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Devil's Daughter 533 South 500 West Salt Lake City, UT 84101 Mondays: 8:00 PM View All Posts |
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Hey all, I'm doing another vlog for the...blog. Anyway, I guess it will continue to be a trial by fire as I fuck up and cut off my mouth. In case you were wondering, yes, I am filming this inside of a mental hospital cell. That's why the walls are all white and the small window doesn't allow for anything but the faintest of light sources.
If you'd like to help decorate it, donate art and stuff to me. No, seriously.
I took this opportunity to talk about Exo Squad, which was replaced by Baby Huey (which was part of our round 6 on Hueys, Deweys, and Louies). Believe me, you need to watch all of Exo Squads episodes for free online here.
Congratulations to #oldballz for taking first after a very close game and good luck to them for the rest of the week! See you next time!
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Devil's Daughter 533 South 500 West Salt Lake City, UT 84101 Mondays: 8:00 PM View All Posts |
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Our last place team Improvised Intrauterine Device has brought on this story.
It was January, the same month I had dropped out of high school. I had just finished my 400 hour mandatory apprenticeship, as well as my Bloodbourne Pathogens, Infection Control, and adult CPR classes. I already did my needle test on my trainer, so it was time for my first customer.
Being 18, I had a lot of girls from high school who were getting their parents permission for the guy from high school to do their piercings, some that would have had nothing to do with the crazy long haired metal musician geek but were somehow at ease with a familiar face. I put out some calls to let them know I could do piercings now, and at only $5 if it was my first time doing it.
It was just after lunch after making a few calls to people I knew wanted to get pierced when I got my first customer.
Let me introduce to you Hard-On Harry, the 72 year old man.
Why did I choose to name him this? It's because Mr. Harry decided he wanted to be nice and solid for whoever got to handle his decrepit dong. There was a little sadness in his (one)eye when it was suggested I do it by my cute teacher, but then he said 'what the hell' when he was told the difference in cost was about $45. Show me an old person that turns down a 95% coupon on anything besides interracial wedding catering, I'll show you a liar.
Harry wanted a prince albert, hence his pill usage. After I set my sterile field and marked my needle trajectory with gentian violet (a dye I used), I got his receiving tube and jewelry ready.
OK, let me not get ahead of myself. So, for a prince albert piercing, I slide a receiving tube the size of a catheter down the urethra so when I push the needle through, it doesn't go all the way through, apadravya style. The needle then comes out the opening of the tube, which is sticking out of the urethra opening.
When I normally slide in this tube, people go soft. Mr. Harry did not. I advised him that this would hurt a lot more more if he was hard. He said that erection wasn't really going anywhere.
Awesome.
So I said "Take a deep breath," and as he did, I shoved the needle in. Piercing needles are hollow if you didn't know so we can fit the jewelry in the back and follow it up as one seamless transition. Well, because Mr. Harry was fully erect, that hollow needle turned into a blood super soaker.
A long stream of blood shot out immediately, narrowly missing my cheek because of my position and hit the wall behind me with an audible thwack. My trainer, thankfully remaining calm and understanding I hadn't just murdered the man, told me to get the jewelry in, now. I got the ring flush with the blood lubed back and guided it through after removing the receiving tube. A little bit of opener pressure and I slipped in the captive bead for the ring.
The ring is fortunately acting like a plug right now, but it's still beading with blood. I'm doing my best to wipe around it with sterile gauze before setting him up with a jury-rigged dick turban when I hear him proudly proclaim, "Wait till the nurses see this at the nursing home" in a sort of hushed epiphany.
The worst part though wasn't the blood money shot or the pulsing grandpa girth as I got him cleaned up to put back in his pleated highwaters.
It was not getting a tip afterwards.
That was my "first day" on the job as a piercer.
***
Congratulations to Hack The Planet! See you all next week!
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Devil's Daughter 533 South 500 West Salt Lake City, UT 84101 Mondays: 8:00 PM View All Posts |
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Hey all. I'm trying out something new. Do me a favor and give the video a look when you can. There is a random curse word here and there, but is mostly safe for work. Congratulations to Does John Swallow? and see you next week!
Link to Fastball Pitcher Bob Gutierrez video
Link to Game of Thrones quiz details