In other news, and by other news I mean the random knowledge round, people were far more likely to know which men Eminem has accused Christina Aguilera of giving a blowjob than the values of various scrabble tiles. I think for this crowd, though, asking for the names of the first three Harold Porter books was a gimme.

You Seattleites seeing all this kerfluffle about the Geek Bowl? I should get all passive/aggressive about it, in true Pacific Northwest style, but I won't. I'm going to go with our other tradition of pretending to have the higher moral ground. A Geek Bowl clearly has a much higher carbon footprint than a normal quiz, and this is the only reason we don't have one of our own. I highly suggest checking out the Geek Bowl after action report, though. You know, just to stay informed like the socially-conscious people that we are.

Alright, here's what you really came for. Sexy pictures from Mona's!

Numbers! In an order!

Duncan and Taylor    54
Shaken, Not Stirred  52
Jorge and Mike       47
Sandberg Sasquatch   43
Patrick Pilates      43
General Sherman's    35
Hi-C                 31

Fuck it! You know Mona's was awesome, so I'm cutting straight to pictures of sexy people. I will still do long winded captions, though, since I can't seem to break myself of the habit. You'll have to deal.

But our first and second place teams need no captions. The names say it all. How interesting that they ended up above and below each other in this precise combination. As always, I had a great time at Mona's! We're looking forward to folks coming back and defending their titles.

Skik-kik-kik-kik-SCORES!

We're Better Than The Upstairs People  61
Fuck The Downstairs People             58
The Wolf Pack                          52
Patrick Pilates                        49
Viresh                                 45
Foxy and Delightful Three              40
Dangereux                              37

Well, it's been a busy night of quiz and stealing various valuable cultural artifacts to keep in my attic, but even a debonair Quizmaster-theif-adventurer and international playboy needs to sleep sometime. Here are some photos of tonight's quiz to keep you entertained until my exploits make headlines again. Stay cool, quizzlings!

Autoscorematon Says

Your Mom Won A Golden Globe    40
The Winter Of Our Disco Tent   38
Kowabunga Cumquats             32
Scorpians                      28

I feel like a proud papa this week. The quiz at Mona's on Latona just keeps growing. Look at all my little quizlings! Aren't they adorable? They're like Chia Pets, after a fashion. Just give them plenty of beer and over time their brains will grow!

That makes no sense. Growing brains would make for exploding heads. Just pretend that I know what I'm talking about and move on. Here's some quiz about Chia Pets to take your mind off my failure as a writer. Which three presidents can you get a Chia Pet head version of? Answer at the bottom of the post. Guess you'd better read the whole thing now, fucker!

Pictured in the foreground are the formidable Where In My Pants Is Carmen San Sandiego? They managed to hold on to the lead for most of the quiz, though they slipped in round 6.

Last DItch Effort came in too late to have a real shot at the title belt, but damn if they didn't give it a good run and grab a free beer anyway.

I demanded an awesome team name, I got Awesome Team Name. ...They say we all live in prisons of our own design.

Holy Balls! This team named themselves after Mona's Meatloaf Sliders! I need to try these next week. We ALL need to try these next week. Oh, yeah, the team did good, whatevs, FUCKING MEAT LOAF SLIDERS!

Adiya Mera kept that joker in reserve the whole night, waiting to whip it out until the very last second (they're classy). Unfortunately, a tough random knowledge round prevented their risky maneuver from paying off this week.

I got my just desserts on this one. I made fun of their choice of naming scheme, and the Rodents of Unusual Size changed their name to a different Princess Bride reference each round. Consider me pwned.

It's a rare occurrence, but tonight the best team name also belonged to the night's winners. Let's hear it for We Are All Virgins Who Can't Drive! You are truly champions of the sport, and I regret only that the Geek Bowl is sold out so I can't send you down there.

I suppose they could road trip it, but none of them can drive.

Answer: Washington, Lincoln, and Obama

We Are All Virgins Who Can't Drive     58
Inconceivable                          54
Where in My Pants is Carmen San Diego  48
Adiya Mera                             42
Awesome Team Name                      36
Meatloaf Sliders                       33
Last Ditch Effort                      29

Eighties movie music round! Eighties movie music round! I was so excited! So was everyone else, in fact, and a few of us were even accurate. But then we rembered that as of Friday, there's two entire decades between us and those movies. Holy shit! Every eighties movie is now AT LEAST twenty years old! I do not fucking approve.

Now, I gotta say, I was a little disappointed in round three, guys. I was thinking that my Seattle crew would handle a Nirvana speed round a little better than that! Some of you gave up trying to remember songs from the album and just made up a quick handful. Unfortunately, they hit the nail on the head a little too squarely. Some of them actually hit the shotgun on the head. That is...

You know what, I'm having a sudden attack of common decency! Have some pictures of the sexy crowd at Mona's while I go find my medication.

Also, that prize picture above this sentence? Is amazing. They specifically set out to look as much like douchebags as possible. Gentlemen, I am proud to report you succeeded beyond your wildest dreams.

Quizzing In The New Decade

Gallen               43
Whitebell-Filicetti  42
Burgandy             39
Bladestorm           35
Rich The Illegible!  31
Blow Me              25

Sorry, I just wanted to be able to say that.

We had awesome attendance tonight, and that always makes the quiz more fun. People start talking a little smack, there's more people to toss back a drink with, and on the whole it's a good time. Big thanks to everyone who came out to make my job fun tonight.

In other news, JR was on bar duty tonight! I haven't gotten to see JR in months, and that is a tragedy. When JR is running the bar, I never order anything specific. I just open a tab and tell him to bring me whatever he thinks I want. I am never disappointed. I also have trouble walking home anytime he runs the bar. The man is a national resource.

He is also a class act.

Right! You want to hear about the quiz and how incredibly awesome it was. I won't lie to you: It was extremely awesome. The audience did way better on the visual round than I was expecting. I thought my demands were totally unreasonable, but I guess Mona's likes a challenge. Actually, forget that. You know who likes a challenge? This guy.

This guy destroyed us. He came up to grab an answer sheet, and I thought he was just going to amuse himself by playing along, but it quickly became apparent that he could compete with a team of six all by himself. With a jokered 14 point music round, he jumped out to a big lead and never looked back. But he should have, because then he would have seen all the sexy-looking teams behind him. Have a look for yourself.

What's another word for someone scratching a furrow in something with their fingernails?! That's a...
Score!

Charles In Charge   52
Bub Quiz            49
4@The Wall          47
SCUA                41
Smarty Pants        37
Rich's Team         32
Doodle Bugs         24

She also gave us a great deadpan line to the "What kind of Jews believe in Jesus" question: "Bad ones." For that alone, she will always be a superhero here at in my office. And by office, I mean tiny studio apartment.

Poe's Redneck Avatars   46
The Lone Jew            38
Tiger Now A Cheetah     29
Hardcore Humanity       24

The new teams were hardcore enough to compete with even with Mona's favorite Bitch Tricks With Dicks (formerly Black Jesus), the powerhouse lone contender who is always there before I show up on Sundays and still there by the time I leave. Sir, I salute you.

Sorry about the picture quality, quizlings. I'll have my flash repaired by next week. No, not that kind of flash. Jesus, you're a bunch of sickos. I never leave the house without that particular flash ready and waiting to fire.

I'm afraid that the picture of this week's winners, Milk and Cheese (Dairy Products Gone Bad), didn't turn out for shit. So you fuckers had better come back as my returning champions next week!

YOU ARE JUDGED

Milk and Cheese                                                  50
We Were Going To Roofie Your Drink But You Came Back Too Soon    48
Bitch Tricks With Dicks                                          45
Nuva Rings Are For Quitters                                      42
Bobby Bricuit                                                    28
Ode De Hecklers                                                  14