How do you not know which Star Wars "Scruffy Looking" is from?

There were some great wrong answers last night. The title of this post was offered by Young Professionals as an answer to the question "What direction should a woman's feet be facing during coitus if she wants to conceive a boy?" I think Passionately Into Her Love should be the title of Steven Seagal's first ever dramatic romance:

Former Navy Seal Ricardo McJohnson has found peace as a troubadour wandering the Pacific Northwest. But when environmentalist, blogger and former Interpol agent Clementine DeHoya stages an underwater protest to save the last American whale, McJohnson must choose between his independence and his last chance at love. This summer, find out if Steven Seagal continues to always walk alone, or dives . . . PASSIONATELY INTO HER LOVE. Soundtrack featuring Steven Seagal and the Prepositions.

Any such similar summaries posted in the comments will be judged, and a free beer awarded next week.

Other notes:

There is no blue in the Italian flag.

Colombia City is not the capital of Colombia. Changing it to "Colubia City Proper" doesn't make it less wrong.

How in the sweet flying hell did you think "Scruffy Looking Nerfherder" is from Garden State? Really? Really.

No Vaseline, No Problem took third but was like, "Whatevs, we weren't even trying."

No Savy, don't pout. It is unbecoming of a lady.

Mi Espanol es un Perro, I don't get it.

No, You Can't Put It Wherever You Want, I can't hear you! COULD YOU PLEASE TURN THE VOLUME UP?

Werewolf Bar Mitzvah, why are you drinking water?

Beer Burglars are giant nerds. They know why.

Two Rows <3's Titties, remind me to check on your participation streak. I might need to give you an award.

CTA took first but I don't get. EXPLAIN!

Double The Rainbow, Double The Fun wants you to check out Pedal-Party

Williams-So-Nasty tied for the T-Ball beer. They are so in like!

Propane-iacs finally play!

CTA				                75
No You Can't Put It Wherever You Want		70
No Vaseline, No Problem				68
Mi Espanol Es Un Perro				65
I Did It With A Dead Guy			62
Two Rows <3's Titties				61
Werewolf Bar MItzvah				58
Double The Rainbow Double The Fun		52
Tater Juist				        42
Beer Burglars				        41
Propane-iacs				        34
A Texas Lady and Her Drunken Mexican		31
Williams-so-Nassty				31
No Savy				                19
Young Professionals				15

It took a bit, I had to scrub the tub.

First off, "posthumous" is a dumb word that is very hard to pronounce over a bullhorn, so leave me alone.

Second off, it was hot out last night. And that made the speakers break. Sorry.

Third off, stop destroying the quiz. I am so close to making it really hard. I remember back when you all struggled with quiz and got angry and wrote hilarious things on your sheets. Now it is just a lot of unfunny correct answers.

Fourth off, I think I want to start giving the best team name beer to the best t-shirt. Yes. That is what I am going to do. I will give out a beer each week to the funniest team-name or t-shirt or whatever funny article of clothing you have on. Its just that I really feel like you guys could do better with team names. They should be pithy and effortless. And they shouldn't change every round and I shouldn't need to spend 8 hours a day on the intertubes to get the joke.

Fifth off, I am sort of scared at how many people asked me to point out the perineum on SHERWIN! I am not surprised, however, that SHERWIN! obliged.

Here are some photos.

I went back in time and turned the lights on at a Lawrence Welk after-party, so CTA disappeared from all pictures.

Panny Droppers ARE NOT AMUSED...

...because they are out of beer.

Shakespeare Will Bitchlapiate Your Ass kept changing verbs.

Double The Rainbow, Double The Fun is showing the shocker? Surprising.

Hot Steamy Sticky Quiz thinks they are so damn smart.

Terry Shiavo's Diet Plan lost the 3rd place tie-breaker despite having like 40 people on their team.

Palin's Brides Maids, I owe you a best t-shirt beer.

Full House is made to laugh, which is ironic because Full House was never funny. Also I know that that is not really irony.

Suck It Lindsay Lohan left without taking the T-Ball beers. But the did take the catsup. Jerks.

Two Row's <3's Titties loves to smile.

Some Jerk.

The B Team drinks wine out of a pint glass.

Weekly bonus prize winner Adam and his prize. Its the thing getting pointed to by the weirdos.

Silverfish Handcatch got really bored. Don't worry, Huey next week.

Lilo's Unemployed Coke Dealer, Inc			80
Hot Steamy Sticky Quiz					79
CTA					                74*
Terry Schiavo's Diet Plan				74
Silverfish Handcatch					72
Palin's Bridesmaids					68
Two Row's <3's Titties					68
Full House					        67
Shakespeare Will Repudiate Your Ass			66
Werewold Bar Mitzvah					63
Step Dads: We Will Beat Your Ass And Fuck Your Mom	60
PV=NRT					                56
The B Team					        56
Double The Rainbow, Double The Fun			51
Round 8 Knock Out					44
Williams				        	43
Bayside Tigers				 	        41
Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo				41
Suck It Lindsay Lohan					40
Panny Droppers					        34
Racks and Sacks					        26
Clift					                20

What am I talking about? Hazard a solution, and unpaid libations will follow.

It is good to be back. For the first time in many moons, I was able to host quiz at LWV with functioning sound. It was glorious. 22 teams, a tie for first, and many, many hilarious jokes.

Hilarious.

You guys destroyed this quiz, except for the rap round. While we all love rap music, I get that its not the music generally associated with Rice Village. However, please do not ask me to do a classic rock round. Why? Because one day I will be a in a good mood and agree to write one. And then the next day I will be in a bad mood and actually write one. So unless you want to delve into the connections between Free, Uriah Heep, and Elf, just do the damn rounds we give you.

And now Trivia Is Destroying My Life presents scatonyms:
poop, feces, mookie sticks, fudge dragons, mud monkey, toilet hate, yard truffle, dump stain. Anyone who can write a short story in the comments using all of these terms WITHOUT REFERRING TO POOP will get a free beer next week.

First place team Paul The Octopus Was Right sans Tom, who was taking the pictures tonight with his beard.

Keg Kask Kleptos, you rule.

We Suck, I agree.

Kevin Bacon and Eggs, I am jealous. I don't think I have 3 friends I get along with well enough to share a single side of a table.

Cajones Del Burro thinks Tom is funny.

Tied For 8th likes talking about trees.

Two Rows <3's Titties smiles purty.

CTA I owe you a free beer. That is the funniest damn face ever.

Second place team Trivia Is Destroying My Life was asked if they thought I was cool right before this photo was taken.

Mel Gibson's Angry Neck Vein is Flobee vs No Flowbee.

Whispering Eye took the T-Ball beers, and made a hilarious Role Models joke.

I like the Beer Burglars. They always sit outside and I don't think they get the credit they deserve as a LWV staple. I will work on it.

Brian O'Neils Sucks, see me next week for a free beer.

Werewolf Bar Mitzvah, explain this team name in the comments. I have seen it at other quizzes.

My Pen Is Very Large, why do I only know half of you. Also, wolverine claws!

Best Team Name Winner Fallopian Swim Team also took a bonus beer.

Big Stein Wants An Eggplant Calzone came out of nowhere (for me) and took third. But they seem to be missing some beer. Someone get on that.

Paul The Octopus Was Right			77
Trivia Is Destroying My Life			77
Big Stein Wants An Eggplant Calzone		75
Book Hockey				        73
My Pen Is Large				        73
F				                69
Beer Burglars				        69
CTA				                68
Brian O'Neils Sucks				67
Kevin Bacon and Eggs				67
Werewolf Bar Mitzvah				66
Two Row's Loves Titties				65
Mel Gibson's Angry Neck Vein			64
Keg Kask Kleptos				62
Some Stupid Team Name Involving 
Steinbrener And Seinfeld			61
The Buff Maples				        61
Cajones De Burro				59
We Suck				                57
Tied For 8th Place				52
Fallopian Swim Team				48
Whispering Eye				        36

What on earth could an elevator operator have on me? I know I'm really the Ultimate Manic Pixie Dream Girl! Ok, maybe not- but those girls don't exist in real life anyway- so I can live out my own fantasy just like you can live out yours.

And speaking of totally unrealistic- last night started not too hot or humid, cloudy skies. Then all of sudden, it poured cats and dogs after round 4 and 5! What was up with that? Not a drop in the sky afterwards! But most of the teams who were outside braved the elements, and one went on to take it all!

Beaver Fever, not to be confused with Beiber Fever

Beer Burglars

Big Booty Bitches, but apparently somebody likes those big butts and cannot lie- celebrating their second week officially married.

Brock Lesnar's Forehead

It's the Fuckin' Catalina Wine Mixer

Kevin Bacon and Eggs

Two Rows Loves Skanky Women, and titties and any associated with them...

Wereworlf Bar Mitzvah

And once again, our champions- CTA. They missed the quizzes for a couple of weeks, but came back strong and took their title back.

CTA	                                 71
Brock Lesnar's Forehead	                 66
Werewolf Bar Mitzvah	                 60
It's the Fuckin' Catalina Wine Mixer     59
Two Rows Loves Skanky Girls	         57
Kevin Bacon and Eggs	                 48
Beer Burglars	                         48
Big Booty Bitches	                 43
The Wonderful Quizzards of Oz	         41
Balls and Chain	                         36
Beaver Fever	                         32
Failed Alcoholics	                 16

Sound issues are a thing of the past! It wook us a while, but we've finally got it figured out! Everyone could here, everyone behaved and I think everyone had some fun. Matt had enough fun for the rest of us! It's his birthday today, and he celebrated with Pub Quiz. His team was after that ever elusive victory, and didn't quite get it- but at least they lost to a team they are firendly with- since they were all drinking and celerating together afterwards. Hopefully all those bonus beers kept you warm last night, Matt!

Beer Burglars

Those Dickheads with the Stupid Just Married Cans Dragging Behind Their Car, who got married last week! Congrats again!

Mary Proves that Abstinence is 99% Effective

Oily Alex

It's Raping My Leg, who with a handwriting faux paus, was known as It's Raping Myley for a while...

Chooser's Remorse

They See Me Rigamarollin'

Werewolf Bar Mitzvah, or the older siblings of some 13 year old Twilight fans?

Your Mom

One Eyed Wacky Wonder Weasels

One Eyed Wacky Wonder Weasels            	67
They See Me Rigamarollin'               	65
Werewolf Bar Mitzvah	                        61
Mary Proves that Abstinence is 99% Effective	60
Chooser's Remorse	                        60
Beer Burglars	                                58
It's Raping My Leg	                        57
Your Mom	                                55
Those Dickheads with the Stupid 
    Just Married Cans Dragging Behind Their Car	53
I'm a Winner                             	50
Oily Alex                                   	46
Discovery Channel                       	25
(/pre>

Only if it was in an administration building.

So because I prayed very hard to Jesus, the Lebowski quiz went off without a hitch, id est the sound worked! Praise him!

However, because I also prayed very hard to Satan, we only had 9 teams show up.

But, because I also prayed very hard to The Force, all 9 teams were badass and we had an Imperial Ton of Fun.

English Matt, our QM at Little Woodrow's Midtown, showed up to help out, and, well, we don't mind sucking on Bunny Lebowski toes.

I wouldn't suck on Tara Reid's toe for a million bucks. But a Milano cookie with green frosting? Hell^Yeah.

THE DUDES IMBIBE: Nothing says BEST BRO EVER like themed pub quiz at an icehouse.

Caucasians can't quite get that thumb up.

I think Shake and Bake just forgot to leave the bar after soccer. They took the T-Ball beers.

Logjammers know that real bro's coordinate shirts! Also took the weekly bonus beer.

No One Fucks With The Jesus manned the deck all night. . .

. . . along with our own Little Lebowski Urban Achiever, Sam.

Bunnies and Maudes Too: Coed Teams

Best Team Name Winner Finding Strangers In The Alps took third and got nothing for it. . .

. . . but an A for effort.

Wu's Helpers took fourth and had a "couple" of beers.

Teams Oat Soda Scooter Club and Sunday Punchers intimidated they hell out of everyone.

$100 Voyeurs, what a nice picture. I then asked them to do something crazy . . .

. . . and the proceeded to molest each other.

A Beautiful Day In the Neighborhood:

A Tie!
$100 Voyeurs and Sunday Punchers tied for first with 80 points each. Because this was a cash game it was all or nothing. The question was about Walter rolling out of the car.

Sunday Punchers Ponder

$100 Voyeurs Vogue

$100 Voyuers took the tie and my money. No embezzlement for Will :(

I had a great time yesterday, thanks to the LWV staff, English Matt, and all our teams. Be sure to join me Tuesdays at 8:00 at LWV, and English Matt Wednesdays at 8:00 at LWM. And for the ladies:

English Matt took this picture of me.

$100 Voyeurs                   80 WINNER of $70!
Sunday Punchers                80 Winner of Lone Star Bucket!
Finding Strangers In The Alps  75 Best Team Name!
Wu's Helpers                   61 Got to sit really close to me!
Oat Soda Scooter Club          48 Shared the Lone Star Bucket!
No One Fucks With The Jesus    47 I got nothing!
Logjammers                     35 Email Bonus Beer!
Caucasians                     34 Are always at LWV!
Shake and Bake                 30 T-Ball Beers!

Yo.

You there. Yeah, you. What up. Do me a favor. Log out of Facebook. Put down the Cheetos. Pull up your pants. Turn the Hall & Oates down. Done? Now, drag that mouse of yours to the right, and click on special events, read it, then come back here.

Back? See that? Lewboski Quiz, Saturday at 6:00. Little Woodrow's in Rice Village. Put it on your schedule. Thanks. Here's a puppy:

He needs a home.

He needs YOUR home.

Manute Bol's Casket Construction
takes first and flashes the prize. It was well-deserved.

Premature Ejokeration blew it.

Italian's Go Down Quicker Than A Two Dollar Hooker took third and are on the move!

Best Team Name winner Keyshawn Can't Pass The Ball To Keyshawn

Two Row's <3's Titties from the sky cam.

Second place team Chicken Noodle Toilet Hate. Saddest face ever. Also Brenda is frowning.

We're Late, This Pill Sucks. Ha!

Euthanize That Poopy 2. I think I may have written that down incorrectly.

Also, quiz was only 4 rounds. We aren't stupid.

Manute Bol's Casket Construction	        31
Chicken Noodle Toilet Hate		        31
Italians Go Down Easier Than A 2 Dollar Hooker					        30
Premature Ejokeration			        30
Two Row's <3's Titties			        27
Keyshawn Can't Pass The Ball To Keyshawn	26
Euthanize That Poopy 2				25
We're Late, This Pill Sucks			22
Baby Whisperers					16
Interns Blow					16
Who Dat					        8
The Stirpes Monsters Experience			3

This is my lipogram for today.

The sound crapped out last night, and I spent most of today trying to fix it. While the Cup was on. Which meant the sound I was testing was the goddamn vuvuzela drone. Thus, I have no jokes for today.

Due to the sound issues, the quiz (in its 11" entirety) is subject to abbreviation, because I refuse to provide you with an inferior product. In case that's not clear, show up Tuesday and hope for the best. But the LEBOWSKI QUIZ IS STILL ON. I am going to make sure we have an elaborate backup system just for that day. So be there on the 26th at 6:00.

Now, while there is no official quiz next week, on Tuesday the 22nd I will be at LWV testing the sound at 8:00pm. These tests will likely involve some questions, and if people show up to help me test the sound, I might have some free beers to give them.

I just realized I said in the blog ". . . because I refuse to provide you with an inferior product" a few paragraphs ago. That is a gift of a set up if there ever was one. Best joke in the comments gets a free beer next week.

We should be up and running soon. Please continue to check back on the blog for updates.

Also, once the sound is fixed, you all better be back here. I swear I will hunt you down.

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Fat, wtf is that guy behind you doing?

Kim Jong Il Thinks I'm Working graces us with her presence. Also, nice photo faces.

Muff Diver took some bonus beers for knowing the periodic table. Also, Congratulations!

From The Country That Brought You Apartheid, The Vuvuzela! took first, and that is something special, regardless of what other teams were or were not present.

Better Than Weak Team, I just got the joke. Also, that is the best pub quiz t-shirt ever. See me next week for a free beer.

The Weak Team FTW, what is so funny?

Hey Will, Is That a Vuvuzela?, good team name. Sorry you had to explain it to me. Also took second.

Doesn't Matter, it does matter. YOU matter. To me.

The Absence Of One Team Member Bummed Us Out, great photo. Matt was on top of the bonus questions tonight and the team took a respectable third after a rough tie-breaker. I look like an idiot.

FOOD

USA A-OK, I AM AWARE OF ALL SIMPSONS REFERENCES.

Kelsey Bit Me! does some POV porn.

This is the only photo of Two Rows <3's in which Jen is not smiling. It is also the only photo with Matt showing off the washboard.

Offered without comment.

Invaders with Zim, if that dog's name is Zim, that is awesome.

From The Country That Brought You Apartheid,
The Vuvuzela						63
Hey Will Is That a Vuvuzela				61*Tie Breaker
The Absesnce Of One Team Member 
Bummed Us Out						61
Kim Jong Il Thinks I'm Working				59
What Doesn't Kill You 
Makes You Fat						58
Two Row's Loves Titties					53
USA A-OK						52
Better Than Weak Team					48
The Weak Team FTW					40
Muff Diver						36
Kelsey Bit Me						31
Invaders With Zim					30
I Can't Spell Vuvuzela					26
Doesn't Matter						25
Sotally Tober						8