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Ballard Loft
5105 Ballard Ave NW
Seattle, WA 98107
Tuesdays: 8:00 PM
Comment Now
2:50 PM, May 16, 2012
Scores
Diablo job 84
Punch! Meat! Fuck! 72
Fightin' Pacifits 72
Welcome Back From Betty Ford, Mr Pio 71
The G-Woks 69
Misplaced Misfits 69
Ohhh..THAT Pac-12 68
Schroedinger's Cat In The hat 66
Frumpy FUPA 64
Battleship 2: Join the Motherfucking Army 62
Put A Bowie On It 62
Skeet 61
Double Penatrivia 55
Florida Fluffers 53
Funt 52
The Turd Furgusons 50
Bristol Palin Marriage Expert 47
Grand Theft Avacado 46
Beer:30 42
Why Won't Anyone Drink With Me 41
Will suck Dick for Points :-) 40
Chelsey & Tommy 39
J&W 35
The Gruesome Twosome 24
The Sib's 18
I'm yoked!!! 4
Baldomero Bananalingus Short
President of the "I Hate Jon Pio" Club


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Quiz Schedule
Tuesdays @ 8pm - The Ballard Loft, Seattle WA 		Jon (President of the "I Hate Jon Pio" Club)

Let's talk about me, finally.

Sean McNeil once said, "I don't know how you can be so arrogant yet hate yourself so much."  Thanks, Sean.  To answer the question you did not actually ask, I do not know how I pull it off but I do and it works.  That is, if you consider mind-boggling neurosis and crippling depression "working" but let us just go with it.

I live in Seattle yet I am originally from New Jersey.  That means I am a bastard.  Do not say "GTL" around me, I will cut you.  I may cut you anyway, since I have issues.  I got introduced to this whole pub quiz world when I went to a quiz at my current venue with two friends and a sociopathic girl without a soul.  After the soulless girl left my life I noticed that Geeks Who Drink was hiring in Seattle and I thought, "Oh my, this seems like a great place to feed my ravenous narcissim as well as fill the hole left by the soulless girl with lots of meaningless sex, perhaps finding some girl and trick her into loving me."  Well, it did not quite work out like that, but I am still trying. 

In the mean time, I really enjoy having everyone listen to everything I say and deconstructing them verbally when their actions do not please me.  Or verbally deconstructing them because I am bored.  Also drinking lots of whiskey.  I feel like my father.

I knew I should drink more before quiz.  I had some whiskey (a.k.a. 'humour potion') before it started, and I think it paid off.  I felt energized and funny.

Do you agree? [ Y | N ]


Actually, I give zero fucks about your answer.  Didn't I mention that I'm the Quizmaster with all the power?  All the fucks?  I am.  I'm riding high on my horse post vacation, mainly because I was riding a horse through the desert for a week.  That is a lie.  There was no horse.  There was a car.  There was a desert though and a nuclear test facility.  I brought a laser home.

After going through the quiz I noticed that Nico Bellic was being listed as a Russian on our visual round.  I decided the first geek to point this out to me would get a free drink on my tab.  I was impressed when someone pointed it out before I even started.  Well done, Eli.  Well done.

I enjoyed the Round 1 Haikus, except for when a team contested the Alien one, because we didn't mention the cat.  Go fuck yourself.  This is no Hispaniola moment.

Jesus, that was some good music in round two, wasn't it?  Everyone enjoyed the Good News but so sorry for the teams that were off on Jenny's phone number by a digit or two.  This is why I have it saved in my phone, so I can text Jenny.  For nudes pix.

Thanks to Kim Kardashian's sanctity of marriage, round three was the easiest round to grade.  This is the holy state of matrimony that we need to defend from things like the gays and Mexicans. 

Do people really not know what a palindrome is?  Thing like 'Redder' and 'Madam in Eden, Im Adam'?  For shame, folks, for shame. 

All of this ridiculousness ended in the Firework Tiebreaker, in which the tied teams had to set off a small firework provided by me.  For $25, Eli will pop off in a second. 

I would do it for free.

Ballard Loft
5105 Ballard Ave NW
Seattle, WA 98107
Tuesdays: 8:00 PM
Comment Now
12:35 AM, May 09, 2012
Scores
Spooky Tuna 83
Where the FUCK Is Our Quizmaster 82
Nerdy Deedles 78
Where the Wild Things Aren't 78
Anne Frank in the Tank 77
John Travolta Is a Lousy Tipper 77
Fuck You North Carolina 75
Misplaced Misfits 75
Phantom Man-ass 73
Pansexual Adventure in Time 72
Jon Is a Stupid Face 71
Grand Theft Avocado 68
Bald Beavers 65
1912 Titanic Swim Team 58
2 Girls and a Bill 56
Sanjaya 56
Something Clever and Sarcastic 56
Honey Badgers 54
Last Place 53
Enough Effin' Elephants 50
Fodder for You Super Nerd Teams 48
Thor Is My Boyfriend 46
Gopher 42
Fat Chance 39
Scott's Abs 37
Loft-y Expectations
Cap'n Brendan


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Quiz Schedule
Wednesdays at Rock Bottom in Bellevue, WA, from 9-11 p.m. 		Brendan (Cap'n Brendan)

What's up everyone! I'm Brendan. Better stage name now pending for 4 months (as of August, 2011). Really, I'm just not good with nicknames. I can barely remember the regular ones.

I've been hosting for Geeks since April of 2011, and this may be the sweetest gig a functioning alcoholic with mild narcissistic tendencies could ask for. I get a microphone, and then I get paid to drink free beer for 2 hours while taking malicious pride in seeing how much smarter I am than everyone else. Because, hey, I have all the answers.

When I'm not terrorizing the Seattle pub quiz scene, I also officiate weddings and do my part to keep the world caffeinated. Of course, all of this is done in the midst of scientific experiments to evaluate just what the human liver is capable of.

Coming to my quiz and wondering how you can "bribe" your way into a bonus point or two? I like the following things (and many of them are running memes at my quiz)... Team names (or gifts) that reference any of the following will make you seem cool:

  • Beer
  • Boobies (Public Service Announcement: ONLY if you're a girl!)
  • Baseball
  • Star Wars
  • Pirates
  • Jokes so tasteless they make Bob Saget squirm... Right before he goes back to sucking dick for coke
  • Anything Kevin Smith
  • Dance-offs
  • Karaoke
  • References to my being a Jew
  • References to my not being a real Jew because it's on my dad's side, not my mom's
  • Fuck Rebecca Black

(Last updated 8/30/2011)

It's one thing to be asked to cover for a quizmaster. We all have our own styles and quirks, and the crowds that thusly follow us are accustomed to pretty specific expectations. It's another thing to be asked to fill the shoes of someone who never takes a week off and carries a cult of personality eclipsed only by his chops. So stepping in for Jon Pio was both a rare honor and a fear-inducing experience. I'd say I lost sleep, but when you're unemployed and can sleep in until you damn well feel like it, it doesn't really matter how long (or how many beers) it took you to fall asleep - you'll still get your 8 hours in by virtue of "fuck it, I don't have to be anywhere until 7 tonight." 

So tonight's quiz was approached with trepidation, but also the confidence of someone who can spell narcissism backed by eight solid rounds of pub quiz entertainment. After all, you aren't here to see me - you're here to feel smart (and hopefully win some free beer in the process). It's just a virtue of my job that you have to see me no matter what, and as far as I'm concerned that's a privilege you gladly paid for.

With the typical strong showing at The Ballard Loft we cruised through eight rounds of quiz with nary a complaint, and even a couple of compliments on the cut of my jeans and my awesome "It's a Trap" Admiral Ackbar T-Shirt. By the time the dust settled on the Random Knowledge Round, we had clear first and second place winners in Spooky Tuna ($50 to The Loft) and Where the FUCK is Our Quizmaster [I was right there all night...] ($25 to The Loft), with a tie for third ($10 prize) between Nerdy Deedles and Where the Wild Things Aren't. After a PAC-12 tiebreaker separated the winners from the losers, it was Nerdy Deedles taking home the prize.

Thanks to everyone who came out tonight - I hope you had as much fun as I did. Your regularly scheduled quizmaster will be back next week... But hopefully I'll be back to spend another Tuesday with you. Until next time!

Ballard Loft
5105 Ballard Ave NW
Seattle, WA 98107
Tuesdays: 8:00 PM
Comment Now
2:05 PM, May 02, 2012
Scores
Takin' the Chicken to Yoga Class 76
Grampa Dick's Lemon Party 74
Chairs are for Twat Waffles 71
Your Mom Is On the Double D List 68
Urethra Franklin: The Queen of Hole 64
More Trashed Than a Niketown Store Front 64
Riot Pony 61
Jon 'The Tenderloin' Morril 61
Double Penetrivia 61
Drunken Dinosaurs 61
Because I'm 5 60
Pollyanarchists 59
Stupid Sexy Flanders 59
Hot Bunking 59
The Baby Seal Club 58
This Team Will Riot 57
The Monkey's Vagina 55
Wuper Duper is so super 54
Star-Butt-Buddies 54
Mayday Mayday 54
Suck it Matt and Donny 53
The Breast We Can Do 52
Watermelon Tourmaline 51
Dusty Dildos 47
Three Amigos 46
My Couch Pulls Out But I Don't 41
I <3 Pio 36
Booooo 35
Jusho-Sha 23
I Should Drink More (and so can you!)
President of the "I Hate Jon Pio" Club


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Quiz Schedule
Tuesdays @ 8pm - The Ballard Loft, Seattle WA 		Jon (President of the "I Hate Jon Pio" Club)

Let's talk about me, finally.

Sean McNeil once said, "I don't know how you can be so arrogant yet hate yourself so much."  Thanks, Sean.  To answer the question you did not actually ask, I do not know how I pull it off but I do and it works.  That is, if you consider mind-boggling neurosis and crippling depression "working" but let us just go with it.

I live in Seattle yet I am originally from New Jersey.  That means I am a bastard.  Do not say "GTL" around me, I will cut you.  I may cut you anyway, since I have issues.  I got introduced to this whole pub quiz world when I went to a quiz at my current venue with two friends and a sociopathic girl without a soul.  After the soulless girl left my life I noticed that Geeks Who Drink was hiring in Seattle and I thought, "Oh my, this seems like a great place to feed my ravenous narcissim as well as fill the hole left by the soulless girl with lots of meaningless sex, perhaps finding some girl and trick her into loving me."  Well, it did not quite work out like that, but I am still trying. 

In the mean time, I really enjoy having everyone listen to everything I say and deconstructing them verbally when their actions do not please me.  Or verbally deconstructing them because I am bored.  Also drinking lots of whiskey.  I feel like my father.

I think I'm a better host when I've had a bunch of booze in me.  I stopped drinking for the quiz because … well I'm not actually sure why.  I should start again.  Let's call it an experiment. Let's call it science.

I think if I were to drink more I would have definitely been a lot more vicious to the guy that shouted out an answer to the first question.  I mean, really, are there quiz nights out there where you just shout answers out?  Are they just people havin' fun at a bar?  How can this be legitimately competitive?  Anyway, I appreciate that your babysitter apologized and got an answer sheet so you could actually participate correctly.

Anyway, back to booze.  I should drink more of it; generally because we had an entire round on clowns last night.  I am among, what I hope, is the majority of humans in finding clowns terrifying.  I do not think I've ever laughed at a clown.  I've definitely thought: "oh-Gods-please-don't-come-over-here-please-don't-touch-me" again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.

In conclusion, I should drink more and all of you should try and touch me less.  You are infected.

and again
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