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The Royal Hilltop 18581 E. Hampden Ave Aurora, CO 80013 Saturdays: 8:00 PM |
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As I arrived at the Royal Hilltop, I couldn’t help but notice an intoxicated gentleman speaking at an elevated volume to his compatriot about life and genitalia in general when, all of a sudden, shit got real.
The elderly man sitting next to me at the bar did not appreciate the liberal use of words like “pussy”, “balls”, or “fuck” coming from the intoxicated gentleman, and presented him with an argument as to why he should either stop talking all together or leave the bar entirely. The intoxicated gentleman made a counter-offer to the elderly man’s proposal, inviting him to step outside and resolve the matter in the way of the pugilist.
Short story long, intoxicated gentleman was encouraged to exit the establishment by the wait staff; however, intoxicated gentleman decided to make a stand with the elderly man at the bar, and I felt compelled to provide support for the wait staff should any fisticuffs commence. My spidy-sense was tingling, my adrenaline was pumping, and I was prepared to throw down tasmanian devil-style. All I needed was Michael Boffer and a boxing ring.
Happily, that’s as elevated as the tensions rose, and I was able to give the crowd what they really wanted: Pub Quiz.
The quiz started off fast, and didn’t slow down until the final question was answered. Hindenburg joyride jumped out to an early lead and never looked back. Teams What would Jesus put? and Skipping AA joined forces to become Jesus skipped AA, which actually makes perfect sense if we believe Jesus had wine for blood. No need for AA there.
I was a bad quizmaster and didn’t quite get the instructions to round 3. When I announced the questions, I thought it was asking if the events took place before or after August of the year in which they happened, not if they happened before or after Obama’s birthday. Bad QM, no whisky. So to make amends, I gave everyone an 8/8 on the round, said 13 Hail Mary’s and 7 Our Father’s.
As a call back to the earlier drunken almost-barroom brawl, I gave away Delinquents with Combs for the internet bonus prize to the lucky (and now stylin’) Mike! He showed off his new prize the only way a true no-goodnick can; by flipping the switchblade comb and running it through his flowing locks. Congrats Mike!
Round 8 was kind of a bizzaro round for many teams. Those who had been doing well up to that point struggled on the round, and those who were middle-of-the-pack teams surged. In the end, Hindenburg joyride ended up in first place and Reggae bananas walked away with second place.
I went home and practiced my ha-do-kens and my dragon punches…just in case.
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The Royal Hilltop 18581 E. Hampden Ave Aurora, CO 80013 Saturdays: 8:00 PM |
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So after much deliberation between myself, the old man who lives inside of me, and the Geeks who Drink universe, I’ve come to a decision about the “say when” rounds: If teams are purposely stopping the clues before anyone has a chance to actually get the answer right, I will penalize that team points if they, themselves do not get the answers right. Consider yourselves warned.
In other news, we had another packed house at the Hilltop last night, and in honor of Whitney Houston’s passing, I will list the teams that decided to immortalize her with their names.
Houston, you have a problem
I wanna do crack with someone. Too soon?
Damn, our money was on Bobby Brown to go first.
Ah Whitney. A lifetime of awards, accolades, and fanatic followers…all reduced to cracks about crack and your once-famous husband.
On to things that actually effect people reading this blog:
For the internet bonus prize, I gave out Party Rats, the light-up rats that go on your fingers at parties! Since I do nothing but ridicule Skipping AA whenever they show up, I thought it fitting that they get the internet bonus prize, as a sign of good faith. Besides, imagine how much fun that next AA meeting is going to be with Party Rats! Am I right, or am I right?
Once again, the prizes of the night went to Fallopian swim team and Hindenburg joyride, this time with Joyride on top, and Swim team taking home second place. These two teams really make me proud to a Quizmaster. They’re both good sports, they both (usually) finish in the top two whenever they come out, and they both like to switch between being the big spoon and the little spoon…wait, one of those was supposed to remain a secret…
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The Royal Hilltop 18581 E. Hampden Ave Aurora, CO 80013 Saturdays: 8:00 PM |
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There were many harrowing acts of quiz last night. We had a team of two not only win, but win in decisive fashion. We had a team so big, it needed to be split into two teams, The Hatfields and The McCoys. We had a second place tie that was settled by beer-drinking contest. We had the female of the species defeat the male of the species in the aforementioned beer-drinking contest. We had a packed house the likes of which hasn’t been seen since sardines first got introduces to the tin can.
But most of all, we had me. Sick with the flu, but still administering the quiz. Yes, I’m the hero of this little story.
My story begins with me getting to the venue early to order a Hot Toddy. Kelly, the lovable and friendly bartender, whipped me up something piping hot, soothing, and loaded with booze. After my triumphant defeat of the hot whiskey drink, it was time to go to work.
At first, I thought I might be overwhelmed by the sheer number of people in attendance. Wave after wave of quizlings kept pouring into the quaint little tavern until I was sure it would burst. Just when I thought there couldn’t possibly be more quizlings left outside, more kept showing up like some sort of Onychodactylus that can multiply asexually. Unshaken, I resolved to renew my faith that pub quiz would carry me though the night.
They say music soothes the savage beast. Well, I wasn’t about to test that theory, and threw prizes at it instead. My weapon of choice? Zombie Mirror Sticks. And they worked, at least on Tyler. At least, for a little while.
Back and forth, the action grew furious. I launched questions at the crowd, they launched answer sheets back at me. It was like a ping pong game…where my life was hanging in the balance.
My final death blows came at the end of the night, when I gave first place to 99 problems but a quiz ain’t one. When I looked around for second place, two teams staked claim of ownership on the prize. I hear that beer can also soothe the savage beast, so it was off to the bar for a tie-breaker drinking contest. The contest pitted The Hatfields against their new rivals, Giants can suck my nuts, that’s why. After the final slurp had been downed, Giants can suck my nuts had immerged the clear winner.
But like I said, this is a story where I’m the hero. I gave the teams their prizes, and the crowd seemed sated afterward. I rode my chariot home to my buxom wench in waiting, satisfied her physically and emotionally, and drifted off to a peaceful sleep. Hey, a Quizmaster can dream, can’t he?