Before reading, please turn on “We Didn’t Start the Fire” by Billy Joel. Go on, I’ll wait a second.
We’ve all had interesting housemates and I was blessed with a Billy Joel fanatic at one point. Once, he put twenty dollars in the juke box at the Walrus and selected Joel’s entire greatest hits album, poured his beer in the peanuts, and challenged the female bartender to a fistfight. The silver lining was our prompt removal from the bar and away from “Just the Way You Are.”
He also had a framed cover of People magazine that featured the wedding of Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley.
It was more disturbing than you can imagine.
As far as interesting housemates go, I’d rank him right above “Masturbates Loudly to Sabado Gigante” and “Sexually Confused Alcoholic Who Never Remembered Putting the Moves On” but right below my crazy Aunt Mable, who was always interested in the thickness of my chest hair.
So thank you, Round 2, for unrepressing all of these memories. I have to go re-up with my shrink for 2 more years now.
Tasty Quiz Nuggets, with meatballs and just the right amount of botulism to give ya the palsy:
• If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times. Texas, that whole secession thing, we’ve changed our mind. You can go. Please take your congresspeople, textbooks, poofy hair, and a majority of the confederacy with you. Don’t forget to write.
• I wept tears of pride after the great scores on the Ice-T/Ice Cube round. I don’t care how many terrible shows or movies they are in. Without them, this dopey middle-schooler from the suburbs would never know how to live the “Thug Life 4 Eva” or what it’s like being “Straight Outta Compton.”
• I told you “Frank Oz” was gonna piss you off.
• Leonard Cohen knows how to paint a picture.
• If the fail whale showed up in the fuck-up round, I theorize that the entire quiz would’ve swallowed itself and turned into a blue pill.
• Kinda like googling “google.”
• Thank you, Weird Al, for making us realize what suck isn’t.
• Note to all: “That chick” is never going to get you a point.
Enjoy the photography, have a great week, and take care of yourselves, in that order.
Oh yeah, please forward any correspondence to Raoul in Costa Rica, he’ll know what you’re talking about.
The Cats in the Money:
The Rest of the Best:
Scores!
Dukes of Valmont...............................69 Jesus is Well Hung.............................68 Smoked, Fried, Fired...........................66 Tony Hayward Jablowme..........................61 62 Foot Flaming Touchdown Jesus................56 Panda Pow......................................54 Angry Beavers..................................54 Red Sox Fans Have Huge fake Tans...............50 Playing with Myself............................48 Green Hummus...................................44 Medium Pace....................................42 The-Better-Looking-Not-As-Smart-Dutch-Rudders..39 Jeremy.........................................18 C U Next Tuesday...............................15
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