As it says on our souvenir airport belt buckles, everything’s bigger in Texas.
Geek Bowl VI was pretty damn big. Big enough for Wired Fucking Magazine to do a one-page article on it last spring, so all the nation’s tech nerds could learn of the glory of “Two Girls, One Cupola.”
What I’m saying is this: You might have forgiven us if we’d said “big enough,” and made Geek Bowl VII a wee bit smaller.
Darn it all, I guess we just care too much.
So how did we make Geek Bowl bigger and better for 2013? Start with one part giant crowds. Then, get them into the Austin Music Hall, fill them with beer, lower the lights, and have the MAYOR OF AUSTIN, TX introduce us:
Follow that up with another all-singing-all-dancing opening number, starring a slightly unwitting Rick Astley, in a time warp from 1989 by way of 2008. The five-years-belated rickroll kicked off our unofficial trolling theme pretty nicely.
After that, 150 teams had to stop enjoying themselves (just a little bit), because it was time for the quiz – and there was a ton of reputation and money at stake.
The night started with a round on asses, because – you know, trololo! If nothing else, it was a fantastic excuse to get the word CUM on a giant screen in front of more than a thousand people.
Following the same format from GB6, our music round was once again something to behold. The lineup of eight acts was an Austin music fan's dream – From mezzosoprano Ellie Jarrett Shattles belting out Boyz II Men, to harpist Kristen Smith plucking out some Metallica, to human beatbox Maestro oonts-oonts-oontsing his way through some Zombie Nation.
Round Three featured things that you shouldn't put in your mouth – including Meat Loaf (the food and the singer). Then we trolled you once more by making you think a dreaded Say When round was happening. Really though, it was an actual round on surrenders. Somebody wake up Sarah McLachlan!
The Bellfuries provided some great music during the break, followed by everyone's first look at the standings. Tears were shed, hopes shattered, and dreams fulfilled – but there wasn't time to dwell, because we jumped right into Round Five.
Our visual round merged some famous families, both real and fictional, into some truly awkward family photos. Lannisters, Vanderbilts, and Bluths were all featured and all… well, awkward:
Then, because every classy event we've ever seen on television has one, we brought out our best free talent, Farrah LeWinde, for our In Memoriam segment. Be warned, there's more spoilers here than on all of the Internet.
Proving that anything and everything can become a round at Geek Bowl, our sixth round of the night was all about cotton. It was much more interesting than it sounds!
But nothing – NOTHING – could top what happened next. It was the biggest, the grandest, the best thing to ever come from Geeks Who Drink: The Celebrity Video Round. Other quiz companies say they have celeb rounds, but do they get Wil Damn Wheaton? No, they don’t.
How did we do it? How will it ever be topped? These are questions for our doctors, because with all the heart attacks we had we don't remember much.
As always, Round Eight was Random Knowledge – and, as always, it was followed by our talent show. Our talent show had (mostly) choreographed dancing, somebody doing The Worm, and Philadelphia fiend Johnny Goodtimes getting his microphone cut during his rap with QM-in-Chief John Dicker. But the crowd favorite was this dude singing the Muppet Babies theme song, solo and a cappella:
Mediocre free entertainment is always nice, but it couldn't keep the crowd from wanting to find out who was going to be their Geeks Who Drink role models for the next year. Of course, it wasn't easy. There had to be a sudden death round to find out the winners of third place.
After the dust settled, Philadelphia took third, and it was time to name the real winners of Geek Bowl VII.
Thanks to every player, Quizmaster, and volunteer who helped make this year's Geek Bowl the best ever. And special thanks to Samantha Perry for all the amazing photos. We'll see you at Geek Bowl VIII!
Stay tuned below for a very special announcement from our robot buddy Score-O-Matt-ic.
Score-O-Matt-ic 9001 Series Quizbot's Geek Bowl VII Round Recap
So, you came, you saw, and you probably lost Geek Bowl VII. But hey, you're a cool cat, and you're down with seeing it broken up to the 1's and 0's. That's where we are, and have I got some yummy data for you. Open wide, already. I'm about to shovel it in.
Round 1 - Get Off My Ass
Round 1 averaged 7 pts. Naturally, it was our easiest round with 44% of the teams getting a perfect score. You all must be obsessed with butts. Yeah, I went there. One team, "45 Characters? We Only Have 6 On Our Team" from Austin, didn't get all of Round 1, but still managed to place in the top ten standings. Does it hurt a little with that single point preventing you from being in the top five teams? Sure it does.
Round 2 - Numbers, Lucky and Otherwise
Round 2 averaged 11 pts., which is higher for a 16 pt. round, and pretty darn high for a round at Geek Bowl. No team hit every point for Round 2. The closest were 15 pt. scores by both "Creepy Finger" from Dallas, and "45 Characters? We Only Have 6 On Our Team" from Austin. That redeems that second team from their mishap in Round 1. Unrelated, I bet "The Superfluous Umlauts" from Austin wish they jokered this round instead.
Round 3 - Things You Shouldn't Put in Your Mouth (Besides Your Uncle)
No perfect scores in Round 3, either. It also averaged 11 pts. 14 pts. was the highest (out of 16) by a few teams. I believe the points that tripped people up were the ingredients to meat loaf. You all need to call your mother and apologize. Like, immediately. "Encyclopedia Browneye" of Austin probably wished they jokered their 14 pts., too.
Round 4 - Say When
Round 4 averaged 5 pts.. and I deem it the hardest round at Geek Bowl VII. We only had five perfect scores. For a round on surrender, it fit that it was the toughest in the contest. Mommy's alright. Daddy's alright.
Round 5 - Family Business
The Visual Round was the second easiest of the 8 pt. rounds with its average of 6 pts. Only 15% of you got a perfect score, though, and we had a TON of 7 pt. tallies. I can't believe most of you didn't know Anderson Cooper is a Vanderbilt. He looks great in designer jeans for a reason!
Round 6 - Cotton: The Fabric of Our Lives...and Slavery
Who thought Cotton was so trivial? Well, you sure didn't, with your low average of 5 pts. A mere 9% of teams got a perfect score. A lot of people think cotton comes from hemp, apparently. Time to go back to seventh grade science?
Round 7 - Celebrities (We Could Get!)
Another 5 pt. average for this one. Five words describe this round: HOLY SHIT, IT'S WIL WHEATON! Only eight teams had a perfect score on Round 7. I have only one explanation: HOLY SHIT, IT'S WIL WHEATON!
Round 8 - Random Knowledge
With an average of 8 pts., this was definitely our toughest 16 pt. round. No one got above 14 pts. The four teams that did were your top four scoring teams of the evening. Three of those teams jokered the best round that evening (two of them jokering Round 8). If "Independence Hall and Oates" from Philly jokered Round 8, they would have been tied for second place. So, Philly fucked themselves, and saved everyone else the trouble.
More Fun Facts
- Of the top 25 teams, our gracious hosts of Austin represented over 50% of this data group. However, no Austin teams made the top five scores overall. What home field advantage?
- Of the top 5 teams, each represented a different U.S. City, and 40% of the teams represented cities not currently enveloped by Geeks Who Drink Pub Quizzes...yet.
- No jokers were used on any 8 pt. rounds. Now teach the rest of America. Of the three 16 pt. rounds, 27% jokered Round 2 on an average score of 11.8 pts., 31% jokered Round 3 on an average score of 11.5 pts., and 42% jokered Round 8 with an average score of 8.1 pts. In other words, most of you jokered the wrong round.
- Our winners were top team by both the number of points, and alphabetically by city! WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!
Until NEXT YEAR, humans!
|The McCheese Administration||92||Albuquerque||1|
|Hey 4th Place, Get Off The Stage!||90||Denver||2|
|Independence Hall and Oates||87||Philadelphia||3|
|Drum Major Sex Panther||87||Tucson||3|
|Triple Nerd Score||86||Little Rock||5|
|45 characters? We only have 6 on our team.||85||Austin||6|
|FIFTY SHADES OF GREY MATTER||84||Denver||8|
|Upper Decker and the Food Truck Cramps||84||Culver City||8|
|So I says to Mabel, I says…||84||Austin||8|
|That Team Over There||83||Columbia||12|
|Special Feelings for Monkeys||83||Austin||12|
|Five Geniuses and a Fall Guy||83||Austin||12|
|Mind You Don't Cut Yourself, Mordecai||82||Austin||19|
|Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant||82||Austin||19|
|Quizzards of Ozz||81||Austin||22|
|The Brunch Club: Beers for Fears||80||Houston||24|
|Love in the Time of Trivia||80||Austin||24|
|Form of: an ice Wikipedia, Jarvis||79||Austin||27|
|Morbo's Family: Belligerent and Numerous||79||Denver||27|
|The Mislaid Jokers||78||Denver||29|
|Waco League All-Stars||77||Waco||32|
|It's All Aboot The Benjamins||77||Vancouver||32|
|Black Devil Dolls||77||Tacoma||32|
|O'Neil Before Zod||75||Boulder||38|
|Smells Like Geek Spirit||75||Bellevue||38|
|Just the Tip||74||San Antonio, Austin||41|
|Sweet Ninjas||74||Fort Worth||41|
|I'm So Good at Lightning Rounds||74||Austin||41|
|The Squirt Locker||74||Austin||41|
|Weird Is Fun But We’d Rather Be Pretentious||74||Dallas||41|
|Humongous Difficulties in Diminutive Crockery||73||Austin||48|
|Mickey Mao Tse Tung||73||Houston||48|
|Pete Didn't Die in the Steel Mill Either||73||Dallas||48|
|The Superfluous Umlauts||72||Austin||51|
|Goldilocks, Three Bears, a Pixie, and a Raven||72||Austin||51|
|Sophia Petrillo's Independently Owned Sbarros||72||Austin||51|
|We supersize with you||72||Dallas||51|
|Insert Name Here||72||Fort Worth||51|
|They Mostly Quiz At Night...Mostly||71||Austin||58|
|The Nation of Quizlam||71||Austin||58|
|Flying Spaghetti Monsters||69||Austin||63|
|The Standard Deviants||69||San Antonio||63|
|He Put His AROD in my Pujols||68||Chicago||66|
|Brought to you by Carl's Jr.||68||Dallas||66|
|Trolling For Olives||68||Boston||66|
|How I Met Your Mothra||68||Houston||66|
|Finish in 1st place, or your mom. Either way.||68||San Antonio||66|
|Juggernaughty By Nature||68||Salt Lake City||66|
|Fifty Shades of Gandalf the Grey||67||Austin||75|
|Carlton Banks Austin Dance Academy||67||Austin||75|
|The Suckling Piglets||67||Albuquerque||75|
|Better Call Saul||67||Austin||75|
|Kappa Kappa Wong||67||Austin||75|
|Bing Bong Chong||66||Salt Lake City||81|
|Vandelay Industries||66||San Antonio||81|
|Dr Who, Medicine Woman||66||Austin||81|
|Llamas Unlimited||66||San Antonio||81|
|The Brunch Club: Inner Loopers in a Stupor||65||Houston||86|
|Kevin Clash tickled my Elmo||65||Dallas||86|
|Cowtown Comrades||64||Fort Worth||88|
|Sleaze Team 6||64||Seattle||88|
|That's not a smartphone in my pocket||63||Houston||90|
|Flash Dance Ass Pants||63||Austin||90|
|Dragon Our Balls||63||Houston||90|
|Prett-ay Prett-ay Prett-ay Pretty Good||63||Fort Worth||90|
|I Drank What?!?!?!||62||Corpus Christi||94|
|Nerdy Girls Give Us Smart-ons||62||Austin||94|
|The Brainy Bunch||62||Dallas, Denver||94|
|Lamar's interspecies ball-chewers||62||Austin||94|
|Can I Borrow a Feeling?||61||Denver||101|
|The Bastard Sons of Ken Jennings||61||Austin||101|
|Texas is the Reason||61||Austin||101|
|The 505's Undocumented Fact Oligarchy||60||Santa Fe||104|
|Quizness in the front, party in the back||59||Austin||105|
|What do you smoke in a Geek Bowl?||59||Austin||105|
|Veni Vidi Veni||59||Dallas||105|
|Rumpleforskin and the Pull Backs||59||Round Rock||105|
|Play Like Your Fake Girlfriend Died Today||59||Austin||105|
|Jim Duffy Ain't Got No Time for Team Names||58||Austin||111|
|We're Number Fun||58||Austin||111|
|No More Mister Nice Gaius||57||San Antonio||113|
|Please God Better than 79th||57||Austin||113|
|Cremasters of the Universe||56||Fort Worth||115|
|We don't have time for a hand job||56||Dallas||115|
|Mighty Morphin' Ninja Wizards||56||Austin||115|
|Blow It Up Across Town||55||Austin||118|
|UT School of Pubic Affairs||55||Fort Worth||118|
|The FUC-ing know-it-alls||55||Austin||118|
|Better Late Than Pregnant||55||Austin||118|
|My Dog Ate the Correct Answers||55||Austin||118|
|Pubes and recreation||54||Austin||124|
|Three Dudes and a Racist||53||Houston||125|
|Little Lebowski Urban Achievers||53||Fort Collins||125|
|Squeeze me there's cheese inside||52||Houston||127|
|James Proett Ain't Got Time Neither||52||College Station||127|
|I Wasn't Going to Come but They Dragged Me||51||Waco||129|
|We've Made a Huge Mistake||51||Austin||129|
|Hookers, Needles, and Balls, oh my!||51||Austin||129|
|Farve Dollar Footlongs||50||Austin||132|
|The Hood Rats||49||Killeen||133|
|We Dominate Your Tiny Fishing Village||47||Greeley||135|
|Half-Witted Scruffy Looking Nerf Herders||47||Austin||135|
|Nancy Brews and The Hardy Beers||46||Norman||137|
|Pangalactic Gargle Blasters||46||Fort Collins||137|
|We may be stupid, but you're ugly.||42||Houston||139|
|Legitimate Businessman's Social Club||40||Austin||140|
|Five Star Freaks||30||Austin||143|
|Bag of Dicks||29||Houston||144|