I’ve never really cared much for Mariah Carey. Frankly, I never got the appeal. It doesn’t mean that I dislike her and her music just that I don’t really care about it. One thing I can say for certain though is that I hate the song Butterfly by Weezer. I mean, that is really awful song. Unfortunately that is also the closing song on Pinkerton. Maybe, we all should have taken note of that song and reminded ourselves not to buy the Green Album and all the other terrible albums that came out after it. But we didn’t. We bought them anyway and now we have to live with the fact that Weezer isn’t very good, but somehow are still around.

You know what I like about King of the Hill? It’s one of those shows you can completely forget was ever on television, until there’s a three hour block of it on Adult Swim. And then you watch every fucking episode because you have no recollection of them ever existing. I sometimes have to think about the fact that they ran several seasons of that show before it was finally cancelled and it boggles my mind. I just thought they had like three or four seasons that they kept playing over and over again randomly at 6pm. Did not know that those were new episodes. And again, King of the Hill episodes were so forgettable that every time you see a rerun, it might as well be brand new, because you had that part of your memory wiped.

Alright, that’s going to do it for today. I need to get back to reading NOS4A2 by Joe Hill. It is simultaneously one of the best genre books I’ve read in ages while having the worst title of any book I have ever willingly read. If you can get past how stupid the title is, I highly recommend it. It’s like Salem’s Lot, but different and all angsty like early 90s grunge music. I don’t know if that makes sense, but that’s my experience of it right now.

So, normally we don’t like to call whole countries shit, but we are willing to make an exception for Syria. This is a country that has been fighting a bloody civil war for about 3 years now, a country where the president is using chemical weapons on the people and the rebels are aligned with Hezbollah and wanting to fire missiles at Israel, so we’re just going to stay the fuck out of this one. I mean even if we had troops going there, we wouldn’t know which side we should be fighting on.

Alright, that’s enough global politics for one day. Let’s talk about what we all are here for; porn for the blind. Yes, this is  a real thing that exists and yes there is a whole website dedicated to it. The most amazing thing about it to me is the fact that the way it is read, it sounds like something you could almost get away with playing on NPR. And it’s produced in Cambridge, Mass. I have a feeling that the people behind this might actually work at NPR, thus making the day they sneak it into an episode of All Things Considered the best day of someone getting fired from public radio ever. Also, I think I’m going to make that the outgoing message on my voicemail. And for the record, though this entire clip was about a pizza delivery guy, I want you to know that as long as I’ve been at Ernie’s I have never seen any put their penis in a pizza. They keep a very clean kitchen here.

Well, that’s all for today kids. I’ll see you next week, when we will have even more time to bitch about King Joffrey.

Batman. Batman. Batman. I think this was one hell of a hard blog for me to write. Not because I don’t have enough to say about Batman. Because I have too much to say about Batman. Batman is my hero. Since I was old enough to want to be something, I wanted to be Batman. And then I got older, and realized that I would never be Batman. But guess what? Given the opportunity. I would still want to be Batman.

My first encounter with Batman was in 1989. Yes, I know it’s gauche to be introduced to a comic book hero via a movie, but I was five years old at the time, so give me a fucking break. After that I started reading every Batman comic I could get my hands on. I watched the animated series, I watched Adam West sixties show, I saw every movie involving the Caped Crusader I could. One of the formative events of my youth was when Bane broke Bruce Wayne’s back in the Knightfall series. It scarred me for life. It taught me that even heroes can be destroyed. Of course, this was about the same time that Superman was “killed” by Doomsday, but as we all know, in the world of comic books no one stays dead. Not even Jason fucking Todd. And we voted for him to die.

A few years back, when the Dark Knight came out, I saw the movie, I kid you not, 6 times in the opening weekend. I’m not too proud of that, but I’m not that ashamed of it either.

So yeah, I like me some Batman. And also, I didn’t really want to talk about the fact that getting a Real Doll with pubic hair will cost you an extra hundred dollars.

• The Royal Hilltop - Aurora 8:00 PM
• Darcy's Bistro & Pub - Denver 8:30 PM
• Prickly Pete's - Denver 8:00 PM
• The Whiskey Bar - Denver 7:00 PM
• The Cheeky Monk - Westminster 9:00 PM
• The Ram (Meridian) - Meridian 9:00 PM
• Lisa's Restaurant & Lounge - Augusta 7:30 PM
• Opal Divine's (Marina) - Austin 10:00 PM
• Opal Divine's (Penn Field) - Austin 10:00 PM