Finding roc's teeth. The birth of a unicorn in a shower of rainbow placenta. Me not cleaning my plate. A perfect score at Geeks Who Drink. (What are, impossibly rare events?)

Those in attendance witnessed Bonnie, Jim, Wes, Mark, Dallas, and Jen pull off a perfect game as Riders on the Storm. Having had most of these guys playing in quizzes of mine for the past three years, it's the closest I'll get to watching a vagina and wallet destroying spawn of mine graduate from an ivy league college.

If you don't know how rare this is, no one at GWD headquarters can remember this ever being done before. It's absolute insanity. That being said, it couldn't have happened to nicer people.

***

Bonnie- an incredibly sweet teacher lady who is often the brunt of jokes that leave her red faced and giggling like an axe wielding maniac.

Jim- Tony Shalhoub's bastard love child that became an archivist for the state of Utah and a genius through osmosis-based puppymancy 

Wes- Wes is old. Like, really old. He's the reason why Jethro Tull or The Yardbirds pops up in my quiz. He also hates the song Band on the Run by Wings more than he does anything else, so I edited a clip of just the chorus repeating to play when he's being a dick. A dog was at our quiz last night and walked up to him, so I said it must have been one of those cadaver smelling dogs. That said, Wes came to my quiz a day or so after surgery to play with an appropriate Monty Python shirt a couple of years ago and I've never forgotten that.

Mark- Mark is Canadian, so he's got that going against him. However, Monday also happened to be his anniversary with his wife. Guess where he went after a nice dinner with her? My fucking quiz, that's right. denzel-washington-training-day.jpg

Dallas- Dallas makes beer and Bonnie happy as her husband so he's already got perfect game to go with this perfect game.

And finally...

Me- Without me, none of these guys would be inspired to come to quiz week after week, after surgeries, wedding anniversaries, pretty much anything life throws at them. They love me for my insane humor, those times I annihilate a heckler, my foreign pronunciation skills, and my ability to ramble hilariously. I hereby resend all apprieciation and save it for myself.

(Special mention to Dan who I tried to murder here at Devil's Daughter when he left for Seattle for getting the band together)

Don't let this discourage you, other teams! This will probably never happen again in my quizmaster lifetime.

See you all next week at 8pm!

For round five last night, we had child stars that had eventually taken it all off in the name of making it big.

For me, Molly Ringwald was the biggest disappointment. Not that she's ugly or anything, but it just reminded me of what Ducky didn't get at the end of prom. I'm more surprised we never say Culkin's Big Mac. The closest we've come is to him making out with that douche from That 70's Show in a dumpster in Party Monster. 

God, actually it would have been fairly weird to see Mac (as he prefers to be called now apparently) nude. I'm picturing Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern breaking into the McCallister house and Mac is sitting there nude at the top of the stairs, Buffalo Bill style with a tuck back, one of his mother's gowns spread open to reveal his undefined nubile flesh and garters on his thighs, staring down at them with full on Dr. Franknfurter make-up. Joe Pesci opens up with some classic New York witticisms. 

"Check out this broad, naked as a jaybird! T'is house is s'posed to be empty!" 

"Marv, I think this is illegal."

"Of course it is! We're breaking and entering. Speaking of entering," as Joe gives his classic look-up-and-down, "...baby why don't you's come down here. Don't make a sound. Well, not's yet anyways."

Mac smiles down at them and takes a sip from a scotch glass, taking in the campfire warmth from the Laphroaig 10 year he took from his father's cabinet. He produces a cigar from one of the garter straps, licks the long, leafy shaft then puts it under his nose for a huge sniff. Mac chomps on the cigar and lights it with a wooden match he strikes off his firm ass.

Sauntering down the stairs, he takes a drag from the cigar and blows a smoke ring, quickly licking in the air to simulate analingus on the smoke's opening. "Someone told this girl you go by the...WET bandits, seeing as once you're done ravaging a place, you leave it SOAKING." Mac takes the cigar out of his mouth and puts it in Joe Pesci's mouth. He then sticks the lit end in his own mouth to blow smoke into Joe's mouth, then proceeds to do a delicate deep throat to avoid burning his tongue. He gives Joe's lower lip a quick lick and pulls back, sticking out his ash laden tongue and dragging it back into his mouth against his front teeth to collect the damp grey remains before taking a swig of scotch to swallow them.

Daniel Stern quips "Uh, yeah, and we're called the Sticky Bandits in the second film, so uh, something something semen." 

A familiar voice wafts in from the kitchen area, "Well, unless they have work release in prison, I don't think that will be happening," Chris Hanson says before he asks them to take a seat.

Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern look confused as they look back at Mac who's washing his face in a nearby basin. When he throws his head back and finishes toweling drying, it's revealed to be known other than Daniel Day-Lewis.

There is an audible "OHHHHH" coming from the Wet Bandits as they give a small ovation for witnessing the master perform his craft.

True to character, Daniel Day-Lewis then penetrates an off screen Mila Kunis as Miranda rights are read in the background.

***

Congratulations to PUN STARS PRACTICING PUNNILINGUS for first place after a tiebreaker! See you next week!  

Blindfolds were probably the least extreme portion of my younger exploratory period. I...actually, I should probably make this blog less specific about me and more of a generalization. In fact, let's go ahead and out myself a little bit.

Fuck it, here we go (assume all are NSFW):

LITERATURE

• The New Topping and The New Bottoming Book by Easton and Hardy 

  Both of these novels are excellent on explaining not only the social aspects of being a top or bottom, but fleshing out your role in your relationship beyond the kink.

• Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns by Devon and Miller

  This is the first book I ever read, and it still remains one of the best. Devon and Miller write in a casual style, like a couple inviting you into their private lives (which as you'll read, might just happen). They cover everything from the mental and physical aspects of BDSM to the community itself and where love fits in to all of this.

INSTRUCTIONAL

• http://www.twoknottyboys.com/

• http://www.twistedmonk.com/

  Honestly, both of these sites give great instructional videos on rope harnesses, quick ties, and advanced knots. It just depends on which delivery method you prefer.

BLOG & ARTICLE

• http://www.pervocracy.blogspot.com 

Pervocracy has a great feminist vein throughout it's writings, so if your significant other has issues with kink because of potential degradation, this blog is be great for empowering insight.

• A kinkster's encounter with law enforcement.

This post from /r/BDSMcommunity is a great article concerning what to do is law enfocement is called on you because of your activites, as written by a police officer in the lifestyle.

SOCIAL

• https://fetlife.com/

Facebook for kinksters, but without a dozen shared George Takei, Oatmeal, and Grumpy Cat photos. There's really nothing more to explain.  Just like Facebook, you'll find some that are assholes, creepy, or nice.

• http://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMpersonals

If you find fetlife to be too cliquish (BTW, welcome to kink), here's something more, I dunno, traditional? Anyway, same warnings apply as above.

STORES

• http://www.stockroom.com/

Stockroom is a great name for the website, because it mostly deals in stock items for basic kink and BDSM.

• http://www.collarfactory.com/

Collar Factory is pretty amazing. They do more than collars, with custom cuffs being the real reason why this site shines.

***

Welp, enjoy fellow quizzers. Congratulations to The Cannibal Colonists! See you next week!