And which is also why you all enjoyed the Jameson on me. Bonus questions are always awesome, but the level of awesome achieved when topped with whiskey makes the bonus questions pure magic. Ninja magic, that is!
I am loving the literature rounds we’ve had the last two weeks. Fated unto a lousy first round, the appropriately named TV only got the Bible right. Fated unto a mind-blowing second round, Boner In Sweatpants knew all the easy listening titles and artists. I even played them a little Mariah Carey later—those sweatpants must’ve felt tight! Ha ha. I am happy to say that no team did well on the third round—proving that we all listen to better music than Creed, Linkin Park, or the Beasy Speasy. In contrast, every team did marvelously on round seven; I have Quizzlings that know their comedians! Whoo-hoo! After a heated struggle, Boner In Sweatpants rose to take 1st place, inching their way past The Tina Vaginas (I know—I’m so freakin’ rad that I have plural pu$$ies!), shafting them into 2nd. In an upset, Broken Ribs 4 Governor landed themselves into 3rd, a mere point ahead of Bark at the Narlz. The Wookies followed closely behind, smashing No Fail In Fellatio as only an extraterrestrial furry critter can. Uncharacteristically, Dual Sturgeon Wielders pulled into 7th—next time I recommend wielding a red snapper. It’s a good fish! Girls On Top avoided being on bottom this time, but that’s only because Slaybia slashed into 9th beneath them. Oh wait! There’s more! A totally fun team, Frothing Toilet took 10th. And in the lastest place possible, TV sucks.
Note: After much ado, I checked into the Kublai Kahn being Mongolian rather than Chinese business. First, I still maintain that “Xanadu” is clearly an indication that we’re either talking Coleridge or Olivia Newton John. But historically, Kublai Kahn was Genghis Kahn’s grandson, who came to power in 1260. He was therefore Mongolian. He is credited, however, with establishing the first Yuan Dynasty of China. He is also credited with unifying China and establishing Dynastic Rule and Order. He was, therefore, also, Chinese. He’s like Mongolian Beef- you can only get it at Chinese restaurants. I offer you this:
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure
PS: Coleridge was such a lyrical badass.
This was proffered, as well:
If your wanker is that small, there is no fellating to be done, gentlemen.
The winner of this week’s Internet Bonus Question was Katie, from Girls On Top:
What?!?! The Crayola color was Sienna?!?
OMG! He’s making eye-contact over his Boner In Sweatpants! Congratulations, you former Dumpster Babies! Welcome to the glory of 1st place!
They liked it so nice, they named it thrice… these are The Tina Vaginas. Too bad the boner knocked you back to 2nd!
Broken Ribs 4 Governor was just mafia enough to creep their way into 3rd. Next time, go with broken knee caps. It hurts more. And cripples them, too!
Bark at the Narlz has played before, and always leaves right before the photo ops. So I snagged this one of the drawing left upon their table. Cute, isn’t it? I was hoping it was a unicorn, and it is!! Yay!
Once again, they received a well-deserved wookie call. Less their blonde lady, je te presente the Wookies.
They say that there is No Fail In Fellatio but I heard that teeth hurt regardless. Thanks for being good sports! You’re still beating your ladies… whoops… not like that, I hope!
I was wondering how Dual Sturgeon Wielders landed so low. But then I consulted the scores. You guys need to brush up on crappy pop music, party schools, and old now-defunct video games. Actually, no you don’t. I forgive knowing cool shit over lame shit anyday!
Besides claiming the Ear of Wonder, Girls On Top also knew about Quintana Roo, and let the whole bar know that they have been looking at maps! Love it! You ladies are most excellent.
Slaybia \’slā-bē-ə\ noun: Middle English slen, from Old English slēan to strike, slay; akin to Old High German slahan to strike; in combination with labia, from Latin: a slaying of the marginal folds of the vulva. Either that or Slayer’s menstrual period. Your decision.
In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree :
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.
So twice five miles of fertile ground
With walls and towers were girdled round :
And there were gardens bright with sinuous rills,
Where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree ;
And here were forests ancient as the hills,
Enfolding sunny spots of greenery.
But oh ! that deep romantic chasm which slanted
Down the green hill athwart a cedarn cover !
A savage place ! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover !
And from this chasm, with ceaseless turmoil seething,
As if this earth in fast thick pants were breathing,
A mighty fountain momently was forced :
Amid whose swift half-intermitted burst
Huge fragments vaulted like rebounding hail,
Or chaffy grain beneath the thresher's flail :
And 'mid these dancing rocks at once and ever
It flung up momently the sacred river.
Five miles meandering with a mazy motion
Through wood and dale the sacred river ran,
Then reached the caverns measureless to man,
And sank in tumult to a lifeless ocean :
And 'mid this tumult Kubla heard from far
Ancestral voices prophesying war !
The shadow of the dome of pleasure
Floated midway on the waves ;
Where was heard the mingled measure
From the fountain and the caves.
It was a miracle of rare device,
A sunny pleasure-dome with caves of ice !
A damsel with a dulcimer
In a vision once I saw :
It was an Abyssinian maid,
And on her dulcimer she played,
Singing of Mount Abora.
Could I revive within me
Her symphony and song,
To such a deep delight 'twould win me,
That with music loud and long,
I would build that dome in air,
That sunny dome ! those caves of ice !
And all who heard should see them there,
And all should cry, Beware ! Beware !
His flashing eyes, his floating hair !
Weave a circle round him thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread,
For he on honey-dew hath fed,
And drunk the milk of Paradise.
Opium is one hell of a drug!
And now for something completely different:
Boner In Sweat Pants 56 The Tina Vaginas 50 Broken Ribs 4 Govenor 49 Bark at the Narlz 48 Wookies 47 No Fail In Fellatio 45 Dual Sturgeon Wielders 43 Girls On Top 41 Slaybia 37 Frothing Toilet 29 TV 7
said on : 03/04/10 @ 13:01
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