of what went on. There were a lot of weird rounds, and I told everyone it would be a pretty easy quiz, which I should really stop doing because anyone who ends up disagreeing with that assessment really, really ends up disagreeing with that assessment. I kind of thought the scores would be a little tighter, but it pretty much came down to the scores on Round 2, which goes to show you probably need to know more about mothers. Because I've known yours OH SNAP. I mean, like, biblically OH SNAP.

After a bit of shuffling around on top of those scores, we ended up seeing Colorado Ninjas on top for the first time in what seems like a while, followed by the Great Muppet Gaper and 3+1=5.

3+1=5, shown here in the heigh of their elation with pulling, er, sliding into third place

Shouts go out also to Brainiac and the Mighty Boosh for tying in a good show for fourth, and also to Bort!, whom I stupidly mispronounced as Bart, thereby completely ruining the joke for those of you who get it. So I guess that'll be my request for next week: everyone please use the double-storey version of any letters A which may appear in your team name.

Oh, and also, when I ask you to pass around my camera please actually fucking pass around my camera. I mean, this modern art shit is cool and all, but there were like nine other teams! None other lonely, lonely, undocumented teams. :....(

Scores:

Colorado Ninjas                79
The Great Muppet Gaper         74
3+1=5                          71
The Mighty Boosh               65
Brainiac                       65
At Yeast I'm a Fun-gi          56
Not at the Table Carlos        52
Exploratory Surgery            45
Domestic and Imported          45
The Speed of Smell             44
Sexual Napalm                  35
Plug my Oily Hole              25
Bort!                          18

Mechanical failures have been abounding at McCabes, with a broken AC system, a hot water heater that starts leaking and dumps a good hundred of gallons through the ceiling, and a couple other minor things that don't make such a good story. Lucky for y'all, that all happened last night or before and was all fixed going into quiz tonight. Just goes to show how highly the venue values you quizzers.

And you paid it back tonight by showing up in unmitigated force. I was figuring on about half the crowd who actually turned out tonight, and moreover figuring on a few tables up and leaving when I started playing loud music and reading off rule #2 and launching into our first round, being as it was about jackasses. For the most part, however, they stuck around with resolution, including the team called Awesome (not to be confused with the strangely absent new regulars Team Awesome) who stuck around through round five, baby stroller and all. In fact, they probably would have done pretty well had they stuck around longer, and I'd love to see them back if they didn't live in a different time zone.

In fact, although perhaps belied by the scores listed below, for a while it looked like it really could have been anyone's game. Former quizmaster Aaron teamed up with some scattered remnants of the Betas to form Whatchoo Talkin' 'bout Headwound, who briefly crawled into a third-place tie with Whatchoo Talkin' 'Bout Jesus. This tie, along with the one between Betty White Power and 3+1=5 justified the very rare round 9. Moreover, the resulting scores proved less of an arbitrary tie-breaking instrument than a legitimate microcosm of superiority. We didn't suffer any embarrassment like one of the lesser teams overtaking the others, or any of that. In fact, I propose we resolve all future quizzes with just a five-question round. Then we can sit around for two hours doing body shots or something. I'll buy the shots, you just buy the body.

Since a few teams didn't take their picture and since there were sixteen whole teams tonight and since I didn't know most of them and since most of the ones that I did no always seem to fail at taking their ritalin right before writing down their team name each week, here's a massive, uncaptioned photodump. See y'all next week!

Scores:

Betty White Power                         69 (round 9 superiority!)
3+1=5                                     69 (round 9 adequacy!)
Whatchoo Talkin 'bout Jesus?              59 (round 9 honorable mention!)
Whatchoo Talkin 'bout Headwound?          59 (round 9 ignominious defeat!)
Table of Contents                         57
Not at the Table Carlos                   57
Funtastics                                54
Birthday Boy Bonanza                      51
Bingo the Zombie Pony                     50
The Conference Formerly Known as BIG 12   46
Calamatron!                               43
Dead Last                                 36
Spank my Little Pony                      36
The Butter Nutters                        34
Awesome                                   31
D-Love                                    30