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Paddy Coyne's (Tacoma)
815 Pacific Avenue
Tacoma, WA 98402
Tuesdays: 8:00 PM

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12:19 PM, May 16, 2012


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Scores

Recess Peanut Butter Monkeys	80

Purple Mausoleum	77

S.T.D. (Some Tacoma Dudes)	61

Sexting Grandma	59

The Brew Crew	55

Better Late Than Pregnant	52

Children Left Behind	51

Karl & Clammy	26

Summer lovin', havin' a (cum) blast

Holland the Boy Wonder

Well howdy there, boys n girls! We had a pretty solid quiz last night. The weather in Tacoma has somehow managed to stay un-shitty for the past week, so of course the numbers were down a little (eight teams, not counting the drunks trying to shout answers shut the fuck up you ASSHOLES). However, everyone brought their A game so hard that I would easily count each team as two. It was a thing of beauty to behold. It wasn’t a social gathering of several groups. It was a symbiosis of pure brilliant energy. Sorry, I type like an asshole when I’m hung over. Suffice it to say, our night was “real good” and I “would do business again A+++.”

Every once in a while you have a round that you know will resonate especially with a regular team. It’s just something that happens over time. But when you ask horror movie haiku to a team who WRITES THAT SHIT WEEKLY, that’s just the universe giving the rest of the bar a big, stinky middle finger right where they don’t want it. Luckily everyone did pretty well on that round, or I would have felt a little bad.

I was particularly impressed with the responses from the love song round, specifically Blade Runner and Con Air. I have easily seen Blade Runner 60+ times, no joke. But there is no way in hell I would have listened to that music clip and thought, “Oh yeah, that’s the song from the love scene in Blade Runner.” We had two teams get that right, which is two more than I expected from every venue in the country combined. The Con Air one was hard, too. Was there even a love scene in that movie? If there was, there’s no way Nic Cage could have been in it, so it must have been something along the lines of Steve Buscemi giving John Malkovich a rusty trombone while he shoves that little girl’s doll up his own asshole. You know, maybe I do remember that love scene now...

As you can see in the photos, we had a special bonus last night. Instead of teams getting their pictures taken, they were required to draw erotic representations of their team name, the best drawing receiving a DVD copy of the entire first season of Growing Pains. All of the pictures were fantastic and it was very, very hard to choose, but Sexting Grandma won by a nutsack (literally).

The quiz as a whole (hole?) was solid as a rock. Man, great quiz, great crowd, great bar. That’s the stuff dreams are made of, boys n girls. You will never have another lazy summer, playing stickball in the field, sneaking in to R rated movies, building forts, having squirt gun fights. Those days and nights of childhood innocence and pure joy are gone forever for all of you. But you know what? This comes pretty goddamn close.

Until next week, this is Holland the Boy Wonder saying “I've been kind of thinking about killing myself.”

Paddy Coyne's (Tacoma)
815 Pacific Avenue
Tacoma, WA 98402
Tuesdays: 8:00 PM

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1:33 PM, May 09, 2012


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Scores

Army of One	79

Summon Your Own Fucking Genie	79

Add Momma to the Train	73

DANGER ZONE	67

South Seaside Soothsayers	54

STD	51

Children Left Behind	48

Mashed Potato Sandwich Crew	30

Can't Come Up With a Good Name	30

Heather Likes Asian Boys	27

Table for One at Schick Shadle	24

Team Phyllis	20

The KKK Took My First Place Away

Holland the Boy Wonder

I understand that when weather gets nicer, people freak out and want to enjoy being outside as much as possible. This goes double for that first turn of clear skies and warm sun. Seriously, people lose their shit. I get that, really I do. But yesterday? What the fuck, Tacoma? It was like 50 degrees, and I had four people tell me, “Wow, what great weather, huh?” There were people barbecuing, rollerblading in cut-offs, building “sand” castles out of the broken bottles and band-aids that make up Tacoma’s beaches… It was like Surf City, USA and I was still wearing a goddamn sweatshirt. Whatever, it must be a white people thing. I swear, you howlies are too much sometimes.

As expected, the “nice weather” affected our intake of folks. But we still had fourteen teams, so not a bad turnout at all. I was in love with the mythology round, which I will admit is at least in part due to my unnatural love for the subject, especially Greek mythology. Seriously, if someone even utters the name Atropos I start touching myself through my pants pocket. But I digress…

On a hopefully related note, my pants are gone. Like seriously, I woke up and my pants are nowhere to be found. I checked the house, the car, the garbage, the mailbox (you never know), the yard…nothing. So if any of you players “nicked my yarble covers,” as the shit-eating British say, please return them post-haste. I only have two pairs of jeans, so this means I have to be naked twice as often. To the guys and select lesbians out there: Prepare to lose your girlfriends.

We had ANOTHER tie for first this week. Is this the popular thing to do these days, or something? I swear, if you interviewed anyone from Tacoma and asked them what their favorite pastimes were, they would say, “Licking the residue off leaking car batteries and tying for first place at pub quiz.” What impressed me though was that one of the teams, Army of One, was literally for 90% of the quiz an army of one. My hat is off to you, sir. Tacoma, be on the lookout for the Kirkpatrick Killer Kult! They will mess you up, knowledge style.

Thanks to the teams that gave moderate weather the finger and joined us at our wonderful quiz. It is always a pleasure to host for you beautiful freaks. Until next week, this is Holland the Boy Wonder saying, "Psh.”

Paddy Coyne's (Tacoma)
815 Pacific Avenue
Tacoma, WA 98402
Tuesdays: 8:00 PM

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4:27 PM, May 02, 2012


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Scores

People Who Can't Win	83

June 7th, 2008	71

Conducting Ourselves in the Solo Symphony	71

Thomas Jefferson's Negro Baby All-Stars	66

QM is in a gay Creed Cover Band	64

Rock Out With Your Shrock Out	62

Team GOOBER	58

Alex Hays, Democrat	56

Tacomatose	55

Ghost Protocol	53

CALOber Middles Mans	53

DANGER ZOOOOOOOONE	50

Cock Fuck Shit Dick (for the kidz)	49

S.T.D. (Some Tacoma Dudes)	48

Team Hubble	41

Derek and Sherri	41

Who's the Bald Guy in the Trench Coat	24

John Edwards' Other Love Child	21

Day Jo Deb Gay Paul	18

In the Corner	12

Tyler and Natalie	6

Back in full swing like a mighty meat hammer

Holland the Boy Wonder

Wow. Just…wow. Last week was a great comeback quiz, don’t get me wrong. But last night? THAT was a fucking pub quiz. 21 teams. Dancing. Drinking. Secret lovemaking. Poop jokes. Blatant racism. I’m telling you, this quiz had it ALL. I can’t even pick a few points to highlight, so get ready for a bullet list of awesome.

Best team name of the night? Cock Fuck Dick Shit (4 the kidz), only because they picked their name after some parents brought their children in. Speaking of which, don’t do that, parents. Please? I will never ban someone from playing my quiz, but it’s just not a good idea. I’m pretty sure no child needs to ever hear the repugnant, offensive shit that spews from my mouth like a broken sewer pipe between the hours of 8 to 10pm. And beyond that, don’t bring your child to a fucking bar. I don’t give a shit if it’s “technically a pub.” KNOCK IT OFF. “But they do it in England!” You know what else they do in England? Fuck their relatives. Yeah, let’s be like British people! Fuck off, asshole parents.
Best team of the night? Pants Down Trouser Snakes. They played the whole game without turning in a single answer sheet, despite me asking for them after every round. That takes effort, right there. Nice job, guys.
Best comeback of the night? Call Kenny Loggins, ‘Cause You’re in the DANGER ZOOOOOONE!! Goddamn, I missed you guys. Never leave again.
Best hopeful lead of the night? My anniversary team, June 7^th, 2008. Fun fact: I can rattle off these people’s anniversary the second I see them, but I can’t remember what year I got married. Seriously, even now. No goddamn clue.
Best husband ever? Holland the Boy Wonder.
Best round? The abortion round. Why? Because I have a daughter now, so that means I have to start caring about stupid shit like women’s right and gender equality and woman being people not property and blah blah blah.
Best father ever? Holland the Boy Wonder.
Greatest moment of the night? Well…

Our winners of the night were People Who Can’t Win but, as their name implies, they could not in fact win (Geeks Code 7 Section 4 Rule 17). So that left us with a TIE FOR FIRST. DUN DUN DUNNNNN. Now, I know I can’t do a dance-off for first place. Trust me, I tried and got in trouble. So I came up with what I like to call “The Holy Trinity.” 3 rounds, dancing, drawing, and knowledge. Two victories out of three wins. The first round, knowledge, went to Solo Symphony. The second, drawing, was a tie. I’m sorry but I could not choose. They were both incredible renditions of a man farting out his own testicle (registered dance move of Holland the Boy Wonder, DO NOT DUPLICATE). The dance off was also close, but I had to give it to Solo Symphony because the audience is never wrong. So congrats to Solo Symphony, you are the champions of my heart, my loins, and my quiz. At least until next week.

Thanks to everyone who came out. It really was a blast and a half. Until next week, this is Holland the Boy Wonder saying, “Give me six crap-shootin' pallbearers.”

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