I've said before, "there's no such thing as a 'hard' quiz, only 'extra fun.'" Given that, the big quiz at Old Chicago in the Springs on Thursday was more fun than you can shake a stick at. speaking of which, what is that? Like...If you're being bothered by something (in this case, "fun") and there's only a few of them, you could pick up a stick, shake it like "ooh, you come any closer and you're gonna GET IT" and they might scatter? But if the "they" in question come back with reinforcements, you might look at that same stick and say "this simply will not do, I'm gonna need something like a baseball bat." I'd still venture to guess that last night's quiz was still more fun than you could wave a baseball bat at however, if you happened to pull a gun on it, it would run like hell. Wait, what were we talking about?

OH YEAH, the quiz! As usual, a barrel full of monkeys. We had high drama, lead changes, fatal errors, bluster, bravado, testosterone, estrogen...Really, I don't think there's anything I could say about it that the pictures can't, so I shall yield the floor to them. DO THE QUIZ JUSTICE, IMAGES!..

WHAT'SH A GUY *HIC* GOTTA DO TO *HIC* GET A DRINK AROUND HERE!? WHY AM I ON THE FLOOR!? Just kidding.

I'm often admonished by teams who have done poorly on audio rounds, but "play more BLACK music" is definitely a first. And as much as I hate making it about race, I totally obliged.

This is Jessica (say hi, Jessica). Jessica was the big winner in the email question prize giveaway extravaganza because she cared JUST ENOUGH about Keanu Reeves to look something up about him. Wait, is she flipping me off? TWICE!? Why do I find that so sexy?

Third place last night belonged to 3 Gals and a Baby. I was informed that the "baby" in question was the chick on the right. That means that the dude is a "gal." Hey, if he's comfortable, I'm comfortable. Ever circus needs a good bearded lady, after all.

Securing second place was the powerhouse called Eat, Pray, SWITCH! minus the Burgers. It was kind of hard to get everyone in the shot here, soooo...

...I totally took another picture against Jessica's wishes.

And in FIRST place, the CHAMPEENS, Cupcake Reacharound. Or what's left of them, actually. Despite my plea to "stay and be photographed," a couple of their team members hauled ass at the end of the quiz. However, this picture has an interesting dynamic given their team name. Makes me think that the girl back there is named "cupcake." HMMMMM...

Big thanks to everyone who braved pre-season football and played the quiz. KEEP COMING BACK, YO! I promise to keep...being there and stuff. And loving you all for playing. *ahem* And now: THE MATH:
The Scores:

Cupcake Reacharound        66
Eat, Pray, SWITCH!         64
3 Gals and a Baby          46
Hydra-Possum's Revenge     43
ANA-Brainiakx              42
Pedo Bear Says: "Too Old!" 42
LOUD NOISES!!!             41
Mavericks                  40
0-11                       37
Team Philly                33
Ketchup Crew               29
Twatsy                     27
Vikings Suck Ass            4

'Tis a magical time of year. Verily, the smell of freshly cut grass emanating from the television is a clear signal that pre-season exhibition football has to be in full swing. I get itchy watching so many players who have no hope of making the team risk joint pain, paralysis and sore nuts by running at full speed into other other players who likely won't make the team. Yes, it's this time of year AND ONLY THIS TIME OF YEAR when I can watch a team like Green Bay completely demolish Indianapolis and still tell myself "it's ok, Derek. You made the right choice drafting Peyton Manning as your fantasy quarterback. IT'S JUST PRE-SEASON."

If you wanna talk quiz, though, please, we're in mid-season form at Old Chicago in the Springs, bitches. Last week's 7-team anomaly is a distant memory as twice that many teams competed feverishly (really, when people say "blah blah feverishly," I KNOW it's supposed to mean like..."With great fervor," but let's face it, doing anything feverishly probably means you're staggering, hallucinating and maybe puking. HEY! it's like competing WHILE DRUNK!) to see who would end up ruling instead of drooling. Since pictures are worth thousands and thousands of words when displayed together, I'm going to shut the F up and let them do the talking...

Jesus, you can't hide the girly in THIS drink, can you? I should've carried my quiz supplies in a sassy coach bag tonight since this was what I was drinking. It's called a Calypso Colada...Just in case your MOM or GIRLFRIEND wants to know what to order next time.

FEVERISHLY trying to cancel out the frou-frou of my drink, I ordered the first thing on the menu that contained buffalo-style chicken. Grr. Man eat hot food. Wash down with...fluffy...drink. Rawr.

HEY! Think they want to JOKER this round? I'M NOT SURE, SERIOUSLY, DO YOU THINK THEY WANT TO USE THEIR JOKER? Well maybe THEY SHOULD CIRCLE IT NEXT TIME. Maybe.

Oh, look! It's THE Jake Wheatley, EMAIL PRIZE GIVEAWAY EXTRAVAGANZA WINNER! OMG! OMG! I'M GONNA PASS OUT. I need to get his autograph. His answers are so DREAMY!

So tonight, we had ourselves a dance-off to determine the 2nd and 3rd place teams. BOTH of the competing teams heeded my dire warning subtle suggestion that they send up competitors of the female variety and while The Corrective Shoes gave it their best effort by sending up two, COUNT THEM TWO females, they fell to third place overall. Still, a fine effort!

Second place AND Dance-Off CHAMPEENS honors goes to Voltron Returns. What can I say? the chick on the left, her milkshake brought the boys to the yard. Damn right, it's better than yours.

Alas, there can be but one winner on any given night and tonight, Potato Monkey Famine did all the ruling with none of the drooling, emerging victorious via consistent play and a well-jokered 8th round. PLUS, hey, they're kind of smart. COME BACK NEXT WEEK AND DEFEND YOUR TITLE!

Big thanks to everyone who came out and made this YET ANOTHER awesome night at OC. It's a shame I have to reveal your shortcomings in number form, but math does make the world go round. Ha, silly, you thought it was love? Joke's on you, pal...
The Scores:

Potato Monkey Famine              69
Voltron Returns (Dance Champeens) 58
The Corrective Shoes              58
Pirahnas Love Hamburgers          56
The Drunken Shamrocks             53
My Couch Pulls Out But I Don't    49
Tornado Legs                      49
The Opposite of Christopher Reeve
   is Christopher Walkin'         45
2 (Two)                           44
Super Scooters                    42
Mangie                            41
Jack                              35
Adventure Time                    31
Nobody Told Us The Quiz Started!  10

I've said it before, I'll say it again. There is no such thing as a "hard" quiz. "Extra fun," maybe but never too hard because, lets face it, y'all are some smart mofos, no brain-related challenge could ever be too "hard." Or "brutal." Or any of the other adjectives that were perhaps written in big letters on the answer sheets last night. Nope, "extra fun" is what I'd classify last night's big quiz at Old Chicago in the Springs. Yep, tons of fun to be had last night AND, since I started with the Patron margaritas right off the bat, I found all of it even more entertaining.

I should say a hearty farewell and "best of luck" to one member of the team who appropriately called themselves Adios, she's leaving for Texas this weekend and will be representing at quizzes there. She was obviously in a hurry to GET to Texas, 'cause team Adios lived up to their name and bolted before I could get names and/or pictures. Like elusive quiz-ninjas, these chicks. But best of luck anyway, even though it's hard to prove you kids exist. But speaking of what I CAN prove the existence of, let's get on with the pictures, yes?

I had an argument with a friend of mine before ordering, it went like this *ahem* "NACHOS!" "SALAD!" "NACHOS!" "SALAD!" "ENJOY YOURSELF!" "NO, I'VE BEEN DOING THAT TOO OFTEN!" So anyway, as you can see, I went with a salad AND it was a GREAT salad. Not at all healthy and it tasted GREAT! So I still enjoyed myself. Maybe next week on the nachos.

Kids, meet David A. David (what do you think the "A" stands for?) was the big winner of the Email Question Prize Giveaway Extravaganza and walked away with not only a stylish chapeau but a surrogate bird, a road rage air freshener...Wait, is he flipping me off?

Workin' their way up into the top three, it's Whore Blood who claim to know the secrets of REMOVING whore blood from things like carpet, couches, the inside of your car's trunk and more! They promised to only reveal said secrets if they placed so START TALKIN'! Ah-heh...ummm...Never mind.

Saving your joker 'til the 8th round is usually good strategy, especially when you completely bomb out on round 2. Scott Pilgrim Vs. The Hamburgers is a prime (yuk yuk yuk) example of just such a strategy, having had JUST ENOUGH left in the tank to push their way to second place, some of the glory and a little bit of the prestige. Way to go, kids!

Hey, for the second week in a row, we have a new champeen! Don't Eat Yellow Snow has perhaps had their fair share of run-ins with law enforcement as they were the only team to ROCK HARD on the siren-themed second round, and were consistent enough to maintain the top spot all evening. Way to go, hope to see you back next week to defend your title.

And that goes for the rest of you, too! Let's see you all out on Thursday! Now, it's time to reveal just how close (or so very far away) everyone was to that coveted top spot...Hit it, math:
The Scores:

Don't Eat Yellow Snow            66
Scott Pilgrim Vs. The Hamburgers 58
Whore Blood                      47
Dynamnic Packaging               44
MT Headed                        36
All Hail Megatron!               34
Adios                            33

I've long held the belief that there are two kinds of people. Those who are just completely gay for Led Zeppelin and those who have at least heard "Stairway to Heaven" on one of the hundreds of classic rock station clones across this great land. Last night's quiz definitely separated the formers from the latters in the 7th round (in case you're wondering, I fall into the latter category. I've never done drugs, so album rock was kind of lost on me when I was a kid). There are also two other divisive people categories that we got to witness last night: thems that can cut a rug, and thems that can't. quite as well. Not to impune anyone's "skillz," but sometimes you must have an objective enough eye to be able to look at someone and confidently say "you, you're the winna'!" Let's face it...Some people's milkshakes bring boys to the yard, some people's milkshakes encourage those same boys to watch safely from down the block.

And speaking of watching safely from down the block, what say we take a gander at the photos from last night's shenanigans...They start RIGHT ABOUT HERE:

So last night I figured "hey, this appetizer trio sounds good and can't be all THAT big." well, I was half right. And sure, I'm a man of larger carriage, I can eat my fair share of food, but this was maybe a little much (and it had nothing to do with the fact that I had one of those cookies with ice cream on it later, SHADDAP).

These kids were the team known as Train Freaks and they drove all the way from DENVER to participate in the hot quiz action. Pam and Dejo are regular attendees at Freak Train which is an open stage deal in Denver that I also enjoy and I was SO appreciative that they chose to support my quiz last night. THANKS, GUYS!

I am a fan of confidence. As you can see, One of Us is a Lesbian KNEW they had all the anime knowledge. Shame they never listened to Led Zeppelin like...EVER. Still, they definitely "pwned" this particular round and weren't shy about letting me know.

SEE!? SEE, I was RIGHT! "aww, Led Zeppelin...I've never listened to LED ZEPPELIN...Fuck, fuck, fuck, HEY! STAIRWAY!"

This is J. McNeel. She was the big winner of the email question prize giveaway extravaganza and walked away with NOT ONLY a kick ass hat from Odell brewing, but a NELSON MANDELA AIR FRESHENER! Damn, Nelson Mandela, you smell SO GOOD!

So SOME people don't think that a dance-off is an acceptable tiebreak mechanism. SOME people think that it should be based on something less arbitrary or something. Well, uh...some people's milkshakes don't bring the boys to the yard, like I said earlier. AS SUCH, this is your third place team for the evening: Hamburgers For Schmucks, a team who I'm always happy to see each week. I love busting their collective balls 'cause they're good sports AND great quizzers.

And here are your dance-off champeens, the 2nd place team known as Cupcake Reacharound. The big fella' on the right dropped off scoresheets early on and said 'remember this name.' I ain't gonna lie, I was a little bit skeered...

GO TEAM VENTURE! This, kids, is The Guild of Calamitous Intent, AKA last night's BIG WINNERS! They've been giving it a good run each week and finally "put it together," so to speak, to grab all the glory. Methinks it had to be the name they picked, after all, the guild kicks ass (and if you've never watched the Venture Brothers, do so and then get back to me and tell me how much you love it because IF YOU DON'T, check your pulse).

Who ruled and who drooled last night? The math reveals all in the harsh light of day:
The Scores:

The Guild of Calamitous Intent             77
Cupcake Reacharound (Dance-off CHAMPEENS!) 75
Hamburgers For Schmucks                    75
Who Own Da Chiefs?                         66
Awkward                                    63
Train Freaks                               63
Mick "The 3" Kolinski                      58
…And Then I Ate The Marshmallow            52
Anna's Last Stand                          50
One Of Us Is A Lesbian                     45
MT Headed	                           42
Your Mom And Them                          38
Sweet T                                    35
I'm A Team Player!                         32
Injuns                                     18
Howard Baker                               11

So for as long as we've been doing the big quiz at Old Chicago here in the Springs (which isn't all THAT long, but for the sake of drama, let's pretend it's been forever AND a day), one team has asserted it's dominance over the rest, destroying all comers with extreme prejudice, laying waste to any and all who would dare challenge them, leaving a trail of broken and bloodied hopes and dreams in their wake. No team could dethrone the ones known as (insert movie title and then combine it with Hamburger)...

UNTIL NOW!

Oh, how the mighty have fallen...And to a bunch of kids! Kids who wandered in off the STREET no less! (ok, to be fair, I don't know that they ACTUALLY wandered in off the street. I mean...They could've...but...THEY ARE JUST KIDS). Great quiz tonight, though, lots of teams, lots of fun, tons of awesome and, of course, cocktails. And hey! I even had fresh batteries on hand for the ol' camera...Speaking of which, here come pictures!

Paul the psychic octopus in his rightful place as my microphone holder thingy. A waste of his considerable talents? Perhaps. But it's a job and dude, have you LOOKED in the want ads recently? Not many people are hiring.

Creepiest. Mermaid. Joker. EVER. "What's that you say? I didn't catch that, you say...OH, yes, you fuck MINNOWS! Well why didn't you say so, this is a delightful coincidence, I FUCK MINNOWS TOO! Hey, do you know the secret handshake?"

Hey now, check out the voluptuous frontal lobe on Denise...Hey, don't be like that, I was talking about her BRAINS, MAN! And she MUST be somewhat smart 'cause she was the big winner of the email question prize giveaway extravaganza and TOTALLY walked away with a Jane Austen action figure. I am so frigging JEALOUS! GAH!

And in 3rd place, you gots yourself the team called Puttin' On The Foil That guy just keeps beating the odds! Last week, as a single playing as "That Guy," he narrowly missed third place. That's right, PLAYING BY HIMSELF. This week, with the addition of one, 3rd place was achieved. At this pace, he's slated to take first around 2 weeks from now

Uh oh, 2nd place, not a position these fine folks are accustomed to, but YOU KNOW that when you're in first, EVERYBODY'S gunnin' for ya. EVERYBODY wants a piece. Well, a piece of We're Lost Without Dave was had. 2nd place, though, nothing to sneeze at...

SEE!? KIDS! JUST KIDS OFF THE STREET! THAT's WHO WON THE QUIZ TONIGHT! This is Hit Parade and, on the strength of an insane 8th round, they were able to jump into the lead right at the last second. Hey, thanks for playin', kids! Come back again real soon!

Oh wow, it's time to do the whole "math reveal" and find out EXACTLY where all the teams fell:
The Scores:

Hit Parade                77
We're Lost Without Dave   75
Puttin' On The Foil       68
Mick Kolinski             60
The Craven Mooreheads     60
Voltron Wannabes          49
The Incredibles           48
Beaver Skin Hats          47
Michelle And Ashlynn      43
I Moved Here For The Red
Rocks And All I Got
Was Blue Balls            43
Kick 'Em In The Balls     41
Poltergeist Milk          40
Ketchup Crew              31
E Rod                     29