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Oskar's Kitchen
621 1/2 Queen Anne Ave
Seattle, WA 98109
Tuesdays: 8:00 PM
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11:48 AM, June 19, 2013


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Scores

Kitten Mittens	86

Betty White Supremacists	73

Here for the Beer	72

Red Wedding Crashers	68

Tango and Cash	68

Damn You Laina!	60

LHO's	57

Tryna Hang Out & Have Fun?	52

Megalodons Lunching on Giant Whales	50

That Greek Storyteller Guy Was an Aesshole

Stephen

Everyone likes to brag. Sometimes it's subtle, sometimes it's blatant. But no matter who you are, there is a deep, primal satisfaction that comes from recognizing that you're better than someone, that you have something they don't. Anyone who says they hate to brag is a lying liar-pants who lies.

Oh sure, our society frowns on bragging. It's seen as a "bad" thing to shine a spotlight on your obvious personal superiority. But it's not that you can't be good, it's merely that you're not supposed to bring it up YOURSELF. Any number of people can say LeBron James is the greatest basketball player around, and that's OK. But if LeBron says he's the greatest basketball player around, it makes you want to slap him in the face. (And then throw some folding chairs in his way and run really fast, because he is a large dude.)

So, we've established that you can say someone else is awesome, but you're not allowed to publicly recognize your own awesomeness. The moment you recognize the fact that you are one impressive specimen, you are obligated to tamp it down. But you can't get too good at that, either. You're screwed as soon as people start talking about how HUMBLE you are. Then you inevitably think to yourself, "Damn if I am not just the HUMBLEST PERSON I KNOW." Sorry, my friend, internal-voice bragging is still bragging. Bam, caught in the paradox.

All that just leads up to me saying, you know I don't like to brag. But I think Oskar's quizzers are the best quizzers. Not merely in terms of points -- 86 is a pretty decent high score -- but that we were KIND and POLITE to people who came into Oskar's not to quiz, but just to watch Game 6 of the NBA Finals. There was no secret that we were going to be quizzing during the game, but we made an effort to peacefully coexist. In fact, we gave silent quiz pauses at the end of regulation, and squeezed our bonus questions into commercials and timeouts.

And then the basketball fans - particularly the backers of the losing Spurs - demonstrated that they were HINNIES and MULES, yelling out answers to Round 7 and talking over the sound clips, happily acting like jerkwads once they no longer had a shiny basketball game to keep their attention. Which just proves my point. We're better than them.

And you know I hated to say that.

In order to save you guys the trouble of bragging, *I* will recognize your superiority on a team-by-team basis.

Kitten Mittens: Best at scoring points. Duh. Aced four rounds; also got 15/16 in the first audio round (then jokered). They may only be putting up with Oskar's long enough to get some Rumble points, but I appreciate their quizzing with us since they set the bar good and high.

Betty White Supremacists: Most random of teams. They got 13 points in our final round, better than all others. It's almost scary how much they know about movie summer camps.

Here for the Beer: Best at quizzing without even trying. After all, they were only there to drink, and they STILL came in third place.

Red Wedding Crashers: These guys are the bedrock, the foundation on which the Oskar's quiz is built, having been regulars for almost a year. Team names may come and go, scores may go up and down, but these guys get the true meaning of pub quiz. Which is winning free stuff.

Tango and Cash: Best team at nearly remembering '80s police comedy movies. I think they were going for Turner and Hooch. Or they think Sylvester Stallone is a dog. They're close in any case.

Damn You Laina!: Our bravest team. Four daredevils, using a team name to walk the very fine line between befriending and antagonizing the woman who is providing them ALL OF THEIR FOOD AND DRINK.

LHO'S: Best at flying under the radar. So good, in fact, that they continued under the radar all the way through Round 8, finishing in a solid seventh place. They are also a model of consistency, never scoring less than 5 or more than 10 on any single round.

Tryna Hang Out & Have Fun?: Our most mysterious team, and as we all know, mystery is compelling and attractive. Why is their name a question? Who or what is Tryna? Did they, or did they not, actually have fun? They just leave so much unanswered. Phew.

Megalodons Lunching on Giant Whales: Greatest team name of the night. The imagery is spectacular. Don't know what a megalodon is? Wikipedia does.

Next week marks the one-year anniversary of the opening of our quiz at Oskar's Kitchen! There will be some special prizes and a good time had by all, guaranteed or your money back. See you then!

Oskar's Kitchen
621 1/2 Queen Anne Ave
Seattle, WA 98109
Tuesdays: 8:00 PM
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9:26 AM, June 12, 2013


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Scores

Kitten Mittens	92

"I Know What You Did Last Summer" - the NSA Story	80

Betty White Supremacists	75

You Are About to Witness the Strength of Street Knowledge	71

I'm Too Old for This Shit	65

The Not So Dynamic Duo	63

The Dude Abides	60

Cobra Con Eels	58

Late Pull-Outs	57

Nipbrethil Shipwrights	42

If We're Talking Portuguese Countries, Portugal Doesn't Crack the Top Three

Stephen

Normally I am supposed to teach you guys something new during quizzes. It's part of my life vision and my moral duty as quizmaster, not just my work-release program assignment.

Tonight we turned normal quizzing on its ear. We had our first 90+-point score at Oskar's; we had a visual round in which only two points were missed COLLECTIVELY across all teams. Tonight you turned the tables, and taught ME something new each round. Here's what I learned.

Round 1 - God still beats Eddie Murphy and Jerry Lewis. Just barely. More of you knew the King Solomon baby-splitting reference than the suave character Buddy Love. The score was 7-5 there. But come to think of it, there were two teams who entered just "Buddy." Seems The Nutty Professor is trending upward. There's a social statement in there somewhere. I refuse to explore it.

Round 2 - Our first audio round showed me that singers don't have to enunciate for people to know their songs. Bob Dylan's whole career bears that out, not just "Subterranean Homesick Blues." (Not sure how John Mayer made it into this round. He doesn't really mumble, but if you've ever seen him perform live, you know that his tongue looks like a rogue embryonic alien. Same diff, I guess.)

Round 3 - This round taught me that I totally project my emotions onto my quizzers. This round of graduate-level Sooner or Later, where you named the movie based on the roles its stars played elsewhere, seemed absolutely crazy to me; so when you went grave-silent on me as I laid out the rules, I just assumed you all had the icy blank stares that I know *I* would have given in the same situation. But you actually did quite well; and Kitten Mittens was on fire, hitting 7 right at the "Sooner" stage, which they jokered. This round is ultimately what propelled them to victory.

Round 4 - Not much to be gained here, except that you all impressed me with your knowledge of current events. Three perfect scores, and nobody scored lower than 5. Susan Rice would be proud.

Round 5 - This taught me that I never want to make any of you angry. Your knowledge of the parts of a big gun was uncanny and scary. I mean, totally respectable and not at all creepy and I will let you go through the door ahead of me when the zombies come.

Round 6 - I learned that for as many teams as there are in a quiz, there are that many ways to spell Danke Schoen.

Round 7 - I learned that Tyler Perry movies are recognizable from mere sound bites; and as a corollary, I learned that Tyler Perry movie sound bites are interchangeable. The only people who got this wrong are the ones who picked a Tyler Perry movie that was released some time OTHER than this May.

Round 8 - I learned that the nefarious ear worm that is Wilson Phillips' "Hold On" has infested almost all of your minds as it has my own. Only one team, the Nipbrethil Shipwrights, broke this trend. Their alternative lyrics: "Til then, baby, you shouldn't let them hold you down and kill you." Which is probably more fundamentally true than the original lyrics.

Great work, one and all -- looking forward to see what you can teach me next week!

Oskar's Kitchen
621 1/2 Queen Anne Ave
Seattle, WA 98109
Tuesdays: 8:00 PM
View All Posts

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5:31 PM, June 05, 2013


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Scores

Betty White Supremacists	83

Kitten Mittens	81

Team Number Wang	77

Damn You Laina! (We Love You)	74

Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain	68

Nipbrethil Shipwrights	67

Tequila Mockingbird	61

Mark it an '8', Thteven	59

Lick My Lovepump	54

LHO's	51

What the Hell is Twitter?	51

Nothing Sparks A Riot Better Than a King's Cup Waterfall Rule

Stephen

There is such amazing freedom in blogging. I get to hold you readers hostage to every capricious whim that occurs to my tortured mind. I have treated you to bad limericks; I have monologued about our arbitrarily uncaring society; I have written libelous information about you (and in some cases, your mother) for all the Internet to see.

But if all I do is push your head into the porcelain bowl of my thoughts and give you metaphorical swirlies, eventually you will become overly resentful and stop coming back, and that would feed my deep-seated insecurity issues. Making the blog all about you ultimately makes it all about me. We all win. And by "we," I mean mostly me.

Therefore, tonight's blog will be an additive, educational one. I'll summarize what lessons we all learned; and if you are patient and read through to the bittersweet end, I'll offer some bonus team-by-team treats. Ready? Here we go.

Round 1: Here we learned almost nothing, since you people all know your "nic" answers. The one exception, of course, is that bizarre third-eyelid, the nictitating membrane, of which only Tequila Mockingbird had foreknowledge.

Round 2: In our first audio round, we learned that I can't say the N-word. I am too melanin-deficient to pull it off. Fortunately, Jay-Z and Kanye have been given society's go-ahead to make me uncomfortable without any repercussions.

Round 3: We learned that Wilt Chamberlain has made a claim to having 20,000 sexual partners. For fun, let's check his math. If it's true, he was fortunate that his business took place before cell phones were widely available.

Round 4: It was news to most of us tonight that Alex Trebek's traveling band of cuties is known as the Clue Crew. If they have to put up with that name, I truly hope they at least get matching shirts out of the deal.

Round 5: Our visual round taught us about as much as Jon Snow knows. Seriously, you guys knew most of these already. Five out of eleven of you completely aced it.

Round 6: Here we learned one of the cardinal rules of King's Cup. In fairness to the people who were dead convinced that you waterfall on sevens, I'd note that any game like this only has one meta-rule, which is "Everyone should drink a lot." I think you were all clear on that one.

Round 7: Ah, where to begin. This round was a debacle, except that most of you knew The Big Lebowski and Blazing Saddles. I guess it was good to know that the "steenking badges" quote comes from The Treasure of the Sierra Madre. I'm confident that at least one you will get a chance to lord that over someone else in the future.

Round 8: We learned that John Fogerty and CCR were not fortunate sons of senators, millionaires, or military personnel. Lots of you were convinced the President was involved in there somewhere.

BONUS!

For your patience in trudging through the above prose, I will reward you by telling you the most amusing anagrams for each team name we had tonight.

Betty White Supremacists => Stumpiest Witchery Beast
Kitten Mittens => Stink Item Tent
Team Number Wang => Warm Me, Neat Bung
Damn You Laina => You and Animal
Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain => Bandy Inebriant Brink Piranha
Nipbrethil Shipwrights => Whippers in Birth Lights
Tequila Mockingbird => Quick, Diligent Rambo!
Mark It an 8, Thteven => Thrive Meant 8, Tank
Lick My Lovepump => Muck, Lovely Pimp
LHOs (expanded) => Bland Hoariness
What the Hell is Twitter? => That White, Sweet Thrill

Catch you next week!

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