We had only a handful of teams at Moe's last night, but they all had the Eye of the Tiger, and the competion was fierce. But when the dust settled, no one could touch the unstoppable juggernaut that is the Gentlemen Beekeepers.

I could listen to that clip of Ron Burgandy saying "You are a dirty pirate hooker" all night That shit still cracks me up.

Our internet bonus prize went to Mr. Haney, who took home a DVD of Chris Elliot's masterful television series "Get a Life". I hope you enjoy it, Haney.

The Smegmabrains came in at the bottom of the scoreboard tonight, but Seymour is such a nice guy that I am going to award them first place in Sportsmanship. You guys are great.

HERE ARE THE WINNERS:

It was an awesome quiz. Now I need to get back to my home on Whore Island. Have a great week. Be careful, and get some sleep. Seatbelts!

HERE ARE THE SCORES:

THE GENTLEMEN BEEKEEPERS                        77
THE FREAKIE DEAKIES                             67
IPHONE DEATHGRIP OF DEATH                       63
ON VACATION                                     58
WE PUT THE "RAD" IN COLORADO                    47
SMEGMABRAINS                                    42

Oh what a night. Late september back in '63. Does anybody really know what time it is? Big old jet airliner, don't carry me too far away. Shock the Monkey! Standing on a corner in Winslow, Arizona: Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto! I'll stop the world and melt with you. The way they comb their hair makes me want to say, Who can it be now? Living in a powder keg and giving off sparks. You may be right, I might be crazy. All I really want is to Zigga-zig Ahhh.

If you were totally confused and mystified by the paragraph above, then you would have hated the UNDERGROUND MUSIC SHOWCASE Pub Quiz. It was geek-a-riffic. You needed to be a music freak to even consider walking into Moes BBQ and throwing $5 a player into the kitty for the quiz that was to come.

Powerhouse music geek teams came from out of the woodwork for this one. We had teams from The Denver Post, Westword, The Onion AV Club, Twist and Shout Records, and Live Nation as well as a heaping helping of regular Moe's players who tried their luck for the cash prize.

I was happy that I had a forum for my ongoing rant about how crappy The Fillmore is. Here is my ranking of the Denver's concert venues, best to worst:

1. The Gothic
2. The Bluebird
3. The Paramount
4. The Hi Dive
5. Three Kings
6. The Ogden
7. An open field with a guy yelling.
8. The unclean bathroom of a Diamond Shamrock Gas station
9. A lake of fire.
10. A dimension of suffering where I am tormented for eternity.
11. The funeral of my only child.
12. The Fillmore Auditorium.

Let's look at our winning teams

IN THIRD PLACE:

IN SECOND PLACE:

AND THE BIG WINNERS OF THE AWESOME CASH:

Here are some of the teams that braved the quiz and went home empty-handed.

And I got much grading help and moral support from Mr. Jason Mueller. Thank you, sir.

HERE ARE THE SCORES:

Medeski, Joe Frank, Palmer and Young                       75
Backbeat yer ass                                           71
The wolverines                                             66
Crimson Pygmy                                              65
You can't spell I'm cumming inside you without "UMS"       64
Kathleen Turner Overdrive                                  64
Teamocil                                                   55
teenage enema nurses in bondage                            54
Vulvazela                                                  53
This Team is Sponsored by Kitten Mittons                   53
The last chicken in the shop                               48
Trivia tremor control                                      47
Bitch nuts                                                 47
tactical turtleneck                                        45
Long time no quiz                                          41
Talk nerdy to us we like it                                39
The Muffets                                                29
Just for pretend                                           22
TNT                                                        5

That would be me. I stood before a wall of audio equipment, utterly bewildered. I’ve been known to wire a TV, DVD player, and assorted gaming systems with a serious quickness, but the setup for a bar/bowling alley is apparently beyond my skills as a wiring whisperer. I gotta admit, it got me a little flustered and I can’t say I’m 100% pleased with my hosting job, but c’est la vie; we finally got things worked out and got our quiz on. Questions were asked. Drinks were consumed. That’s what it’s all about (or is that the Hokey Pokey?).

I don’t know much about you guys, but there’s one thing I do know: you don’t listen to much hip-hop. That’s ok, though, because we had a 16-point Round 7. I’m not sure if it was supposed to be a 16-pointer, but considering the way Round 2 went (the highest score was a 7, the lowest a 0), I figured “fuck it;” it evens out. Other than Round 2, the scores were pretty high. You guys are obviously wily pub quiz veterans.

Unofficial Awards Time!
Team Name of the Week goes to Live Together, Die Alone. Sounds like a Golden Girls retrospective to me.
The Nostrodamus Award goes to the Red Hot Bell Peppers, who gave me the answer to Round 1’s bonus question two questions into the round. If that doesn’t deserve a pint, I don’t know what does.
The Smarty Pants Award goes to The Gentlemen Beekeepers, who not only knew that Alyson Hannigan played Willow on Buffy, but gave me her last name to boot (it’s Rosenberg). I watched the show religiously for many years, and still probably wouldn’t have remembered that; well done.
The Misnomer of the Night goes to Geeks Who Drink. Georgia O’Keefe was not an abstract painter; I looked it up, just to be sure. According to Wiki (the one true source of information), her love for vaginas falls under “American modernism.” It does, however, state that she used a combination of representation and abstraction, so they’re not completely wrong, either. End of art history lesson.
The Coprophile Award goes to Independent Role Playing, the only team to correctly answer the skatole question.
The Warm Glass of Shut the Hell Up Award goes to the guy at the bar who yelled out “Shaq!” when I asked the last question of the night. Luckily, that was the easy half of the question. Everyone knows Shaq blows at free throws, just like everyone knows that Kesha blows, well, every man within a 12-foot radius. I hear there’s a line forming.
The Answer of the Week goes to Bits & Pisses, who suggested that St. George killed “kittens and puppies…and rainbows.” Who the fuck let this guy be a saint?!
The Answer Sheet of the Week goes to The Gentlemen Beekeepers:

Final Scores:

The Gentleman Beekeepers          76
Independent Role Playing          74
Red Hot Bell Peppers              71
bpusa.com                         70
Live Together, Die Alone          59
Bits & Pisses                     46
Flipadelphia                      46

It was a stellar night on South Broadway tonight. Not only was I rocking the Mic for America's Hottest Pub Quiz, but only 100 yards away at the Gothic, The Wondergirls, the Spice Girls of Korea, were tearing the roof off the joint with the most awesome pop-rock jams this side of the Pacific Rim. By five PM, 500 Korean teenagers were lined down the street in rabid anticipation of seeing their favorite band. A band that you have never heard of because you, sad reader, are not a Korean teenager. If you were, then you would have known what you were missing. The opening act was an Asian band called Two AM not to be confused with DJ AM who is neither Asian, or alive.

Hey, speaking of the Gothic, please go on Facebook and join the group "Bring Paul F. Tompkins to Denver". If enough of you join, then hilarious comedian Paul F. Tompkins will come to Denver, will play the Gothic, and if things work out, he will guest host a round of our weekly quiz. He is the best, so let's make it happen.

We kicked the quiz off with a mystery round that turned out to be all about American cars, which used to be awesome, and are now kinda sucky. We then did an audio round about songs that mention fruit. Most of it was American music, which used to be awesome, and is now kinda sucky as well. I don't know if you have heard but all the good music now comes from Korea. Damn right.

Tonight I asked teams to name 8 of Christ's apostles and I got answers like "Stan", "Mitch" and "Jeb the Bounty Hunter". I guess you guys have never read the Bible. Don't worry about it. I'll save you some time, I skipped to the end and: (SPOILER ALERT) The Devil did it.

Our internet Bonus prize was won by Jason tonight. The prize I was provided with was a pack of shitty flavored gum so I threw it away and instead Jason took home THE COMPLETE ALI G COLLECTION on DVD. I hope he enjoys it. I don't care how high-brow, well-read, dandy and sophisticated you are: That fucking Borat is funny.

Speaking of funny, check out this T-Shirt:

Okay so, Here are our WINNERS:

IN THIRD PLACE:

IN SECOND PLACE:

AND OUR FIRST PLACE WINNERS:

But we didn't have just winners, we also had some noble losers. Here are some good-looking teams that fell short in points.

We came together, we quizzed, we made memories, and we rocked out like Korean teenagers. Who could ask for more? It was a night to remember. I wouldn't have missed it for anything. Man-o-man, I can't wait to do it again next week. Until then, here are...

...THE SCORES:

THE GENTLEMEN BEEKEEPERS                           79
MAEGA TOUCH                                        60
WE PUT THE "RAD" IN COLORADO                       59
ROWANATORS                                         57
ADAM WRIGHT                                        56
BLANK                                              56
DR. KENNETH NOISEWATER                             55
FUCK THE DUTCH                                     43
A SNOWBALL'S CHANCE IN HELL                        38
IDAHO                                              36
WHAT UP J-FRO-B-REAL                               22

It was lovely weather for a pub quiz together. It was hot, windy, and miserable on my bike ride to Moe's but as the sun began to set an aspect of tranquility descended and it matured into a perfect evening. Pub Quizzers young and old could not recall a more blissful night.

Round one was all about famous Jeffs. Several teams recalled that Geena Davis had been married to Jeff "Dumb and Dumber" Daniels. No. She never was. You are all confused. In round two we played a clip of a song by Parliment Funkadelic. I have an interesting piece of trivia about George Clinton. I met him a few years back and he smells really, really bad. Now, you know.

They were way out front in points all night long and did an awesome job, but The Gentlemen Beekeepers had friends in town and a team that was just too big. They approached it as an exhibition match and were more that happy to play the quiz, fully aware they they could not win.

Our internet bonus prize this week was a copy of The Onion's Our Dumb World which is hilarious. I also threw in a CD by the ear-punishing metal-band Howitzer. Jimbo won the prize, and I congratulate him.

Lets take a look at tonight's winning teams...

Well I don't know about anyone else but I certainly had a good time. I can't wait to do it again next Tuesday. Until then my Quizzlings, have a helluva week.

THIS WEEKS SCORES:

BRIDGE AND TUNNEL                                 67
TAMBOURINES FOR SATAN                             66
THE DAFT HEATHENS                                 57
KIWIS                                             46
SCHNAUZER SUMMER CAMP                             45
HOME MOES AND THE SEXUAL CHOCOLATE                44
FIRST PLACE                                       44
T&G                                               21
THE GENTLEMEN BEEKEEPERS(DQ)                      79

Our big quiz started tonght wit a round on current events, in which we learned about Mr. Ronnie Lee Gardner, who was put to death by a firing squad for committing some unforgivable crime in the state of Utah, like riding a bike without a helmut, kissing a dude, or growing unruly sideburns, or something. Here is a tip for all you prospective parents out there. Unless you want your kid to end up on death row, avoid putting a LEE in his name. Henry LEE Lucas, LEE Harvey Oswald, Ronnie LEE Gardner, Robert LEE McNair. It never ends well for the guy with the Lee in his name.

I really want to see what 15 million pounds of Spaghetti-Os would look like. It would be a mountain of Yum. You could eat yourself to death. That's how the bass player for Slipknot died. Chef Boy-O-D.

For our internet bonus prize I had a friend sneak home a bag of extra primo Costa Rican Coffee in his luggage and it was won by the G-Man, our 16 year-old super-quizzer.

Despite their name, and an abundance of enthusiasm, TEAM AWESOME, still managed to come in dead last among the teams. Buy they did not let it get them down. They stayed Awesome.

THE RED HOT BELL PEPPERS were in the run for the money all night and then got pushed out by some flying jokers in the eigth round. That's how the quiz cookie crumbles.

Here is a look at tonight's winning teams.

IN THIRD PLACE:

Here are this weeks SCORES:

DUR                                           73
BRIDGE AND TUNNEL                             66
THE GENTLEMEN BEEKEEPERS                      65
RED HOT BELL PEPPERS                          64
ITCHY WEASELS                                 57
SHORTBUS                                      47
TEAM AWESOME                                  45

Until next week true-believers, Excelcior!

I have walked by Moe's several times. I have even stopped in for a beer on occasion. And it always smelled fucking delicious. So when Kent asked me to fill in for the night my first thought was, "Hell's yeah, I'mma get me some pulled pork."

But alas, there would be no delicious smothered meats in my future. Mostly because I was caught up in how strange and amazing my being there all was. The events of night were strange and plentiful. I for one have never done quiz in a place with a bowling alley before. I know that shit's old news to you guys, but I felt like the proverbial gawking bumpkin when I realized they had special shoes I could rent for the night.

But perhaps the most exciting and frightening for me when I got there was the fact that I had no idea where I was supposed to set up. That shouldn't be frightening, accept for the fact that there's a big fucking stage in the back of your lovely establishment. Now I wouldn't call myself shy or afraid of crowds, but one thing I prefer is to do this shit from a place of comfort. That means hunched behind my laptop in a corner.

Well, thanks again for a great night. I hope you had as much fun as I did. Kent will be back next week, so Seymour can cash in on that kiss.

Score Report

Gentlemen Beekeepers                                      71
And Now For The Tricky Part, Coming To A Theatre Near You 69
A Sanitary Napkin                                         66
Nil-Nil                                                   64
Last Place                                                 3

It was a hot week. The sun blasted down and turned the streets into a pizza-oven. Blue skies and sunshine and soaring temperatures and a good old-fashioned heatwave. And then, when I decided to ride my bike down to the Pub Quiz, it poured rain on my ass the whole way. Ha, that's funny. Fuck You, God. No really. I will get you for this, you prick.

I want to say a special thank you to all the teams that expressed sympathy that I was ripped off last week. I have reassembled my quiz-gear and am moving forward with my life without anger or bitterness towards Mankind. How do you like that Mankind? Ha. Screw you!

Speaking of Motherfuckers, our internet bonus prize this week was Motherfucker: A History of the World's Dirtiest Word and it was won by Miss Laura Richmond, who will treasure it always.

Round Seven tonight was delightful because it was dedicated to America's finest thespian, Mr. Paul Ruebens.

Here is a look at our winning teams:

IN THIRD PLACE:

IN SECOND PLACE:

AND OUR FIRST PLACE WINNERS:

Sam, the super-pretty bartender and leader of the team WE PLAY SO YOU DON'T LOSE was saddened by her team's fourth place finish. Better luck next time, trooper.

Alright true-believers, until next week, Excelcior!

THE SCORES:

JUST LET ME PARK AT KING SOOPERS                  74
ITCHY WEASELS                                     71
PASSED OUT GARY COLEMAN STYLE                     68
WE PLAY SO YOU DON'T LOSE                         58
BEER TRUCKERS                                     57
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID                              54
DONE AFTER DINNER                                 43
TATERS                                            40
THE SMOKING STONES                                26

Hey Quiz-buddies. Sorry this blog is so late but last night, after the Quiz, I rode my bike down to The Horseshoe Tavern to meet the girlfriend and spread the joy that follows me wherever I travel. While I was there a fucking scumbag stole my bag containing my Laptop, my camera, the scores, the pictures, a microphone, and all my other shit.

So, this blog is going to be lacking it's usual wealth of info about the quiz we all shared.

I remember that the winners were THE GENTLEMEN BEEKEEPERS.

And I recall that the ITCHY WEASELS came in third.

I cannot for the life of me remember who came in second but suffice it to say that they were really nice people and I am so sorry that I do not have their photograph.

I am really looking forward to replaceing $1000 worth of gear and I will show it all off to you next Tuesday. And here is a special message to the asshole who stole my bag: I hope your dick falls off.

Until next week, here are some of my favorite shots of the past year Quizzing with all of you down at Moes.