A big crowd was packed into Moe's at the start of the night. I was delighted and felt great that so many people would come to enjoy my humble Quiz. Then the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club show at the Gothic opened it's doors and the crowd poured out like the place was on fire. That's okay, they were noisy anyhow.

We had some new teams this week. My favorite was a team called SCANA who might just be the worst quizzers to ever play the game. They played 8 rounds and scored about 9 points. But hey, they were funny, friendly, and they could really put away the beers. And one of them did a wicked impression of Cornilius from Planet of the Apes.

Our internet bonus prize this week was a dream package of Swag from the good folks at Tuaca. There was a ski-hat, a cowbell, a set of stainless steel shotglasses, some wristbands, and a deck of cards. All of this delightful booty was won by Jared, who can now decorate an entire studio apartment with Tuaca crap. Congrats.

And now, lets take a peek at our winning teams.

IN THIRD PLACE:

AND OUR FIRST PLACE WINNERS:

Just to clear up a few things: Jamie Foxx never hosted the Oscars, The bad guys in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull were the Ruskies, not the Nazis, and Maggie Gyllenhaal's character in Stranger Than Fiction was not employed as "a whore".

AND NOW, THE SCORES:

THE GENTLEMEN BEEKEEPERS                    73
TEAM WITHOUT A COUNTRY                      69
CLAM                                        66
FAT KIDS ALWAYS WIN AT SEESAW               56
JOHN SCHUSTER FAN CLUB                      54
FOWL LICK                                   53
TEAM "TEAM"                                 50
KYLEEN AND NELSON                           47
LOS BANDITS                                 45
THE BATTLESHARKS                            33
SCANA                                        9

And the JOHN SCHUSTER FAN CLUB didn't win anything, but don't they take a nice picture?

See you all next week. It's my birthday week, so bring cake. Or else.

Finally, a night without a snowstorm and a chance for Quizzers to come out and have some BBQ and a few laughs without sliding off a frozen highway and ending up freezing to death upside-down in a ravine. It was a good quiz, and a tough quiz. I have never seen teams struggle so hard with the audio rounds. No one seemed to remember Eddie Money, Ronnie Spector, Peter Schilling, or the Lightning Seeds. And round Seven was even more brutal. Nary a single player recognized the title tracks from Trainspotting or Pretty in Pink. Tough stuff.

Our internet bonus prize was a ridiculous pair of self-adhesive sideburns, and they were taken home by the lovely Steph, who seemed only marginally amused to have won them.

Deep in round eight we had a question about America's finest actor, Mr. Nicolas Cage. Many players thought that Ronnie Cammerina (or whatever it was) was the character that Cage played in Raising Arizona. No, no, it was Moonstruck. In Raising Arizona he was the truly unforgettable H.I. McDonnough.

And now, lets meet our winning teams.

IN THIRD PLACE:

IN SECOND PLACE:

HERE ARE THE SCORES:

WINNING IS TITS - GRUMPY GRITS                          59
THANK GOD NO BEEKEEPERS                                 56
WE DON'T KNOW OUR NAME                                  55
YOUR MOM HAS THE WHITEST TEETH I'VE EVER CUM ACROSS     53
THE HEAVENLY BODIES                                     46
THE JOHN SCHUSTER FAN CLUB                              44
THE (YES, THAT WAS THE TEAMS NAME)                      41
THE SIDE HILL WOMPUSES                                  41
JORDAN THE CHEF                                         36

It was Fat Tuesday down at Moes BBQ last night and the crew was ready to party down like it was the last night before Hurricane Katrina. I am really not sure what the meaning or symbolism is behind Mardi Gras. I think it a a religious thing, somehow tied to Lent and Easter, but it involves dressing up, getting shit-face drunk, and the sexual harrasment of women, through the use of cheap plastic toy jewelry. Anyway, it's some party. What will those crazy cajuns think up next!

The quiz taught us tonight the the root word for Gymnasium comes from the greek work for Naked. I wish I would have known that when those repressed bastards at Bally's took my membership card away and banned me for life. I'm sorry but when I use a StairMaster, I like to be comfortable.

Mardi Gras was not the only thing to celebrate tonight. It was Birthday Party Night for Vince, who was treated to cake and beer in the grand old style.

I forgot to pick up the internet bonus prize this week so I just went with stuff that was in the backseat of my car. The winner was Loretta, and she got A) A Sumo Wrestler shaped stress ball. B) An Antique Cast Iron Bacon Press from and estate sale, and C) A used 3-disc Boxed Set of season one of Kojak.

The competition was fierce tonight. At one point I had a 5-way tie for first place, but by the end of Round eight, the true winners emerged.

IN THIRD PLACE:

IN SECOND PLACE:

AND OUR FIRST PLACE WINNERS:

I have been asked to add an editorial comment to this Blog by one of our regular players, Seymour: "Hey US Bank! Fuck You!"

We could have laughed all night, but we ran out of Quiz, and some of us wanted to get home and watch a freshly TIVOed episode of Lost. And so, it was another one for the history books. But dear friends, there is always next week. So, until then, here are some SCORES:

GRUMPY GRITS                                                       71
THE GENTLEMEN BEEKEEPERS                                           67
F.U.C.K.                                                           65
CLAM                                                               64
IT'S BETTER IN THE BATHROOM                                        61
IT'S MR. WORM'S BIRTHDAY                                           60
SILENT BOB TWEETS AND EATS                                         53
MR. McGIBBLETS                                                     50
US BANK GAVE ME A COUNTERFEIT $100 AND REFUSED TO TAKE IT BACK     50
THE ADVICE COLUMNISTS                                              46
I HEART MALE FIGURE SKATING                                        41
SHOW ME YOUR TIPS                                                  31
BACKSLIDE                                                          25
HOPE AND A DOPE                                                    15

We had the time of our lives. There was mirth, music, and mayhem afoot down at Moe's tonight. Plus Jack Black, Kevin Bacon, and that horrible British accent that Costner tried to pull off in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. It seemed like halfway through the movie he just stopped even trying. Oh Costner!

We did a 50/50 round on The A-Team and, despite the even odds, two teams managed to score ONE POINT on the round. Sometimes you need to just go with the old coin-flip. You would have fared better, my friends. I pity the fool who flunks an A-Team round.

I quite enjoyed the Cult round because I have always been facinated by bizarre belief systems. I just can't ever see myself in a house full of people wearing unisex tunics and having my spiritual leader convince me that by cutting off my nuts and drinking cyanide, I was gonna get to ride a comet to my new home-world. I think I would be the guy raising my hand and saying, "Can we just watch the new season of Lost and order pizza instead? Anybody with me?"

Our BONUS PRIZE tonight was Salad Flavored Dental Floss:

It was taken home by Janae, who tried it out and reported that it was totally flavorless. I explained that salad is flavorless as well but with enough Ranch Dressing that could be some damn tasty floss!

And there were winners:

IN THIRD PLACE:

IN SECOND PLACE:

AND THE 1ST PLACE CHAMPS:

And no matter what they do the MISSISSIPPI PILGRIMS always seem to come in FOURTH.

Well, as I said before, it was a lot of fun. I have never had such a good time while sitting up with my pants on. I can't wait to see all your smiling faces again next tueday. Until then, Quiz on!

THE SCORES:

THE GENTLEMEN BEEKEEPERS                             69
JIMMY CRAPPED CORN AND IT'S RIGHT THERE              60
NERD FERGUSON                                        59
MISSISSIPPI PILGRIMS                                 52
FOXTROT UNIFORM CHARLIE KILO                         51
BUMHOLE WINK                                         49
SHOW US YOUR TIPS                                    48
TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA NERDLES                         41
FRITZ                                                34
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE                                   21
PIN PALS                                             12

Well, I am happy to report that I survived Geek Bowl. It was a lot of work hosting the event of the year at the Gothic on Saturday, but with the combined efforts of the Geek Who Drink Family, the enthusiasm of over 70 teams, and the sweet medicine we call Whiskey, I lived to tell the tale, and am happily back at my little Tuesday night Quiz with the great players at Moes. And, unlike John Dicker, I didn't even get my car smashed up during the event.

We had a nice gathering of Quizzlings tonight and all teams seemed to be in high spirits and brimming with excitment. We kicked things off with a round on various American attractions and I was shocked by how few teams have visited Philadelphia's famous Matter Museum of Medical Curiosities. If you want to see thousands of human skulls or a great collection of conjoined siamese twins in jars of formaldyhide, then look no further than the City of Brotherly Love.

Our bonus prize tonight was a tin of Garlic-Flavored breath mints. Someone down at Geeks World Command must have gotten a great deal on bad mints because they have been turning up at a lot of quizzes lately to the delight of almost no one. I have been told by more than one player that the bad mint craze must stop soon or they will begin force-feeding them to their Quizmaster. Noted.

After a grueling round seven about Opera, and a round eight featuring the Rat Pack I hunkered down and tallied the scores and here are the results...

IN THIRD PLACE:

IN SECOND PLACE:

AND IN FIRST PLACE:

My favorite Teamname of the night was FOXTROT UNIFORM CHARLIE KILO which is military code for my favorite word. I was really happy that Dean and Joe brought the DEPARTMENT OF HELL YEAH down to Moe's from the Bulldog, and I got a picture of Jen's team doing the perp walk out the door.

THE GENTLEMEN BEEKEEPERS                        75
EAT THE PINCHED LOAF OF CHRIST                  74
GLITTER BASKET                                  70
FOXTROT UNIFORM CHARLIE KILO                    69
I DON'T CARE IF MICHAEL HAD POOP ON TOAST       64
WHATEVER                                        62
HOME MOES                                       58
BRIAN'S BIG DING-A-LING                         45
FRITZ                                           42
THE DEPARTMENT OF HELL YEAH!                    42
THE ENGLEHOODS                                  41

We started off tonight's Quiz with a packed house at Moe's. Teams fought to find tables amongst the throng of Timbaland fans who were doing some last minute carb-loading before the show at the Gothic. I spent the day driving the Timbaland entourage all over town and hanging out with those guys is the most persuasive argument against drugs that I have ever experienced. It is always 4:20 when you are on the hip-hop tour.

We got things started with a round about famous dead animals and when I got home I had vivid nightmares about that hideous talking cat from Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. How did that evil puppet ever make it past the pilot episode? I guess those were simpler times.

Two teams started out weak and then bailed after round four. They could not take the heat of the visual round. C'mon players, this is the Moe's BBQ Quiz, where only the strong survive.

Our internet bonus prize was a fully-poseable mini Edgar Allan Poe, the perfect decoration for a macabre gothic fishtank. The tiny likeness of Baltimore's beloved alcoholic man of letters (and the inventor of Detective Fiction) was won by Jenna, from the Beekeepers. I just hope that the pounding heart of the doll does not keep her awake and drive her mad.

As our friend John Cougar Mellenkamp likes to say, "There are winners, and there are Losers, and it ain't no big deal". Obviously John was never battling it out for a gift certificate to an Englewood BBQ Joint. Believe me: it's a very big deal. Here are our winners...

IN THIRD PLACE:

IN SECOND PLACE:

and IN FIRST PLACE:

For those of you who have always wondered what a Gentlemen Bee looks like I give you this illustration of Sir Reginald, Lord Honeycomb.

THE SCORES:

THE GENTLEMEN BEEKEEPERS                 67
YOUR AVERAGE EVERYDAY ASSHOLES           64
THE SMARTEST PEANUT IN THE TURD          59
THE TRIVIA HOST IS GOD                   49
CRISIS                                   48
PAT "PEE-PANTS" PERRY                    47
CB AND THE FANTASTIC FOUR                46
TANGO DELTA                              25
THE McRIBS                               20

As you know, Quizmasters are not born, they are made. We don't come bursting fully formed from the heart of a great oak tree, no we start out as simple ordinary men and women and then slowly, through an intense system of vetting, training, and field testing we emerge as the pub quiz superstars that you know and love. Tonight we provided the firebrand to mold a new QM. Steven, a nice young man from a good family, dropped into Moe's tonight and read a few rounds. He seemed able on the mic, and to be an all-around jovial sort, and we predict great things for him at his quiz in downtown Littleton. It was nice to meet you Steven, and good luck in all your endeavours.

It was a tricky quiz tonight. Many teams were unprepared for the unpredictable swings in subject matter. A team would sweep the round on MLK and then be totally stumped when it came to Mountain lore. To be great Pub-Quizzers it is not important to know Everything about Something, but rather to know Something about Everything.

Our internet Bonus Prize was won tonight by Mimi, who took home some Corn Dog Flavored Breath Mints and a 6-pack of Monster Energy drink to wash the taste of the mints out of her mouth. Sadly, Mimi fled before I could capture her on film so I have resorted to this:

After eight hard-scrabble rounds, and a long discussion of how wrong it is to let children watch Pepe LePew (there is nothing funny about a French-speaking skunk who is a serial cat-rapist) it was time to crown the winners of another glorious quiz.

IN THIRD PLACE:

IN SECOND PLACE:

AND IN FIRST PLACE:

And Also:

It was a nice night, you are all such nice people. See you next week.

HERE ARE THE SCORES:

THE GENTLEMEN BEEKEEPERS                              70
SKIDMARK & THE UNDERWEAR BOMBER                       64
SCOTT BROWNED MY PANTS                                63
DEVIANT SEPTUMS                                       62
SCOPING THE FECASOL                                   61
THE FOUR HORSEMEN                                     58
I HATE INDIAN GIVERS...WAIT, I TAKE THAT BACK         57
WE DON'T DO FLOORS: THEY'RE BENEATH US                49
MERANGUE A TROIS                                      44
CHUCK DENVER BIRTHDAY BOY                             43
SQUIRREL-BAIT                                         29

Hey quiz fans. If you stayed home holding down a sofa last night you should feel stupid because you missed a rip-roaring good time at the Moes BBQ pub quiz. We laughed, we cryed, and we learned that you can be beautiful even with a name like Eva Pigford.

My favorite old Quizmaster from the British Bulldog, Mr. Matt Angel, dropped in to play the quiz tonight. His team did very poorly, I made fun of him for looking like Moby, and his own teamies beat him up.

The battle for first place got heated in the final rounds and when the final scores were tallied the outcome was a SHOCKER!

IN THIRD PLACE:

IN SECOND PLACE:

And IN FIRST PLACE:

But, as true geeks know, the real prize is winning the bonus questions for free drinks:

Photos of this weeks quiz were taken by Brooke, and I thank her. You can see more of her pretty pictures at www.eyeofthebazolder.blogspot.com

See you all next week. Until then, quiz safe.

HERE ARE SOME SCORES:

REAL MELVIN                   74
TESTICAL MAJESTICAL           71
THE GENTLEMEN BEEKEEPERS      70
THE LONGHAIRED WIENERS        67
MONGEESE                      63
GOAT RAPING SLIMEBAGS         63
POOP, I QUIZZED MY PANTS      61
QUADRAPALEGIC PUNCHING BAG    57

It was not very far into the first round when I heard the first rumblings from the gathered teams. Something was happening that they were not prepared for. The Quiz Was Hard. Real hard. Some would say, Too Hard. The first round demanded knowledge of The Pythagorean Theorem, Plate Tectonics, and the correct use of the Subordinate Clause, not to mention the definition of a Monomial. I looked around at my quiz teams and they were hurting. They were sweating like Mike Tyson trying to write a letter. They had fear and confusion in their eyes. My heart broke for them.

Things improved slightly in the next few rounds. Some teams got their feet back under them and started making some headway, and then came a blistering round about Romantic Comedies that sent them tailspinning back into abject terror. I have done a lot of Quizmastering in my time and I have never seen such a night as this. It was, as they say, a doozie.

Sondra won our internet bonus prize tonight. She took home a pair of very fetching Bizzaro Glasses, perfect for a night on the town. I went and saw Avatar in 3-D the other night and the entire crowd was forced to wear very similar glasses. They work great until you get popcorn butter all over one lens and then the 3-D effect is pretty much defeated. Congrats, Sondra.

A team that called themselves Always Last defeated their own expectations by pulling it together and coming in second to last. Way to go kids! You have to dare to dream!

When the final question was asked, and the final incorrect answer was delivered, three teams made the cut and were ushered into the golden shower of glory.
IN THIRD PLACE:

AND OUR FIRST PLACE CHAMPS:

Well that was the Quiz that was. We laughed, we cryed, we LEARNED and boy, did it hurt our brains. I hope that the first week of 2010 treats you all well, and if you haven't seen Avatar yet, let me spoil it for you: It is Dances with Wolves but the Indians are a lot taller.

Oh, and as you know, I love finding lost cameras and rooting through the pictures. Here are some random girls kissing.

HERE ARE THE SCORES:

YOUR MOM                      66
THE GENTLEMEN BEEKEEPERS      65
THE DONCO'S                   58
TIGER'S A CHEETAH             57
IMPERIAL WEDGIE               53
VANDALAY INDUSTRIES           48
THE AVA-TARDS                 46
TIGER'S LOVE CHILDREN         46
LOBOS                         45
ALWAYS LAST                   38
THE BEER BEARS                32