Geeks Who Drink - Patrick Carroll's

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Patrick Carroll's
3963 Tennyson Street
Denver, CO 80212
Wednesdays: 8:00 PM

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7:33 AM, May 10, 2012


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Scores

Hallway hotdog throwdown	77

Dr. Geek	76

Rotten Apples + 3	67

T-Dre	58

Khris	48

Ask not "who is my daddy?" for 'tis I

Competitive Spelunking Champion

I like to think of myself as a father figure to my quizzlings. Even though most are much older than me, the “drink” part of “Geeks Who Drink” reverts many back to infantile behavior. Let Daddy guide you through last night.

It upsets me that you’re going through this phase where you’re really into evil, the devil, and—most disturbingly—fruits. I mean, have you tried not liking these things? Nevermind, I’m going to make you listen to Jesus-ified pop songs to put the fear of God back into you.

If Daddy didn’t know better he’d wash your mouth out with soap if he heard you using the words in round 3, the round where you defined unusual words. Well, Daddy doesn’t know better. Get over here; I got some Irish Spring with your name on it.

Round four was on crime and punishment—something you’re familiar with when you disappoint me. Which is often.

How are your grades? Judging by your scores on round 5, the visual round, I’d say you’re doing pretty well in chemistry.

Daddy has a hard job as quizmaster so your other daddy (it’s a complicated relationship) Ken Jennings took over. I know Daddy Ken talks fast sometimes but he also talks clearly and he repeats himself. That’s why I was agitated with your request for repeats. I know, based on your answers, that you most certainly understood what the question was—you just didn’t know the CORRECT answer. Daddy knows when you’re just stalling for time and he’s very proud of the team that scored a perfect 8. Why can’t you other teams be more like that team?

Round 7 was on movies with talking animals. Daddy doesn’t understand this shit you kids are into these days.

Sometimes Daddy has to yell. It isn’t because he doesn’t love you anymore, it’s because his microphone broke down right before round 8. Go get Daddy a little whiskey to soothe his throat.

You’re all growing up so fast and I can’t wait to see again next week.

Patrick Carroll's
3963 Tennyson Street
Denver, CO 80212
Wednesdays: 8:00 PM

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7:22 AM, May 03, 2012


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Scores

Whiskeypedia	63

Boob Sweat	53

Porcupine Race Track	52

Bitches	25

Dubstep aint your forte

Competitive Spelunking Champion

The quiz happened. If you weren’t there, these were the highlights.

Round one was the mystery round. You all figured out that Shakespeare was the missing link (not the Bigfoot kind) but his birthplace eluded you. Actually, you weren’t even getting it in the right country.

Round two was an audio round where we XTREME-ified popular songs. That means they were played slightly faster and they sang a decibel above a normal volume. Yes, that’s what’s passing for XTREME these days. Back in my time, you weren’t XTREME unless you were bungee jumping off a burning bridge with the cord wrapped around your nut-sack as you juggled knives coated with the AIDS virus. Times change.

Round three was a speed round where you named 8 of the top 12 dead celebrities of 2011 that were still making cash. All I want to say is that Charles Schulz’s Peanuts cartoon is a piece of shit and I don’t care how badly I’m stomping on your precious childhood memories. It isn’t funny, it isn’t drawn well, and the life lessons learned are not nearly as insightful as people make them out to be. Only Family Circus can claim to be a worse comic strip. That’s right, I’m putting Marmaduke above Peanuts.

Round four was a round on current events. I didn’t realize how many ways you could spell “Kazakhstan” until last night.

Round five was a visual round on TV shows that had been distorted. They were further distorted by the fact that my printer was running out of ink and many of the images were faded. Still, mostly perfect scores on that one.

Round six was on things that were dead, gay, or both. This is probably a good time to reiterate the “don’t fuck with the quizmaster rule.” The only reason I didn’t deduct points for putting my name down for one of the gay questions is because it’s your birthday. So, happy birthday, jackass.

Round seven was an audio round where we made TV theme songs into dubstep classics. Yeah, you guys hated that round and your scores proved it.

Round eight was random knowledge. One question asked whether or not the Mayan calendar had more or fewer days than ours. I made it interesting by adding 3 extra points to the team that could write down how many days they thought were in a Mayan year. Closest team won.

And that’s what happened. See you next week. Bye now.

Patrick Carroll's
3963 Tennyson Street
Denver, CO 80212
Wednesdays: 8:00 PM

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8:44 AM, April 26, 2012


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Scores

Dr. Geek	85

Dammit, we missed taco Tuesday	77

Orange Tang Clan	65

No use for a name	65

One Bus	50

Full of babies	50

Zeus	45

Willis + Hank	37

Juice	36

Dipsomaniacs	18

Chunkin' Monkin'	16

Gump	10

Who knew there was more than one movie involving an Egyptian temple? Not you guys.

Competitive Spelunking Champion

We came, we quizzed, we kicked its ass! If you missed last night’s Patrick Carroll’s quiz then you missed a lot. Let’s recap, shall we?

Round one was all about the number two. Yes, yes, I MEANT to say that “Raiders” was the second Indiana Jones movie chronologically speaking. I’m sorry my blunder in saying “Temple of doom” caused you so much geek angst.

Round two was an audio round on songs involving either hunger or games. If you thought The Beatles sang “Mind Games” then you’re superfluous by 75%--it was just John Lennon.

My schadenfreude ran deep in round 3, the “say when” round where I gave you a series of ever-more obvious clues the catch being that anybody could yell “stop” when they’ve heard enough effectively fucking-over any other team that needed more information. The theme was sci-fi movies. For question two, you stopped me after one hint: “Egyptian temple.” Oh, you cocky bastards thought you had it. I even said over the mic that you just screwed yourself and that I knew what movie you were thinking of and that it was wrong. Everybody wrote “Stargate,” everybody should have written “5^th Element.”

Round four was where I told you a bunch of events and you named the year. 2 points for exact year, 1 point for being one year off. All I can say is that this round was a bitch to score.

Round five was a visual round on serial killers. One was the “Bow Tie Killer” from the movie “Problem Child.” Many of you opted to write “that guy from UHF.” Excuse me? “That guy” happens to be Stanley Spadowski, Michael Richards’ best role. Yes, better than Kramer because Seinfeld is an overrated piece of shit.

Round six was for the jocks; a before-and-after round on first round NFL drafts. Some of you still aren’t grasping that you need both the “before” and the “after” in each answer. That’s why they call it “before and after.”

Round seven was an audio round about those guys from “Harold and Kumar” in other movies. Shame on you for knowing Epic Movie. At the same time, congratulations; your shitty taste in movies gave you an edge over the competition.

Round eight was random knowledge. I should have said “do a barrel roll” for question one that asked what N64 game came bundled with the Rumble Pak. Nobody knew it was Star Fox 64.

And that was that. We had a tie-breaker for third and everybody went home sassy-fied.

See you next week.

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