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Hard Times Cafe (Fairfax)
4069 Chain Bridge Rd
Fairfax, VA 22030
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8:24 AM, August 12, 2011
Scores
Pop Quiz in My Hair 72
HODOR 67
Enforcers 63
Peter North Stars 63
Titanic Swim Club 59
Stuck in The Tub 58
Dudes! Dudes! Dudes! 56
The New Originals 56
Tigerblood 53
Last Place FTW 52
America 51
Snakebite 44
Minority report 41
What What (In the Butt): a question man has pondered for millennia
cheez


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Quiz Schedule
I score all night! Opal Divine's Freehouse Tues 8pm Mister Tramps Weds at 8pm Opal Divine's Marina Sats at 10pm 		Chelsea (cheez)

Chelsea Wright is an American actress and singer. A child actor since the age of 8, she is best known for her role as Jennifer Keaton on the hit NBC series Family Ties, as well as for her roles in numerous television films throughout the 1980s and early 1990s including The Cherokee Trail, Crash Course, and Spunk: The Tonya Harding Story among others.

Our pub quiz boasted some excellent material last night, particularly in the first round. Spaceballs? Calvin and Hobbes? David Bowie? All truly excellent subjects. And by the way, if you didn't know that the "ground control to Major Tom" song is called "Space Oddity," I strongly advise emptying your skull with a cattle gun and returning your body to the Earth ASAP. Perhaps your remains will fertilize some corn or something that will in turn be eaten by someone who does know. It's really the least you can do.

Round 2 also boasted some excellent tunes, particularly in the case of Pink Floyd, Flight of the Conchords, and "The Longest Time," the one Billy Joel song I can stomach other than "River of Dreams," which is of course the tits. I do have a message for MC Lars, though, whoever he is: your rapping sounds like a Free Credit Report jingle, and that is an unforgivable sin. It's in the bible. 

Then there was the "What What (In the Butt)" round, which featured all variety of wordplay and ass-play. When asked what gland derived it's name from the Greek word for "protector" (the answer is "prostate," by the way), one woman guessed "sphinctor," reasoning that it may have been derived from Sphinx. And while the sphinctor is not a gland, nor is the Sphinx Greek, I still really appreciated her creative thinking.

Things are winding down here. I will soon be vacating the area (I am convinced that someone has planted a nuclear bomb underneath Fairfax. I have no evidence of this, and base my assumption solely on the fact that Fairfax city is a den of sin that must be destroyed). Next week is the last quiz. So come on out to support us, one last time.

See you then,

Wolfman

Hard Times Cafe (Fairfax)
4069 Chain Bridge Rd
Fairfax, VA 22030
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4:00 PM, July 28, 2011
Scores
Hodar 71
Pop Quiz in my Hair 64
The Woodlongs 62
Enforcers 61
URFACE 59
Co-eds! Co-eds! Co-eds! 56
Minority report 56
Tiger Blood 54
Titanic Swim Club 45
America 45
Regent's Parkers 43
A Challenger approaches...
Dr. Wolfman


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Quiz Schedule
Wednesdays at 8:00 PM 		David (Dr. Wolfman)

I'm happy to report that a slew of new teams have joined the roster the last two weeks... or maybe you fickle bastards are just changing your names... or maybe I just have Alzheimer's... or maybe you fickle bastards are just changing your names... speaking of dickish jokes about mental illness, I opted to omit the "birth defects" round because it felt pretty tasteless and, well, dickish. Though after trudging through the "things liberals say to make you feel stupid" round I replaced it with, I kind of wished I'd just stuck with being insensitive.

In other news, I was particularly hilarious last night. When a question described Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Steve Wozniak as "battling for control of the computer world," I told my flock that the film in question was not Tron. I don't know if anyone else laughed because I was far too pleased with myself to pay attention to any of you, but for a moment the holy light of sublime hilarity shone down and the gods of comedy sung unto me: "David, seek the seven golden serpents of truth, armed only with your sterling wit and quiver full of fart jokes." It was pretty cool.

What was I talking about? 

Oh, right, pub quiz. Always glad to see your shiny faces, new and old. So come again next time for another round of Dr. Wolfman's Self-Agrandizing-Super-Knowlege-Fun-Hour(s)!

- W.

Hard Times Cafe (Fairfax)
4069 Chain Bridge Rd
Fairfax, VA 22030
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3:48 PM, July 21, 2011
Scores
Celtic Thunder 73
Enforcers 68
Titanic Swim Club 66
Pop Quiz in my Hair 64
The Randos 63
Footloose 61
Get on it 59
Minority Report 55
Scarlet C's 50
Humblebees/C.O.W. 49
IDK 44
Team America 38
Tiburon 38
Combat Wombats 38
I for one welcome our new Lobster overlords...
Dr. Wolfman


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Quiz Schedule
Wednesdays at 8:00 PM 		David (Dr. Wolfman)

I'm still not convinced that any of these people know what the hell "chibi" or "kawaii" mean, and I don't hold it against them in the slightest. In fact, I envy their ignorance. I was pretty surprised, though, that nobody knew the origin of the now-internet-famous "DO NOT WANT" meme, as uttered by a poorly-translated Darth Vader. Me neither, buddy, me neither.

Thankfully, several people correctly named "Bespin" as the location of Luke Skywalker's tragic un-handing, when the answer sheet only called for the plebian monicker "Cloud City." It was just enough to make up for my disappointment that no one in the room had read Kurt Vonnegut's Sirens of Titan, a fantastic early novel of his to which Alan "Watchmen" Moore owes a great deal thematically. So if you're looking for a book to bump your nerd cred, start there.

Of course, I don't mean to shame or chastise my beloved pub quiz flock. For even when they are wrong or clueless, they are usually hilarious about it. When asked what our current geological era was in the "Begins and ends with C" round, somebody guessed "Crustaceac." Apparently the player in question believes we have already fallen under the reign of the lobster people. Well let me tell you: YOU HAVE NOT YET BEGUN TO FEAR THE CLAW.

Okay, I'm done. Thanks to the guy who tried to start a slow-clap after the inspiring quote from the film Network. I always wanted to see a slow-clap pan out, and you almost got it!

See you next week,

Dr. Wolfman

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