Not a bad night for the world of hip-hop.  As promised, I honored my Bay Area roots and got real hyphy on the quiz.  E-40 is one of those wonderful people that you can’t help but love, in my opinion.  His voice is goofy, his bars are tight, and he’s all about wilin’ out all over the 7-0-7.  On top of that, we had a clip during round 2 featuring my alma mater, the Wu-Tang Clan.  So you know I had to rock some 36 Chambers.  Protect yo neck, whites.  We ain’t EVEN fuckin’ round wit’chall.

Despite technical malfunctions, we had a great night overall.  People were respectful to myself and each other, which is always the biggest determining factor of a good night.  We had laughs, we had drinks, we had kisses all over everyone’s faces.  It was some good ol’ wholesome Quaker fun.

Speaking of wholesome fun, try this game out: http://armorgames.com/play/4309/this-is-the-only-level

Armor Games is legit, and I wish more indie companies followed their lead.

Congrats to our first place winners The Fiscal Cliff Divers, and thanks to everyone that came out to the quiz.  You’re the grease in our gears.

In other words, you turn our crank.  Yeah, girl.  Yeaaaaaah…

Until next week, this is Holland the Boy Wonder saying, “If you carry your childhood with you, you will never become old.”

This past Tuesday eve I had the distinct pleasure of sharing the monumentous event known  as Paddy Coyne’s Tacoma pub quiz with another special occasion: The day celebrating the birth and vaginal emergence of our veteran player, longtime supporter, and future alum Evan Kent.  Evan literally turned 21 last night and decided to share it with us.  I don’t know about you guys, but that makes me feel special.  DAMN SPECIAL.

I can’t confirm this, but I was told that the birthday boy’s final tally was two beers, nine shots, a Jagerbomb, an Irish Car Bomb, and an Irish Trash Can (think an AMF but replace the Blue Curacau with an upturned can of Monster Energy Drink left to float and seep in your cup.  Mmm, aluminum…). NOTE: I know that's a Red Bull can in the image.  Apparently no one on Google knows how to make the drink properly.

Happy fuckin’ birthday, Evan Kent.  Our thoughts and sympathies are with you this morning, for you will surely either retreat to a pious lifestyle or curse your respective god or gods forever.

The most amazing gift Evan received for his birthday, however, was getting a tie for first place!  Of course he lost because he was too busy pissing himself and singing to the wall, but even a tie, in and of itself, is a great accomplishment at the Great Gods’ Arena AKA Best Quiz Venue in the Nation 2012.  Well done, you now-man of the apocalypse.

My favorite part of the night was during the prostitute round (I seriously love my job so much).  The question made me describe “barebacking” in aloof terms and ask what it means is not being used (Protip: Jimmy-hat).  I swear, if you asked me ten years ago if I would be making money talking to a group of drunk assholes (that’s a term of endearment from me) about barebacking, I would have cursed you for setting future me up for immense disappointment.  But thanks to last night’s bareback question, I am no longer disappointed.  Thank you, Geeks Who Drink.  I can finally be content with the weight of my immense college loan.

I had a lot of other really gross things to say, but I happened to look out my window just now and saw some kids playing pretend Dinosaucers or some shit, and now I feel guilty about punching my visual sins into the fabric of time to taint and dehumanize our collective conscious.  You win this time, childhood innocence.  You fucker.

Thanks so much to everyone that came out to our quiz.  We love you all with the fierceness of a horny lion.  Until next week, this is Holland the Boy Wonder saying, “Beat the devil out of it.”

I specifically wanted to get this quiz and blog done before Episode 5 of the Walking Dead game dropped.  Why?  I can’t even explain it, because I will start getting depressed.  Just know this: If you ever crave or are even simply curious about a game that can fuck a hole through your heart, your soul, and your faith in mankind, then leave you whimpering in a puddle of your own violation juices, Walking Dead is the game to play.

We had a pretty good night.  I have a pretty bad sinus infection, but like any decent entertainer you hide that shit deep down, put on a shit-eating grin, eat some shit, and do your damn job of socially and sexually pleasing every individual in the room.  However, it did lend itself to a little more low-key night.  Sorry to all that wanted the usual backflips, freestyle penis raps, and big drankin’.  I’ll try to make up for it next week.

That said, we still had a pretty good night.  We ended the night with thirteen teams, lots of merriment was shared by all, I got to make a few wiener jokes, and at least one person came (hint: it was me).  And on top of everything, a question about Tacoma in the first round?  Not a bad night.  Not bad at all.

Speaking of the Tacoma question, I’m very pleased to report that every single team got that right.  Even the team that only got one point, that was the point they got.  I would have been very disappointed if anyone got that wrong, and I’m glad I didn’t have to go get my leather belt out of the truck to re-educate anyone.

The one table of pussylips that wouldn’t shut the fuck up aside, we only had one bout of sassmouth during the quiz, and it was contention over the spelling of Hewlett-Packard.  Only two people got it correct.

Why?

Because only two people put the fucking hyphen in.

I don’t give a shit if a hyphen isn’t a letter, it’s an integral part of the spelling.  After all, what’s Spider-man without the hyphen?  I don’t fucking know.  “Spider man” is so vague it could be anything.  Is it a man and a spider standing next to each other?  Is it a man with the body of a spider?  Is it an archaic classification of some indigenous island folk on some faraway tropical oasis?  Is it a job classification, like beekeeper?  WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE???

The hyphen is crucial.  You miss the hyphen, you miss the point.  Game.  Set.  Matchbox 20.

One lovely treat was a visit from roaming, half-starved players from the gentle state of Texas.  Their minds were bleached with madness by the unrelenting sun as they traveled across the deserts and through the wilderness to get to our humble little quiz, and their eyes showed a familiarity with things in this world no man should ever have to suffer the burden of knowing.

Still, they did pretty good and had a fun time.

Thanks to everyone that came out, and congrats to Show Me on the Doll Where Elmo Touched You on the narrow win.  To Dogs Humping Cats: We’ll see you next week, and I imagine we will see a win.

I love all you crazy kids.  Keep on keepin’ on, don’t stop believin’, and get the fuck off my lawn.  Until next week, this is Holland the Boy Wonder saying, “Sometimes I feel that this planet is owned by devils.”

• The Royal Hilltop - Aurora 8:00 PM
• Darcy's Bistro & Pub - Denver 8:30 PM
• Prickly Pete's - Denver 8:00 PM
• The Whiskey Bar - Denver 7:00 PM
• The Cheeky Monk - Westminster 9:00 PM
• The Ram (Meridian) - Meridian 9:00 PM
• Lisa's Restaurant & Lounge - Augusta 7:30 PM
• Opal Divine's (Marina) - Austin 10:00 PM
• Opal Divine's (Penn Field) - Austin 10:00 PM