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Natty Greene's Brewing Co.
505 West Jones Street
Raleigh, NC 27603
Tuesdays: 7:30 PM
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9:55 PM, April 15, 2015
Scores
If I Had to Do It Over, I'd Be a Dictator 81

The Great Barrier Queef 80

Clown Car 76

1st Edition Holographic Charizards 74

If You Beat Us, We'll Kill Your Dog. Seriously, That's One Dead Schnauzer 73

Natures Deadliest Predator: Pants! 73

Running Backwards Naked In A Field Of Dicks 71

Marco Polls Low 69

You Should See The Other Guy's Toe! 69

Nicki Minaj-a-trois 68

The Happy Club 68

Poke-a-man 67

[Hacker Voice] I'm In! 65

The Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good 64

Burt Macklin, F.B.I. 63

Chicken McThuggets 61

On The Rocks 61

Clown Baby 56

Tequila Mockingbird 54

Courtney Love's Bastard Children 51

Hoffstradamus


Twitter
Web

Quiz Schedule
Tuesdays at Natty Greene's - 7:30PM-9:30PM (Raleigh, NC)
Alex Hofford (Hoffstradamus)

Hola! My name is Alex and I am the Quizmaster at Natty Greene's in Raleigh. I also perform comedy in the Triangle at DSI Comedy and with the improv group BONE CRACKER.

Ointment is a weird word.

If you want to grab people’s attention when you walk into a room, enter with a cane.

Seriously. It works. I hobbled into the Greene Room using one at tonight’s quiz, and you’d have thought I rolled up in a goddamn Lamborghini with the collective head pivot that happened.

I suppose it’d be a little weird seeing your normally-spry late-20s Quizmaster limping in with Rite Aid’s finest aluminum cane, but if you understood why I needed it in the first place, it wouldn’t seem so strange.

The story begins with a backed-up shower drain…

Alright, maybe starting it off like that does make it sound strange. Um, how about -

I sprained my toe trying to jump out of a pair of pants…

OK, that’s not helping. Here’s what happened:

I share a house with four other people, three of which live on the same floor as I do. We all share one bathroom. As drains are wont to do, it got clogged up, and we had to call a plumber in to plumb that sucker out. What the plumber did not expect was a clog of such massive proportions that he would have to come back the next day with some help to finish the job. He literally had to call in back-up for the back-up.

Because I pride myself in being a clean human being, I needed to find a shower to use in the interim. My lovely girlfriend offered to let me use her shower, and I quickly took her up on the offer.

This is where the story gets grim.

I’m a playful person. I like to have fun with the mundane situations I get in sometimes. Getting undressed for the shower just seemed so BORING that night, so I wanted to jazz it up a bit. Then an idea popped in my head to leave a trail of clothes to the bathroom as if I were leaving breadcrumbs for her to find me. “Yeah, that’s a GREAT idea!”, the idiot part of my brain said.

So, I started to get undressed in front of her. I lose the shirt - no problem. I unbutton and unzip my pants to make it easier for them to fall off - done. However, getting out of the pants proved to be a much more perilous task.

I tried gracefully hopping out of the pants, like one would think a ballerina or dancer does on a daily basis. When I descended back to the ground, though, the jeans remained tightly wrapped around my ankle, dashing any success at landing flat on my feet. Instead, I came down directly on my big toe which subsequently buckled under the weight of my gracefully clumsy body.

My body crumpled to the floor. I start to wince and grimace in pain on the floor as pain rushes to the tip of my foot. Meanwhile, my girlfriend is laughing her ass off because she thinks this is some sort of comedy bit that I am doing. I limp to the bathroom to find my toe dripping with blood, and a step that’s too tender to the touch. From what I can tell (because I won’t go to the doctor), it’s a pretty bad sprain.

All because I was trying to be playfully sexy.

That’s why the cane is necessary. It certainly helps with keeping weight off of the foot, but I feel like the only way I’ll truly be accepted using it is if I wore a giant fur coat and top hat, too. I guess Hustle and Flow was right - it’s hard out here for a pimp.

—————————————————

The return of our favorite Archer-quoting team - If I Had To Do It Over, I’d Be A Dictator - netted a first place finish for them. While The Great Barrier Queef had one of my favorite team names of the night, they managed to finish just one point behind our “gold” “medalists.” Nice job!

Also, tonight was MUCH better than last week in regards to team names. Way to flex those creative brain sponges of yours.

—————————————————

Interesting Notes from the Quiz!:

- The normal and 8-Bit versions of Devo’s “Whip It” sound creepily similar.

- Mongolian gerbils aren’t what makes up food court Mongolian barbecue, right? RIGHT?!?

- David Bowie was never at The Alamo. We would have all remembered that.

- The NFL’s official yogurt sponsor should be Activia. “Keep your shit together on the field with ACTIVIA!”

- When I read back answers to people, seeing them cheer for some answers is a little conflicting. Like, when someone vocally says, “YEAH!!!” after I read “Bubonic plague” or “epilepsy.” In any other situation, you’re a terrible person, but at quiz, you’re safe amongst likeminded others.

Awesome Team Name Shout-Outs!:

- 1st Edition Holographic Charizards

- Nature’s Deadliest Predator: Pants!

- Running Backwards In A Field Of Dicks

- The Great Barrier Queef

- If I Had To Do It Over, I’d Be A Dictator

- Marco Polls Low

—————————————————

Follow me on Twitter! - @ahoff101

Like the music at the quiz? Check out the Spotify playlist! Geeks Who Drink - Raleigh Jamz

Natty Greene's Brewing Co.
505 West Jones Street
Raleigh, NC 27603
Tuesdays: 7:30 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
2:04 PM, April 08, 2015
Scores
12 Eyes, 3 Hearts, Can't Lose! 81

Lasagna for One 80

Cuff 'em and Stuff 'em 79

Midnight Strokers 79

Monkey with a Firehose 79

Banana Republic of Congo 73

Pizza Sluts 69

What Up 69

I'm Ants-In-My-Eyes Johnson! 66

The Cupid Stunts 63

Insect Royalty 58

We Were On A Break 56

Raise Hell, Praise Dale 49

Wave Lynx 44

Mayo is Hands-Down the Best Condiment 35

Popp'n Cherry's 7

Hoffstradamus


Twitter
Web

Quiz Schedule
Tuesdays at Natty Greene's - 7:30PM-9:30PM (Raleigh, NC)
Alex Hofford (Hoffstradamus)

Hola! My name is Alex and I am the Quizmaster at Natty Greene's in Raleigh. I also perform comedy in the Triangle at DSI Comedy and with the improv group BONE CRACKER.

Ointment is a weird word.

We’re a week into April, and spring is heeeeeeere! Hooray…right? 

WRONG. 

After the winter, many would assume the seasonal shift would offer respite from the cold we’ve just had to bear for months. The sun is shining, the trees are blossoming - everything is on the up-and-up, right?

NOPE.

Instead, we’ve been bombarded yet again by the yellow dust monster known as Pollen, and many people’s allergies are on the fritz. I’m sure tissue and Allegra sales are through the roof right now. Personally, I just hit a new record for most sneezes in a row (seven). This is the lamest form of misery.

What saddens me most about this is that it gives some sort of strange merit to M. Night Shyamalan’s box-office turd The Happening. All of the sudden someone telling Mark Wahlberg that the trees are trying to kill them doesn’t sound so crazy.

It’s also gotten to the point where I can’t help but think every season on this planet is designed to make us a wee-bit miserable. We’ve already covered the bitter cold of winter and nature’s chemical warfare in the spring, and we have summer and autumn left over.

Summer is easy - it’s only getting hotter and hotter, and the water dries up. Not only is the Earth trying to cook us alive, but it’s also evaporating an absolute necessity for life. Ugh, pass.

Now we’re left with autumn or the fall or whatever. I know there will be at least one person who says, “But what about the COLORS, Alex? Isn’t it beautiful?” Sure, no one is arguing the annual turning of the leaves. However, if you really look at it - the season surrounds you with the constant image of death. Everywhere you look, what was once green and beautiful slowly changes color as the life force is sucked out of its very veins. Then the leaves fall to the ground and wither away.

So - we have an inhaled sinus irritant, an outdoor microwave, a likely setting for a Tim Burton movie, and a frigid tundra to look forward to on a quarterly cycle every year.

Hooray…right?

———————————————————

The quizzes at Natty’s maintain a highly competitive environment every week, and the scores are a perfect indication of that. There was a three-way tie for third place between Cuff ‘Em and Stuff ‘Em, Midnight Strokers, and Monkey With a Firehose. First and second place were separated by ONE POINT with Lasagna for One getting edged out by 12 Eyes, 3 Hearts, Can’t Lose! Well, they truly couldn’t lose because they didn’t. Well done, everyone.

———————————————————

Interesting Notes from the Quiz!:

- Pretty weak night for team names. You all can do better than that.

- If your grandmother is playing Russian Roulette, she was probably a spy.

- Yet another QM-trainee rolls through Natty’s to learn the ropes tonight, and Rafe from Charleston, SC is going to be a great fit in the annals of Geeks Who Drink. Or anals. Whatever floats your boat, dude.

- I think the television show “Last Week Tonight, Tonight” should exist if only to have Billy Corgan deliver very melancholy news.

- The first three elements on the periodic table that start with the letter ‘A’ are Aluminum, Argon, and Arsenic, or as the Earth would call them, “some of my things.”

Awesome Team Name Shout-Outs!:

- 12 Eyes, 3 Hearts, Can’t Lose!

- Monkey With a Firehose

- The Cupid Stunts

———————————————————

Follow me on Twitter! - @ahoff101

Like the music at the quiz? Check out the Spotify playlist! Geeks Who Drink - Raleigh Jamz

Natty Greene's Brewing Co.
505 West Jones Street
Raleigh, NC 27603
Tuesdays: 7:30 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
10:41 AM, April 01, 2015
Scores
Never Met an Ape I Didn't Like 74

Academia Nuts 73

Lasagna for One 72

Lats After Dark 64

Is It Murder If They Were My Clones? 63

Midnight Strokers 63

Smells Like Meat (Rotten Meat) 60

Flattering Neon Tracksuit 58

Thank You Ms. Oita (oh-hee-ta) 56

Easter? I Barely Know 'er! 55

Waitlisted for the Snapple Watch 55

Wave Lynx 55

Raise Hell Praise Dale 53

Clark & Ellen Griswold 49

48 Candles 46

Where is My Dignity 41

Bob 30

The Goobers 9

Orocicle (?) 6

Hoffstradamus


Twitter
Web

Quiz Schedule
Tuesdays at Natty Greene's - 7:30PM-9:30PM (Raleigh, NC)
Alex Hofford (Hoffstradamus)

Hola! My name is Alex and I am the Quizmaster at Natty Greene's in Raleigh. I also perform comedy in the Triangle at DSI Comedy and with the improv group BONE CRACKER.

Ointment is a weird word.

I was looking at my history with Geeks Who Drink recently, and I noticed that I’m coming up on my third anniversary with the company in a few months. That’s pretty cool seeing as I’ve been able to hold down a job that solely centers around drinking, trivia, and writing.

But as I try to look to the future, I realize this isn’t something that I can do forever. I’m ultimately going to evolve personally and professionally, and in order to do that, I have to look outside for other opportunities. You can’t reach the next chapter of a book unless you turn a page, know what I mean?

So, it is with heavy heart that I announce that I am going to be departing Geeks Who Drink in a few short months to tackle the next opportunity that has presented itself in front of me.

I got a phone call from a friend out West a few weeks ago. What started out as a conversation between longtime friends turned into a discussion about what we’re getting out of life and where we’re going. He told me that his future is already set with the investment he made in an alpaca farm a few years ago, and he’s just trying to figure out how to manage his ranch now. Turns out he has been doing the job himself, and he didn’t even build a pen/fence/stable for his alpacas! They were just running around his property this entire time. I asked him why he never thought to corral them all into one location, and he said, “Alpacas are very trustworthy. They stick around because I feed ‘em good.” Still didn’t answer my question, but I guess it made sense.

Three hours later, we’re talking about booking my trip to Alamogordo, NM so that I can help him wrangle his alpacas and keep things organized. Once we’re able to get all those suckers into one spot, we can start shaving them for sweaters. My commitment was contingent on getting some sweet alpaca socks, and you better believe I’m going to make sure I get them.

Anyway, thanks for the memories, Geeks Who Drink!

—————————————————————

Tonight’s race to the finish was TIGHT as our top three teams were all separated by ONE POINT! Lasagna for One brought a lighter crew tonight and finished in third, showing that more bodies may have helped them win a prize. However, Academia Nuts finished just ahead of them in second place and we had Never Met an Ape I Didn’t Like triumphed over everyone. Just a like cooking a bunch of steaks - well done, everyone.

—————————————————————

Interesting Notes from the Quiz!:

- If someone makes an announcement on April Fool’s Day, it’s VERY likely that it’s not real. *WINKYFACEZ*

- Forgetting Sarah Marshall is a national treasure.

- Speaking of that movie - “The Humuhumunukunukukuapua’a. Yeah, bitch!”

- It was clear from most teams’ Round 3 answers that you didn’t know much about sports. That was further confirmed when one team later listed the Colorado Rockies as a NBA team.

- “Cambodian Jujitsu” is not a real martial art.

- Chronologically, Green Day’s Kerplunk was released before Dookie. But everybody knows a kerplunk comes after a dookie.

Awesome Team Name Shout-Outs!:

- Academia Nuts

- Is It Murder If They Were My Clones?

- Flattering Neon Tracksuit

- Easter? I Barely Know ‘er!

- Where Is My Dignity

—————————————————————

Follow me on Twitter! - @ahoff101

Like the music at the quiz? Check out the Spotify playlist! Geeks Who Drink - Raleigh Jamz

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