Our first Irish Snug post-Geek Bowl was Another Scorcher, so to speak, with really fierce competition between various incarnations of our 1st and 3rd place Geek Bowl winners in attendance. (Wow, that sentence was fucking terrible. Do me a favor and forget you ever read it.)

Some quick notes before the pictures:

Some of you really, really love musicals and operas and shit, which is totally weird. (I'm looking at you, Tina.)

Okay, I can see maybe not knowing all 10 of Martin Scorsese films between '82 and '04, but not knowing any of them? It's not like Scorsese is our greatest living director or anything. Oh wait, he totally is. (I'm looking at you FUBASS, YMBICMPID, Slick, and The Ju Isn't Here.)

When J&T and the Slump Busters are in Bed Together, Who's on Top? In this scenario, you guys are!

Part of the super team that took 1st place at Geek Bowl 2010, Slump Busters deliberate.

The other part of Geek Bowl champs, Jesus and Tequila inebriate.

Another Scorcher finds Tavie still in Jock Jams mode.

Triple Nerd Score feeling betrayed by a certain Mr. Guy Incognito.

Slump Busters                                                 68 + Tiebreaker
When J&T and the Slump Busters  
            are in Bed Together, Who's on Top?                68
Jesus & Tequila                                               66
7-11 was an Inside Job                                        65
TBAU                                                          65
She Gave Me the Slow Clap                                     64
Another Scorcher                                              60
Triple Nerd Score                                             59
Uncommon Collateral                                           57
Children's Pink, it's Better Than You Think                   56
Something With Monkeys                                        56
The Dapper Bandits                                            56
Emilio, Keep Your Shirt On                                    55
And, and, and, Fucking And                                    54
We Left Andy @ Home                                           54
FUBASS                                                        49
Yeah, But I'm Taller                                          49
Directive 4                                                   46
Bitch, Be Cool                                                44
Kokopelis                                                     42
Team W                                                        42
Two Guys and a Girl Behind the Bar                            39
You Must Be Irish                                             37
Slick                                                         23
Princess Di & Queens                                          22
The Ju Isn't Here                                             22

A: Because Horn was getting the lion's share of the attention.

Like that? I just made that shit up right now.

Ah, it's that time of the year again. Can you feel it, Denver? Can you feel Geek Bowl in the air, hovering like a cloud of noxious gas? You could cut the tension with a knife last night at the Irish Snug, with several GB 2010 teams vying for top spots in the final Tuesday quiz before the big show. And "big show" it will be indeed. I've heard the word "spectacle" bandied about lately in reference to the event, and I'm not going to give anything away, but "spectacle" may not do it justice. Consider yourself privileged if you're among the lucky few with tickets for Saturday. It can't get here soon enough.

No surprises on our winners last night. Slump Busters in first, Triple Nerd (although minus one Mr Guy Incognito, who was playing for the other team. Not that there's anything wrong with that) in second, and Busey rounding out the money spots. I predict big things in the future for these teams come Saturday. I'll see y'all there!

Lump Butlers

Ripple Bird Snore -1

Nolte

Touched on Their Butthole

Lactating Bitch Tits

Geek Bowl Spoiler: Vader is Dicker's Father

Slump Busters                                          71
Triple Nerd Score - 1                                  66
Busey                                                  65
Carpe Scrotum                                          62
Touched by an Uncle                                    62
The Lactating Bitch Tits                               58
Geek Bowl Spoiler: Vader is Dicker's Father            58
Staff Infection                                        57
My Dixie Wrecked                                       56
You Must Be Irish Cause My Penis is Dublin             56
Gobias Industries                                      53
Oops, I Crapped My Pants!                              52
New Orleans Prepares Once Again for Devastation        51
Non-Offensive Team Name Formerly 
         Known as Shaken Haitit Syndrome               49
Take 2                                                 49
Haitian Devil Worshipers                               48
Action Jackson                                         46
Average People                                         44
Taint Misbehavin'                                      44
Thinker or the Stinker                                 44
Your Mom's a Jam Band                                  38
If You've Got $5, I've Got Your Footlong               31
SNAFU                                                  28
Lame Dash Oh                                           21

Heavens to Murgatroyd, was Snagglepuss gay! I mean come on, he was a pink lion who wore a bow tie and cuff links and nothing else. I'm pretty sure him and Huckleberry Hound had a thing going, Brokeback Mountain-style. And with a name like Snagglepuss, I'm pretty sure we can all guess who the bottom in that relationship would have been.

It was a nice little shakeup at the Irish Snug Base Camp and Gay Cartoon Bathhouse last night, what with some of our more dominant players not in attendance. This paved the way for Where is Mike Hunt? to slip into the top spot for the first time in a long time, if not ever. (My memory is a bit damaged, sorry.) True story: I actually know a guy named Mike Hunt. No joke. He's the father of a kid I went to high school with. It was one of those things that was just so obvious that no one really fucked with him about it. It would be like if you were named Mai Balzitch or Dick Hertz or some shit. It's like, what's the point really?

Where is Mike Hunt? He's in Seneca Falls, NY in case you were wondering.

Coming in 2nd, Carpe Scrotum decided they wanted to give Dicker the literal shaft that they feel like he gives them on a weekly basis.

Gobias Industries took 3rd in both the quiz and in the Massachusetts senate election.

Having 7 people on their team still didn't help You Must Be Irish Because My Penis is Dublin of the team left out of embarrassment. Whoops, got my big tables mixed up. This is actually Ebeneezer Spooge, who, although it's not really the right season, had one of the best team names of the night.

Newbies, Stoopmates, with a strong showing considering they came late and light on team members.

Where's Mike Hunt?                                 72
Carpe Scrotum                                      71
Gobias Industries                                  67
Triple Nerd Score                                  66
Ebeneezer Spooge                                   65
Shaken Haiti Syndrome                              65
Coolots & the Gang                                 63
In Soviet Russia, Pub Quiz Play You!               63
Tru-Dat                                            63
Busey                                              62
TBAU                                               62
You Must Be Irish...                               62
A Reptile Disfunction                              59
Where is Carmen San Diego? In My Pants             59
Sandra Bull-Dyke                                   58
Ku Klux Kittens                                    54
Pardon Me While I Dumb Myself Down                 52
The Dyke Yanagitas                                 52
Passed Out on Colfax, Mid-Taco                     49
Ultimately Disadvantaged                           41
Uncle Touchy's Naked Puzzle Basement               39
Martha Stewart's Scrunchie                         37
Stoopmates                                         37
F.U. Jay, I'm With Coco                            36
Jumbos                                             36
Team Name                                          33
Jesse Stood Me Up                                  32
Equation                                           30
Talula                                             23

Old people are loud. Drunk old people are really loud. Drunk old people standing directly in front of the Quizmasters' table, celebrating one of their rank inching ever closer to the casket, and trying to out-noise the guys with the microphone, can create a din over which one's own thoughts are scarcely able to make themselves known. So it was last night at the Irish Snug's Shady Acres Assisted Living Facility and Crematorium, where not only were we graced with the presence of a group of approximately 5,387 not-so-Golden Girls sitting front and fucking center, we also had upwards of 36 teams playing at various intervals throughout the night. Needles to say it made for some interesting noise combinations. Also, you know that powdery perfume smell that invariably comes with women over the age of 50? Yeah, I haven't been able get that smell out of my nose yet.

Congrats to the venerable Touched by an Uncle for their victory last night. They held the lead throughout the quiz, and eked out the overtime win after a tie with Carpe Scrotum. Childhood trauma has its advantages, apparently.

You guys are in for it now. I've just realized how insanely easy it is to write crap on top of pictures with my shiny new Windows 7 photo editing software. Dood, regular captions are so 2009. Enjoy. Or don't.

TBAU                                                    69 + OT Victory!
Carpe Scrotum                                           69
Slumpaluffagus                                          68
why is it so fucking crowded                            66
sorry abouyt your tiny asian prius                      65
who's watching your mom basement while you're here?     64
soh-crates johnson6                                     63
The Highest Guy Watching Avatar                         62
triple nerd score                                       62
everything is a sex toy if you use it right             61
get your hands off me you damn dirty ape                61
one man wolfpack                                        61
baked potatoes and clams                                58
don juan darko                                          57
goats & honey                                           57
ja rules of engagement                                  57
anything'd a sex toy if you try hard enough             56
ghost of pussy posse                                    56
there are far more of us than there are are of you      56
we <3 h-bomb                                            56
the spesial peaphhole                                   54
ny state of mind                                        52
asian butt pirates                                      51
vagina whisperers                                       51
girl orgy                                               45
jane, you ignorant slut                                 45
latecomers                                              44
cervix slayers                                          39
jay leno's time slot                                    39
earmuffs                                                35
mordecai                                                34
michael cera in superdead (you'll get it next week)     29
2 apostles and a jew                                    27
legal weed                                              26
trippy titty twisters                                    8
if you're going to sit there you need matching shirts    8

Sometimes the week after the holidays is slow. Sometimes I have to get up in the middle of the night to pee. Sometimes, Evil Rob steals my microphone and there's not much I can do about it except let him sing. Last night all but one of these things occurred and I'll give you a hint: We had 33 teams playing. Tied the Snug record*.

Just so you know it was Evil Rob's birthday last night and he was commandeering the music, which was fine with me. Also, just so you know, Rob turned 46 and doesn't look a day over 49. Impressive stuff. For the last, oh, year and a half Rob has been on my ass to make the round 8 theme song "Blarney Stone" by Ween.

The problem is that the song contains approximately 97 verses, some of which, if I'm not mistaken, are in Scotch Gaelic or one of those other impenetrable languages from northwestern Europe that should only be written on quaint door signs and not spoken, much less sung, much less in public. Y'all had trouble remembering the Gummi Bears theme which has three verses.

But still, it was a sight, if not a sound, to behold.

Ok... enough on that. Fun to give away passes and cheap sunglasses for Daybreakers. It pays to be on the email list kids.

Rough night for some of our stalwarts though the first place team, Them Against Us, has plenty of regulars who are not unfamiliar with the top 3. Good showing.

Couple of notes on the rounds: while you can't debate what was or wasn't intended to be a disco song, the scores were pretty much dead in the middle which is what I like to see. No perfect scores and only a few teams bombed it.

Team Riboflavin took second place and then... I guess I took too long to to do the runoff question for third so they left without claiming their gift certificates. Don't worry Ribos, we've got em for you next week provided you can show us three forms of photo ID and provide Emilio with a urine sample.

Helpful hint: if the music is too loud, just come up and tell us. Cryptic notes on answer sheets are often overlooked. Unless they have phone numbers, know what I'm sayin? You do? Really, well tell me what I'm saying then? Yeah, you couldn't.

SCORES!

them against us	                         60
riboflavin	                         57
geez, louise!	                         56* third place via runoff
chode rules	                         56
slump busters are over the hill	         55
us against them	                         55
bayside tigers 	                         54
gobias industries	                 54
zac the lego maniac	                 54
the dyke yanagitas	                 52
Carpe Scrotum	                         51
nugabest	                         51
Ewok reacharound	                 50
one of our monkeys is missing	         50
pub quiz team 1a	                 50
how is babby formed?	                 49
I wanted to bang the chick from avatar 
but all I got was blue balls	         46
zippy's fantastic mullet	         46
hymen crushers	                         44
Tijuana bible scholars	                 44
golden tots	                         43
the cervix slayers	                 43
triple nerd score	                 43
keep calm and carry on	                 42
My eyes! The daybreaker sunglasses 
do nothing!	                         42
say hi to your mom for me	         42
Touched By An Uncle	                 42
cranberry gay	                         39
the Martha Washingtons	                 39
jsj	                                 37
I can do rad all by myself 	         34
shmando	                                 29
fugees an funtons	                 26
nugaworst	                         13
studmuffins	                          2

* the record for a regular quiz goes to ONeill's in Albuquerque and Moe' BBQ in Englewood for a themed quiz, when they turned out 51 teams for the Simpsons in August.

Ho hot damn it was crowded last night. Nerds and nerds and more nerds - and that one guy Casey who won the ladies mustache email prize... damn you're loud! But you've got spirit so there.

Oh, and to to the pub crawlers who had to interrupt everyone to have their T shirt signed... can't you get a new hobby? Beer pong, goat bowling, interpretive Nascar (it's not only environmentally sound but it's on the cutting edge...of douche cliff).

Enough complaining. On to the subject of the winning team, Kitten Frenzy. It's rare a team of previously unknown quizzers make their way Under The Snug and dominate the quiz from beginning to end. So, we ask politely: who are you cats? Heh heh, cats, kittens, get it? Ok, nevermind. But seriously, that was some impressive shit and I really did have a few regulars inquire about who you were and what set you claimed?

Big ups to Carpe Scrotum for an impressive performance with 5 perfect rounds. Not enough to win last night, but still noteworthy. Oh, and Ave...this is who you look like.

Thanks to Matt Buck for bringing his ipod. Sorry the base heavy stuff can get lost in the Snug's sound system.

Also, a birthday shout out to Fides. I'm sorry you think 500 Days of Summer is a good movie, but you're young and there's hope for you yet.

Photos:

SCORES:

Kitten Frenzy	                         81
Carpe Scrotum 	                         77
I'll Take the Rapist For $800	         76
Slump Busters	                         76* in 3rd via runoff question
Triple Nerd Score	                 69
Busey	                                 68
Liar, Liar My Dick's n Fire!	         66
Who's Watching Your Mom's Basement 
While You're Here?	                 66
Nose Goes	                         65
Straight Outta Lone Tree	         65
7/11 Was An Inside Job	                 64
Nobody Puts Donkey in the Corner	 64
We Demand Jet Packs	                 61
It's Her Birthday, She Can Be Late 
If She Wants To	                         57
2 1/2 Years	                         56
Team Mistletoe	                         56
Tiny Dancer	                         53
Cheezy Mizung Waka Crazy Crackers	 52
Something Good	                         49
Birthday Ballz	                         48
Serious Serious Heavy Shit	         48
Quite Simple	                         47
Snug Life	                         47
Team Ram Rod	                         46
The Carpet Matches the Curtains	         46
The Mile High Club	                 46
Farouk On Fire	                         42
The Biggest Losers	                 40
Taken-a-Back	                         37
S and M	                                 32

Because things grind to a halt. Much like a blizzard or the Super Bowl or the five minutes Andy Rooney blesses our nation with his profundity each week, it's one of the few times when something can interrupt commerce and the vast majority of our fellow countrymen can kick back and chill. This is hardly an original observation — why should I start now, right? — but it's one I like to revel in, even if I'm just going to use the holidays as an excuse to watch horrible movies like this one.

I'm also planning to inflict vegan food on my wife on Xmas eve and then have a traditional Jewish Christmas which involves movies (thinking Up In The Air or Fantastic Mr. Fox or both) and Chinese food.

A lovely festive quiz last night that proved, among other things, that you like bad Christmas music better than boxing technique. That was a hard visual round, but you know what else is hard? Taking punches. Just ask Harry Reid. Or Joe Lieberman when I catch him in a retirement home. Yeah, there's certain invalids who deserve to be punched in their wheel chairs. Not hard, nothing gratuitous, just a good, quick crack.

Props go out to Ecuador Doesn't Border Chile for their strong first place showing. It's tough to beat the Slump Busters, er, K-Mart Still Sucks, in sudden death. It has been done, but, uh, that was by a now discredited team. Oh, Thunder Cunts. Say it ain't so?

Also, respect to The Beets. Are you new? Or do you just play in an obscure corner. Either way: respect.

Ok... off to learn the real story behind the death of Tupac.

SCORES

Ecuador Doesn't Border Chile	65
K-Mart Still Sucks In Heaven	65
The Beets	                63
Nintendo Fuck Club	        62
7-11 was an Inside Job	        61
Triple Nerd Score	        60
Pimps and Chuds	                59
Simon Monjack's Table for One	59
Fuck it, I Forgot Your Pie	58
Tiger Woods' Ho Ho Ho's	        56
Who's Watching Your Mom's 
Basement While You're Here?	56
Brazil or Bust	                54
John Rambo's Love Children	54
Britney Murphy's Natural Cause	53
Team Awesome	                53
You Must be Irish Cause My 
Penis is Dublin	                53
Keep Calm and Carry On	        51
Race Car Spelled Backwards	50
True Life: I'm a Chronic 
Masturbator	                49
Vertical Smiles 2.0	        49
Not at the Table, Carlos	47
V-Fib is as Funny as 
a Heart Attack	                47
Touched By An Uncle	        39
Brains!!	                38
The Jersey Fist Pumps	        35

As far as random groups to have our quiz invaded by, we could do a lot worse than the running group that showed last night after gawking around the downtown carnival of lights. Many of them played the quiz, they didn't shout out answers and were, by most accounts, polite. Or... at least polite enough.

Was it odd having the lower level of the Snug feel like The Runner's Roost? Yes. Was it annoying that regular teams had to wait 15 minutes for a table? Yeah. Is life filled with constant challenges and hardships? Based on the HBO documentaries and the reporting of Jon Lee Anderson in the New Yorker, apparently yes.

Ok. Enough of that. Big ups to Triple Nerd Score for busting out of their recent malaise and winning by a healthy margin. Also, props to newbies Bayside Tigers for an impressive debut, tying for 2nd with the Geek Bowl-bound Busey who won via tiebreaker question.

Thanks to Michah from Triple Nerd for the great yuletide playlist. Also thanks to @guyincognito for donating his office Xmas prize, which was promptly awarded to Bay City as a consolation for losing the 2nd place runoff to Busey.

Ok... got an impressive picture show for you thanks to Patrick Kelly. Here goes:

SCORES

Triple Nerd Score	              71
Busey	                              66 (2nd place VIA TIEBREAKER)
Bayside Tigers	                      66
Bible Jizz The King James Version     64
Spandex is for Bitches	              63
Slump Busters	                      62
Touched By An Uncle	              62
Spandau Ballet	                      61
I Got Your Team Name Hanging Low      60
Where's My Narnia?	              59
7-11 Was An Inside job	              57
Mustache Rides For Jesus	      55
Better Late Than Pregnant	      54
Dotes McGoats	                      54
I Only Run From Pregnancy Scares      53
Gentile Jews	                      52
Suck It Julio	                      52
1 Point Ahead	                      51
Detroit Lions	                      47
Riboflavin	                      46
Awesome Domination	              41
We Aren't Irish But We Still 
<3 Beer                               37
Lightspotters	                      33
4.5'ers	                              29
NREL	                              29

All told, a great quiz last night. For some reason, I thought the sub arctic, "they're going to cancel Christmas!" weather would leave us with a crowd of maybe 12 hardcore teams. Instead we had over 30.*

A few quick shout outs: Happy 40th Birthday to Dan of Carpe Scrotum fame. Are you still wearing that hat?

Thanks to @dramamind for bringing his ipod with extra gay music! As always, the first player who brings me their ipod before the quiz walk gets to DJ. Keep your playlists gay.

Emilio apologizes to Jason's dog. Sorry for stepping on you. Next time, vittles are on him.

Thanks to everyone for promptly recycling their visual rounds so every team could have one and the environment can soldier on for another day.

Ok, on to the night's main drama.

Let me try to do this delicately. Your quizmasters received an anonymous tip that a team in the back of the room (west side) was cheating with an iPhone during round 8. Emilio investigated and caught a member of Thundercunts Are Go in full Wikipedia search mode.

There wasn't too much said, but Thundercunts didn't turn in their round 8 which is unheard of for them and hard not to take as a confession of sorts. They're a regular team whose prowess has now been called into question. No need to belabor this any further and if any of the Thundercunts are reading we welcome your version of events. But based on what went down it's pretty hard not to come to the conclusion that one of our regular teams was cheating. Have they been cheating all along? We don't know, but in light of recent events many of those perfect and near perfect round 8s do seem...uh, suspicious.

Insert footage of fake Native American crying by the side of the highway.

On to the quiz. In terms of scores, I have to say it was a perfect night. There were almost no rounds that teams bombed and there were very few that were aced. Lots of scores in the 3-5 range, which is where I like to see it. Keeps it challenging without leaving anyone feeling like complete failures. We hope. Also, if you're a lonely Jew on Christmas please know that we do have questions that pander to your alienated sensibilities. In fact, I may do an entire round in Yiddish. Ok, that's a lie but we won't Christmas up the entire quiz... don't worry.

Shout out to Nobody Puts Donkey in a Corner for nabbing second place out of nowhere. Respek!

Carpe Scrotum and the team formerly known as Jesus and Tequila duked it out for 3rd place and Carpe Scrotum one by a fraction of sorts. Tequila secretly wished he'd opted for a dance off.

I let Emilio hijack the camera, here's the results:

Teams in the money:

SCORES

Slump Busters	                         68
Nobody Puts Donkey in a Corner	         64
Pimps and C.H.U.D.S.	                 62
Carpe Scrotum (Now With a 40-Year-Old)	 62**
Triple Nerd Score	                 59
T-Rexcellent	                         58
Touched By An Uncle	                 56
Snoopy is Kind of an Asshole	         55
Wash Your Hands, You Know Who You Are	 54
Purse Taco!	                         54
Gal Dove Party Boy	                 51
Tiger's Woods	                         50
Suburbavores	                         50
Frieng & Friends	                 50
True Life: I'm a Chronic Masturbator	 49
Pube Sandwich	                         49
Spandau Ballet	                         48
I Feel Like We've Been Bad	         48
Ahead of Them	                         47
Thundercunts are go!	                 45
Japanese Hot Tub Monkeys	         45
You Must be Irish cuz My Penis is...	 44
Team of one - Where is Everyone?	 44
Mr. Lucky & Co.	                         44
Frozen Testicles	                 42
Thundercats	                         38
Sharkeez	                         35
The Short Bus	                         31
1/2 Jews	                         28
Basset Hound and a Jar of Peanut Butter	 18
Snowballers	                         11

* For those keeping track, the record a the Snug (for number of teams playing the entire quiz) is 33. It can be beat.
** Carpe Scrotum in 3rd via tiebreaker.