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The Harp Inn
130 E 17th St # A
Costa Mesa, CA 92627
Wednesdays: 7:30 PM
View All Posts
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12:16 AM, October 30, 2014
Scores
Halloween is the Only Time of Year Kids Get Candy from My House?Not My Van 82

No Treats For You! Come Back 1 Year! 81

Dirty Yellow 80

Nailed It! 68

IGNORE ME! 66

Better Than Nothing 61

Artificial Intelligence is No Match for Natural Stupidity 57

Keep it Secret, Keep it Safe 56

Getting Dressed Up Was Fun When I Was Six 48

Sexy as a Suped Up Prius 33

Resident Egon


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Bryan (Resident Egon)

Born on a mountaintop in NYC, crowdedest place in the land of the free. Moved cross the country just tryin' to see, come to California when he was only 3.

Bryan, Bryan the Quizmaster. Duke of the wild frontier. (I wouldn't want to be King...too many assassination atttempts)

It is with great pleasure that I accept the invitation of the publisher of this blog to contribute a few notes on the events recorded herein...events revealed by the recent discovery of documents believed to have been lost in the so-called "Great Implosion".

In order to fully comprehend the tragedy that was the untimely demise of Jason Todd, also known to his contemporaries as "Robin, the Boy Wonder," it is necessary to know something of the history and, by logical extension, the history of that unique and puzzling phenomenon of the Twentieth Century, the "Costumed Super Hero".

Of all those ex-officio lawmen, the super heroes, perhaps the most enigmatic was The Batman. He was often perceived as cold, merciless, and indifferent to human emotion, yet there are numerous documented instances where he showed extraordinary compassion. The recent discovery of a taped diary at the site of the Batcave excavation reveals that he lost his parents at an early age during an act of violent street crime, which may account for both his relentlessness as a vigilante and his reverence for human life. What is more difficult to understand is his relationship toward the young people whom he recruited as his assistants, and upon whom he bestowed the sobriquet, Robin.

The first of these, we now have reason to believe, was one Richard Grayson. Grayson, nicknamed "Dick," was the son of circus performers who were murdered as the result of a dispute with gangsters. The Batman became involved with the case and apparently took pity on the 12 y/o Grayson; it is easy, and perhaps unavoidable, to speculate that The Batman had identified with the orphaned child, seeing in the Grayson tragedy a reflection of his own. In any case, The Batman unofficially adopted the young Grayson, trained him in various crime fighting techniques and soon initiated him into The Batman's own violent milieu as Robin. In that guise, Grayson wore a mask and a costume of bright red, green, and yellow.1

The Batman and Robin partnership flourished for approximately six years before the pair...the "Dynamic Duo" as the press of the time hailed them...had a falling out, for reasons which, we fear, have been lost to posterity. One scholar, Dr. Charles Victor Szasz, of the Hub City Institute for Urban Upheaval Studies, has advanced the theory that a criminal psychopath known as The Joker actually inflicted a gunshot wound on Grayson during one of those rooftop contretemps which were such a prominent part of The Batman's career. Those who hypothesize that this incident forced Grayson's early retirement from the ranks of the masked vigilantes are unable to explain how and why Grayson later joined the group known as The Teen Titans and, indeed adopted the identity of Nightwing and became the Titans' leader. In all probability, as is often and lamentable the case, we shall never be certain of the truth. We can state that the partnership of The Batman and Dick Grayson dissolved and, for approximately 18 months, The Batman operated alone.

At this point, the doomed Jason Todd entered The Batman's life. The documents mentioned prior conclusively prove that The Batman met Jason when the boy was 12 y/o in an area of Gotham City known as "Crime Alley"2. As we reconstruct the incident, The Batman was making one of his annual visit to the neighborhood when he came upon Jason attempting to steal the tires from The Batman's vehicle3. He followed the youngster to an abandoned tenement and, upon questioning him, learned that Jason was an orphan living by his wits. As was the case with Dick Grayson, Jason apparently aroused The Batman's pity; it has also been hypothesized that The Batman  admired Jason's courage and ingenuity. For whatever reason, The Batman enlisted Jason's aid in the capture of Mrs. Faye Gunn, leader of a gang of thieves operating out of a school in Crime Alley.

Again, The Batman embarked on the training of a protégé.  Jason was an apt student and was soon wearing the red, green, and yellow garb of Robin. Neither the police, the underworld, nor the citizens of Gotham City were aware of the change from Grayson to Todd, which is eloquent testimony to the average Twentieth Century person's lack of powers of observation.

Here, the story becomes unclear. Evidence indicates that Jason Todd may have been emotionally unstable. Unlike his predecessor, he was neither able to adapt a dispassionate attitude toward hs nocturnal activities, nor to find pleasure in them; few instances are reported of him making the jokes, frequently in the form of puns, which marked the persona of Dick Grayson's Robin4. Indeed, one authority on the era, Dr. J. Bennet Gordon, believes Jason may have been directly responsible for the death of Felipe Garzonas, the son of a Bogatan ambassador who invoked diplomatic immunity to escape punishment for the beating of a woman. As in so many matters concerning The Batman and his Robins, we may never know the whole truth.

Meanwhile, we can peruse the history contained in the various volumes to gain insight into the troubled times preceding our own, or into what must be termed the pathology of the costumed super-heroes, or merely to enjoy a narrative that has already taken on the somber hues of legend.

 

My favorite Team Names Tonight:

  • Halloween is the Only Time of Year Kids Get Candy from My House...Not My Van
  • Artificial Intelligence is No Match for Natural Stupidity
  • Sexy as a Suped-Up Prius

 

Happy Halloween, ya fuckers! Or not...seriously...4 people dressed up for quiz. Where's your spirit, Orange County? Fine...save it for Friday when you all dress up as Harry Potter again. I'll be dressing up as Radcliffe's character from his new film Horns. So we can totally discuss him next week when for a bonus point you tell me what would Daniel Radcliffe said his Horcrux would be.

 

  • In 3rd - Dirty Yellow
  • In 2nd - No Treats For You! Come Back 1 Year!
  • And your victors in 1st - Halloween is the Only Time of Year Kids Get Candy from My House...Not My Van

Check us out officially on the Facebooks behind the Orange Curtain!

Sign up for the Email Mailing List! Get the Round 6 bonus question! Preview round for the upcoming night!

 

Here's to women's kisses,
and to whiskey, amber clear;
Not as sweet as a woman's kiss,
but a darn sight more sincere!

 

_________________________________________________________________

1. Among the numerous unresolved questions regarding The Batman is that of why Robin's costume was brightly coloured while The Batman's own was dark, presumably to aid The Batman in concealing himself in the shadows. This, like so much having to do with the super heroes, is most probably a properarea for speculation and investigation by abnormal psychologists.

 

2. Elsewhere, I have argued, quite persuasively, I believe, that "Crime Alley" was the site of the incident that left The Batman an orphan.

 

3. Journalists dubbed the vehicle The Batman used in his activities "the Batmobile". Similarly, other devices The Batman employed were given the "bat" prefix: viz, "batrope," "batarang," "batcopter," et. al. Academics of questionable credentials have advanced the claim that The Batman himself employed the "bat" prefixes. Given his grim temperment, it seems unlikely that he would have been so whimsical.

 

4. The same academics mentioned in the previous note have been bold enough to speculate the The Batman actually instructed his protégés to employ dubious humour, particularly of the type I refer to as the "sub pun," i.e., beginning an exclamation with the word "Holy" and adding whatever noun was deemed appropriate, e.g., "Holy footnote!" Apparently, some citizens of the era found this droll. Although the Robins may have been capable of perpetuating such inanity (they were, let us remember, uneducated children) a man as intelligent as their mentor could not have encouraged it.

The Harp Inn
130 E 17th St # A
Costa Mesa, CA 92627
Wednesdays: 7:30 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
12:04 AM, October 23, 2014
Scores
Nailed It! 74

Can You Repeat #7? 73

? My Parents Went to West Africa and All I Got Was *cough* this *cough* T-shirt. *cough* 70

3 out of 4 People Make Up 75% of the Population 58

Keep it Secret, Keep it Safe 56

Renee Zellwegger's Face 50

Newbies with Boobies 46

Those Fucking People Over There 36

Justice 13

Resident Egon


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Bryan (Resident Egon)

Born on a mountaintop in NYC, crowdedest place in the land of the free. Moved cross the country just tryin' to see, come to California when he was only 3.

Bryan, Bryan the Quizmaster. Duke of the wild frontier. (I wouldn't want to be King...too many assassination atttempts)

IV - Conclusions

 

The door to the private part of the palace was locked. It's the part that the public don't get to see. But I've never been public, and the little lock hardly slowed me up. The door to the private apartments with the big red heart on it was unlocked, so I knocked and walked straight in. 

The Queen of Hearts was alone, standing in front of the mirror, holding a plate of jam tarts with one hand, powdering her nose with the other. She turned, saw me, and gasped, dropping the tarts. 

"Hey, Queenie," I said. "Or would you feel more comfortable if I called you Jill?" 

She was still a good looking slice of dame, even without the blonde wig. 

"Get out of here!" she hissed. 

"I don't think so, toots." I sat down on the bed. "Let me spell a few things out for you." 

"Go ahead." She reached behind her for a concealed alarm button. I let her press it. I'd cut the wires on my way in - in my profession there's no such thing as being too careful. 

"Let me spell a few things out for you." 

"You just said that." 

"I'll tell this my way, lady." 

I lit a cigarette and a thin plume of blue smoke drifted heavenwards, which was where I was going if my hunch was wrong. Still, I've learned to trust hunches. 

"Try this on for size, Dumpty - the Fat Man - wasn't your brother. He wasn't even your friend. In fact he was blackmailing you. He knew about your nose." 

She turned whiter than a number of corpses I've met in my time in the business. Her hand reached up and cradled her freshly powdered nose. 

"You see, I've known the Fat Man for many years, and many years ago he had a lucrative concern in training animals and birds to do certain unsavory things. And that got me to thinking... I had a client recently who didn't show, due to his having been stiffed first. Doctor Foster, of Gloucester, the plastic surgeon. The official version of his death was that he'd just sat too close to a fire and melted. 

"But just suppose he was killed to stop him telling something that he knew? I put two and two together and hit the jackpot. Let me reconstruct a scene for you: You were out in the garden - probably hanging out some clothes - when along came one of Dumpty's trained pie-blackbirds and pecked off your nose

"So there you were, standing in the garden, your hand in front of your face, when along comes the Fat Man with an offer you couldn't refuse. He could introduce you to a plastic surgeon who could fix you up with a nose as good as new, for a price. And no-one need ever know. Am I right so far?" 

She nodded dumbly, then finding her voice, muttered : "Pretty much. But I ran back into the parlor after the attack, to eat some bread and honey. That was where he found me." 

"Fair enough." The color was starting to come back into her cheeks now. "So you had the operation from Foster, and no-one was going to be any the wiser. Until Dumpty told you that he had photos of the op. You had to get rid of him. A couple of days later you were out walking in the palace grounds. There was Humpty, sitting on a wall, his back to you, gazing out into the distance. In a fit of madness, you pushed. And Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. 

"But now you were in big trouble. Nobody suspected you of his murder, but where were the photographs? Foster didn't have them, although he smelled a rat and had to be disposed of -- before he could see me. But you didn't know how much he'd told me, and you still didn't have the snapshots, so you took me on to find out. And that was your mistake, sister." 

Her lower lip trembled, and my heart quivered. "You won't turn me in, will you?" 

"Sister, you tried to frame me this afternoon. I don't take kindly to that." 

With a shaking hand she started to unbutton her blouse. "Perhaps we could come to some sort of arrangement?" 

I shook my head. "Sorry, your majesty. Mrs. Horner's little boy Jack was always taught to keep his hands off royalty. It's a pity, but that's how it is." To be on the safe side I looked away, which was a mistake. A cute little ladies' pistol was in her hands and pointing at me before you could sing a song of sixpence. The shooter may have been small, but I knew it packed enough of a wallop to take me out of the game permanently. 

This dame was lethal

"Put that gun down, your majesty." Sergeant O'Grady strolled through the bedroom door, his police special clutched in his ham-like fist. 

"I'm sorry I suspected you, Horner," he said drily. "You're lucky I did, though, sure and begorrah. I had you trailed here and I overheard the whole thing." 

"Hi, Sarge, thanks for stopping by. But I hadn't finished my explanation. If you'll take a seat I'll wrap it up." 

He nodded brusquely, and sat down near the door. His gun hardly moved. 

I got up from the bed and walked over to the Queen. "You see, Toots, what I didn't tell you was who did have the snaps of your nose job. Humpty did, when you killed him." 

A charming frown crinkled her perfect brow. "I don't understand... I had the body searched." 

"Sure, afterwards. But the first people to get to the Fat Man were the King's Men. The cops. And one of them pocketed the envelope. When any fuss had died down the blackmail would have started again. Only this time you wouldn't have known who to kill. And I owe you an apology." I bent down to tie my shoelaces. 

"Why?" 

"I accused you of trying to frame me this afternoon. You didn't. That arrow was the property of a boy who was the best archer in my school - I should have recognized that distinctive fletching anywhere. Isn't that right," I said, turning back to the door, "...'Sparrow' O'Grady?" 

Under the guise of tying up my shoelaces I had already palmed a couple of the Queen's jam tarts, and, flinging one of them upwards, I neatly smashed the room's only light bulb.

It only delayed the shooting a few seconds, but a few seconds was all I needed, and as the Queen of Hearts and Sergeant 'Sparrow' O'Grady cheerfully shot each other to bits, I split. 

In my business, you have to look after number one. 

Munching on a jam tart I walked out of the palace grounds and into the street. I paused by a trash-can, to try to burn the manilla envelope of photographs I had pulled from O'Grady's pocket as I walked past him, but it was raining so hard they wouldn't catch. 

When I got back to my office I phoned the tourist board to complain. They said the rain was good for the farmers, and I told them what they could do with it. 

They said that things are tough all over. 

And I said. Yeah.

 

My favorite Team Names Tonight:

  • 3 out of 4 People Make Up 75% of the Population
  • My Parents Went to West Africa and All I Got Was *cough* this *cough* T-shirt. *cough*
  • Newbies with Boobies

BEST ROUNDS OF THE NIGHT!!!!!!

  • Ah frak....you did alright in Round 1
  • Seriously Round 2 could have been WAY worse...like worse than ICP worse.
  • Tough Round 3, eh? I have no jokes...it was just a real tough round for 16pts, but simply for 8.
  • I'm investigating Round 6Gate with a couple reporters lately
    • Oh shit...speaking of Round 6 there was a bonus email question. You're on the list right? You signed up with me at quiz? 

I'm on a sitcom kick of late...ok not really. I fucking hate those things, but I have to give creative credit to those that made decent artistic use of the production format. Well at least most of the time they did. Norman Lear gave us All in the Family, The Jeffersons, among many many other great shows. And some not so great. Remember that one that only lasted 20 weeks, was a comedy about the great depression, starring Rue McClanahan and Dabney Coleman? No? Well find out the title of one of the shows Lear lamented recently(like yesterday when quiz was happening recently) never quite found its feet and the success he hoped it would. It gets yo a point next week. 

  • In 3rd - 3 out of 4 People Make Up 75% of the Population
  • In 2nd - My Parents Went to West Africa and All I Got Was *cough* this *cough* T-shirt. *cough*
  • And your victors in 1st - Nailed it!

Check us out officially on the Facebooks behind the Orange Curtain!

Don't forget the all new first time ever Ghostbusters Quiz on Oct 25th at Complex in Glendale.

Sign up for the Email Mailing List! Get the Round 6 bonus question! Preview round for the upcoming night!

 

Here's to women's kisses,
and to whiskey, amber clear;
Not as sweet as a woman's kiss,
but a darn sight more sincere!

 

The Harp Inn
130 E 17th St # A
Costa Mesa, CA 92627
Wednesdays: 7:30 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
10:07 AM, October 16, 2014
Scores
Keep It Secret, Keep It Safe 82

Ginger & a Fitstful of Bitches 81

Chuck Norris Eats Ebola for Breakfast 80

Kim Jong Un-Dead 78

Lady Boyz II Men 67

Is This Bar Pager Friendly? 64

Those Fucking People Over There 55

Super Awesome Badass Dudes & Kiara 55

I <3 U2 50

Eeeeebolaaaa 50

Resident Egon


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Bryan (Resident Egon)

Born on a mountaintop in NYC, crowdedest place in the land of the free. Moved cross the country just tryin' to see, come to California when he was only 3.

Bryan, Bryan the Quizmaster. Duke of the wild frontier. (I wouldn't want to be King...too many assassination atttempts)

III.

 

My office was cold and lonely, so I wandered down to Joe's Bar for some companionship and a drink or three. 

Four and twenty blackbirdsA dead DoctorThe Fat ManCock Robin... Heck, this case had more holes in it than a Swiss cheese and more loose ends than a torn string vest. And where did the juicy Miss Dumpty come into it? Jack and Jill - we'd make a great team. When this was all over perhaps we could go off together to Louie's little place on the hill, where no-one's interested in whether you got a marriage license or not. 'The Pail of Water', that was the name of the joint. 

I called over the bartender. "Hey. Joe." 

"Yeah, Mr. Horner?" He was polishing a glass with a rag that had seen better days as a shirt. 

"Did you ever meet the Fat Man's sister?" 

He scratched at his cheek. "Can't say as I did. His sister...huh? Hey -- the Fat Man didn't have a sister." 

"You sure of that?" 

"Sure I'm sure. It was the day my sister had her first kid - I told the Fat Man I was an uncle. He gave me this look and says, 'Ain't no way I'll ever be an uncle, Joe. Got no sisters or brother, nor no other kinfolk neither." 

If the mysterious Miss Dumpty wasn't his sister, who was she? 

"Tell me, Joe. Didja ever see him in here with a dame - about so high, shaped like this?" My hands described a couple of parabolas. "Looks like a blonde love goddess." 

He shook his head. "Never saw him with any dames. Recently he was hanging around with some medical guy, but the only thing he ever cared about was those crazy birds and animals of his." 

I took a swig of my drink. It nearly took the roof of my mouth off. "Animals? I thought he'd given all that up." 

"Naw - couple weeks back he was in here with a whole bunch of blackbirds he was training to sing 'Wasn't that a dainty dish to set before Mmm Mmm.'" 

"Mmm Mmm?" 

"Yeah. I got no idea who." 

I put my drink down. A little of it spilt on the counter, and watched it strip the paint. "Thanks, Joe. You've been a big help." I handed him a ten dollar bill. "For information received,' I said, adding, "Don't spend it all at once" 

In my profession it's making little jokes like that that keeps you sane, sometimes it's the contests. Like knowing you'll get a bonus point for your team if you come before me prior to starting next week, clear your throat prompting me to cue you, and offer the proper counter-code to "The seagull perches on the steeple in the rain".

* * *



I had one contact left. Ma Hubbard. I found a pay phone and called her number. 

"Old Mother Hubbard's Cupboard - Cake Shop and licensed Soup Kitchen." 

"It's Horner, Ma." 

"Jack? It ain't safe for me to talk to you." 

"For old time's sake, sweetheart. You owe me a favour." Some two-bit crooks had once knocked off the Cupboard, leaving it bare. I'd tacked them down and returned the cakes and soup. 

"...Okay. But I don't like it." 

"You know everything that goes on around here on the food front, Ma. What's the significance of a pie with four and twenty trained blackbirds in it?" She whistled, long and low. "You really don't know?" 

"I wouldn't be asking you if I did." 

"You should read the Court pages of the papers next time, sugar. Jeez. You are out of your depth." 

"C'mon, Ma. Spill it." 

"It so happens that that particular dish was set before the King a few weeks back .... Jack? Are you still there?" 

"I'm still here ma'am." I said, quietly. " All of a sudden a lot of things are starting to make sense." I put down the phone. 

It was beginning to look like Little Jack Horner had pulled out a plum from this pie. 

It was raining, steady and cold. I phoned a cab. 

Quarter of an hour later one lurched out of the darkness. 

"You're late." 

"So complain to the tourist board." 

I climbed in the back, wound down the window, and lit a cigarette. 

And I went to see the Queen. 


 

My favorite Team Names Tonight:

  • Those Fucking People Over There
  • Chuck Norris Eats Ebola for Breakfast
  • Eeeeebolaaaaaa

BEST ROUNDS OF THE NIGHT!!!!!!

  • Round 1...you know it, I know it, total BS
  • Very very nice try going for those years, but with zero leeway, it was bound to be painful for everyone.
  • Admit it...you thought Round 3 was gonna be eight questions about implied homosexual couples in fiction: Bert & Ernie have a contentious relationship, much like Neil Simon's classic 'The Odd Couple', but with much gayer undertones. Was Bert the top, or the bottom?"
  • Round 6 belongs in The Simpsonian, framed and annotated.
    • Oh shit...speaking of Round 6 there was a bonus email question. You're on the list right? You signed up with me at quiz? 

 

So you totally saw the bonus point possibility laced in there, right? No? You just scrolled past Chapter 3 in the ongoing saga of a tenacious private dick and went right for the standings? The part that I read off last night before you left? And then handed out prizes? Well...now you want to go back and read some of it don't you? It's either that or take a swim in your giant money vault...

 

  • In 3rd - Chuck Norris Eats Ebola for Breakfast
  • In 2nd - Ginger & a Fistful of Bitches
  • And your victors in 1st - Keep it Secret, Keep it Safe

Check us out officially on the Facebooks behind the Orange Curtain!

Don't forget the all new first time ever Ghostbusters Quiz on Oct 25th at Complex in Glendale.

Sign up for the Email Mailing List! Get the Round 6 bonus question! Preview round for the upcoming night!

 

Here's to women's kisses,
and to whiskey, amber clear;
Not as sweet as a woman's kiss,
but a darn sight more sincere!

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