Geeks Who Drink - The Cheeky Monk

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The Cheeky Monk
14694 Orchard Parkway
Westminster, CO 80023
Saturdays: 9:00 PM

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12:40 AM, May 13, 2012


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Scores

Slap & Tickle	68

The Bluth Frozen Bananas	63

1801 Broadway	61

No Penetration Without Proper Training	61

Something About the Birthday Boy	52

Saucy	51

Dahmer's Gourmet Meats	47

TBD	47

Rowdy Royers	41

Figgins	25

Wolfpack of One	15

Second Place is your fired!

Doug Exeter

Last night, I witnessed something for the first time as a quizmaster. Now, as most of you already know, the top two teams are in the money at the Cheeky Monk; first place gets $30 and second place gets $20. Well, apparently, The Bluth Frozen Bananas decided to celebrate coming in second by leaving without taking their winnings. The fuck, guys? You made a terrible mistake. I had no choice but to give it to the next in line, No Penetration Without Proper Training. Slap & Tickle took that number one spot.

Check the highlights!

The first round was all aboot Canada, eh? They have their own Marvel Comics’ super hero team called Alpha Flight. It consists of masked heroes like The Polite Stranger, Moose Knuckle, and Jean Jacket Carl. Their motto/battle cry is, “Oh, I don’t want to impose.”

The second round featured songs sung a cappella that sounded almost exactly like the originals. So, what the hell is a Skrillex anyway? That music sounds like a Sasquatch having night terrors.

Round three was Homo or No Homo and not a single question about John Travolta and masseurs.

The sixth round dealt with douche bags and the women who love them. Kevin Federline married Britney Spears, ruined her, released an album, and then OH, WHO THE FUCK CARES?!

And the eighth round asked the quizzers to name four of the six original members of NWA. They were like the Avengers of the hip-hop world, basically.

Okay, cats and kitties, I’ll see yext week. Hey, if you win something, be sure and claim your prize. I mean, come on!

The Cheeky Monk
14694 Orchard Parkway
Westminster, CO 80023
Saturdays: 9:00 PM

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9:32 AM, May 06, 2012


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Scores

No Penetration Without Proper Training	69

MCA	55

Boba Fettish	54

Skeleton Crew	53

Not It	46

The "Law"	44

The Winosauruses	44

Team S'Okay	23

Dubstep is to music, what the Holocaust is to...

Doug Exeter

You guys can figure it out. Yes, last night’s round seven featured dubstep versions of certain television themes. I wasn’t too familiar with the genre, I guess, until the round was played. After listening, it sounds like the type of thing that is played in a Guantanamo Bay interrogation room. I was afraid Amnesty International would shut down our quiz. Come next week for a round on waterboarding! There will be no questions about that specific act of torture, but you will have to choose one teammate who will get waterboarded every time a question is answered incorrectly. Hope you all can make it!

What a great quiz, as per usual! The quizzers seemed extra competitive last night, seeing how they demanded a dance-off for the email bonus prize. And dance they did! At the end of the night, No Penetration Without Proper Training took home the top prize for the second week in a row. Newcomers, MCA came in second place. They chose to honor a great man with their team name and they were rewarded handsomely for it. Good work!

Have some quiz highlights:

Round one reminded us that the Reagan administration was rightfully ridiculed for trying to classify ketchup and pickle relish as vegetables in school lunches. It’s that same manner of thinking that lead people to believe that the KFC Double Down is edible.

The third round was a speed round about SNL cast members who have left the show since 2006. “Saturday Night Live just isn’t funny like it used to be,” said the 20 year-old hipster whose idea of comedy is posting memes to his Facebook timeline.

Round four featured a question about Requiem for a Dream, which lead me to giggle every time I had to utter, “Ass to Ass!” I am a child.

And in round eight, we learned that the Nazca Lines are located in the South American country of Peru. They are also included as a plot point in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, thereby making them just as lame as the Star Wars prequels.

That does it for this week. I hope you all enjoyed the Super Moon, if you could see it. I woke up this morning, naked and covered in blood, in the middle of chicken coop. I have no recollection of how I got there.

Weird.

The Cheeky Monk
14694 Orchard Parkway
Westminster, CO 80023
Saturdays: 9:00 PM

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10:12 AM, April 29, 2012


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Scores

No penetration without proper training	70

You're Funnier When I Drink	63

Phobotrinaphobia	52

The Dark Passengers	47

Ramrod	46

My Patronus is Chuck Norris	43

Your Mom	43

Boba Fettish	43

Secret Servicers	41

42, The Ultimate Answer	39

God Do We Hate Pam	31

Team Baron	5

Mel Gibson Has a Dark Passenger

Doug Exeter

It was the year 2000, after the making of What Women Want, when the darkness took him. He wasn’t the only one affected. Remember when Helen Hunt went on that killing spree? All of her victims resembled Paul Reiser. Gibson, on the other hand, turned into a raging dick. I’m sure he was always that way, but his unbridled anti-Semitism and misogyny cannot be contained now. Seriously, he is totally ruining the Lethal Weapon series for me! I can’t watch that without thinking of Martin Riggs karate chopping a Rabbi and then calling Murtaugh’s wife a cunt.

At last night’s quiz, we had some company and the quizzers were on their best behavior. I was in supervisor mode as new QM Jeremy took the quiz reins from me after the first two rounds. I had no choice but to pout in a corner and drink a Coke. Do you guys still like me? Guys? DON’T LEAVE ME! I NEED THIS!

Best of luck to Jeremy at his new quiz in Lakewood.

No Penetration without Proper Training took our top prize, because that’s all they seem to do anymore. Come on, guys… All you’re going to do is win? Booooooooring.

In second place we had You’re Funnier When I Drink. Oh, yeah? We’ll you’re an alcoholic and your friends and family hate you!

Here are a few highlights:

During the second round, we played piano versions of eight 2011 hits. Just so you know, LMFAO’s Party Rock Anthem still sounds like shit when played on a piano.

The third round was Say When: Theatre and maybe we should schedule a field trip to the performing arts complex. Or let’s just call Andrew Lloyd Webber and get a few pointers from him for future theatre rounds. We’ll work on this together.

STDs and celebrities was the topic of the visual round. If Robin Williams, Paris Hilton, or Michael Vick are on your list, you may want to rethink that. Herpes is a bitch. It also reminded us that Freddie Mercury invented AIDS. I think I got that right…

Round six featured questions about sports infractions. In baseball, a foul ball never counts as a third strike except in the case of a batter trying to bunt. Not bundt. A bundt is a delicious cake, not a lame athletic play. Bunting? Pssssh. Why don’t you grow a pair!

And after question seven of round eight, I think Ashley Madison probably got some late-night hits out of curiosity from the quizzers. DON’T WORRY! ALL OF YOUR SECRETS, WHICH I KEEP RIGHT HERE ON THE INTERNET, ARE SAFE WITH ME! ONLY ME!

That’s a wrap. Mmmmmmmm, wrap.

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