I’m glad to see the wild and crazy weather didn’t keep you away from Lunchbox Laboratory last night. For those of you in attendance, I had nothing to do with the Magic the Gathering question. That was just a happy coincidence. In celebration of another lovely night in Bellevue, I will give you my assessment of the 80’s action film Predator. Have you seen Predator lately? Aside from featuring two former governors, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jesse Ventura, and a huge Nigerian man in a rubber suit kickin’ major ass, it is the single gayest film made. Somewhere between the giant black cigars in everyone’s mouth and the super bondage clad super villain, Predator is a film about a man coming to terms with his hidden sexuality. You won’t watch the movie the same way again. If you want to learn more, check out this guy who’s a whole lot more insightful than I am.

Hall of Shame

• Trophy Husbands – Yes, I’m totally down for a Jeopardy and RuPaul’s Drag Race crossover week, but that doesn’t make your answer any more right.
• Ebony & Ivory – What does “Pistol” Pete Marovich have to do with popcorn exactly?
• Scarves, JK! and Drinks on Sergio – I appreciate the subtly irony of mixing up Will Farrell and Al Gore’s voices, but the answer was still quite incorrect.
• Rule 34 – Yes. Condi Rice likes it doggystyle. It is known.

Mad Props

• Ebony & Ivory – You were the only team who knew who the Orlando Magic’s all-time leading scorer was. Too bad that was your high point.
• Mad Cows – All that studying paid off! You had the only perfect score in R3, “Which Came First: Junk Food Edition”.
• Trophy Husbands and Patent Leather Trolls – You both aced R4, “A Man, A Plan, A Canal, Panama!”. I’m just glad someone could follow that round.

Bitchin’ Team Names

• Trophy Husbands
• Patent Leather Trolls
• Look What the Cat Dragged In

In the end, the fight was between two teams that have been MIA for far too long. Mad Cows just couldn’t find enough points to beat Drinks on Sergio, but both teams went home with prizes for the efforts. Our bottom two teams both bailed after R7, so that means JK! ended up being our “Thank God We Didn’t Come in Last” winners. Our Facebook free beer went to Lexi of Twisted Sisters and Dave of Look What the Cat Dragged In nabbed our email bonus prize. See you all next week!

In today’s edition of deep thoughts with Ken, I will bring you my observations on the human condition, a small amount of German fetish pornography and a simple maxim that will enrich your life, extend your penis and bring joy into your life. As the days grow longer, it’s important that you reflect on the things that make you happy. Whether that by time with your friends and family, a nice sausage pizza nestled between your breasts or simply watching an old German man poop on a beautiful young woman’s chest on your cellphone in a public place. The longer days mean you have more time for trying new things, but never neglected those known pleasures in your seeking of new and exciting experiences. Life is precious and shit. Whenever you’re having trouble with any of this simply take a deep breath and say, “Tig ‘Ole Bitties” and you will be happy once again.

Hall of Shame

• Scarves – I know Rif kind of anchors you guys, and without him you’re certainly missing out on a huge chunk of Twilight and Renaissance artist knowledge, but it’s pretty clear to the average person that the Steelers are NOT a basketball team.
• I Wish This Microphone Was a Penis – Please tell me where I can get the Swiss Army knife featuring a Bat Signal.

Mad Props

• Dave’s Birthday Wish is a Lapdance from Sprouty Ken – Thank god someone watches the news. You were the only team to hit all 8 points in R1, “Recently in Stuff”.
• I Wish This Microphone Was a Penis – Well you clearly know a lot about terrible youngsters. You were the only team that knew Honey Boo Boo’s real name and the only team to get all 8 points in R4.

Bitchin’ Team Names

• Hurraybies!

Our winners did something quite unusual tonight. Aside from one round, they failed to have the highest score in any given round and they even posted the lowest score in R8. Luck was on their side apparently and Hurraybies took home the top prize. Dave’s Birthday Wish is a Lapdance from Sprouty Ken came within striking distance, but couldn’t quite overtake them in R8. Our “Thank God We Didn’t Come in Last” prize went to WTF, Mate?. Our email bonus prize went to Nadine of I Wish This Microphone Was a Penis and Oden of Dave’s Birthday Wish is a Lapdance from Sprouty Ken nabbed the Facebook free beer. Remember that we’ve got an awesome theme quiz coming up in a couple weeks and get on our Facebook page for a chance to win a free beer at next week’s quiz! Until then, cheers!

Some of you may know my morning ritual after Monday, but for those who don’t let me fill you in. I attempt to sleep off my hangover by staying in bed longer than anyone should and then I stumble still slightly drunk to my local Starbucks on Cap Hill to cock punch Will Short’s Tuesday morning crossword puzzle and to write this blog post. Some days this is a colorful establishment. This morning, a lovely man next to me is writing things on popsicle sticks while saying them out loud. I will now interject with his comments whenever one springs up as I type. They will be in quotes. I assume his is using his psychic powers to make informed and timely commentary on the events of last nights “electric cars in electric bars”. That or he has a hilarious form of Tourette’s that makes him say awesome things all the time. “Classic ELO’s American Theatre Society rendition of uh uh”.  You sick bastards did really well on that whole round about “latino guys picking you up in Aurora”. I wasn’t aware that so many of you were perverts. Scratch that, I’ve always known that you “washed Judas’ hair”.

Hall of Shame

• The Dirty Sanchez Killed My T-Boner – Why in god’s name is the 9 ball on the table in a game of 8-Ball pool?  Seriously? “Mario Lopez playing with his GPS in his car”.
• Batman and Robin – When we do a round on Batman and your team name is Batman and Robin, you should probably do better than 3 points or change your team name.
• Twisted Sisters – Bruce Springsteen would have made an awesome Robin, but that’s a fantasy that we’ll have to share forever because it won’t ever happen. The world is cruel.

Mad Props

• Team Redundancy Team – You tied for the top score in R2, “A-Listers”, and would have moved up 3 places if you had jokered that round instead of R8. Just some friendly advice for next time.
• Our Dream Sequences are All About Ken – You tied for the top score in R3, “Spotify This”. “The death of American society itself”.
• Rescue Rabbits and Let’s Go A-Scarfing – You were only sick bastards who aced R6, “Do RealDolls Dream of Inflatable Sheep?”, which is still the greatest round title in the history of Geeks Who Drink.
• MDP - One of your team members had a baby, CONGRATS!, and you only missed one week of quiz. Dedication!

Bitchin’ Team Names

• The Dirty Sanchez Kill My T-Boner
• All Our Dream Sequences are All About Ken
• Team Redundancy Team

One for the Slow Kids (‘Cause I Only Call You Retarded to your Face)

• R6, “Do RealDolls Dream of Inflatable Sheep?”, Question 8 – Let’s make this clear again. There is at least one person on each time tonight that knows what a Sybian is. The teams who got this wrong are simply the teams who’s team members were too embarrassed to admit they watch porn.

Fuck You (‘Cause You Can’t Get Them All Right)

• R8, “Random Knowledge” Question 3 – Yogi Berra is totally alive. How dare you assume that he’s six feet under! I’m pretty sure he’s 700 years old, but I’m pretty sure he is an immortal robot anyhow.

The crazy guy has simmered down a bit, spending his time quietly looking at some very odd postcards with images on man-on-man love. I hope he puts those popsicle sticks to good use. As for last night’s results, we had a clear cut winner of the “Thank God We Didn’t Come in Last” prize. Batman and Robin went home with that bad boy. We had a tie at the top and in an epic sudden death show down, You’re Not My Daddy took first place 4-3 in the five question sudden death over newcomers The Dirty Sanchez Killed My T-Boner. Franky of The Dirty Sanchez Killed My T-Boner won the Facebook free beer and Lexi of Twisted Sisters took home the email bonus prize. I’ll see you all next week so make sure that you click the like button here and on the Facebook page so that I can try and give you a free beer next week. Cheers!

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