414 Franklin Ave
Waco, TX 76701
Thursdays: 8:00 PM
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Scoring shenanigans. Shots. Live music. Shots. A bible written in “Jewish.” Big Ben is now called “Big Tits.” Shots. And Jesus was a premie. Another shot. Our personal versions of who constitutes hot and not hot is varied. Hey, let’s do another shot! Why is the floor always in my face? No, Jeff Dunham is not a prop comic, but he is just as unfunny as one. Is this shot actually alcohol or lighter fluid – I better try another one.
Last night’s quiz at TRUELOVE seems to be coming back in small flashes. Interspliced between shots, bad decisions and bad answers, there may be enough grey matter left to cobble together a blog. The quizzers turned out in strong numbers again – 11 teams! Nice! It looked like 22 by the end of the night. Nice?! The chance to double-up with an extra 16-point round promised to vault scores a little higher than normal. And you didn’t disappoint. Scoring was actually pretty tight throughout the evening. When only 14 points separate first through seventh place, the competition is tighter than Margaret Thatcher’s thatch.
Oh, and we did learn a very valuable piece of information: Faith Duty is a terrible person! Let this be a warning to all of my fellow Quiz Masters out there! If she shows up to your quiz, she will MAKE you drink many, much and often. The night sounded a little like this:
Pre-Quiz, 7:30 p.m.
Faith - Hey Darin, wanna do a shot? I’m buying.
After round 2
Faith - Hey Darin, want another shot? I’m buying.
After round 3
Faith – Hey Darin, let’s do another shot. I’m buying.
After round 5
Faith – Hey Darin, Eric said he would buy us a shot if I go get them.
After round 7
Faith – Hey Darin. Come on. One more shot before the quiz ends.
After round 8
Faith – Hey Darin, make sure you count our Joker for round 8. I’ll buy you a shot.
Faith - Hey Darin, if you do one more shot with me, you might start to look hot.
It was all her fault. Although I know I was probably asking for it, being dressed all sexy in my Geek Bowl VII QM shirt. That said Joker for round 8 was actually the second of the night for her team. For some reason, your QM did not catch that mistake. Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster that TRUELOVE quizzers are all CPA’s and were quick to point out the scoring discrepancy.
With the scoring shenanigans straightened out, Who Milks The Milkman emerged the victors with 88 points. Hot on their tails were Tell That Bitch To Be Cool with 83. America’s favorite quiz mules, The Swamp Donkeys rounded out the top three with 81. Dick Trickle Can’t Win, Crooked Chode & The U-Turns, and Hey Joaquin-Fuck You! all finished with scores in the mid-70’s. Our newcomers in Lady Gaga’s Vestigal Penis continue to improve each week. They finished with 74 points – keep coming back guys, you’ll be in first place by Christmas.
So here’s some shit we didn’t know was shit before the shit went down last night:
Wilma Flintstone was hot. Betty Rubble was hotter
Leah Remini’s voice could shatter a diamond-plated erection
Plants have “flovaries”
Mary was pregnant with Jesus for just 3 months
According to other scriptures, Mary was pregnant with Jesus for 9 months, B.C.
The London landmark, Big Ben, has in fact been renamed “Big Tits”
Kathy Bates was great in “Troll 2”
Your Jewish grandmother was great in “Debbie Does Redheads”
“Harlem Shake” was performed by DJ Fuckface. Maybe it just seems like it
There is fine line between doing a Jewish grandmother voice and doing Krusty the Klown.
Obama is about to kill all of your babies
“Shake A Baby” has a great beat, but it’s hard to dance on
That bizarre Basilica of The Holy Family in Spain is actually in Ontario, Canada. That’s why it’s weird!
The vagina has actually been touched by God. That’s why it’s scary looking but feels so good!
OK. Quit reading this crap and get back to work you lazy bastards. Until next week, keep up with the shit you know is shit but it’s good shit to know on the Geeks Who Drink at TRUELOVE Facebook page.
And, you must do this! Waco may be small, but let’s show the rest of the Geek Kingdom that we are MIGHTY. SMART. ASSES! Click here to learn more and sign-up for the Rumble in The Pub!
Until next time, may your penis never hear Leah Remini speak and Faith Duty always be buying the shots!
Love on ya,
414 Franklin Ave
Waco, TX 76701
Thursdays: 8:00 PM
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Where there is an anus, there will be a penis (or penus). It just goes without saying. They go together like boobs and more boobs. Seriously, if you give a bar full Geeks Who Drink quizzers a round called “Anus to Zebus” and ask them to give answers that end in “us,” you can be guaranteed to get “penus,” “clitorus,” and “cunnilingus.” No wonder you people never get laid! At least the quizzers at TRUELOVE are good at well, quizzing. That’s the kind of quiz opener that just brings the proceedings straight to gutter. Luckily, it’s a place where we all seem to thrive. Quick to the gutter, quicker to my heart!
In doing some research for this here blog entry, I also discovered that black superheroes are pretty lame and horribly under-represented. Not Aquaman lame, but pretty lame none the less. Only the NHL is worse for our African-American brethren. Prior to the early 70’s, they were always the “Black this or that” or “Dark something or other.” That guy Falcon was the first one without that kind of nom de plume. And..well, who the hell reads Falcon comics anyway? And then, the best you can get is shitty, shitty, hero movies starring Shaquille O’Neal or that awful Wayans brother….Tito maybe? Someone call Tyler Perry. Have him wipe his ass on some copier paper and produce a movie from that. “Tyler Perry Presents: Blaquaman Meets The Creature from Madea’s Lagoon.” On second thought, some things are just better left undone. As we really know, prior to 1960 superhero equal opportunity hiring extended as far as a nice rack…thank you Wonder Woman.
We also had the chance to break in a possible Quiz Master in the making. Our little friend Sheldon Craig took the mic for round 6. With his little hat and pedophile mustache, he was so cute…and delicious. As is the fashion on the first new moon of every May in Waco, we devoured the body of a Quiz Master as a sacrifice to our Geeks Who Drink overlords. He was quite delicious, even if he was a tad scawny. Reminder to self, get a beefy QM in training for the next audition. I guess I should have let Sheldon know ahead of time. Before he was consumed, he did a pretty good job for a first-timer. If he has the ability to regenerate from the various poo deposits over the next few days, he might be quite good.
Damn, I’m all over the place with this blog so far. I blame it on the alcohol and the copious amounts of cold medicine keeping me upright as this missive is being formed. Mostly the alcohol, though. We had a crap ton of people again. I’m totally loving that. Four teams of all first-timers showed up and seemed to have a good time. There scores were pretty damn good too. One team even had a girl that I used to have a massive crush on in high school. But I was a black superhero back then, so we weren’t allowed to date. The 80’s were like that.
However, the night belonged to the veterans. The horribly named Jack’s Pussy Has Anal Leakage kicked round 2 in the balls and never looked back, winning with 87 points. Our ever-increasingly loud as hell buddies in the Swamp Donkeys were second with 82, a mere point ahead of I Am To Your Mom As Mt. Visuvius Was to Pompeii. When your top three teams top 80, that’s a damn hell ass good night. When you add the fact that teams 4 through 8 also topped 70 or better, you might get mentioned in the Geek In Review for scores. Congrats to Face Anus, Rattlesnakes & Condoms: Two Things I Don’t Fuck With, Brittany Murphy is Dead Sexy, and Jody Arias Is Our Sloppy Seconds. It fills my bitter and aging Quiz Master heart with something kinda like love when a bunch newbies can get into swing of quiz and enjoy the night.
So there was that, now here’s this:
Australia is being overrun by ferrets carrying the HIV virus
“Something Gay and Something Gayer” may be an apt description of Billy Joel and Phil Collins music, you need to be more specific
If you have mucus in your bone cavities, it may be time for a marrow transplant
Jumbo Shrimp was the lesser known sideshow freak. It’s also the penis nickname for more than one TRUELOVE quizzer
Australia’s unofficial anthem is “Welcome to the Thunderdome, Bitch!”
Didgeridoo her? I didgeridid!
Prior to 1960, all the black superheroes had to sit at the back of Wonder Woman’s Invisible Jet
The Justice League of America 2013: Verne Toyer, Your Mom, Sean “Fucking” Connery, Lady Gaga, Wonder Dog, Black Panther, Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy and Jordan “Fucking” Rhudy.
Top Team Name of the Night: Many clever ones to choose from. Special mention to the Rattlesnakes, Brittany Murphy and Face Anus names. Think the prize goes to of I Am To Your Mom As Mt. Visuvius Was to Pompeii.
Once again, I want to thank the Waco quiz faithful for showing up to our Quiz for Cause last week. It was a great night…as was tonight. Hope to see all of our new teams become regular irregulars like the rest of regulars. Keep up with the comings and goings of our quizzy quizzness at our Geeks Who Drink at TRUELOVE Facebook page. There’s more questions and shit there.
Until next week, let your black superheroes fly the plane for once and may the “us” in your “penus” never come between us!
Love on ya,
414 Franklin Ave
Waco, TX 76701
Thursdays: 8:00 PM
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My how the tables have turned. As a junior Quiz Master in training during the dark ages of the late 70’s/early 80’s, I know I made the lives of my teachers a living hell, even in a most clever and endearing way. Those court orders were filed because they were just teasing back. So imagine the odd feeling of being surrounded by a large number of teachers and future teachers all hell bent on making me squirm. But my co-hosts for the night, QM El Faith and QM Steve, and myself are true fucking-professionals. By the end of the night we took great solace in knowing we made some very upstanding molders of minds do the following:
- Write the word “fuck” no less than 11 times on a single answer sheet
- Admit they were going to burn in Hell for their answers
- Be outted as a closet Ministry fan (got to party after school with that one)
- Say they would have an affair if the student was hot enough. (Oh wait, that was me dreaming about my 8th grade science teacher Ms. Brantley. New sheets please)
- Admit they hadn’t had this much fun in long time
All of the afore mentioned items happened before 7th period and I call these victories. And my third grade teacher Mrs. Walker said I would never amount to anything…
So how do you get away with making a teacher say “FUCK IT” without getting sent to the office? You host a Geeks Who Drink: Quiz for a Cause! Many local teachers came to join our regular band of hooligans to play Geeks Who Drink and donate money to the West ISD Teacher’s Fund. By now the news of the terrible explosion in West has kind of dropped from the front page headlines. As time goes on, more and more needs have surfaced. Two of the three damaged school campuses have to be demolished completely, and a third will need substantial repairs. Because of this, many teachers have lost personal effects and teaching tools. They can’t into the building to retrieve them and they will not be replaced by the school’s insurance. The generally warped minds of the Waco QM’s thought it would be a great idea to raise money to specifically help with these replacement expenses.
Forming a trio of awesome, a Megazord of Cool if you will, we reached out to the community and our quizzers. Both came through with flying colors. By the end of the night, $725 had been collected for the cause, and more continues to trickle in. That’s pretty damn good for a town of Waco’s size and for just two hours worth of work. Waco doesn’t have the most venues in the Geeks Who Drink kingdom, but damn hell, ass yeah, we’ve got some great quizzers. Couldn’t be more proud to call you my quizzlings.
Now, why in the hell didn't someone tell QM Chewbrocka that trying to deep throat the microphone was a bad idea. In fact, if memory served me right, you were encouraging it. And that's probably when the tooth got chipped....
Because we had some great prizes donated, most of the bullshit answers were kept to a minimum. Great gift packages were put together for our top 3 teams, best team name, last place and not last place teams. So rather than recap the list of WTF?! answers, I want to give props to the locals who stepped up and donated prizes for the night:
Johnny’s Body –they rocked the fucking house after the quiz
Bankston’s Comics & Sportscards
Poppa Rollo’s Pizza
Waco Sonic Drive-Ins
Bahama Bucks Shaved Ice
Screen-Tex Graphics – for the t-shirts
Waco Barnes & Nobles Bookstore
Uncle Dan’s BBQ
Jaret Reddick of Bowling For Soup fame. He donated an autographed Phineas & Ferb CD!
Geeks Who Drink hierarchy for throwing in some extra pint glasses for the cause
The Waco GWD venues for letting us cross market: TRUELOVE, 5th Street Icehouse, & The Salty Dog
CORD Communications for all the printing
And on a personal note: Much love to QM’s Faith and Steve who jumped in helped makes this better than it could have been if I had done it myself, QM Wife Tracy for putting up my worries and neurosis that the event would flop.
Waco quizzers from all across the city. You guys came up the cash and we couldn’t be happier!
This is where I normally recap the scores and what not. Instead, just scroll down and you’ll see how it all went down – for winners and losers! Check out the photo scroll for some fun pictures. The final scores are also posted there as well.
Finally, now that fires have been put out and the news has moved on to other shenanigans, please keep this small community in your heart. We’ll be delivering a check to the school offices next week, but the need won’t go away. If anyone in the Geek nation would like to donate, please use this link to Point West Bank for some information on where to give. We Waco QM’s aren’t asking for any credit for this, just asking for more help!
As always, keep checking out the Geeks Who Drink at TRUELOVE Facebook page for weekly shenanigans, bonus questions and photos of your lovely faces. There are more photos from tonight’s event coming.
I know I speak for Steve and Faith when I say you folks are great and maybe, just maybe, when we die and go to Hell, maybe they’ll put us in the room furthest from the furnace for what we pulled off last night?
Love on ya,
And The Falcon Punch!!!
And then the rock!!!
It's all their fault......
QM Steve, El Faith & Chewbrocka