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Natty Greene's Brewing Co.
505 West Jones Street
Raleigh, NC 27603
Tuesdays: 7:30 PM
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9:33 AM, January 28, 2015
Scores
Lasagna For One 75

I've Got My Sleeping Bag; Bust Out the Shrek II 71

ASphincterSaysWhat? 70

Chicky Chicky Parm Parm 66

[MLG]xXxFantastic420NoScopexXx 65

Make Love, Not Bath Bombs 65

Irish Wristwatch 63

Listening to Raps and Shooting All the Jobs 63

Looks Like We Picked the Wrong Week to Quit Sniffing GlueƉ 60

Tom Brady's Perfect Balls 60

Constipated Internet? Try Google Fiber? 58

Semen Squeegies 57

We've Got Deflated Balls, Too! 57

You're Tearing Me Apart, Lisa! 57

Deflated Ballz 56

Motorcycle Diaries 53

Snow Way We're Gonna Win! 52

Raise Hell, Praise Dale 50

Tommy's Angels 38

Two Chicks 33

Hoffstradamus


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Quiz Schedule
Tuesdays at Natty Greene's - 7:30PM-9:30PM (Raleigh, NC)
Alex Hofford (Hoffstradamus)

Hola! My name is Alex and I am the Quizmaster at Natty Greene's in Raleigh. I also perform comedy in the Triangle at DSI Comedy and with the improv group BONE CRACKER.

Ointment is a weird word.

Many of you have probably heard the talk of the town over the last couple of weeks - Clint Eastwood’s latest directorial endeavor, American Sniper. As a result, numerous discussions have popped up on the internet and news networks about the Iraq War, and the effects of war on veterans and their families.

However, one of the more interesting - and totally warranted - conversations about the movie centers around a very particular scene late in the film. The titular character, Chris Kyle (Bradley Cooper), has returned home from another tour of duty in Iraq, and he is sitting down with his wife and newborn child. It becomes immediately obvious that the baby they are holding is a fake baby. I’m talking a legit plastic baby doll.

Many people who have seen the movie - critics and moviegoers, alike - have taken to social media to blast the film for keeping such a glaring mistake in the final cut. Personally, I laughed out loud when I saw the doll. It’s absolutely ridiculous. 

Producers have since come out stating they had a couple of real-life babies to use for that scene, but they were either absent from set or sick that day. They had to make due with what they were given.

Then something dawned on me.

What if the fake baby is truly supposed to be a part of the movie?

Stay with me on this - Clint Eastwood is a very seasoned filmmaker, right? The dude knows what he’s doing. I’m sure he wouldn’t let such an obvious blemish to be in his movie if it weren’t for a reason.

Here’s what I think Eastwood is trying to convey in the movie with the doll: the effects of war and PTSD create such a disconnect between reality and the surreal that Kyle could not differentiate between an actual human child or a plastic baby doll.

Look in Cooper’s eyes in that scene. He seems detached and distant. His mind and attention is still on his buddies overseas, and his child doesn’t even register to him. That’s because, metaphorically and visually, his child is fake to him. The kid is the least of his concerns.

You know what? I…I just can’t pretend. That was the most ridiculous thing I’ve seen in an Oscar-nominated movie. Be prepared for an awkward laugh in the middle of such a serious film.

——————————————

Lasagna for One showed everyone how to stay the course and finish strong as they claimed and never relinquished the first place spot. A minor shake-up at the end propelled I’ve Got My Sleeping Bag; Bust Out The Shrek II to a well-deserved second-place finish. Excellent job, mis amigos.

——————————————

Interesting Notes from the Quiz!:

- I will never forget the sounds of surprise that washed over the room when I revealed that Canada and Australia both have more Nobel laureates than India.

- McDonald’s would never get rid of the McRib. I mean, you can’t technically get rid of something you keep retiring and bringing back over and over again, right?

- Round 8’s question on what is the widest river prompted many teams to answer with “Mississippi” instead of Amazon. People, I said “widest,” not “whitest.”

- Ann Coulter - you so crazy.

Awesome Team Name Shout-Outs!:

- Constipated Internet? Try Google Fiber

- Listening to Raps and Shooting All the Jobs

- [MLG]xXxFantastic420NoScopexXx

- Chicky Chicky Parm Parm

- ASphincterSaysWhat?

- You’re Tearing Me Apart, Lisa!

——————————————

Follow me on Twitter! - @ahoff101

Like the music at the quiz? Check out the Spotify playlist! Geeks Who Drink - Raleigh Jamz

Natty Greene's Brewing Co.
505 West Jones Street
Raleigh, NC 27603
Tuesdays: 7:30 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
10:38 AM, January 21, 2015
Scores
Bubble Pop Electric 73

Image of the Prophet 73

I Rock Mom Jeans 71

Lasagna For One 71

Freedom Costs a Buck-Oh-Five 64

Milk in a Wine Glass 64

State of the Funyun 63

Gonzo Porn Makes a Great Career 62

Martin Luther King Cobra Commander 62

There's an Octopus in ma Pants! 59

You're Not My Friend, You're a Decepticon 59

Do What You Want, What You Want With My Body 58

Monkey with a Firehose 56

The State of the Union 53

Almost Vegan 51

I'm Yellin' Tinder! 47

Deflated Balls 46

Raise Hell Praise Dale 39

Bees? 37

C the C 8

Hoffstradamus


Twitter
Web

Quiz Schedule
Tuesdays at Natty Greene's - 7:30PM-9:30PM (Raleigh, NC)
Alex Hofford (Hoffstradamus)

Hola! My name is Alex and I am the Quizmaster at Natty Greene's in Raleigh. I also perform comedy in the Triangle at DSI Comedy and with the improv group BONE CRACKER.

Ointment is a weird word.

When you think of fears that people have, it’s likely that heights, spiders, snakes, and clowns all pop in your head. Those are all understandably freaky in their own way, but many other people are crippled by fears of more innocuous things that don’t immediately come to mind when you think of “fear-induced paralysis.” If you can’t fathom what I’m talking about, just Youtube search “Maury worst fears.” You’ll see people freak out at peaches, cotton balls, and mustard. It’s amazing.

I realized the other day I have one very specific fear, and it’s kind of related to claustrophobia. I’m generally not opposed to super-confined spaces as you’ll often find me in a mosh pit or music festival horde. However, I recently found out that I am afraid of one particular close-quarters circumstance - being stuck in a fast food drive-thru line.

Visiting McDonald’s on the way home from a late-night show is something I do often, and on this incidental night, I pulled in to make my order. My stomach was practically piloting the vehicle, though, because my brain didn’t exactly want fast food that late. Here’s a bit of the convo between the two:

STOMACH: Oh mannnnnnn, that Snack Wrap looks DOPE. Gonna get some fries, and a sweet tea…

BRAIN: You know, it’s really not that great to eat shitty food this late at night. You shoul—

S: SHUT UP, FOOL! I’m hungry as shit, and you aren’t going to ruin this for me. AGAIN.

B: I’m just saying, man. Ol’ Asshole was pretty upset at us both for putting him through the ringer last time. He was pretty busy all morning.

S: Sorry I’m not sorry, dude. It’s kind of his job.

I place my order at the window, and as I’m waiting in line to pay, I get an epiphany that I simply don’t want to eat fast food. Nothing about it sounded appetizing anymore, and I was too tired to care. It’s like somehow my brain suddenly won over, and the stomach’s wants and needs were silenced. I was free!

Not really.

This drive-thru was a one lane deal that had a brick wall on my right, and the McDonald’s on the left. There was no way out, and I’m locked into my now-decided-against decision. Panic starts to set in. Cars are lining up behind me — reversing out is a no-go. I can’t pull forward because I’d still have to pay, and then I’m left with food I’m longer motivated to eat. I am now the two fingers in a Chinese finger trap, and they aren’t getting out.

If you think I made it out of the line without getting my food, you’re wrong. I just pulled up to the payment window with tears streaming down my face wailing, “THERE’S NO ESCAPE!” The lady at the register says, “You’re preaching to the choir, baby” and hands me my change. It was the saddest Snack Wrap I’ve ever purchased.

—————————————————

Two teams tied for the top spot, and we settled it like we always do - a dance battle. A representative from Bubble Pop Electric and Image of the Prophet came up to dance their asses off. Well, not so much “dance” as it was “move each of their bodies around awkwardly while everyone watched.” It didn’t matter, though, as the dance battle newbie from Bubble Pop dad-danced his way to the first place finish. Well done, I guess?

—————————————————

Interesting Notes from the Quiz!:

- Despite what one team thinks, “Iraqistan” is not a real country.

- Now that you mention it, Pandora does look a lot like James Cameron’s buttonhole.

- Dick Poop.

- The various ranks of the KKK sound like the organization was founded by racist D&D nerds.

- We had a Drake clip in Round 2, and everything was perfect.

- Dick Poop.

Awesome Team Name Shout-Outs!:

- Freedom Costs a Buck-Oh-Five

- State of the Funyun

- Martin Luther King Cobra Commander

—————————————————

Follow me on Twitter! - @ahoff101

Like the music at the quiz? Check out the Spotify playlist! Geeks Who Drink - Raleigh Jamz

Natty Greene's Brewing Co.
505 West Jones Street
Raleigh, NC 27603
Tuesdays: 7:30 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
10:36 AM, January 14, 2015
Scores
Turn Me Undead, Man 78

Carlos Santana feat. Rob Thomas- "Butt Party" (second place) 76

Trivia Clown Car 76

My Place Reeks of Ocelot Piss 73

I've Taken Selfies for 12 Years, Where's My Golden Globe?! 72

Michael Keaton Forever 71

Suck Kevin's Dick, Kevin 71

The Feral Ducklings 70

What Are You Afraid Of, Dr. Zaius? 67

A Deaf Leopard 66

Happy Birthday, Old Man Chris 64

Edgar Allen Flo 59

Mouse Rat 59

Black Ice? Nay, Redneck Ice Rink! 58

Does Anyone Have Bread or Milk?! 58

The Natty Genes 58

Shoutout to the Guy Who Brought Us This Table 53

Whatever You Want 53

Semen Squeegees 44

Struggle Bus 44

Left My Heart in Atlanta 12

Hoffstradamus


Twitter
Web

Quiz Schedule
Tuesdays at Natty Greene's - 7:30PM-9:30PM (Raleigh, NC)
Alex Hofford (Hoffstradamus)

Hola! My name is Alex and I am the Quizmaster at Natty Greene's in Raleigh. I also perform comedy in the Triangle at DSI Comedy and with the improv group BONE CRACKER.

Ointment is a weird word.

Last year, we had fires. Cars littered alongside the roads, stranded for days. People scarcely walking around, bundled from head to toe and carrying food and other supplies.

If it sounds like there was a zombie apocalypse, one might have agreed with you considering the sights and sounds of February 2014 in North Carolina. However, it was no viral outbreak of an undead horde that caused the calamity - it was…ice. And snow. You know, *spooky voice* THE STANDARD WEATHER PATTERNS OF WINTERRRRRR. MUAHAHAHAHA.

We here in the 12th state of the Union generally freak out when frozen precipitation starts to hit the ground, and last night we were on the precipice of our first icing of the year. So, to help us prepare for this and inevitably more freezes in the future, here’s a few tips to survive Mother Nature and Father Winter’s evil clutches:

Buy some skates

Pretty simple one here. If you need to get somewhere, and your car is iced in, show the permafrost who’s boss and lace up your ice skates to get around (figure or hockey, depending on preference). No one will make fun of you because these aren’t rollerblades. Channel your inner Apollo Ohno or Alexander Ovechkin to get to your destination much faster than if you tried to hoof it in snow boots.

Hire a homeless person to keep your car de-iced

One of most people’s biggest winter gripes is when your car gets frozen shut, or your scraper just doesn’t make a scratch against the sheet of ice on your windshield. Don’t get fooled into dumping hot water on your car like a dummy! Just find a homeless person (who you’ll vet yourself, of course), and give him/her $10 to sleep in your car overnight.

The bum’s hot breath will keep your windshield defrosted, and if your car doors get iced shut, just have them try to push it open from the inside! Easy peasy. You might want to lay down some newspaper, put in a couple air fresheners, and remove all valuables from the car first, though.

Keep some flavored syrups handy

Picture this - you’re snowed/iced in. Your cupboards are running low, and the fridge is barren. What are you going to eat?

Well, if you had some son-cone syrups on hand, you could enjoy your last moments on this Earth eating a delicious frozen treat. Let the nostalgia of your childhood wash over you as your hunger crushes the final bits of energy you have left to survive the harsh winter cold.

—————————————————

Turn Me Undead, Man were far and away our top team tonight, and they collected their first place prize with no issues. However, second-place had a tie between Carlos Santana feat. Rob Thomas - “Butt Party” and Trivia Clown Car. I was so inspired by the fake Chewbacca we all heard in our Round 2 clips, so I made someone from each team give their best Chewie impression. Trivia Clown Car wasted everyone’s time and didn’t even do an impersonation, and Carlos Santana cruised to an easy tiebreaker win.

—————————————————

Interesting Notes from the Quiz!:

- Tonight’s audio rounds (fake Chewbacca and Mother Goose numbers) brought much joy and frustration to our quizzers.

- Anything can happen in space, evidently.

- If Superman really did do a porno, it’d result in a massacre. He’s not the only thing that moves faster than a speeding bullet…

- Saint and Sinner are two fragrances by Kat Von D. However, they both smell like tattoo aftercare lotion.

- Pope Francis is the coolest pope ever.

Awesome Team Name Shout-Outs!:

- Suck Kevin’s Dick, Kevin

- Carlos Santana feat. Rob Thomas - “Butt Party”

- Michael Keaton Forever

- My Place Reeks of Ocelot Piss

- A Deaf Leopard

- Does Anyone Have Bread or Milk?!

—————————————————

Follow me on Twitter! - @ahoff101

Like the music at the quiz? Check out the Spotify playlist! Geeks Who Drink - Raleigh Jamz

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