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Natty Greene's Brewing Co.
505 West Jones Street
Raleigh, NC 27603
Tuesdays: 7:30 PM
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9:48 AM, July 30, 2014
Scores
Lasagna For One 81

Who Dat? 80

Asgardian Tampons, Leak Protectors of the Gods 77

Sharknado Survivors Support Group 77

The Minivan: 2 in the Front, 5 in the Rear 72

Trashy Tuesday 72

Look at Me, My Name is Alex! 66

Sarah Palin Can See The Olympics from Her House 62

Tittycaca? I Barely Know You! 59

MATH 57

Please Send Servers, We Are Out of Beer 56

The Youth In Asia 55

#Struggletown 53

Enjoy the Cupcake, Dick :) 52

The Shitty Beatles 52

Sisko's 3 of 9 51

The Gaza Strippers 46

Old & Confused 44

Hoffstradamus


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Web

Quiz Schedule
Tuesdays at Natty Greene's - 7:30PM-9:30PM (Raleigh, NC) Wednesdays at East Village Grill and Bar - 8:00PM-10:00PM (Raleigh, NC)
Alex Hofford (Hoffstradamus)

Hola! My name is Alex and I am the Quizmaster at the fine establishments of Natty Greene's and East Village in Raleigh. I also perform comedy in the Triangle at DSI Comedy and with the improv group BONE CRACKER.

I never thought it would get to this point. I was sure I had everything under control. The hardest thing to do is realize there’s a problem, and to take steps to fix it. Well, that’s what I’m trying to do. 

The instructions said to just use a couple each day, and that was it. And I kept to that schedule as best I could. Then I lost a few - in the car, at friends’ houses, pretty much everywhere. So I was forced to use a few more than I was supposed to each day. Lo and behold, that means you run out of your supply faster.

It sounds cliché, but I honestly can’t even see without it. The world is perpetually hazy unless I can find a way to get more. The sad thing is it’s really a “fix” for me when I get to use them. It’s the only way I can operate on a daily basis.

And here I am making a public plea for people to hook me up with any extras they have out of their prescription. This is the lowest of low.

So, if anyone has any extra pairs of contacts lying around (-3.0 for either/each eye), I could really use the hook-up. This summer sun is too bright, and I don’t have prescription sunglasses. Squinting hurts.

—————————————

Tonight we had another heated battle in ice-cold Game Room, and our top two finishers were separated by only a point. Asgardian Tampons, Leak Protectors of the Gods tried their hardest to stay in the top two, but had to settle for third when Who Dat? leaped them with a Jokered Round 8. Holding down the lead all night were some brand new quizzers - Lasagna for One - who showed everyone quiz experience is subjective. You either know it or you don’t. Great job, everyone.

—————————————

Interesting Notes from the Quiz!:

- I’m truthfully interested in seeing what happens to the now-vacant World Cup stadiums in Brazil. Suggestion? Giant Slamball court.

- “Tearin’ Up My Heart”…DAMN, WHAT A JAM.

- Robert Downey Jr. is living proof that no one fucks up so bad that they can’t get a job again. Or make an ass-ton of money.

- Despite sound quality, many of you did very well answering questions about Weird Al’s “Blurred Lines”-inspired song.

Awesome Team Name Shout-Outs!:

- Lasagna for One

- The Shitty Beatles

- Enjoy the Cupcake, Dick :)

- Tittycaca? I Barely Know You!

- Asgardian Tampons, Leak Protectors of the Gods

- The Minivan: 2 in the Front, 5 in the Rear

- MATH (ed. note - we later found out the math formula provided as the team name was a fluids equation. Whatever.)

—————————————

Follow me on Twitter! - @ahoff101

Like the music at the quiz? Check out the Spotify playlist! Geeks Who Drink - Raleigh Jamz

Natty Greene's Brewing Co.
505 West Jones Street
Raleigh, NC 27603
Tuesdays: 7:30 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
9:05 AM, July 23, 2014
Scores
Ripto's Rampage 79

I Thought This Was Speed Dating 74

Elizabeth Is Moving to California. What a Bitch 73

Anarchist Lobsters 71

Player to Be Named Later 70

God Took the Wrong Maverick 69

Log Jammin 69

Malaysia Airlines: We Don't Guarantee Shit 68

Humans In the Forbidden Zone 67

Squeaky Feedback 65

Suck Colorado's Dick, Kelly 65

Multiple Scoregasms 64

The Four Non Blondes 61

Suck Raleigh's Dick, Mandi 57

Give It to Me Kavi! I'm Your Cock Slut 56

I Had to Stab Somebody for This Stool 55

Karmann with a K 53

APES 45

Participation Award 42

AB Normal 41

The Refractory Factory 37

Four Padres 25

Hoffstradamus


Twitter
Web

Quiz Schedule
Tuesdays at Natty Greene's - 7:30PM-9:30PM (Raleigh, NC) Wednesdays at East Village Grill and Bar - 8:00PM-10:00PM (Raleigh, NC)
Alex Hofford (Hoffstradamus)

Hola! My name is Alex and I am the Quizmaster at the fine establishments of Natty Greene's and East Village in Raleigh. I also perform comedy in the Triangle at DSI Comedy and with the improv group BONE CRACKER.

In our lovely round on divorces and other disasters, we all knew - or learned - that the highest divorce settlement known to date belongs to Rupert Murdoch at a whopping $1.7 BILLION dollars. It’s like Rupert’s ex-lady watched a ton of The Wire because she came at the king, and she certainly didn’t miss.

Being a mere plebeian, of course I cannot possibly fathom what someone would do with billions of dollars, but I like to imagine this settlement’s money is/was to be used on things that would make Murdoch’s blood boil. Like buying a bunch of clothes at a Kohl’s and donating them to a Salvation Army or homeless shelter. Or donating all of the money to a cancer or AIDS research fund. You know, altruistic things that Murdoch would never do in 1.7 BILLION years.

Also, if you’re super rich and don’t ever want to worry about losing buttloads of cash in a divorce settlement, here’s a tip - don’t be a raging dick that repels people. Or don’t get married. Either way, you fucked up, bruh.

————————————

What. a. turnout. Tonight, we had 22 TEAMS competing for the top prizes - the largest turnout since December. We had people playing on pool tables, others using the walls as vertical writing surfaces. It was madness. There were so many people, our second place team - I Thought This Was Speed Dating - was confused about what they were walking in on. Going home with the top prize, however, was Ripto’s Rampage. Well done, everyone.

————————————

Interesting Notes from the Quiz!:

- Taco Bell continues to laugh in the face of God by releasing their newest food Frankenstein - the Quesarito.

- One group confused the book The Leftovers with The Bible. Pretty sure there wasn’t any smoking in there. Well, except for Hell or whatever.

- Ladies and gentlemen - Mr. Conway Twitty.

- I feel like more teams tanked the Hanson question on purpose as to not alert their teammates that they actually knew the answer. C’mon. You can be honest.

Awesome Team Name Shout-Outs!:

- I Thought This Was Speed Dating

- Malaysian Airlines: We Don’t Guarantee Shit

- God Took the Wrong Maverick

- I Had to Stab Somebody for This Stool

- Squeaky Feedback

- Participation Award

————————————

Follow me on Twitter! - @ahoff101

Like the music at the quiz? Check out the Spotify playlist! Geeks Who Drink - Raleigh Jamz

Natty Greene's Brewing Co.
505 West Jones Street
Raleigh, NC 27603
Tuesdays: 7:30 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
10:30 AM, July 16, 2014
Scores
ThunderBummer 83

Q + Anus 80

Don't Call It a Comeback 74

Kerra's Triumphant Return to TV 72

Putin In the Butt 71

Ape Has Killed Ape 68

Quiz on My Face and Tell Me You Love Me 67

Team Rocket 67

Only When I'm Having Sex 66

2nd to Last Gets the Beers 65

The Whiskey Wombats 65

Former Soccer Fans 64

Germany Strikes Back 61

Jerry Harding President of My Pants 57

Known & Frequent Trespassers 49

When It Rains It Porns 35

Hoffstradamus


Twitter
Web

Quiz Schedule
Tuesdays at Natty Greene's - 7:30PM-9:30PM (Raleigh, NC) Wednesdays at East Village Grill and Bar - 8:00PM-10:00PM (Raleigh, NC)
Alex Hofford (Hoffstradamus)

Hola! My name is Alex and I am the Quizmaster at the fine establishments of Natty Greene's and East Village in Raleigh. I also perform comedy in the Triangle at DSI Comedy and with the improv group BONE CRACKER.

Comcast has been in the news lately, and - surprise! - it’s because they treated someone like shit. In this particular case, someone was trying to cancel their service, and the customer service rep just wasn’t having it. The rep continued to grill the customer, asking why they wanted to cancel service with the company boasting the #1 TV service and #1 internet service in the U.S. 

What I don’t think most people realize is that this guy is just doing his job. Seriously. I’ve seen the Comcast Customer Service Manual. In it you will find page upon page detailing the “nightmarish” behavior we have all heard about Comcast. As it turns out, they aren’t really assholes - they just think what they are doing is "great" customer service.

Take for instance our jilted customer service rep mentioned mere sentences ago. He refuses to take no for an answer because he’s abiding by the “Act like your girlfriend just broke up with you, and beg/plead with the customer until he/she takes you back” rule. The Manual states the act works 100% of the time in real life when trying to win back the affections of a former lover, so “why wouldn’t it work with customers?”

Also, what the customers calling in to cancel their service don’t realize is that the Comcast reps aren’t even given a button or link to cancel a user’s account. On page 78, subsection 4 - titled “There’s No Such Thing as Cancelling” - you will find an explanation of how you actually go about canceling your account:

You will receive piece of junk mail labeled “Kroger Weekly Ad”. This piece of paper is actually a subtle missive sent from Comcast containing the phone number to call to start the canceling process. The number can be found by adding up the sales price of Dr. Pepper and Sargento Mexican Blend shredded cheese, squaring it, and multiplying by the cost of 2.34 lbs of snow crab - market price, of course.

Call that number. You are then greeted by Victor Cruz, wide receiver for the New York Giants. He says, “Thank you for calling Time Warner Cable. Someone will be with you shortly.” This is a ruse meant to make people think they are calling the wrong Satan, but I assure you this is the right place.

After waiting on hold for 23 minutes, a reggaeton air-horn blares in your ear, alerting you that you have made it to the final stage. Here you will listen to every album and guest spot that Sean Paul sang on. If you can make it through the eight hours of incessant “JAH JAH JAH,” you have earned the right to cancel your account.

 

Help us, Google Fiber. You’re our only hope.

—————————

Through thunder, lightning, and rain, sixteen teams came out to try and take home our top two prizes. ThunderBummer was inspired by the storm, and they held down the first place spot the entire night. Behind them by merely three points was Q + Anus who showed they were the second brightest star(fish) this evening. Excelente!

—————————

Interesting Notes from the Quiz!:

- Little Richard did not sing “Splish Splash.” He was too busy singing about tutti fruity booties or something.

- When asked if fish can smell, one group responded, “Yeah. Bait works.”

- Regarding the Church of England’s recent addition of women to the bishopshoodship - I think that’s what it’s called? - one group (incorrectly) answered “homosexuals” and felt the need to clarify by adding “gay dudes” right after that. Now you’re wrong twice. Good job.

- A snow plow parent does not exist, but I’m sure it feels that way to some kids.

- NO KICKS TO THE FACE.

Awesome Team Name Shout-Outs!:

- Q + Anus

- 2nd to Last Gets the Beers (Not this week, fellas.)

- Former Soccer Fans

- When It Rains, It Porns

—————————

Follow me on Twitter! - @ahoff101

Like the music at the quiz? Check out the Spotify playlist! Geeks Who Drink - Raleigh Jamz

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