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Red's Porch
3508 S Lamar Blvd
Austin, TX 78704
Tuesdays: 8:00 PM
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11:10 PM, July 22, 2014
Scores
drinkers who geek 84

rick perry needs a hobby?lobby 81

fuzzy succulents 79

gimme chon chon 76

obamaphone 74

curdled sperm floating in a hot tub 74

mom says it's too soon for a malaysian airline joke 72

sickle des knuts 69

I regret getting my malaysian airlines rewards card 65

to infinity and the bong 64

aquaman needs to summon me a parking spot 64

critterbash 63

the vayana is nature's pocket 62

I parked at red lobster 62

lance bass in space 61

djenghis roundstone 58

little bees 57

the beets 55

pointless 53

vagueenia's 47

really, 3 quizmasters, how hard is your job 45

joe joe 30

juan and john 29

Evan


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Quiz Schedule
Red's Porch, Tuesdays -- AND -- Waterloo Ice House Southpark Meadows, Wednesdays --- ALSO -- Black Star Co-Op, Sundays
Evan ()

I like hats, the artist Poe, and anything nerdy.  My sole aspiration in life is to be Tom Cruise, but better.

Here is an excerpt from my Wikipedia page:

"Evan Boston was born a poor sharecropper's son in Upper Manhattan.  So dire was his family's poverty that young Evan was forced to subsist on soy sauce and steamed fingernail clippings.  His life was forever changed when he pressed his soy-sauce-bespattered face to the glass of a public house wherein a Geeks Who Drink pub quiz was being held.  Evan knew then what his life's work would be from that moment on.  He sold his father's prize possession, a tortoiseshell comb, to pay for tuition for Quizmasters' Academy.  After years of being bullied and shunned by the rich students and Samoans, Evan finally proved his worth by graduating 4th in his Quizmaster's class, for which he was presented an Applebee's gift card.  He has yet to use it."

Yes, I am aware that Children's Bargaintown sounds like a terrible place for a kid to end up.  Like, a really horrible, creepy place.  And I'm sure the people at Toys R Us agreed when they changed their name.  That is, I'm sure they would have agreed, if they weren't all anthropomorphic giraffes.

Quiz was fun, though!  For a lot of y'all, the music round gave you a much-needed dose of Vitamin C.  And yes, I'm talking about that "Graduation" song.  But from the look on some people's faces when a bunch of other people started singing along, I get the feeling some of you didn't even know that Vitamin C was a singer.

I also did quite enjoy how some of you got audibly offended when I said that Dory was from Jaws.  Then again, people get audibly offended at most of my jokes, so I guess I should be used to it by now.

P.S. I have seen Finding Nemo.  Granted, it was in the lobby of a bank.  And the sound was off.  And I was only in there for, like, ten minutes.  But I know things, okay??

Oh, and everything will be fixed by next week.  Like, everything.  Every problem you had, every hitch in the night's plans, every mistake we've ever made will be fixed.  All of the errors humans have wrought upon the world and each other will be washed away.  All by the power of drinking.  Next week, just drink more.  Done.

And remember, if you happen to come upon a wolf shirt between now and next week, wear it to quiz!  You could win a prize, and the more people that do, the sweeter the pot will get!

Thanks, guys!  And check the Facebook page, because that's where I tell you about stuff!

 

-evan and chelsea (and sometimes Y and Emma)

 

Oh, and sign up for the Rumble in the Pub.

Red's Porch
3508 S Lamar Blvd
Austin, TX 78704
Tuesdays: 8:00 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
11:57 PM, July 15, 2014
Scores
baseball is boring 80

turd ferguson 79

trivia always makes me wet 78

tickles mccarty (3rd) 78

laser cats 77

hey obama, next time bring your fucking helicopter 76

don?t cry for me argentina 76

liam neeson altima 75

porknado 74

cut the line at franklin, I don?t obamacare 71

parking sucks 71

worst porn ever: 22 guys play with their balls for 90mins and no one scores 71

bella 70

pocahotass and slapaho tribe 69

the regal beagals 68

1st in friendship, 4th in obesity 67

hitler? I barely know her 66

I wish this mic was a dick 62

das boot brazil in the ass 62

galactic insurance 62

we showed up at the bar 2 hrs early..so.. 56

the big dick daddies and the strap on 49

sloppy tilapia 49

hard of hearing 40

uruguayan luis suavez 9

Evan


Facebook
Web

Quiz Schedule
Red's Porch, Tuesdays -- AND -- Waterloo Ice House Southpark Meadows, Wednesdays --- ALSO -- Black Star Co-Op, Sundays
Evan ()

I like hats, the artist Poe, and anything nerdy.  My sole aspiration in life is to be Tom Cruise, but better.

Here is an excerpt from my Wikipedia page:

"Evan Boston was born a poor sharecropper's son in Upper Manhattan.  So dire was his family's poverty that young Evan was forced to subsist on soy sauce and steamed fingernail clippings.  His life was forever changed when he pressed his soy-sauce-bespattered face to the glass of a public house wherein a Geeks Who Drink pub quiz was being held.  Evan knew then what his life's work would be from that moment on.  He sold his father's prize possession, a tortoiseshell comb, to pay for tuition for Quizmasters' Academy.  After years of being bullied and shunned by the rich students and Samoans, Evan finally proved his worth by graduating 4th in his Quizmaster's class, for which he was presented an Applebee's gift card.  He has yet to use it."

We had a tiebreaker at the end of the night, and to settle it, we had the teams write haikus about Chelsea.  And some teams that weren't involved in the tie wrote haikus, too!  Just for the hell of it, I guess.  And I would like to include some of those haikus in this very blog:

 

 

 

.....but unfortunately, she took them all home with her.

So, I have no choice but to create my own haiku.  And here it is:

 

Chelsea's sexual

Orientation is not

Your concern at all

 

Okay, nevermind.  I'm no good at this.  Let me try again:

 

Is random knowledge

Round One or Round Eight tonight?

A gift from Edo

 

Much better.  Although it has nothing to do with Chelsea, it is almost assuredly the best haiku EVAR.

Thanks for helping us pack the second story of Red's!  Wear a wolf shirt next week and you might win a prize!

 

-evan and chelsea

 

 

FACEBOOK Y'ALL!

Red's Porch
3508 S Lamar Blvd
Austin, TX 78704
Tuesdays: 8:00 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
11:11 PM, July 08, 2014
Scores
drinkers who geek 81

merkins of hope* 80

insert brazil joke here 77

van persie is a kunt 76

1st touchdown in world cup history 70

brazilians got waxed 69

steam meats 66

are hobby lobby jokes still in or should we abort that 62

12 eyes 62

spuds mckenzie 61

taint misbehavin 59

we wanna see michael's ID 58

schaden freude* 55

I'd rather be watching the womens world cup 54

don?t worry it's just razor burn 54

phyllis nefler 51

something clever 51

FFE 42

ocho DQEd 41

here for beer 41

ummmm 39

fightin acorns 34

the team upstairs 4

*Disqualified for +6 teammates 0

Cap'n Ozzy F"N Zion, Ichiban


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Quiz Schedule
Sundays, 7pm, Whip In Facebook.com/gwdatwhipin
Jeff (Cap'n Ozzy F"N Zion, Ichiban)

When Ozzy isn't hosting the best damn pub quiz in the city of Austin he is traveling the planet.  The Geek Overlords send Ozzy to points unknown in an endless mission to expand the Geek Empire. As the Geek's only sales lead, aka Wayward Expansionist, Ozzy has traveled to both coasts and even "real 'Merica" where he has set up quizzes in NorCal, the LBC, Tejas, Cleveland, Oklahoma, Kansas, Missouri and somewhere in the most desloate locations of upstate New York.

If you know of a bar where the Geeks Who Drink would be a good fit please let him know directly: ozzy@geekswhodrink.com or go see him in person and the most "Austin" venue in the Geek Empire, Whip In.

What a spectaculor evening it was last night at Red's Porch for the quiz! If you were paying attention between questions you might have heard me mention that although mine might not be a familiar face to you the quiz at Red's is very familiar to me. I launched the quiz at Red's back in 2010 and this was one of the first new venues I set up in my current role as Geeks Who Drink's #1 Sales Guy! My homecoming last night was a lot like deja vu. Somehow new and yet very famliar. It was great to see so many teams from back in my heyday as well as old friends, old lovers, and general crazy south Austinites. There were even a good amount of Red's Porch staff still around from back in the day and they brought me several rounds of my favorite drink, the topless Texican. Wait, you've never had a topless Texican? Just order a Texican (Mexican martini) and have them leave the shaker top and martini glass back at the bar. Then just stick a big ass straw in it and *BOOM* you've got yourself a top notch adult beverage. 

 

The quiz itself was pretty smooth and the playing field seemed pretty level. No team got a huge lead at any one point and we only had perfect scores in 2 rounds. The mashups was your best round and shitty movie diaglog your worst. Unfortunately I most likely won't see you next Tuesday but the good news is Evan will be back from his gender reassignment surgery. Thanks for being good for the substitute and I hope to rock the mic for you again sometime soon. Red's will always feel like home for me and I hope it feels like home to you as well. 

 

Party hard my friends, party hard.

xoxo

Ozzy

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