Last night seemed to focus on a couple of things.  Ass n titties.  From the  golden, potentially buttered starfish to lamentations over Angelina Jolie’s missing mammaries.  Let me assure you, She is an actress, she will get new ones.  It has been written.

Now as far as safe words go, let’s cover a few tips.  First, never make your safe word something that you want.  Harder, faster, butter, not good safe words.  Also you don’t want to make them too long because that can leave you in the middle on an uncomfortable situation while you struggle to get it out.  Which is bad unless you are in to that sort of thing.  So leave hippopotamus, antidisestablishmentarianism and Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious off your safe word list.  It will save you a sore bottom later.  Now you know, and knowing is half the butthole.  So go forth and remember to play nice.

Current events found us first.  Tim Tebow already has a job offer! $75 a game?  Now that’s the power of prayer.  The IRS was sadly misguided in thinking people would like them if they picked on the Tea Party.  Dear IRS, we are going to hate you no matter what you do other than dissolve.  12 states and counting!  We are all just a little bit gay.  If you weren’t, you’d be repulsed at masturbating.  So remember that some people are just born that way and support them when they are coming out.  Misc. Conceptions sought to clear up some more popular goofs.  If you fiddle with your violin, you will not go blind.  For all intents and purposes, it is “lactose intolerant” not “lack toast and tolerant”.  So does anyone really want to bang a first lady?  I didn’t think so.  No, Mary Todd Lincoln in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter doesn’t count.  She is an actress, not the real Mary Todd.  Some celebrities have their hearts in the right place.  They use their fame to help others as well as make more money.  George Clooney should have started Not On Our Watch earlier and perhaps Batman and Robin could have been prevented.  As for Bono, fuck Bono. Next Muhammads and Alis made an appearance.  Ali G makes me laugh. Muhammad makes me sad.  Arresting a teacher for letting her students name a loved item after a person they have been trained to worship since birth seems a little backwards.  Eh, as long as religion stays away from me, I’ll stay away from it.  ZooTV fortunately had nothing to do with U2.  Spider-Man was a gimme as were the Monkees, but to those that picked up on Airwolf, well done.  Closing up The baddest man in the whole damn town is Leroy Brown.  Leroy Jenkins is the dumbest one. I was told Tit-tanic was better in 3D with some in your face fun.  Who wouldn’t want to see Kate and Leo leaning over the bow of the ship in 3D?  It’s like you could reach out and hug them.          

With an amazing come from behind victory ,Pukey McPukerson spewed forth the knowledge to will 1st place and the $25 Hotel Congress gift certificate.  2nd place went to  Angelina's A-Cups.  They used all they had to win the Pizza from Empire Pizza.  3rd place went to  Chitty-Chitty Bang Bang who won a personal pet groomer from the mystery box.  Our email winner was Jenny.  She posed with one item, but ended up choosing the GWD flash drive.  Proving he actually reads the last line of the blog, Jesus picked up some glow sticks for answering my blog question.  

Well, done all.  I look forward to another entertaining evening with you all.  Until that time, stay amazing and keep your buttholes golden.

Ok, here is a bonus for next quiz.  How many Courics does Bono weigh? first to tell me just  before quiz gets...something! 

So as some of you know, I am not a young guy.  Last night’s first round reminded me of that.  I actually have memories of 1983.  The strange thing is how certain things that launched then didn’t leave a mark in my memory.  A lot of things just appeared and have always just “been there” in my mind.  Thinking back though it had to be a condition of the time.  Apart from a few TV commercials, most things were introduced and survived on their own merit.  Now, we are bombarded with ads, tweets, Facebook pages, viral videos and more.  Then again, I was just a kid and probably just not observant enough to catch on.  Oh well, I’m just happy that Weird Al will live on forever and when you mention Black Eyed Peas, people will just say, “who?”

Speaking of music, it is interesting how we instantly link music to everything.  It’s not only in pop culture and things like that, but in personal memories.  I found this with my all TV theme song play list last night.  As soon as a new song came on, you all were calling out the show it was associated with, which is cool if you wrote it as a TV theme, but sucky if you are a musician and people forget you and only remember a buddy cop show instead.  Hopefully you enjoyed the play list and I want to do more along those lines.  So I am open to suggestions.  Movies themes, perhaps your favorite bad karaoke songs, songs you lost your virginity to, you tell me.  Start bringing lists, requests and other stuff and I’ll see about including them the following week.  Just know I will not play U2 or Nickelback. I am actually interested to see what you all come up with.  I’ll have a box out for you to drop requests next week.

Let’s do a recap shall we?

1983? It’s crazy that a lot of you weren’t even alive then.  I was busy on my Atari before your parents ever got busy.  That’s right, your parents had sex and may still have it.  Get that image out of your brain.  Ah the joys of karaoke.  Usually there is very little joy and lots of alcohol involved.  Fortunately most of the popular songs on that list are not as popular here in Tucson.  Good thing it seems “Friends in Low Places” has been left behind, if only bad singing was as well.  We gave you a sports fix with basketball.  We moved on to Heaven and other places that could never exist.  Like a swimming pool with no kids allowed, like really not allowed.  Perhaps Valhalla has one.  Next we had Kate Winslet’s tits.  I noticed a few of those rounds were pocketed for later.  Enjoy.  Before and after!  I love these rounds.  Celebrities and medical conditions go hand in hand.  Whether they have them or crusade for them, even if they are wrong. (looking at you Jenny McCarthy)  Expect more to come.  Kid’s shows made everyone happy.  Who doesn’t love Reading Rainbow?  Now Mathnet was an obscure call, but a few got it. Good work detectives.  To close the night, we enjoyed some neeps and tatties.  Which sounds like an old lady talking about boobs, but is really just potatoes and rutabagas.  Also you all now know Hitler was a Taurus which says a lot about a lot of Taurusi I’ve met.      

Winners of the night were Always the bridesmaid, never the sister wife.  They did get the $25 Congress gift certificate to ease their pain.  Second place was claimed by Sequeefstration.  Pizza from Empire Pizza was theirs to enjoy.  Third was tied between Godito Batman (because fat Batman is funny)  and Rocket Vag.  They played a game of celebrity movies.  They had to name films or shows that a random celebrity has been in.  Tonights draw was Leonardo Dicaprio.  In the end, rocket Vag stayed the course and stayed on the floating door to get Robot stickers from the mystery box.  Our email winner Donna claimed some kick ass geek socks for her very own.  

Thanks to all for a good night.  I had fun, and that's what really counts.  Ok, I kid.  Thanks for coming out and sharing your night with me.  Until we meet again, stay awesome.

Bonus.  I do very much enjoy Python.  What instrument is being played in the Cheese Shop?  Tell me just before next quiz for a random prize.

While fun, the teaches of Peaches do not actually relieve pain.

The human body is a fascinating and messed up thing.  It seems to have ways of punishing you for doing the wrong thing.  Drink too much and you get hang overs.  Eat too much junk and get a belly.  Drink too much soda and get kidney stones.  Yup.  I was drinking a LOT of soda and now I'm paying for it.  So it looks like I'm not going to be drinking much soda anymore.  Thanks for all the suggestions on ways of making the stone pass faster.  I'm definitely going to try them all.  Your sypathy is appreciated.  I know you don't like it when I'm gone, so I'll do my damndest to make sure I'm here for you.  I'm not sure why though, because I am an asshole.  Hmm, maybe you all are in to that?

So I saw a commercial for "chocolate" diamonds.  Ah the power of marketing.  They take something that was only used for industrial purposes and make it desirable.  Perhaps kidney and gall stones can become "human pearls"? Who'd like to buy a ring?

So what did I have for you last night?

We started with colors.  I wonder if it's possible to eat enough Blue Bonnet to change the color of your blood?  I believe Wal-Mart is already conducting this study.  We then came to mashups.  Nothing like a little NIN to make Carly Rae Jepsen listenable.  Also it seems that 2 memes played together will not cancel each other out.  The Gangnam Shake hopefully will not become a thing.  Sooner or Later every character dies.  We were looking for actors that died in well-known roles.  How Sean Bean didn’t make the list, I’ll never know.  Also I really don’t remember De Niro in Brazil.  Going back in and watching the trailer, I just had my mind blown.  How much have I forgotten?  Well I can’t rely on my brain to remember what I’ve forgotten since it forgot it to begin with.  Great now I’m insane.  Next we faced dictator anagrams.  Docile farts become Fidel Castro, seems oddly fitting.  What does Caribbean Joe get us? A Banjo Be Rice.  There you go. McConaughey loves the herb.  How do you know what’s good if you don’t try to smoke it at least once?  Also be aware that herb grinders from head shops don’t work at all.  I tried making salsa and the oregano just got stuck.  Definitely a do not buy.  Did you know if you rub anything hard enough, a genie comes out?  Ok, maybe not, but it is a funny thing to tell kids.  But do you want to know what is not funny?  Kazaam and pretty much anything Shaq does.  Making kids watch Kazaam is acceptable punishment for most things.  Didn’t clean your room? Kazaam!  Failing a class? Kazaam! Say you like Kazaam? Steel! We then went to some serious geek out.  Identifying comic book villains based on their movie speeches.  For every Magneto, Bane or Loki, you must get a Mr. Freeze.  But all that doesn’t matter because in the end they will kneel before Zod.  In the end, a lot of people learned that Nutella is Italian.  I would have guessed Canadian.                  

With plenty of points to be had, Joe's Cock Full of Rocks took the top spot and the $25 Congress gift certificate.  Our 2nd place team ofthe night was I'm No Good at Team Names. They are good at winning Pizza from our friends at Empire Pizza. 3rd went to Windy City Winos for lube from the mystery box.  Va-J-J All Stars picked up the random ass prize bag for 4th place. Dustin was our email bonus winner to claim the GWD pint glass.  Way to win it peeps.

If it passes, perhaps I'll give a stone away as a prize.  Ok, I won't. That's actually really gross, but I never really know what turns you all on.  Thanks for a good night and for all the advice.  I'm going to try a few of them to hopefully get this rock out of me.  I'm gonna go pee now.

Don't miss the cool stuff Congress is bringing you this weekend.

Bonus time.  There is a scene in Deadwood of Al passing a stone.  What does Trixie do to help?  Be the first to tell me at next quiz and I'll give you something random.

• O'Brien's on Wilshire Irish Pub & Restaurant - Santa Monica 7:00 PM
• Brendan's 404 - Denver 7:30 PM
• Goosetown Tavern - Denver 7:00 PM
• The Mayor of Old Town - Fort Collins 8:00 PM
• Bruno's Tavern - New Orleans 7:00 PM
• White Horse Tavern - Allston 8:00 PM
• The First Printer - Cambridge 7:30 PM
• Costello's Tavern - Jamaica Plain 8:00 PM
• O'Niell's Pub - Albuquerque 8:00 PM
• O'Possum's Pub - Murfreesboro 8:00 PM
• Black Star Co-Op - Austin 8:00 PM
• El Mercado - Austin 7:30 PM
• Strange Brew - Austin 7:00 PM
• Zio Carlo Magnolia Brew Pub - Fort Worth 7:00 PM
• Piper Down - Salt Lake City 7:30 PM
• Quarter Lounge - Seattle 8:00 PM
• Capital Tap Haus - Madison 7:00 PM