Hey there quizzers! We had an interesting start to the night, didn't we? There was a group of people leftover from some other function and they were DRUNK. ASS. SMASHED by 7:30 pm on a Thursday, before quiz even started. CLASSY. Their ranks included a woman who was so drunk that I was kind of frightened for her. She was obviously a former cheerleader and was jumping around and doing splits and high kicks all over the bar. Which was...sanitary.

Also, I think I wore the same shirt this week as I wore last week. I swear I washed it in between.

Tonight we had another cozy quiz; our first place winners RIP Angelina Jolie's Boobs (who got mad at me for pronouncing it "Rip" instead of spelling out "R.I.P.," which I guess makes sense because no boob should ever be ripped, ouch) were in the lead the whole time. Our second place winners, Dangerous League of Danger (which is like the Evil League of Evil, only more dangerous), didn't join us until Round 3 but did so well that they eclipsed the other team that had been here from the start! I guess it pays to get that email with the five rounds listed in it, because they said they used it to study and they ended up getting all 8 right in Round 3! Some of the Lucky Strike staff also played off and on when they had a free moment, just to see how they could do. For as few rounds/questions as they were around for, they scored a surprisingly large amount!

As usual, funny wrong answers are replicated below, with questions paraphrased by moi. I don't know why I said "moi" instead of "me," just roll with it.

That's a lie. I know exactly why I said that. I just wanted to feel like Miss Piggy. ANYWAY.

Round 1: A "Duh!" round. These are always fun.
Stratford, Ontario is not on the Stratford River or the Ontario River, but the Avon River. Because Shakespeare was from Stratford-upon-Avon. You guys need to take an English class.
The first Ford Motor Company vehicle wasn't the Model T, y'all. It was the Model A. DUH.
Margaret Thatcher wasn't a bad guess for who Big Ben's tower was renamed for in 2012, but she died AFTER it was renamed. A better guess would've been Queen Elizabeth II...which would have been correct.

Round 2: The music round; theme was "Detox Sucks" because every song had "Shake" somewhere in the title. Get it? Like the shakes? When you're detoxing? Genius.
There were no funny answers this round. In fact, there was nothing funny about how terrible y'all were at music tonight. I'll probably cry myself to sleep over it.

Round 3: "Seth McFarlane or Todd MacFarlane?"
I told you guys that you had a 50/50 shot on each question here, and I told you not to fuck it up. Two teams didn't, but We Need a Cool Team Name definitely did.

Round 4: A "What the Fuck is Grandma Talking About? Movie Edition" "I'll tell you what my Jewish grandma said about the movie, you name the movie." It was exactly as awesome as it sounds like.
Apparently only one person in the bar has ever seen Fried Green Tomatoes. Props to y'all for naming other Kathy Bates movies (which the question clued you in on), but Misery is not really the same kind of movie as Fried Green Tomatoes. Neither is Driving Miss Daisy...which doesn't even have Kathy Bates in it. What?

Round 5: "What's the Scenario?" A visual round that depicted a literal interpretation of a song title and asked you to name the band whose song it was. Confusing? Yes. Fun? Totally.
The round was awesome, but it's kind of hard to have funny wrong answers on a matching round.

Round 6: Jesus, Mary and Joseph--a round that basically seems to have been written for Catholics.
"What name for Mary is just the Italian for 'my lady'?" I told y'all not to overthink this one...and some of you underthunk it. "Maria" is just Italian for, like, Mary. MADONNA was the correct answer.
"As James T. Kirk could tell you, this man was the Roman Emperor when Jesus was crucified." We mentioned Captain Kirk because the emperor was Tiberius (Kirk's middle name), although I appreciate the effort from the team who thought the emperor was Khan.

Round 7: Once again, a video round that will be used later in the week by other venues, so there's not much I can say here. Other than that this round went way better for y'all than the actual music round did.

Round 8: Our nightly Random Knowledge round!
"Shitty prop comic" is code for Carrot Top, y'all. I don't know who thought this was Adam Sandler. He is neither shitty (usually) nor a prop comic (also usually).

For Poetry Corner this week I asked you to write me a haiku about "Landing strips...if you know what I mean." You delivered. Once again, I couldn't pick a favorite and ended up buying two of you drinks.

Coming in to land
Your map of Tasmania
Nowhere to be found
--Sti

The hairy black slit
Why did she not shave it yet
Oops she did. Forgot.
--Anonymous

I want to do you
But it is dark and I'm drunk
Show me the way in
--Hannibal

WINNER
A hairy bush is
A sign that many men have
Not landed their planes.
--Keith

WINNER
Air traffic tells me
All clear for take off captain
Bitch spread those legs now
--Anonymous

Hey quizzers! Quiz tonight was an intimate affair; we had two groups that I would like to call "new regulars," but I'm not sure if it's too soon in our relationship for that. I don't want to freak them out. Regardless, That Guy in the Corner and Dungeon Master: Cleveland Style were back for another week of quiz. We also had a newcomer team, Jackson, who joined after R3 and had very little chance of catching up, although they sure as hell tried. They definitely could've been real competitors if they'd been here the whole time...so I hope they come back!

As per usual, we had some fun and funny wrong answers tonight, which I have faithfully reproduced for you (with color commentary, natch) below.

R2: Unmashed--I play clips from two similar-sounding songs, you name them both.
You guys were kind of bad at music tonight; the top-scoring team only got 8/16 for the round. One team managed to identify that Q8 was both Britney Songs (Oops I did It Again and then Baby One More Time) but they thought the first one was "Crazy," and then fell for the whole point of the round by mistaking Baby One More Time for Oops I Did it Again. Fail.

R3: Aquaman Never Counts--Name 8/10 of the original DC Comics 1960 Justice League of America...Besides Aquaman. (Speed/timed round)
That Guy in the Corner got ALL OF THEM RIGHT. Even Hawkman, who sucks. That was impressive. The morons on Dungeon Master: Cleveland Style thought that Robin was a JLA member, which I guess is understandable since he was in the cartoon, but they also put fucking DAREDEVIL who is a fucking MARVEL CHARACTER, so from that moment on I knew that no matter how well they did for the rest of the night, I would never again be able to perceive them as anything other than a slobbering pile of idiocy. (Just kidding. Please come back next week.)

R4: Freaky Freaks
The actor who played the nemesis of both Captain Kirk and Freakazoid isn't named "Khan," but Richard Montalba, y'all.
Got a lot of variations of "Lobster Boy" for Q8, but none of them were CORRECT. "Human Lobster, LobsterMan, The Lobster," etc all came up. So close.

Round: 5, Octathlon: 2 (This visual round was a series of puzzles. It was awesome.)
To the order of operations math question, I got an answer of simply "x = Fuck math." Which was entertaining.

R6: Nerds and Jocks Unite (A sports video game round)
Who replaced Dr. J in the 1988 sequel to "One on One: Dr. J versus Larry Bird?" Magic Johnson? Really, y'all? It was fucking Michael Jordan, guys.

R7: Another video round that not everyone has used yet, so I can't say much...But let's just say that I loved That Guy mixing up Mitt Romney with...the actual correct answer to Q8.

R8: Random knowledge
...You guys were boring in Round 8. No interesting wrong answers at all. BOO, YOU WHORE(s).

For poetry corner tonight, I asked for a "Roses Are Red" poem on...sexually climaxing. Because it ain't fun if it ain't dirty. As always, I bought the winner a drink. As not always, I liked two of them so much that I bought BOTH of them drinks.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Thank you for coming
What's your name again?
--Anonymous

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I just came
How about you?
--HRM

Roses are red,
Violets are blue
Eeyore only cums
When he thinks of Roo.
--Tori (I had a conversation with the poet about this one, where I told them how sick this was since Roo is a child. Their reply was that "They're all stuffed animals that belong to a child!" to which the best answer I could come up with was "Yeah...but...Roo is a BABY stuffed animal." This guy was a little gross, is all I'm saying.)

Roses are red
Violets are blue
It's weird you only cum
When I pee on you.
--<3, Admiral Ackbar (Also gross.)

WINNER
Roses are red,
My balls are blue,
The hooker wanted another $200 before I could finish.
--That Guy (I can appreciate poetic license when it's good!)

WINNER
Roses are red,
Violets are blue
Baby beware
of what my supertongue can do.
--Twinn (RAUNCHY. I love it.)

That's it for tonight, folks! See you next week! ALSO! Mark your calendars for JUNE 8th, at 6 PM, here at Lucky Strike! We're having a motherfucking GAME OF THRONES THEMED QUIZ WITH A CASH PRIZE. Which I am Quizmastering. So make sure you show up, bitches. :-)

Tonight was a pretty good night at quiz! We had four teams that stayed the whole time, and EVERYBODY enjoyed my playing Weird Al's "When the Saga Begins..." during the first scorebreak. People were actually swaying and clapping and singing along. Because who doesn't love Weird Al and Star Wars? But of course, everybody stopped as soon as I took the camera out. You fuckers.

Oh, and I also got to announce our GAME OF THRONES QUIZ, WHICH I WILL BE HOSTING HERE AT LUCKY STRIKE ON JUNE 8TH AT 6 PM. Be there or get eaten by Khaleesi's dragons. But seriously, there's a $5 charge per person and that allows us to give a cash prize. A Lannister always pays his debts! You'll win, and win big. Or you might lose. But somebody will definitely win big. ANYWAY MAKE SURE YOU COME.

We had two separate one-man teams tonight. Our friendly neighborhood bartender Reed even made that part of his team name, It's Lonely Being a One Man Team. Although he later changed his team name to "[TRACTOR NOISE]" and I have no idea why. He's a strange man. Our other one-man team was actually a one-WOMAN team. A Name Escapes Me was able to get up to third place and an impressive 55 points all by herself! She also managed to win TWO free drinks, like a boss, so someone should probably recruit her next time she's here alone. Our team of regulars Fat Kids Always Win at Seesaw were back this week for the first time in about a month, and they kept switching back and forth between first and second place with our eventual victors, Worker 11811, who were very entertained by our "Iron Man Three Sheets to the Wind: A Cinematic Before & After" Round. Their lady friend was so entertained that that in and of itself was entertaining.

We had some interesting wrong answers, as always, and another poetry round! All are below!

R1--One of Us! One of Us! (Every answer had the word "of" in it.)
"Who was the watery bint who gave Excalibur to King Arthur?" Correct answer: The Lady of the Lake. Wrong Answer: Maiden of the Lake--SO CLOSE. But if you've seen Spamalot, you know she was DEFINITELY no maiden.

R3--Sooner or Later: Food groups
Apparently you guys don't know your citrus fruit. Everyone thought limes were oranges, except Reed. But Reed couldn't figure out carrots and put "TUBESTEAK" instead, so I guess that kind of evens out.
The bonus question on this round was a list of, specifically, BLUE cheeses. Everyone figured out cheese pretty quickly but eventually I had to tell people to just start naming colors. That was interesting.

R4--Duh! Sports Edition
Generally, everyone just tried too hard. It's a "Duh" round, guys. Don't make it harder than it is (which is what she said. Except she would never say that.)

R5--A visual round on movies and TV shows with crossdressing
One team put "White Girls" instead of "White Chicks"...So close! Come on, y'all.
One team put "Your Mom Likes Women" for "Transamerica." I don't know where that came from, but it was weird.
Also, seriously? A round about crossdressing and no question about Some Like it Hot? I'm appalled.

R6--Cinematic Before & After
"The bassist of SexBob-omb is forced to battle...the world's most popular MMORPG." Wayne's World of Warcraft was not a terrible guess, but the answer of course should have been Scott Pilgrim vs. the World of Warcraft.

R7--Lots of places are going to use this round later in the weekend, so I'm just going to say that I did not know there were that many movies with that one guy in them.

R8--Random Knowledge
Of what common breakfast food does the company Cow Wow make a milk flavor? The answer was just cereal, but more than one group guessed bacon. Not sure I could convince myself to drink bacon-flavored milk, but to each his own.
Most populated Caribbean city you haven't been to--The "you haven't been to it" part was supposed to hint at Cuba, so Havana was the answer...and somebody who didn't know Havana just put "Cuba City." Really?
A country the US doesn't get along with in whose language the word for "soap" is "barf"--the answer was Iran, but Reed put "GRAND REPUBLIC OF NORTH KOREA," so that was fun.


And now it's time for everybody's favorite part of the blog: Poetry Corner! This week, to kick off the new month, I played Jonathan Coulton's "First of May" a few times and asked you to write me poems (with any format you wanted) about how great it is to fuck outside. You delivered. Nobody signed theirs so I can only attribute the winner's to him, so I owe Reed a drink I guess.

First off, a haiku:

Beginning of May
Happy, fun, tab "A" slot "B"
Coitus in the Sun

Next, a poem with an aabbcbcc rhyming scheme (yeaaaah, elementary school level knowledge of poetry!)

Hickory Dickory Dock
She was sittin' on my cock
As the breeze
in the trees
and the sun in her eyes
I'll smack that ass and leave
a bruise on her thighs--
Oh my, I love to fuck outside.



And finally, an actual free verse poem! I was unfortunately not able to keep a straight face while reading it. But we all agreed on how funny it was.

WINNER
Nature!
SAND
Leaves
Dirt
Insects
Enter my vagina
Infects
Me with love
Injects
me with earth semen
Having sex outside
Fills my inside
With dirty dirt
Dirty dirt
dirt.
--Reed

• The Royal Hilltop - Aurora 8:00 PM
• Darcy's Bistro & Pub - Denver 8:30 PM
• Prickly Pete's - Denver 8:00 PM
• The Whiskey Bar - Denver 7:00 PM
• The Cheeky Monk - Westminster 9:00 PM
• The Ram (Meridian) - Meridian 9:00 PM
• Lisa's Restaurant & Lounge - Augusta 7:30 PM
• Opal Divine's (Marina) - Austin 10:00 PM
• Opal Divine's (Penn Field) - Austin 10:00 PM