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Harpo's Sports Grill
2860 Arapahoe Ave
Boulder, CO 80303
Tuesdays: 7:30 PM
Comment Now
10:41 AM, May 16, 2012
Scores
Dukes of Valmont 75
The Ballsack of Troy 73
We are not a clever team 68
Birdman Endorses Attachement Uncle-ing 67
Smoked, Fried & Bullied By Mitt 67
Job-Killing Economic Vampire Jesus 62
Blue?No, Yellow 61
Twelve Angry Bukkake 61
Medium Pace 60
Burt Reynolds' Moustache 58
The PCC 58
See ya, Alex! 55
Nugs Not Drugs 53
I kinda want a chocolate chip cookie 52
A 51
Chicken On A Stick 50
Awkward Touch 48
We Love Chubby Gentleman Callers 47
(Blank) 46
Kumquat 46
It's Not Vacation, If you're not drunk by noon 43
El Porn Kings 41
Godjira 40
Hobos of Broadway Swimsuit Calendar 39
Linedancers 39
My girlfriend can't wrestle, but you should see her box 35
Poindexter Nut Company 30
No Clue 29
The Nasty Ass Honeybadgers 29
Other End Of The Table 26
Brain Farts 21
Bunsen Burner 17
Kickin Ass & Takin Names 17
Logjammers 11
Harpos Heroes 3
Melons as Big As Your (Red)Head!
RevTrev


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Quiz Schedule
Saturdays at the Cheeky Monk (Westminster), 9 PM 		Trevor Doner (RevTrev)

Geologist, Ordained Minister, America's Wingman, and most likely the youngest member of the Quizmaster Army.

I'll be graduating in May from CU with a BA in geology.  I rock a yellow ukulele, I almost missed my high school homecoming to play in a Super Smash Bros. tournament, and I can still do the alphabet backwards when I'm too drunk to stand.   When I'm not handing out free beers for knowing things like Barbara Walter's cup size (which is 100% ungoogleable, in fact it will lead you right back here to this very web page) I'm a lab tech in a sedimentology lab (read: dirt scientist) in Boulder.

I'm skinny, blonde, and my reading glasses make me cross the line into dirty hipsterdom like Superman and Clark Kent, except instead of super powers and a journalism career I get an opinion about Radiohead and a headache while staring at computer screens.

So Dave was away doing special session lawyer stuff last night in Denver and left me with all of you people, and I say "you people" in the dirtiest way possible because let's face it...

Holy crap there's a lot of you people.  Apparently we had not one, but two different group meet-ups at lovely old Harpo's last night, resulting in what I consider to be quadruple my regular turn-out.  But we got through it, we laughed at horrible church covers of otherwise awesome songs, talked about how movies will rape the crap out of the same sappy song over and over for every romantic scene they have.  They pulled a Dawson's Creek, or quite possibly use the John Williams Theme Song Generator1.

Overall I had a great time with you guys.  I've had to work on my birthday many a years (on a scale from 1-10, how old do I look to you?), but Geeks Who Drink is a job I don't think I'll ever be able to complain about, because you guys are just awesome.

 

1The John Williams Theme Song Generator is simple: Take whatever is happening in your movie (Darth Vader is attacking, you're seeing an island full of dinosaurs for the first time, whatever) and describe it.  The John Williams Theme Song Generator will analyze your description of the scene, totally fucking ignore it, and then play the same goddamn theme song on loop for the rest of the movie.

Harpo's Sports Grill
2860 Arapahoe Ave
Boulder, CO 80303
Tuesdays: 7:30 PM
Comment Now
11:33 AM, May 09, 2012
Scores
LLUA: Tom's A Big Kid Now! 83
Eurolunch 81
Dukes of Valmont 80
The Carcrashians 77
Side Boob for Obama 75
Jesus Has A License To Ill 74
#hashtagnumbersignpoundtictactoeboard 71
Poopship Destroyers 69
Masseur-Lovin': Had Me a Blast 69
Flying Spaghetti Monster 67
My Couch Pulls Out But I Don't 67
Unladen Swallows 64
Tessa's First Time 63
I'll Have Another 60
Odin's Beard 59
How Jew Doin'? 58
Maurice Sendak's "Where the Dead Things Are" 58
The Real Housewives of Valmont 57
A Baby Seal Walks Into A Club 55
Vince W/ Slapchop 55
Hobo Stab Insurance 53
Squirrels Gone wild 53
ICT For Dorks 50
I Wish I was Your Final Exam: I'd Be Hard and You'd Do Me On Your Desk 39
Seasonal Forests 38
Fat Kids Are Harder To Kidnap 32
The Penis Mightier 5
Travolta
DeNov!


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Quiz Schedule
Harpo's Sports Grill, Tuesdays 7:30 PM 		Dave (DeNov!)

"There he goes, one of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high-powered mutant never considered for mass production. Too weird to live. Too rare to die." - HST

Greetings, Quizanauts

Can we talk about John Travolta for a minute?  There was a sweet Travolta team name (Masseur Lovin’ – Had Me A Blast) that did not receive the raucous reception I thought it deserved, so I mentioned what was going on.  I think I may have said “unkempt, wiry pubes.”  The bar was silent except for one dude who blurted out, “Yes!”  Kinda awkward, but not as awkward as John Travolta’s predilection towards masseuses at bath houses.

If you are unaware, just go read Gawker at work like me, Brad, Nirvan, and that one dude.

Congrats to LLUA: Tom’s a Big Kid Now on juggernauting again and for getting that new gig.  Eurolunch is on a run of their own, and Dukes of Valmont found themselves in the money again after a bit of a break.

What did we learn?

-          Parsnips are delicious.

-          Ska brings back memories of listening to terrible music.

-          Harry Hamlin’s wife wears diapers.

-          Why did more folk know about Paul Wall than Penny Marshall?

-          It’s no wolf, but a penguin is a pretty sweet spirit animal.

-          Quizzers don’t like Maurice Sendak jokes.

 

Here’s the aforementioned Masseur Lovin’ – Had Me A Blast list.  Thank god they’re back:

-          How disappointing is the world when you can’t even trust a volunteer underwear bomber?  Millennials cannot be trusted.

-          Have you even been loved by anyone as much as Kenyon Martin’s stalker loves him?  No, you have not.

-          Why were people shocked, SHOCKED, that the Chinese were shipping powdered baby flesh pills to Korea?  Johnson and Johnson has been peddling baby oil for years.

-          The headline said something about “obesity epidemic” but all I heard was “big ol’ tittaes.”  M-m­­­m-motorin’

-          It would be horrible if North Carolinians voted to deny Bobby Hurley and Christian Laettner their rightful matrimonial bond.

-          Europe hasn’t been this crazy since they released “The Final Countdown” (insert link HERE)

Your wish is my command, dudes.

That’s it for me, kids.  Take care of yourselves and one another out there.  If you need me, I’ll be at the spa, telling the masseuse to “make sure you work the glutes.”

Harpo's Sports Grill
2860 Arapahoe Ave
Boulder, CO 80303
Tuesdays: 7:30 PM
Comment Now
11:24 AM, May 02, 2012
Scores
LLUA: John got Swine Flu! 77
Mr. Potatohead and His Bucket of Jesus 72
Sticky Ticky Slicky ricky 70
Piazanos 69
The Muffintops! 69
Smoked, Fried, and Still Jackin' It In San Diego 65
I Surprised My Neighbors With My May Pole 63
Roadhouse 61
Medium Pace 61
M.A.K.E. Me 60
Dukes of Valmont 59
Suck it Trebek 59
Keepin' It Gonorrheal 58
#hashtagnumbersignpoundtictactoesign 58
See You Next Tuesday 58
It's A Tarp! 55
He Has a Husband Bulge 54
Narwhals 53
Workers Of The World Unite! By Unite We Mean Burn Couches! 45
Potent Potables 40
MKR 39
Teboner is Gone! 33
Pastafarians 28
Ditte 28
Pandamonium 24
Juggernaut
DeNov!


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Quiz Schedule
Harpo's Sports Grill, Tuesdays 7:30 PM 		Dave (DeNov!)

"There he goes, one of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high-powered mutant never considered for mass production. Too weird to live. Too rare to die." - HST

Greetings!

‘Twas good, as always, to see your shining faces.

I was worried that we’d have some playoff sports-related conflicts tonight, but you geeks came strong the them mean ol’ sports fans rolled over like a college girl trying to get rich off of Kobe Bryant.

(Am I still allowed to use “Kobe Bryant likes doing white girls in the butt” jokes since the Nuggets are playing the Lakers?)

Anywho, LLUA: John Got Swine Flu! is juggernauting the quiz lately, taking first again.  I’m offering a bounty of 3 gummy bears, a Canadian nickel, and an old issue of “The Weekly Standard” to any team that knocks them out of the money.  If interested, meet me in the parking lot, so that we don’t talk conspiracy here on the internets.  Also, swine flu?  The fuck?

Mr. Potatohead and His Big Bucket of Jesus, previous juggernauts, took second.  They laugh at my jokes, so they are 1A in my book.

Quiz neophytes Sticky Ticky Slicky Ricky had a strong third place AND the bar serenaded team namesake Ricky for her birthday.  Happy birthday, Ricky.  I hope you like Steely Dan.

(Seriously, why wasn’t that song in the “sorry, wrong number” round?  I refuse to acknowledge you, Steely Dan Haterz.)

 

Quiz nuggets:

-       Fiona Apple’s actual criminality may be suspect, but she is professionally batshit!  (Thanks for the new tunes, Ms. Apple, if only so I can reheat this bit.)

-       I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: If you aren’t down with Phil Collins, then I’ve got nothing to say to you.

-       While those Ivy League schools may be pretty exclusive, the percentage of students with STD’s shows that Arizona State University is very accepting!

-       What I’m saying is that ASU kids are promiscuous and don’t use rubbers.

-       (I have no data to back this up, just stereotypes and conjecture.)

-       Clowns are fucked up, am I right?

-       You like beating/getting beat by your spouse?  Topeka, KS is the place for you!  It’s legal!

-       Morgan Freeman saying “motherfucker” brings me peace and serenity.

-       I’d take Morgan Freeman saying it over Sam Jackson. Argue if you must.

-       Drew Barrymore and Reese’s Pieces are not characters from E.T.

 

Brad, Nirvan, and Co. took the week off, so their list is missing.  In their honor, I will keep a place for them:

-       (mormons)

-       (abortion)

-       (rick santorum)

-       (hatefucking kim kardashian)

-       (anti-semitic baseball player)

Come back soon!  I don’t think I did the list justice.

That’s it for me kids.  Take care of yourselves and one another out there. I stand by my statement; if you feel wronged, I will hold you tight and stroke your hair for 4 minutes.

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