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Red's Porch
3508 S Lamar Blvd
Austin, TX 78704
Tuesdays: 8:00 PM
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Comment Now
12:35 AM, July 30, 2014
Scores
drinkers who geek 87

quit sexting me; I'm playing quiz! 80

chelsea is going to score 9 times tonight (3rd) 79

pickle brothers and friends 79

quivering old chihuahua dicks 77

hamas is that doggie in the window? 76

south korean scary ferry 76

I'll have the ebola gumbo 71

more like lake boobie poo poo 70

no love for paraguay 69

red white and booze 67

putin on the ritz 65

we found a 4th wheel 64

I've got swampass 62

better late than pregnant 60

putin's geckos 59

dorothy mantooth is a saint 56

obama's big black caucus 54

putin in your back into it 53

are all eggs baby eggs? 52

team gryffinclaw 41

Evan


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Web

Quiz Schedule
Red's Porch, Tuesdays -- AND -- Waterloo Ice House Southpark Meadows, Wednesdays --- ALSO -- Black Star Co-Op, Sundays
Evan ()

I like hats, the artist Poe, and anything nerdy.  My sole aspiration in life is to be Tom Cruise, but better.

Here is an excerpt from my Wikipedia page:

"Evan Boston was born a poor sharecropper's son in Upper Manhattan.  So dire was his family's poverty that young Evan was forced to subsist on soy sauce and steamed fingernail clippings.  His life was forever changed when he pressed his soy-sauce-bespattered face to the glass of a public house wherein a Geeks Who Drink pub quiz was being held.  Evan knew then what his life's work would be from that moment on.  He sold his father's prize possession, a tortoiseshell comb, to pay for tuition for Quizmasters' Academy.  After years of being bullied and shunned by the rich students and Samoans, Evan finally proved his worth by graduating 4th in his Quizmaster's class, for which he was presented an Applebee's gift card.  He has yet to use it."

The red wolf, or Canis rufus, is sort-of like a cross between a grey wolf and a coyote.  It was fairly recently driven almost to extinction, now being almost completely wiped out in the wild (or, in some cases, they've been breeding too much with coyotes and now genetically are no longer red wolves).

I mention this because they're rare, beautiful, and like to mess around with the wrong crowd.  Just like YOU lot.

(This forced comparison is brought to you by Wolf Shirt Week!  It's now over, so begin the countdown until next year!)

Tonight was crazy.  With the porch packed, people in the trailer, and a delerious Quizmaster (myself, not Chelsea), we had all the ingredients of a hectic night in the mix.  But it actually turned out great!  We even had a tie for third, and the two teams had to draw Chelsea.  One team included a giraffe, and the other added stars.  The stars shone through in the end!

Thanks so much for coming out and letting us test your brain knowledge!  If you didn't win this week, try again next time!

Sign up for the Rumble in the Pub!

Peace out.

 

-evan and chelsea

Red's Porch
3508 S Lamar Blvd
Austin, TX 78704
Tuesdays: 8:00 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
11:10 PM, July 22, 2014
Scores
drinkers who geek 84

rick perry needs a hobby?lobby 81

fuzzy succulents 79

gimme chon chon 76

obamaphone 74

curdled sperm floating in a hot tub 74

mom says it's too soon for a malaysian airline joke 72

sickle des knuts 69

I regret getting my malaysian airlines rewards card 65

to infinity and the bong 64

aquaman needs to summon me a parking spot 64

critterbash 63

the vayana is nature's pocket 62

I parked at red lobster 62

lance bass in space 61

djenghis roundstone 58

little bees 57

the beets 55

pointless 53

vagueenia's 47

really, 3 quizmasters, how hard is your job 45

joe joe 30

juan and john 29

Evan


Facebook
Web

Quiz Schedule
Red's Porch, Tuesdays -- AND -- Waterloo Ice House Southpark Meadows, Wednesdays --- ALSO -- Black Star Co-Op, Sundays
Evan ()

I like hats, the artist Poe, and anything nerdy.  My sole aspiration in life is to be Tom Cruise, but better.

Here is an excerpt from my Wikipedia page:

"Evan Boston was born a poor sharecropper's son in Upper Manhattan.  So dire was his family's poverty that young Evan was forced to subsist on soy sauce and steamed fingernail clippings.  His life was forever changed when he pressed his soy-sauce-bespattered face to the glass of a public house wherein a Geeks Who Drink pub quiz was being held.  Evan knew then what his life's work would be from that moment on.  He sold his father's prize possession, a tortoiseshell comb, to pay for tuition for Quizmasters' Academy.  After years of being bullied and shunned by the rich students and Samoans, Evan finally proved his worth by graduating 4th in his Quizmaster's class, for which he was presented an Applebee's gift card.  He has yet to use it."

Yes, I am aware that Children's Bargaintown sounds like a terrible place for a kid to end up.  Like, a really horrible, creepy place.  And I'm sure the people at Toys R Us agreed when they changed their name.  That is, I'm sure they would have agreed, if they weren't all anthropomorphic giraffes.

Quiz was fun, though!  For a lot of y'all, the music round gave you a much-needed dose of Vitamin C.  And yes, I'm talking about that "Graduation" song.  But from the look on some people's faces when a bunch of other people started singing along, I get the feeling some of you didn't even know that Vitamin C was a singer.

I also did quite enjoy how some of you got audibly offended when I said that Dory was from Jaws.  Then again, people get audibly offended at most of my jokes, so I guess I should be used to it by now.

P.S. I have seen Finding Nemo.  Granted, it was in the lobby of a bank.  And the sound was off.  And I was only in there for, like, ten minutes.  But I know things, okay??

Oh, and everything will be fixed by next week.  Like, everything.  Every problem you had, every hitch in the night's plans, every mistake we've ever made will be fixed.  All of the errors humans have wrought upon the world and each other will be washed away.  All by the power of drinking.  Next week, just drink more.  Done.

And remember, if you happen to come upon a wolf shirt between now and next week, wear it to quiz!  You could win a prize, and the more people that do, the sweeter the pot will get!

Thanks, guys!  And check the Facebook page, because that's where I tell you about stuff!

 

-evan and chelsea (and sometimes Y and Emma)

 

Oh, and sign up for the Rumble in the Pub.

Red's Porch
3508 S Lamar Blvd
Austin, TX 78704
Tuesdays: 8:00 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
11:57 PM, July 15, 2014
Scores
baseball is boring 80

turd ferguson 79

trivia always makes me wet 78

tickles mccarty (3rd) 78

laser cats 77

hey obama, next time bring your fucking helicopter 76

don?t cry for me argentina 76

liam neeson altima 75

porknado 74

cut the line at franklin, I don?t obamacare 71

parking sucks 71

worst porn ever: 22 guys play with their balls for 90mins and no one scores 71

bella 70

pocahotass and slapaho tribe 69

the regal beagals 68

1st in friendship, 4th in obesity 67

hitler? I barely know her 66

I wish this mic was a dick 62

das boot brazil in the ass 62

galactic insurance 62

we showed up at the bar 2 hrs early..so.. 56

the big dick daddies and the strap on 49

sloppy tilapia 49

hard of hearing 40

uruguayan luis suavez 9

Evan


Facebook
Web

Quiz Schedule
Red's Porch, Tuesdays -- AND -- Waterloo Ice House Southpark Meadows, Wednesdays --- ALSO -- Black Star Co-Op, Sundays
Evan ()

I like hats, the artist Poe, and anything nerdy.  My sole aspiration in life is to be Tom Cruise, but better.

Here is an excerpt from my Wikipedia page:

"Evan Boston was born a poor sharecropper's son in Upper Manhattan.  So dire was his family's poverty that young Evan was forced to subsist on soy sauce and steamed fingernail clippings.  His life was forever changed when he pressed his soy-sauce-bespattered face to the glass of a public house wherein a Geeks Who Drink pub quiz was being held.  Evan knew then what his life's work would be from that moment on.  He sold his father's prize possession, a tortoiseshell comb, to pay for tuition for Quizmasters' Academy.  After years of being bullied and shunned by the rich students and Samoans, Evan finally proved his worth by graduating 4th in his Quizmaster's class, for which he was presented an Applebee's gift card.  He has yet to use it."

We had a tiebreaker at the end of the night, and to settle it, we had the teams write haikus about Chelsea.  And some teams that weren't involved in the tie wrote haikus, too!  Just for the hell of it, I guess.  And I would like to include some of those haikus in this very blog:

 

 

 

.....but unfortunately, she took them all home with her.

So, I have no choice but to create my own haiku.  And here it is:

 

Chelsea's sexual

Orientation is not

Your concern at all

 

Okay, nevermind.  I'm no good at this.  Let me try again:

 

Is random knowledge

Round One or Round Eight tonight?

A gift from Edo

 

Much better.  Although it has nothing to do with Chelsea, it is almost assuredly the best haiku EVAR.

Thanks for helping us pack the second story of Red's!  Wear a wolf shirt next week and you might win a prize!

 

-evan and chelsea

 

 

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