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The Stone Church
5 Granite Street
Newmarket, NH 03857
Wednesdays: 7:00 PM
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7:49 PM, April 16, 2014
Scores
Secret Cheesecake 80

Kayvon Edson's Rice Cooker 78

My Sperm Tastes Like Milkduds, Want to Find Out? 76

Brains and Brawny 76

My Milkshake Brings all the Boys to the Yard: The Milkshake is My Penis 73

Chris Sumner Memorial Orchestra 73

Speak Slowly; We're Not From Round Here 71

So Hard to Find that Plane 69

Third Reich and Roll 68

Blazed Zombie Jesus 67

I Mustache You a Question 67

Pro Force 43

My Couch Pulls Out But I Don't 38

Easter? I Hardly Knew Her! 14

Quizler


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Quiz Schedule
Wednesday 7pm-9pm The Stone Church, Newmarket, NH
Sarah (Quizler)

College teacher by day, Pub Quiz Queen by night.  I love puns and portmanteaus and team names that include my name.  Some say people hate hearing the sound of their own voice but it seems that may not be true for me.

My quiz night includes song requests, dancing, and if you're good, chugging contests.

NH is my childhood homestate and after trying several other places, including San Diego, and South Korea, I came back to the 'Shire.  Help me figure out why!  

Maybe you want my credentials? BA in English from PSU, MA in Linguistics from SDSU.  Does that mean I love to party?  More like, I love to be the smartest person in the room full of party school people.  It hasn't happened yet.

Even though I'm a linguist, I'm not the most cunning. My quiz teammates always had to guess the answers I "knew" from random clues I'd give them.  There was a lot of "ya know?  the guy with the hair?" going on.  Suprisingly, this method led us to victory on many happy occasions.

When you come out to the Stone Church for quiz night, chat me up!

What with the blood moon one night and the loudest hail of all time the next night I’m running on about as much sleep as a person who has a full time job. I felt great all night until it got hard to speak and I realized voice loss is a symptom of sleeplessness. It sounded sexy though? Maybe our new teams didn’t notice. We had some pretty good teams tonight but not a lot of laughter for them. My favorite name was Third Reich & Roll because it’s tasteless and clever. I never know what to do with a team who changes a bit of their name each time. Sometimes I forget to notice but My Sperm Tastes Like [instert flavor here] was pretty good. Our winner for current event tastelessness was of course Kayvon Edson’s Rice Cooker but maybe you’re not caught up on CNN yet. I think the scariest name of the night goes to Blazed Zombie Jesus because that would freak me out.

Let’s talk about tonight’s quiz.

Round 1: Did you know my AIM screen name was sazmax? My very first one was srgerard and i hated it so much because my “friends” in high school called me señor gerard. So as soon as I got to college I made myself a new name that had the ultimate in cool: an x and a z. People still ask me what it means, which is basically, "I’m a tool." A friend’s mother recently asked me if that was my real name because my friends from college still call me that, I assume because they’re making fun of me. Pro Force Had the best guess on this round because instead of Dizzee Rascal they just wrote “Jay-ZZ.”

Round 2: I do a music unit in my class and it includes the Jackson 5. Every semester I have a student exclaim, “Michael Jackson was black?” Do you think I’m single-handedly lowering his download numbers in Asia?

Round 4: I love Jell-o salad so much. I first realized this love at a college football tailgate party. They had lime Jell-o with carrots and cabbage and it’s basically my go-to for potlucks now. The nice thing about it is that it’s like healthy. In a sense. What’s your favorite Jell-o salad? Also, Tennessee has the Jack Daniels Distillery, and Coachella, and fried pickles. What’s not to love?

Round 5: Uncle Buck is one of my favorite movies. It’s one of those kids movies that’s titillating in it’s unknown and scary bits. You know the scene where he thinks the older daughter is at a party doing it with Bug? Ooooh I loved that. This was the one the most teams missed. People, it’s canon.

Round 6: I loved watching “Queer Eye” when it was on. There was an episode where they taught the guy to make sushi for his girlfriend, and then ya know they go in another room and watch him to see what he’s learned. This guy uses the dish towel to handle the sushi and then wipes his very sweaty brow with it and then uses it with the sushi again. I thought that was hilarious and disgusting and felt so bad for his girlfriend when she had to watch it. But then I dated a guy who would shower and then cook in his towel and would wipe raw chicken on the towel that he was currently wrapped in and would use again the next day. Turns out men are just like that.

Round 7: Your 2nd place winners of the night beat most of you even though they wrote “Leaning Tower of Pizza” and ‘The Luve.” If the former were a thing I would take all of my first dates there. My Sperm wrote “Led Zepplin Fountain” for Mannekin Pis. Can someone explain that to me? Because it sounds good.

Round 8: I saw Ben Stein speak when I was in college. He was old and stuffy and told us to call home once a weak. Have you ever thought about what your name would be if you were a different gender? I think i’d go with sazmax.

Well there it is folks. I hope you all sleep through the night and I’ll see you next week for our annual Easter candy exchange. Holy crap please let’s do that.

Yours for now, Quizler

The Stone Church
5 Granite Street
Newmarket, NH 03857
Wednesdays: 7:00 PM
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5:08 AM, April 10, 2014
Scores
So Hard Again & Again & AgainÉ 84

Ten Inches is Too Big 83

Survivors of Flight 370 (Still No Black Box) 82

Ezra Allen Poundcake 78

Raisin Bran Stark 77

Jaime Lannister's Golden Handjobs 72

Reese Witherspoonfull o'Sugar 70

Daario Naharis 2.0 61

Ad Infinitum and Dyahn 51

The Little Falcon 49

Spoiler Alert- Ned Stark Dies 46

Mr. G 29

Venereal Disease 20

River Runners 19

Quizler


Web

Quiz Schedule
Wednesday 7pm-9pm The Stone Church, Newmarket, NH
Sarah (Quizler)

College teacher by day, Pub Quiz Queen by night.  I love puns and portmanteaus and team names that include my name.  Some say people hate hearing the sound of their own voice but it seems that may not be true for me.

My quiz night includes song requests, dancing, and if you're good, chugging contests.

NH is my childhood homestate and after trying several other places, including San Diego, and South Korea, I came back to the 'Shire.  Help me figure out why!  

Maybe you want my credentials? BA in English from PSU, MA in Linguistics from SDSU.  Does that mean I love to party?  More like, I love to be the smartest person in the room full of party school people.  It hasn't happened yet.

Even though I'm a linguist, I'm not the most cunning. My quiz teammates always had to guess the answers I "knew" from random clues I'd give them.  There was a lot of "ya know?  the guy with the hair?" going on.  Suprisingly, this method led us to victory on many happy occasions.

When you come out to the Stone Church for quiz night, chat me up!

Oh hey there. What a good night. We didn’t have a lot of perfect rounds but we did have a few important perfect rounds - like round 2. Our winners tonight, So Hard, are really make a comeback. And I believe 2nd place, 10 Inches, is too. Watch out guys! Ezra Allen Poundcake had a perfect round 2 but a dismal round 8 compared to everyone else. I think they’re another one to watch out for. What are the odds that a team with a Game of Thrones name didn’t win? I think about 3:1. Ad Iinfinitum and Dyahn was trying to rouse the owner of the car who’s license plate is Dyahn but no one seemed to rise to it. 

Round 1: I bought an iPod Mini in that year it was available. You know that commercial where the guy is thinking back to his bad decisions like dumping Brooklyn Decker and not investing in Twitter? Yeah it was like that. Shouldn’t the mini be worth something now? Also, is there a thing better than tater-tots? They are the most amazing food invention since pizza. I like ‘em stuffed too, unlike pizza.

Round 2: What about “Deep in the Heart of Texas?” What’s your favorite clapping song? Oh I almost forgot The Dandy Warhols’ “We Used to be Friends!” This week during an art lesson I forgot the name Andy Warhol when trying to compare his factory style art to Thomas Kinkade. They wouldn’t have known what I was talking about anyway.

Round 3: It’s good to know the Ferris wheel wasn’t named because it gets rusty so easily, right? My grandmother dated a wet blanket named Erwin. I’d rather listen to a quantum mechanics lecture. Anyway, R.I.P. Erwin. Ten Inches is Too Big is the only team to get all 8 and 1 of 2 to not try to spell Giuseppi, but they did think the round was called, “this shipsoppatamus.” I need to work on my pronunciation? It was supposed to be, “This shit’s eponymous.”

Round 4: Should we discuss the new Daario? Or should I say the old producer on Nashville? He is way too normal looking for my taste, that’s for sure. I didn’t even notice he was new until I watched the new episode the second time. Anyway, I’m way more excited for Mad Men this weekend. If my brother cancels his Xfinity before Sunday I might die. Or maybe I’d actually go out and see sunlight again. Did you see that Fox News reporter who said NAACP instead of NCAA?

Round 5: What’s grosser: Two Girls One Cup, or The Human Centipede? I wouldn’t know because just mentioning either sends my mind straight to baseball stats. Spoiler Alert - Ned Stark Dies wrote “What Miss Piggy Deserved” for Death Becomes Her and that made me sad. Give a pig a break, guys.

Round 6: How was y’all’s weekend? Mine was marred by being introduced to this little music video by Kris Jenner called, “I Love My Friends” featuring O.J. Simpson throughout. You’re welcome/sorry.

Round 7: Remember when Joey on “Dawson’s Creek” sang that song from Les Mis? Barf. If that was on today I would have to block several of my Facebook friends because they’d all be posting it with things like “OMG this is so [heart emoji, flame emoji]!” “Joey and Dawson 4eva.” Oh crap now it’s stuck in my head.

Round 8: When I was younger I was so proud that LL Cool J was my first concert. It was the worst concert I’ve ever seen. He humped a stool and lip synched most of the set because he was busy licking his lips for effect. The best concert was The Flaming Lips at a free show put on by Bacardi or So Co or something. Outdoors, costumes, enormous balloons, shit was cray.

The pencil sharpener offer still stands: free beer for the best one.

Well, I’ll see you guys next week when we’re all taking a little break from Passover with some Stone Church beers.

Yours for now, Quizler

The Stone Church
5 Granite Street
Newmarket, NH 03857
Wednesdays: 7:00 PM
View All Posts
Comment Now
7:56 PM, April 02, 2014
Scores
So Hard to Stay Hard in a Threesome 74

Friday Night Blowjobs & Free Pizza 71

Stinky Britches 70

Inigo Montoya 70

Peyton Manning Would Have Saved Those Firefighters 66

The Homosexual Agenda 60

Hello Quizmaster, We Are the Rules Keepers 58

Funky Ball O'Tits From Outerspace 53

Cry Havoc, and Let Slip the Dog of War (The Dog of War is My Penis) 48

Tiny Conniving Brains 43

Ten Points to Gryffindor 40

Quizler


Web

Quiz Schedule
Wednesday 7pm-9pm The Stone Church, Newmarket, NH
Sarah (Quizler)

College teacher by day, Pub Quiz Queen by night.  I love puns and portmanteaus and team names that include my name.  Some say people hate hearing the sound of their own voice but it seems that may not be true for me.

My quiz night includes song requests, dancing, and if you're good, chugging contests.

NH is my childhood homestate and after trying several other places, including San Diego, and South Korea, I came back to the 'Shire.  Help me figure out why!  

Maybe you want my credentials? BA in English from PSU, MA in Linguistics from SDSU.  Does that mean I love to party?  More like, I love to be the smartest person in the room full of party school people.  It hasn't happened yet.

Even though I'm a linguist, I'm not the most cunning. My quiz teammates always had to guess the answers I "knew" from random clues I'd give them.  There was a lot of "ya know?  the guy with the hair?" going on.  Suprisingly, this method led us to victory on many happy occasions.

When you come out to the Stone Church for quiz night, chat me up!

Hey gang! We had quite the fun night, didn’t we? Lots of laughter, especially at the team name Cry Havoc, and Let Slip the Dog of War! (The Dog of War is My Penis). We pulled in some new teams, namely Inigo Montoya, who were all, oh we don’t want to play, and then were first up for each bonus round. And most notably, our three-streakers were ousted by So Hard to Stay Hard in a Threesome, and in second, Friday Night Blowjobs and Free Pizza. One of those names was popular and one was not. Poor Stinky Britches came so so close to winning some money. Don’t beat yourselves up over changing an answer; everyone does it so it evens out.

Let’s talk about the quiz:

Round 1: I love that so many of you think William Penn was the face of Dr. Pepper. But the best answer of the night was Ten Points to Gryffindor who wrote “Mitty, Walter” for the author of that book. I like that they stayed in tune with the theme by any means necessary.

Round 2: I think my favorite song that is “not” about sex is B4-4’s “Get Down” with the line, “Gonna make you come tonight… over to my house.” It’s good because if you say it without the ellipsis it doesn’t sound anywhere near normal so it’s clearly contrived. Canada tried to make B4-4 happen and failed and that’s why they made the super pop star Justin Beiber. They made him so powerful that’s he’s lost all human perspective. Props to Cry Havoc for adding “cum” to all the answers they didn’t know. Again, way to stick to the theme. “Cum on Eileen” was their best guess.

Round 3: I used to wear my York Beach t-shirt all the time. Those things were $5 and still are. At Penn State one of the cafeteria workers saw it and said, “I didn’t know York, PA had a beach.” I lifted my boob to show her the ME that was hidden. Oh, Maine.

Round 4: Once again reading Percy Jackson could help with a question. Although Pan is quite the strange character in the series. How does it feel knowing that many 8 year olds know more about Greek and Roman mythology than you do? I’m pretty sad that you didn’t laugh at my flygirls joke. Did none of you watch “In Living Color”? The flygirls were the dancers between skits. When I hear "flyboys" I think of B-boys but apparently they're closer to pilots. As one team said of Yasser Arafat’s Peace Prize, “Thanks, Obama.”

Round 5: How many of you know people who went on the “Price is Right?” I know 3. One was my friend’s grandmother who still has her living room set. One is a goofy friend who didn’t get anything. The last was my RA. He told us all to watch and was the first person called on down. As soon as he got to the podium the president cut in with an emergency announcement. We’ll never get to see him lose. My favorite “Price is Right” story is a good one though. One of my camp counselors was telling me about being in the audience and how he didn’t get called but the old lady sitting next to him did so he got on TV. He told us about the old lady and what she won. Another counselor was walking by and overheard the story. He said, “wait, was her name Dolly [I don’t remember the real name]?” Yeah it was. He then said he was also at the show once and sat right behind a “Dolly” and they probably were in the same studio audience, and guess what? He had the tape. We then proceeded to watch the episode and lo and behold there they were one in front of the other before they’d ever met.

Round 6: You know who was a Detroit Tigers fan? Magnum P.I. I’m sorry of making fun of the team who thought Martin Scorcese’s real name was Shelton. You weren’t alone with bad guesses.

Round 7: Needless to say, a disaster. I think we brought this on ourselves being disaster junkies. How many of you are following the Washington landslide news every day? And of course we’re barely over the missing plane. Let this round be a message to you: shit’s depressing. But also, I love that Jose Conseco was mentioned. He played part of a season for the minor league team in San Diego called the “Sea Dawgs.” How much shame is in that name? Needless to say, I bought a t-shirt while I had the chance. It rules.

Round 8: Have you seen the thing going around about Mitch Hedberg’s jokes ranked? Somehow there were a few I’d never seen before. My new favorite is about how he’s excited to be done with the set because he’s got a roll of lifesavers and the next flavor is pineapple. I can relate to that concept more than I would like. Also, Ramen is one of my staples. I used to buy it mainly for the noodles - they make for such a great stir fry because they’re curly and fun, and so cheap. But now I know their true diversity. Shin ramyeon is great with a Kraft single melted on top. Or add some dumplings in there. Delicious! Enjoy.

And there it is. Remember next week, the person who brings me the best pencil sharpener will get a free beer and the love of every team.

Yours for now, Quizler

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