Last night at Past Perfect: that guy who made Anus (Alanis) Morrisette crazy as a stuffed animal in a t-shirt on a skateboard and 500,000 guesses later, no one knows what catoptromancy means.

R1 was a new edition of Recently in Stuff (my fave) and everyone knows Minnesota is gay now, apparently the current staff of SNL is running away in droves, and that one douche put out a new book starring Tom Hanks or something.

R2 was songs with “heart” with Elvis, Madonna, The Eagles…..and some band called “Heart”???

R3 was I name the metro stops, you name the city. Apparently I had some travelers on a budget in the crowd because the scores were good.

R4 was E before I words, for example, I say “Name the painkiller that is often mixed with Cough Syrup, Vodka, and Gatorade to kill Lil’ Wayne” and you say codeine. Or “who’s the king who killed almost all of his wives including one with 6 fingers” and you say Henry The Eighth.

R5 was a round on Knight’s armor. I learned that armor has a built in demon-horn-nipple thing and it is called the “lance rest.” Also, something called a “gorget” is a “please don’t give me a live tracheotomy in front of this audience” piece.

R6 was a round on folklore including jackalopes and some pussy who’s afraid of fairies (I’m talking olden fairies, not San Fran style fairies).

R7 was words of wisdom via movies. A word was strategically missing from each quote to give this round double points. On the last one, one of my teams somehow recognized THE DIRECTOR (from the audio mind you) and guessed the wrong film by the right guy. Respect the cock.

Finally, random shit: like sardines, diarrhea, Cosby kids, English counties, what Paul Revere actually said, Skynet, Andorra, and the kids from “Stand By Me.”

There were a lot of high scores, but mainly because there were 3 double point rounds. Pants jumped ahead on the last round (with a perfect 16) to finish with 96 points! (This is out of a possible 112 I think?). Then in second, Geek Hard returned and was a bit rusty, but managed to eke out a one point win over Boobs. See everyone next week or as I said before CUNW (thinking of moving to Tuesdays to make this joke work) and TWEET AT ME @satirically

Last night at Past Perfect: It starts easy, but gets way hard….

So we began with R1, which was another edition of Duh! We mentioned Elvis’s house, 7^th day Adventists, a Muppet movie, and the thing on the hood of a Jaguar. Good thing it’s not called “The Leper,” because that would be a gross hood ornament.

R2 was audio clues of songs titled “Howl at the Moon.” Of course there was “Hungry Like the Wolf” and “Werewolves of London” but also Wolfmother, Steppenwolf, and “She Wolf” by Shakira.

R3 was a round of real or fake Subreddits, which there are thousands and thousands of. A couple teams put real for every one of them, to end up with a 6/8. My favorite was “Gentlemen Boners” which would be a good band name.

R4 was a round about borders of various kinds. We discussed the Wall from “Game of Thrones,” a Taco Bell slogan, a couple of actual geographical borders, and that bookstore that ate shit a couple years ago.

R5 was movie posters where the guy is turned around awkwardly (turns out they do this all the time). One of them was the Guy Fawkes character from “V for Vendetta” and one was the Antonio Banderas cat from “Shrek” so it’s pretty widespread.

R6 was Satan VS. _____. Of course, there was “The Devil Went Down to Georgia,” Faust, “Damn Yankees” and Daniel Webster. Also mentioned, Moby is a commercial whorebag.

R7 was audio clips of actors from overseas pretending to be American. I think they just turn American actors British somehow. I mean, they even got Batman and the Commissioner AND Hannibal Lecter.

Finally, random shit, in which I asked things like this: What’s the symbol called when you hit Shift+7? Where is Darjeeling tea from? Is Peter O’Toole dead? What comes after Aquarius?

We came, we saw, we jammed on Daft Punk and Vampire Weekend, we drank, we reveled, Boobs got a sweet Popemobile bumper sticker thing, Pants won, and Troy laughed a lot. Good times had by all, and my encore is next Wednesday! See you then and don’t forget to TWEET AT ME @satirically 

Last night at Past Perfect, there were lots of gross things. LOTS.

R1 was the beginning of the grossness. It was fat guys. I’m talking Chris Christie, Kevin James, the author of “Game of Thrones,” Meat Loaf, Orson Welles, you know… fat guys.

R2 was entitled “Captain Planet’s iPod” which was followed by “what the fuck do these songs have to do with the environment?” To which I replied, “THE FUCKING RINGS ON THEIR FINGERS THAT THEY SUMMON HIM WITH…. DO YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT CAPTAIN PLANET????” They didn’t. High score was only an 11.

R3 was about the most popular English language news sites (which didn’t stop somebody from putting Al Jazeera). Here’s what makes your brain hurt. The most popular is Yahoo News.

R4 was a description of 3 “states” of a country and you name the country. It wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Average score was about 6/8.

R5 was about fast food chains that make shit that you find in a grocery store (and make YOU shit)….seeing as how Tennessee doesn’t have “On the Border” or “Frontera” average was a 6.5 (I think there were a couple salsa enthusiasts).

R6 was a round on wars and treaties, again not as hard as it could have been. People groaned at the beginning but score average was a 5.

R7 was movies that say “based on a true story.” (Goodfellas, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Ed Wood, etc.)

Finally R8, RANDOM BULLSHIT. This week it was about sober Mormon college, Kris Kross, Jelly Bellies, the hardness of wood, authors in bands, STDs, and islands from the song “Kokomo.” Yes, Martinique is in the lyrics to “Kokomo.”

As for the scores, it was REALLY close all game. Around the half almost everyone was tied, and it kept going till the last round. However, Team BOOBS got 14 right in the last round which clenched their victory, albeit narrowly. Congrats to them, and to my second place, which I’ve not seen before. Great job, dudes and boobs. Also, better luck next time to Whinny Cooper who got 3^rd by 1 point. See you next Wednesday everyone and TWEET AT ME @satirically

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• Prickly Pete's - Denver 8:00 PM
• The Whiskey Bar - Denver 7:00 PM
• The Cheeky Monk - Westminster 9:00 PM
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• Opal Divine's (Penn Field) - Austin 10:00 PM