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5th Street Icehouse
500 Austin Avenue
Waco, TX 76701
Mondays: 8:00 PM

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11:25 PM, May 14, 2012


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Scores

Swamp Donkeys	70

Over The Counter Vagina	66

Wyld Stallyns	47

And Now Presenting the Lovely Ms. Jerry Seinfeld

Matthew

We get comfortable with each other the more we hang out. Some of you I like so much that I insult you as soon as you walk into the bar. You push back. We have a good time. With school officially ended for the semester over here at Baylor, I've been warned of a smaller turnout than usual, but the quality and caliber of you regulars is enough to distract from less quizzers. I was accused of being meaner than usual this week; that's possible. I've spent the last 5 days moving and unpacking a very full two bedroom house and right before I got here I found out that my cat ate my Wii sensor bar cord. I beat the cat mercilessly and then came here. You got a post-beating quizmaster tonight. My less-than-sincerest apologies. Let's see what we learned tonight:

Oxygen is MOST DEFINATELY on the periodic table and the round is called that cause the names of fast food chains are in the lyrics.

The Washington Redskins don't live in Florida.

Germanium, whilst incorrect, is actually an element on the periodic table. It is also NOT a flower.

Scooby Doo has always sounded like a retarded...something, but apparently it hasn't gotten any better with six different voice actors.

Underdog was raped by Jason Lee.

Karl Marx spoke and was not in a comedy team.

Usually you guys do well on tv themes. Since you guys did so poorly on round 7 tonight, I'm going to chalk that up to us picking some really obscure themes and not you guys sucking. The benefit of the doubt worked in your favor!

An entire round on potentially underage sex...very, very awkward.

Ministry is a very busy band and the guy who comes up with side project names is a very busy man.

Meagan is just all-around better than J.K.

I was so glad to see Nate, Zaybriel, Nester and my beautiful wife (and Erin and that other guy) present tonight to make up team Wyld Stallyns. They (except my wife, obviously) work for me at the most non-bogus game company Wyld Stallyns Games, and in case you were concerned that I might give them answers or show favoritism in any way, observe the scores. They sucked baaad. Now, we all know how this goes: you get better as time goes on and you know how to gauge quizzes and rounds, but losing by 19 to only 2 other teams seems nearly record breaking. Nearly. You know who holds that record. Over the Counter Vaginas and the Swamp Donkeys had a close fight from round 1, but the Vaginas could never quite pull ahead and the Swamp Donkeys claimed victory in the end. That's all there is to it. Fun night everyone and I look forward to doing it all again next week.

Be Excellent to Each Other!

Matthew

5th Street Icehouse
500 Austin Avenue
Waco, TX 76701
Mondays: 8:00 PM

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11:49 PM, May 07, 2012


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Vote Joe A. Gomez Sr. for Councilman At-Large City of Bellmead, TX	69

Jizzlyn and Co	57

I JUST HAD SEEEEX! Unrelated: this blog is kinda late...

Matthew

I love stormy nights. Everyone gets antsy like puppies locked up for too long. Everything's a little funnier. Everything's a little more meaningful. We had a not so deep conversation about racial humor and dirty language. Then we all said, "fuck it," and made jokes at the expense of all the minorities we could think of. I would like to challenge my quizzers this week, especially the ones that consider themselves clever to try something for me: let's come up with some white jokes. I have so many black, Mexican and Jewish jokes in my head that I could write a respectable book compilation, but I don't know any white jokes. Let's see if we can spend this week bringing white people down as well as the other minorities. After all, in Texas anyway, white people may be a minority after another decade or so. ;) Let's see what we learned tonight:

'At-Large' in an election means there's no incumbent. We actually learned something!

Yes, Queen Latifah is still hot, even if that song totally sucked. And it totally sucked.

Doesn't matter, had sex!

Apparently Mel Gibson was offered the chance to actually get paid to be a two-faced, lying cheating son of a bitch.

Leon Russell, Kris Kristofferson and Willie Nelson aren't too picky about whom they record music with.

Doesn't matter, had sex!

No one knew that Natalie Portman had a dick but we just can't stop the knowledge at 5th Street Ice House.

The more 'AKA's' you have, the cooler you are when a song features you.

Darius Rucker is black.

Doesn't matter, had sex!

Cocks, as in, roosters, make half circles before they fight. Cocks, as in, dicks, make straight lines northerly before they fight.

"Jaws" and "Jews" look very similar at first glance and after a long night of racial epithets, it was bound to happen. That's right, Martha's Vinyard played the fictional location where Jews were set...

Still counts!

We could have easily had four or five healthy teams tonight, but everyone chose to bunch up into two groups. The usual Swamp Donkeys changed up their game tonight by getting into the spirit of election season and changed their name to Vote Joe A. Gomez Sr. for Councilman At-Large City of Bellmead, TX. What actually happened was that they found a sign of a Hispanic man with the most magnificent facial hair they had ever seen, individually fell in love with him one by one, and then pledged their lives to him. If Joe A. Gomez doesn't win Councilman At-Large, I'm expecting a mass suicide on par with those crazies in the Nikes. After coming in first, Vote Joe A. Gomez Sr. for Councilman At-Large City of Bellmead, TX did a traditional, celebratory Mexican hat dance around one of the two inexplicably present sombreros. This victory leaves a certain sting to the oft sought after 2nd place. Jizzlyn and Co easily snatched second and didn't do too poorly score wise, but due to the team building, 2nd also meant last. Sorry guys. But you were funny and entertaining as usual and you bring more girls than the Swamp Donkeys so I respect you more. Maybe next time. Great night, all in all.

Be Excellent to Each Other.

Matthew

5th Street Icehouse
500 Austin Avenue
Waco, TX 76701
Mondays: 8:00 PM

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9:00 PM, April 30, 2012


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Scores

Swamp Donkeys	58

Eh, Whatever, Fuck it, Love stinks if you do it right	52

The Weeping Herpes	46

Fat Kids	43

Chaaaaaaa!

Matthew

You guys know my love of classic video games is deep and wide and, as a quizmaster, it is always a joy to read rounds that I easily score a perfect 8 on and chuckle as you all stumble. This is the same kind of joy that you should all get when acing a geography or sports round and I'm forced giving answers like "The Rocky Mountains" and "Babe Ruth." I started in the days that computer video games came in large cardboard boxes on 4 to 10 8-inch floppy disks and required just as much imagination and understanding of computer language as any sort of skill in the game. An actual command in King's Quet 4 was 'combine participle.' No, I cannot tell you what country the Tigris river flows through or who won the MVP for the 2003-2004 NFL season, but I could combine a participle in a game that looked like stacked color blocks walking in a field of stacked color blocks. We all have our skills! :) Let's see what we learned tonight:

A surprising amount of you did not know that Soylent Green was made of people. I understand if you've never seen the movie, but how do you get away from the myriad pop-culture references? That's impressive guys.

Rule number 1 is 'Don't Be a Dick.' It's an important rule. Implied with this is, "Don't be a dick to the quizmaster.' I thought we had learned this lesson before but, if you name your team something insulting to the quizmaster, expect to have your name changed to the worst thing I can think of at the moment of name entry. ;)

The songs from round 2, "Fast Food Nation" was labeled as such due to the names of fast food chains dropped in the lyrics of the songs. Now you know.

When asking for the name of someone, say, I don't know, Julius Erving, I want the man's name or nickname or some way of identifying your correct answer. Contrast this to "tomato" which would not indicate the man's name. Good shit.

Jezzball makes all of our inner children giggle cause it sounds like...you know...

OLD SCHOOL COMPUTER GAMES!!! Again, as stated above, you don't have to know everything. Lord knows I don't. But damn it's good to ace a round for simply being a nerd. It's also fun to mark a zero!

Whether with white hair and flying, in tight leather and purring, or animal skins and baking bronto steaks for John Goodman, Halle Berry is so, so hot.

Also, she was naked in Swordfish. Naked.

Ski Free made us all nearly fail high school (or some grade, depending on your age).

The Swamp Donkeys are really into rape dungeons.

Excellent round tonight guys. The Swamp Donkeys took an early lead and kept it with a well played audio round joker. Eh, Whatever, Fuck It, Love Stinks if You're Doing It Right wins second place and the award for the unnecessarily longest name of the evening. The Weeping Herpes eked a victory over the Fat Kids in the end but I was sure it was going to be closer. These two teams fought between two clear disadvantages: The Weeping Herpes were new and the Fat Kids had Reed on their team. In the end, Reed proved to be the proverbial 'sinking stone' and claimed the not-so-proverbial 'last place spot.' Great job everyone. We'll be doing this again next week and I look forward to seeing all of your smiling faces again and pray to God almighty for new ones.

Be Excellent to Each Other!

Matthew

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