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5th Street Icehouse
500 Austin Avenue
Waco, TX 76701
Mondays: 8:00 PM
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12:39 PM, May 14, 2013


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Scores

Swamp Donkeys	76

There's A Party In My Mouth But Everyone Is Throwing Up	76

Friendship Is Magic	68

The Feasting Maggots	59

Match.Com Set Me Up With Jodie Arias	57

Who came first?...in more than one way.

El Faith

Good morning! When I say short shorts Monday, you say how short. Right?! Well, that was the plan at least. Everyone was supposed to wear their shortest, tackiest shorts. Like most things in my life, it was an epic fail and I ended up being the only one dressed as a complete idiot. Well, not a complete idiot. My green Converse are pretty fucking epic and made up for a few things that I was lacking, style being a big one. Thanks guys. You killed my plan to see if someone else had legs whiter than mine. Now everyone knows how ultra white my legs are. “Uncle Fester Legs” as some would call it. Anyways, BACK TO QUIZ!

It has been a while since we have had a tie. I almost forgot how exciting it can be to settle one of those. I know that everyone was itching to see an awesome dance off, but that’s not how we settle a tie for 1^st place. It sucks, but, rules are rules. Maybe next week we will have a tie for 2^nd place, and you can watch someone from your team try to shimmy and shake like Michael J. Fox.

So, we learned that when round 2 is kicking your ass, it is best to finish the round off with a good old fashioned “mother fucker”, that is, after you let your Quizmaster know how you feel about Enrique Iglesias by answering with “cunt”.

Things we learned from Round 3: Dr. Pepper came before Coca-Cola by one year, but you’re in Waco. When in doubt, Dr. Pepper is ALWAYS the answer. A few teams gave me Coca-Cola. I understand, you were under pressure, but I could have farted at 5^th Street Icehouse, ran down to the Dr. Pepper museum, farted on that, run back to the bar and I still would’ve been able to smell my own flatulence and probably could’ve turned around heard screaming from the Dr. Pepper museum. That’s not a testament to my diet, that’s just how close we were to a museum dedicated to the creation of Dr. Pepper. Plus, Coke is disgusting. Don’t ever answer with Coke. (Unless it’s the right answer of course.)

At the end of 8 rounds, 2 teams tied for 1^st place. The Swamp Donkeys hadn’t had enough liquor by the end of Quiz and couldn’t answer enough questions correctly to win 1^st place during our tie breaker. It was a slow night? There wasn’t enough metal? Someone ordered Southern Comfort and threw the group off? Whatever happened, it wasn’t pretty. There’s A Party In My Mouth But Everyone Is Throwing Up finished in 1^st place, Swamp Donkeys in a close 2^nd, and Friendship is Magic finished in 3^rd. Everyone else, good call on not jokering round 2. You all scored more points in round 8 anyways, but it wasn’t enough to pull ahead of the pack. You all fought well, regardless of how many points you ended up with.

Until next week, have a good one, kiss your loved ones, play Cards Against Humanity as many times as you can, and wipe twice just to be safe. I will see you all next week!

Love,
Faith

5th Street Icehouse
500 Austin Avenue
Waco, TX 76701
Mondays: 8:00 PM
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12:56 PM, May 07, 2013


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Scores

SWAMP DONKEYS	85

COMPETITION STACHE	80

THE WIZ KHALIFA OF OZ	78

HANNIBAL CRACKERS	77

YOU WIN TRIVIA, WE WIN VAGINA	63

VINNY TESTEVERDES NUTSACK	46

Excuse me, sir, would you mind describing your porn in vivid detail to me?

El Faith

Greetings and salutations! Last night was one of the more 'exciting' quizzes, with round 7 being an audio round featuring a clip from the website “Porn For the Blind”. Yes, that website exists. No, I have not visited it yet. Yes, I did listen to that audio clip again today and no, sausage jokes in the pizza industry never get old. I did manage to ask a few questions that were not worth any points on the Quiz: What was up with the man's voice and all of the sighing? “Oh god, I have to go to my job where I get to watch porn all day and describe it to blind people.” Sounds like a pretty sweet gig, unless he has to describe a BBW video, or a midget porn video. Also, did anyone notice that clip had a rape vibe going on? I believe the quote was “Every pizza comes with a big tasty sausage, whether you ordered it or not. . . “ Excuse me sir, I ordered a fish taco, not a large sausage. Oh well, that clip was still the balls and it was so much fun watching everyone try to keep it in their pants. After the dust settled and the giggling ceased, I asked you guys some questions about that audio clip. Not to my surprise, all of you did super well on that round, and we came up with some very funny scenarios. So that was round 7. Here is everything else that happened in between:

If a 15-year-old needs to purchase the Plan B pill, they should also be able to purchase cyanide over the counter. Don't ask questions about that, just trust me on this one. I'm just kidding! Sexually active 15-year-olds who make horrible decisions are making a good choice by nipping that problem in the bud. I vote for a complimentary sex ed video to be attached to every package of the Plan B pill. If they aren't going to teach that shit in schools then maybe the pharmacies of America can help out the younger generation on this one.
You can add “I'm coming to fruition” onto your list of things to say at the near end of sex. Other things on that list include but are not limited to: “game over”, “victory”, and “level up”.
Tools not found on the Huntsman model of Swiss Army Knife: Flotation Device and Magnifying Glass, although magnifying glass should totally be added to that tool. What a useful addition. How else are you supposed to examine a lady bug up close without one? Then again, while you are taking in the beauty of nature that is all around you, is probably when a bear will make his move and eat the shit out of you. Didn't hear him coming? Ninja bears. They exist.
A mild wind from the West is also known in the bartending world as “Zenqueef” although I don't think there is anything zen about a queef.
Push presents are given to someone who is celebrating the recent successful evacuation of their bowels. That's exactly what you need after you give birth to your food baby, a little box wrapped in pretty paper with a big bow on top. Congratulations, you didn't shit your pants. Here's a bottle opener!

After 8 rounds of Quiz, laughter, and hilariously awkward jokes, we found out that you guys can keep it together and kick a Quiz's ass. We also found out that there is no shortage of jokes that can be made about poop and sex, and that was all before we found out what round 7 was talking about.

Oh shit! I almost forgot! We had a dance off for the e-mail bonus prize because NOBODY ANSWERED THE QUESTION CORRECTLY. Wtf guys?! Waco was #1 in the nation in the score rankings last week and nobody bothered to Google the e-mail bonus question? That sweet Labs With Abs book went to Joaquin for being the last dancer standing after I made you all dance to whatever crappy dance song it was that I picked. Note for future dance off situations: licking your boob will only help you win if you are a lady, not a man. Keep that in mind.

Special thanks to team Wiz Khalifa of Oz. You guys were entertaining all night long :) and thank you to everyone who was present at Quiz and Quiz after party. It's always fun and swing dancing with Richard at the after quiz dance party and it usually makes my week. Until next time, be safe, stay STD free, and love your neighbor! Seriously, go give your neighbor a hug. You'll need an ally when the zombie apocalypse comes knocking on your door.

Love,
Faith

5th Street Icehouse
500 Austin Avenue
Waco, TX 76701
Mondays: 8:00 PM
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3:30 PM, April 30, 2013


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Scores

Does The Pope Poop In His Hat?	104

1 Of Us Is Getting Sent Up The River	94

Swamp Donkeys	85

Unicorn Cunt Fingerers	71

Something Related To Buttholes	57

Snake Nerds	22

Sometimes you just have to put it in the butt.

El Faith

I don't know what that's about, but I did hear that from someone last night, and it wasn't in the bedroom. It was at the bar. Wait! Don't for a second think that I would take it up the butt, but at that, I wouldn't take it up the butt at a bar. Sex in public places is strange to me. At an Ozzy concert, or at a Greenday show....something about intercourse in a public setting is weird. I mean, people would have the chance to see your asshole, and that is just crazy to me. On another note, I don't understand why people hate Mondays. Monday is the best day of the week for me and those who come out to Quiz. Over the weekend when I feel the itch coming on, I just tell myself, one more day, one more day. Monday will be here soon enough, and I can let all of the weekend's bullshit go at Quiz.

Last night's quiz had 4, count them, 4, 16 point rounds. You guys killed it with the scores. Not last place finished in the 70's, 3^rd in the 80's, 2^nd in the 90's, and 1^st place in the 100's. Whew. What. A. Quiz. For those of you who were there, we all learned that George Jones can definitely kill the mood. I'm not saying I don't like George Jones, but Quiz doesn't have to die just because he did. (Rest in peace?)

It was such a high scoring Quiz that besides the Schindler's List jokes, nobody gave me an awesomely-bad wrong answer that stood out. Way to go, you guys. You know your shit. Hopefully Waco makes it in the top 5 this week with these scores, that is if you bring it the rest of the week.

Don't forget this Thursday is Quiz For A Cause benefiting the West Independent School District. We will have prizes and a good time will be had by all. (There are rumors of Darin doing a striptease to a Rush song, but don't quote me on that.) Until next time, have a great life, be safe, don't die, and don't forget to spay and neuter your loved ones.

Love,
Faith

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