The Geek in Review Guest Quizmaster Series
This week’s blog was written by Quizmaster Jeremy. Jeremy is a quizmaster who hails from Wisconsin, lives in Colorado, and has a love for beer, cheese, the Packers, and craft beer. His love for Dave Matthews Band can only be matched by his love for Johnny Cash. You can catch him in just outside Denver at Teller's Taproom Mondays at 8 and The Glenn, Tuesdays at 8.

Holy shit, it's only June and the entire state of Colorado seems to be in flames. We almost lost a landmark in the Royal Gorge Bridge, and the fire in Colorado Springs has brought terrible air quality all the way up to Denver. There was also an explosion in Westminster too. It's like whatever God exists said since you get to live in the most beautiful state in the world, we are going to just set it on fire just so you have a reason to bitch about living here. I've got friends and coworkers who have had to evacuate at some point. Besides the people who have lost their homes, I feel sorry for the asthmatics here. It's been brutal this week.

Speaking of brutal, it seems like we are all in a tizzy about wiretapping. I'm really not sure why since I'm pretty sure this has been legal since shortly after 9/11. No worries though, this country will be upset about something new again next week. Most likely it will be Obama uses the Charmin with lotion instead of the Great Value brand of toilet paper, thus wasting taxpayer money or something else ridiculous. Don't believe me? Quick, without thinking...name the woman who we wanted to take off life support in Florida back when Bush was president. Ok, you can google it.

This Week In Geek
Every quiz is unique - and these are the unique-iest 

LOVIN' CUP might have dead hookers in a couch.

Our QM at NICOLOS PIZZA has an odd stalker.

TRIDENT GRILL tells us exactly why the average sports fan sucks.

BALLARD LOFT explains the Shadchetype.

Apparently JASPER had a bonus round on anal.

CHRISTIAN'S TAILGATE MIDTOWN reminded us what it meant to be American.

TRUELOVE insists you get your balls touched regularly.

Our BUMSTED Quizmaster is the Queen of improvisation.

Team Names of the Week
Don’t forget! We have a Team Name of the Week award on Tuesdays on our Facebook page.

 Grandma's Phone Erotica: An NSA Support Group(Durty Nelly's)
Feels Like Warm Apple 3.14  (Denver Wrangler)
I Wanted To Shake Michael J Fox's Hand But He Beat me To It (O'Neil's Pub)
Brady's Got a New Waterboy (The Pioneer)
Does Wayne Brady need to cunt punt a bitch (Bodega Burger co)
Mom Got Dad a Vasectomy for Fathers Day Little (Woodrows Rice Village)
I went for a handjob interview, but I blew it (Opal Divines Marina)
Sometimes Heroes Take the Short Bus (Royal Hilltop)
Put a Littlefinger In My Butt Just to See How it Feels ( Lucky Strike)
Brodors Before Hodors ( Lucky Strike)
There's No Cure for Being a Cunt ( Rackhouse Pub)

Score-O-Matt-ic's Weekly Champions of Quizlandia!
A weekly look at who is better than you by the guy Robot who is smarter than you.

Greetings, humans!
Rumble in the Pub: Week 2 is behind us.  Austin is still taking no prisoners (as you'll see in these rankings), and Waco might just be the sleeper surprise in that division.  Seattle has not lifted it's foot off the gas, either.

It's good to see so many Rumble teams (some of them TWICE!) in the Power Rankings.  This pleases me immensely.  I believe we have a new top venue in our rankings, all the way from Afton, VA!  Blue Mountain Brewery - Welcome to the big time.  Nice scores you got there, too. Plus, you grabbed one of the top five Power Rankings, which were tight as can be this week.

All of the Rumble stats are up to date, too, but that's all down there with it's own intro paragraph, dammit.  So you get get with this, or you can get with that.

Top Five Metropolitan Areas
1. Austin - 91.27
2. Seattle - 88.25
3. Waco - 86.91
4. Denver - 86.45
5. Houston - 86.39

Top Venues
1. Blue Mountain Brewery, Afton, VA - 94.93
2. Gibson Bar, Austin, TX - 92.91
3. Brick House Tavern + Tap, Austin, TX - 92.24
3. Red's Porch, Austin, TX - 92.24
5. Hotel Congress, Tucson, AZ - 90.90

Top Teams By Power Ranking
1. "Loosely Inspired by Real Events" - 97.87
Black Star Co-Op, Austin, TX

2. "The Hip Hop Sculptor Tried to Move a Bust" - 97.61
Hotel Congress, Tucson, AZ

2."Loosely Inspired by Real Events" - 97.61
The Drag Bar, Austin, TX

2. "Captain Tit-Hand and the Muffin Tops" - 97.61
Elliot Bay Pizza and Pub, Mill Creek, WA

5. "Rabeldoon" - 96.60
Blue Mountain Brewery, Afton, VA

Top Rumble Rankings
Like I said last week, I'm only going to list your score is you've achieved one point or more to date.  If I missed any of your precious points for whatever reason, please cram a message into this slot, and I'll make it right.

If you played and ranked before you registered, then I may not have caught you, so also feel free to fill out that form and I'll get you. If you're not registered yet, then sign up!  Registration is going to close THIS TUESDAY.  So, procrastinate later, and do it.

I will say that it still pleases me to see a team in Salt Lake City lead the Denver division, and watch the lead change back and forth in Seattle.  Anyway, check them out.

DENVER
#oldballz - 23
Kittens Inspired by Kittens - 18
The Piccadilly Twitz - 17
Benitez and the Jets - 14
Cart-Drawn Horse - 14
Team Sploosh - 14
57 Titties - 11
Scheisse Minelli - 11
Slump Busters - 9
Fear Boner - 8
The Rita Files - 8
Poontang State - 7
Principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabapple Were in the Closet Making Babies
and I Saw One of the Babies and the Baby Looked at Me - 7
Candy And Corpses - 6
Carnage Asada - 6
Poofter Barbarian Warrior Princesses - 6
Crows Before Hoes - 6
I Can't Remember How It Goes But Something About Couches And Creampies - 6
Salt and Pepper and Cumin and Cardamom - 6
Baked Mac and Cheese - 5
Something with Uranus - 5
Stevie Nicks' Fajita Roundup - 5
Summer Boners - 5
CU Next Tuesdays - 5
Sex Cauldron - 5
60% of the Time, It Works Every Time - 4
Denver Comic Can't - 4
Geek Tragedy - 4
Norfolk and Chance - 3
Shut Up Meg - 3
Fishhook Spectacular - 3
Winnie The Pouf & His 100-Acre Wood - 3
Romancing the Stone Was Almost A Fatal Attraction - 3
The Clusterfucks - 3
Ad Astra - 2
My Sister Said It Was A Good Size - 2
Sex Hamster - 2
WTF BBQ - 2
Gone Squatchin' - 2
Fart Sandwich - 2
Jail Bait Squirrel - 1
Suck It, Bitches - 1
Swift Kick in the Balls - 1
Triple Nerd Score - 1
Wood For Sheep - 1
Team Jesus - 1
The Spice Must Flow - 1

AUSTIN
Loosely Inspired by Real Events - 25
Awkward Family Gangbang Photos - 22
Corpus Christi Atheists - 17
Fatal Sushi, Lethal Chopsticks - 17
Freaks Who Drink - 15
House Hodor - 12
Keep Fucking That Chicken - 11
Lincoln, Showgirl, Llama - 9
Who Left The Cap Off My Fucking Glisten? - 9
Ground Control to Major Dong - 9
Lawyers, Truckers, and Cunts, Oh My! - 9
Fallopian Boobs - 8
Self-Hating Narcissists - 8
Mordecai and the Rigbys - 7
Swamp Donkeys - 7
How I Met Your Mothra - 7
Judge Judy and Executioner - 6
Our Drinking Team Has A Trivia Problem - 6
Mental Organism Designed Only for Quizzing - 5
When You Gonna Let Me Clap Dem Cheeks - 5
There is a Vas Deferens Between Balls and Shaft - 5
Beauty School Dropouts - 5
Five Bored Nuns in a Cucumber Patch - 5
Mr. Definitely - 5
Muggles Love Bacon - 4
Honker Burger Isn't a Titty Bar? - 4
Fabulousé - 4
Autocorrect is My New Worst Enema - 4
The Brunch Club: Dragon Unit - 4
Lululemon Party - 4
Fuck Mountain - 4
Babies Ate My Dingo - 4
Sandusky's School of Mutton Bustin' - 3
Creepy Finger - 3
Moms Who Drink - 3
FBI Computer Crimes Unit - 3
We're Number Fun - 3
This Changes Everything - 3
Yesterday's Jam - 3
Moral Imperative - 2
Ron's Angels - 2
Shorts vs. Skins - 2
Mega Shark and Crocosaurus BFF - 2
Aggravated Throbbery - 2
Bieberhole69 - 2
Spit In My Mouth - 2
All's Fair In Love and Whore - 2
The Powergloves - 2
Insert Name Here - 2
What Up My Ninjas! - 2
Abby Normal - 2
Belmont Street Rascal - 2
Slimer's Vagina - 1
It's So (Adjective) That (Name) (Verbed) at (Place) While (Verbing)
This Week - 1
Freddie Mercury Rising - 1
Even If We Lose, We Will Do Better Than T-Rex Trying To Make The Bed! - 1
Fonzi Scheme - 1
Jifted and Talented - 1
Istanbul Shit - 1
Big Tuna - 1

SEATTLE
Drunk and Distracted Scarves - 14
Nipbrethil Shipwrights - 12
Kitten Mittens - 11
A Team Named Slickback - 11
Got Excited and Quizzed Ourselves - 9
Village Idiots - 7
253 > 206 - 6
Chug-A-Lug House - 6
The 1% - 5
Walter White's Pizza Co: Well Cooked or It's on the House - 5
Captain Tit-Hand and the Muffin Tops - 5
Camel Toe Rodeo - 4
Betty White Supremacists - 4
We Are 'Merica - 3
Sex Toy Story 3: Woody's Revenge - 3
2-5-3 Till We D-I-E - 3
Humpty Dance Revolution! - 3
I Went to Vegas and All I Got was Shark AIDS - 3
You are About to Witness the Strength of Street Knowledge - 3
Aluminum Falcons - 2
Legends of the Slightly Esoteric Temple - 2
You're a Quizzard, Harry! - 2
You're Not My Daddy! - 2
Happy Birthday, Snarky Snark! - 2
Nipple Mittens - 2
Velvety Anal Beads - 2
Social Promotion - 2
Deep Fried Chow Mein - 1
Laser Tag Homicide - 1
Team Number Wang - 1
Best Team Name Ever! - 1
Tac-City, Bitch - 1
Jack Hoffman - 1
Consistently Inconsistent - 1
Lots of Rainbow Dancing Bears - 1

ALBUQUERQUE
Club Hate: Now Under New Management - 10
Yes, Minister McCheese - 7
Die Orange Mannschaft - 5
Octopodes - 5
Suckling Piglets - 4
Kent is my Anustart - 4
No Habla Chupacabra - 3
That Old Ice Cube Car Pun - 2
Drum Major Sex Panther - 2
I Quizzed Without Protection and Still Came First - 2
Sans Pants Dance Party - 1

Expecting a different point total in the Rumble? Sometimes our lines will get crossed because of a Quizmaster's faulty typing, an inaccurately labelled tie, or someone tipped a glass of wine onto Quizbot's motherboard. Regardless, if you were expecting a different result, here's where you can shove it.

Respect the stats, my minions!  They respect you.  Until next week!

Photos Jeremy Likes

This isn't Nam, we have rules at GWD


Some teams will draw their team name on the white board


Hugh Hefner isn't the only old guy that can get hot younger women

The Geek in Review Guest Quizmaster Series
This week’s blog was written by Jesse Brake AKA Boba Fatt. Boba Fatt is our favorite profane polymath out of Utah. A lover of fine basset hounds and terrible music he can be found running Pathfinder games because obviously this job didn't give him enough of a giant ego and a chance to frustrate others. If you ever find yourself in an existential quandary, wondering why life has brought you such troubles, you can play quiz with Jesse at Devil's Daughter, A Bar Named Sue (Midvale), or Willie's Lounge, and he'll tell you why you've no reason to be happy.

It's been a week since HBO aired The Rains of Castamere, and white women who shop at Nordstrom haven't been able to stop crying about the shocking turn of events. I use them as my example based on Youtube reaction videos and what I'd consider to be the demographic of the non-reading public.

Anyway, HBO's version of a mic drop turned out to be no credit music, because even us literate sorts got an extra dose of the ol' ultra violence with the anti-baby shower thrown by Lord Frey. Those that subscribed to HBO Go saw the writer's table discussion concerning The Red Wedding, during which time famed producer Dick Wolf popped over from his current pilot Law & Order: Cyber Bullying Unit to introduce the idea that Talisa Stark stole $150 from Lord Frey and then refused to let him travel up the King's Dirt Road. Valar Whorghulis.

This Week In Geek
Every quiz is unique - and these are the unique-iest 

Over at FAT SQUIRREL PUB & GRILLE, the quizmaster had a surprise birthday party put together by her quizzers.

I think the QM at the IRON BEAR is going to kill himself.

To no one's surprise, THE LIBRARY in Pittsburgh has a tiny section on poetry.

The QM at THE DRAG BAR gives Clemens a clobbering.

The JASPER NEIGHBORHOOD BAR & GRILL QM can't donate blood because she's a mad cow with AIDs. Her words, not mine.

NICOLO'S PIZZA serves up hot quiz and stalker romance.

WILLIES LOUNGE: come for the quiz, stay for the strippers and bear mace.

BRICKHOUSE PUB has the highlights from the Michael Douglas cancer oral thing.

Cursing in Turkish is easy, thanks to MONTLAKE ALE HOUSE's helpful guide.

BREWMASTER'S BAR & GRILL tries it's hand at freestylin'.

Team Names of the Week
Don’t forget! We have a Team Name of the Week award on Tuesdays on our Facebook page.

 George RR Martin had twitter but killed off all 140 characters - Christian's Tailgate (Heights)
All Dire Wolves Go To Heaven (Sully's Pub)
It's like rain of castamere on your wedding day (Jam)
Romancing the Stone Was Almost A Fatal Attraction (Oskar Blues: Homemade Liquids and Solids)
Too Old, Fat & Straight for Abercrombie (Dragon Room Bar)

Score-O-Matt-ic's Weekly Champions of Quizlandia!
A weekly look at who is better than you by the guy Robot who is smarter than you.

Greetings, humans!

So, here we are.  Right here.  This is that place we are at.  Together.  What a week, huh?  Not only is this the first week of Rumble in the Pub, but it's the triumphant return of Austin back atop the city rankings.  Coincidence?  Perhaps not!  Actually, all four of our Rumblin' Regions are in the city rankings.  COINCIDENCE?! 

Even though Denver missed top city ranking by nine tenths of a point, the slimmest margin I recall in forever and a day, they rocked the venue rankings.  Actually, the same team ranked twice in the rankings at two different venues.  This Rumble sure is bringing them out to party!

Watch out for Tacoma, though.  There's blood in the water since they tasted man-flesh last week.  Don't count them out yet.  Are YOU ready for Rumble?  Well, scroll down after all this other stuff I put up every week, and there it be!

Top Five Metropolitan Areas
1. Austin - 82.42
2. Denver - 82.31
3. Waco - 81.12
4. Seattle - 79.32
5. Albuquerque - 78.54

Top Venues
1. Pete's Patio Cafe, Denver, CO - 85.41
2. The Irish Rover, Denver, CO - 85.00
3. 5th Street Icehouse, Waco, TX - 84.54
5. O'Neil's Pub (Heights), Albuquerque, NM - 83.72
5. Billy's On Burnet, Austin, TX - 83.72

Top Teams By Power Ranking
1. "Slump Busters" - 91.36
Pete's Patio Cafe, Denver, CO

3. "Edgar Allen's Hoes" - 89.77
The Irish Rover, Denver, CO

3."Norah Doss 2: Electric Boogaloo" - 89.77
O'Neil's Pub (Heights), Albuquerque, NM

4. "253 > 206" - 89.19
The Ram, Tacoma, WA

5. "Slump Busters" - 87.16
The Irish Snug, Denver, CO

Top Rumble Rankings
This is how it is going to shake down.  Each week throughout the Rumble in the Pub, I'll post the running totals of any teams who have scored points.  After this week, if you've still scored no points, I won't be listing you.  That's really to keep this area clean.  Not because I want to destroy Earth or anything.  No, nothing like that. 

Please note that the standings cover Saturday, June 1st through Thursday, June 6th.

DENVER
13 - #oldballz    
10 - Kittens Inspired by Kittens    
8 - Fear Boner    
8 - The Piccadilly Twitz    
7 - Benitez and the Jets    
6 - 57 Titties    
6 - Cart-Drawn Horse    
6 - Slump Busters    
6 - Team Sploosh   
6 - The Rita Files    
4 - Poontang State   
3 - 60% of the Time, It Works Every Time    
3 - Baked Mac and Cheese    
3 - Candy & Corpses    
3 - Carnage Asada    
3 - Denver Comic Can't
3 - Norfolk and Chance
3 - Poofter Barbarian Warrior Princesses    
3 - Principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabapple Were in the Closet Making Babies and I Saw One of the Babies and the Baby Looked at Me    
3 - Something with Uranus    
3 - Stevie Nicks' Fajita Roundup    
3 - Summer Boners    
2 - Ad Astra    
2 - C U Next Tuesdays    
2 - Crows Before Hoes    
2 - I Can't Remember How It Goes But Something About Couches And Creampies    
2 - My Sister Said It Was A Good Size    
2 - Sex Hamster    
1 - Jail Bait Squirrel    
1 - Salt and Pepper and Cumin and Cardamom    
1 - Shut Up Meg    
1 - Suck It, Bitches    
1 - Swift Kick in the Balls    
1 - 1Triple Nerd Score    
1 - Wood For Sheep    
0 - BOB LAW BLOG    
0 - Business Drunk    
0 - Decoy Vagina    
0 - Emilio Has a Huge Dick    
0 - Even Primes    
0 - Fishhook Spectacular    
0 - Geek Tragedy    
0 - Hair Band Heir's Banned Hair Band    
0 - Hodor, Hodor    
0 - Infinite Taint    
0 - OBGYN Kenobi    
0 - Oedipus Rex: The Original Mother Fucker    
0 - Rendezvous These Schnutz    
0 - Scheisse Minelli    
0 - Team Jesus    
0 - The Cumin Underground    
0 - Unitarian Jihad    
0 - Winnie The Pouf & His 100-Acre Wood    
0 - WTF BBQ    
   
AUSTIN
13 - Loosely Inspired by Real Events  
11 - Corpus Christi Atheists   
9 - Fatal Sushi, Lethal Chopsticks    
7 - House Hodor    
7 - Freaks Who Drink    
7 - Awkward Family Gangbang Photos    
7 - Lincoln, Showgirl, Llama    
6 - Who Left The Cap Off My Fucking Glisten?    
6 - Keep Fucking That Chicken    
6 - Mordecai and the Rigbys    
5 - Ground Control to Major Dong    
4 - Fallopian Boobs    
4 - Muggles Love Bacon    
4 - Lawyers, Truckers, and Cunts, Oh My!    
4 - Swamp Donkeys    
3 - How I Met Your Mothra    
3 - Mental Organism Designed Only for Quizzing    
3 - Sandusky's School of Mutton Bustin'    
3 - Creepy Finger    
3 - Judge Judy and Executioner    
3 - When You Gonna Let Me Clap Dem Cheeks    
3 - There is a Vas Deferens Between Balls and Shaft    
3 - Self-Hating Narcissists    
2 - Moral Imperative    
2 - Moms Who Drink    
2 - Ron's Angels    
2 - Beauty School Dropouts    
2 - Shorts vs. Skins    
2 - Mega Shark and Crocosaurus BFF    
2 - Aggravated Throbbery    
2 - Bieberhole69    
2 - Honker Burger Isn't a Titty Bar?    
2 - Fabulousé    
2 - Five Bored Nuns in a Cucumber Patch    
2 - Autocorrect is My New Worst Enema    
1 - Slimer's Vagina    
1 - FBI Computer Crimes Unit    
1 - It's So (Adjective) That (Name) (Verbed) at (Place) While (Verbing) This Week    
1 - The Brunch Club: Dragon Unit    
1 - Spit In My Mouth    
1 - Our Drinking Team Has A Trivia Problem    
1 - All's Fair In Love and Whore    
1 - Freddie Mercury Rising    
1 - Lululemon Party    
1 - Even If We Lose, We Will Do Better Than T-Rex Trying To Make The Bed!    
1 - Fonzi Scheme    
1 - The Powergloves    
0 - Thinking Outside the Box is Also How John Smith's Mother Likes Oral Sex    
0 - Obnoxious Dead Person Reference    
0 - Insert Name Here    
0 - C'Mon Man    
0 - Jifted and Talented    
0 - You Look Fat When You Cry    
0 - I'm So Good At Lightning Rounds    
0 - Mr. Definitely    
0 - Blow It Up Across Town    
0 - Annyong    
0 - Don't Check My Browser History    
0 - The Buck Fuddies    
0 - We're Huge in Botswana!    
0 - Fist Full o' Fitties    
0 - John Smith's Fat Fan Club    
0 - We're Number Fun    
0 - This Changes Everything    
0 - Rucker    
0 - I Drank What?!    
0 - It's Not Pre-Marital Sex if You Don't Plan on Getting Married    
0 - Dickwolves    
0 - Beer Make Smart    

SEATTLE
6 - Got Excited and Quizzed Ourselves    
5 - Kitten Mittens    
5 - Nipbrethil Shipwrights    
5 - Drunk and Distracted Scarves    
5 - A Team Named Slickback    
4 - The 1%    
4 - Camel Toe Rodeo    
1 - Village Idiots    
3 - 253 > 206    
3 - Chug-A-Lug House    
3 - Betty White Supremacists    
3 - We Are 'Merica    
3 - Sex Toy Story 3: Woody's Revenge    
2 - Aluminum Falcons    
2 - 2-5-3 Till We D-I-E    
2 - Walter White's Pizza Co: Well Cooked or It's on the House    
2 - Captain Tit-Hand and the Muffin Tops    
2 - Legends of the Slightly Esoteric Temple    
2 - You're a Quizzard, Harry!    
1 - Deep Fried Chow Mein    
1 - Laser Tag Homicide    
1 - Team Number Wang    
1 - Best Team Name Ever!    
1 - Tac-City, Bitch    
0 - Caged Wisdom Changed My Life    
0 - You're Not my Daddy!    
0 - Jack Hoffman    
0 - Happy Birthday, Snarky Shark!    
0 - Smurfette Was a Busy, Busy, Busy Girl    
0 - Consistently Inconsistent    
0 - Lots of Rainbow Dancing Bears    
0 - Nipple Mittens    
0 - 1st Ballot Hall of Famers    
0 - PIO 5:21 "I Don't Touch Quizzers"    
0 - Glory Holelajuah    
0 - Death Torrent    
0 - Posterior Seafaring Looters    
0 - Team Geography    
0 - Bobby Fischer's Erotica    
0 - Purple Cobras   
0 - Soda Bread Rocks!    

ALBUQUERQUE
5 - Club Hate: Now Under New Management    
4 - Suckling Piglets    
3 - Die Orange Mannschaft    
3 - No Habla Chupacabra    
2 - Octopodes    
2 - Yes, Minister McCheese    
2 - That Old Ice Cube Car Pun    
0 - Drum Major Sex Panther    
0 - The Stumblefucks    
0 - David Cop-A-Feel Posse    
0 - Smiling Pile of Poo, Bitches    
0 - I Quizzed Without Protection and Still Came First    
0 - Diarrhea: The Jazz of Pooping    
0 - Sans Pants Dance Party    
0 - Hookers and Hand Grenades    

This is how I have your team names, so make sure you use it EXACTLY LIKE THIS at your Quiz, and kindly inform your Quizmaster that you're Rumblin', so they can take extra care when you place!  I don't want to miss any of your points, and my positronic brain can only handle so much information.  I am built in Windows 95, after all.

Expecting a different point total in the Rumble? Sometimes our lines will get crossed because of a Quizmaster's faulty typing, an inaccurately labelled tie, or someone tipped a glass of wine onto Quizbot's motherboard. Regardless, if you were expecting a different result, here's where you can shove it.

Respect the stats, my minions!  They respect you.  Until next week!

Photos Jesse Likes

A cookie from a fresh baked (Cumber)batch.


Boba Bear will make you his Slave I


I WILL BURN YOU HUMAN


Another boring team pho-OH SHIT


Can't tell if geisha or guysha...

The Geek in Review Guest Quizmaster Series
This week’s blog was written by Bryan "QMOTY 2 The Electric Boogaloo" Hobby. You can find him in Kansas City MO every Monday at the Green Room, Wednesday at Charlie Hooper's, and Thursday at The Chesterfield.

Summer has finally arrived to the mid-west. After 4 inches of snow fell on May 2nd here in Kansas City I wasn't sure it would ever come.
This must be how the people of Westeros feel.
But it's here now and that means one thing in the world of Geeks Who Drink.
Patios!
I even wrote and ode to patios.
Oh patios so great. So free.
The sun and wind cannot deter me from your ethereal embrace.
You, oh patio. You give me something that nothing else can.
Freedom.
Freedom to smoke while quizzing.
America.
Fuck yeah.

This weeks GiR is about highlighting some of the patios and the teams that play on them. (Namely mine.) One of my venues, The Green Room, has one of the sweetest patios around.  First off it's big, second they host GWD, thirdly there is a huge picture of Elvis. On the wall. No crappy young Elvis either. No, we go for old fat Elvis around here.

It's damn near a tragedy that all bars everywhere don't have patios. I can understand  Seattle not having patios but why are there none in Boston? Fish Boxer says because it's both too cold and too hot. What a bunch of whiners. 

Enjoy this review of just a few of the great patios in the Geek-dom.

This Week In Geek
Every quiz is unique - and these are the unique-iest 

CANYON'S CROWN's Caribbean Joe reflects on the mythology of Hawaii.

You can feel the love at 400 RABBITS. Thanks, Halmark.

The patio at WOODROW'S HEIGHTS is not frequented by agronomists.

HICKORY STREET is smoking with some hot “R&B fueled sex.”

JABU'S PUB: A safe place for midgets. But no Gawd Damn patio.

 The owners of WILLIE'S LOUNGE are geniuses. Grilling on the patio, Brilliant! (there is also a shower dildo for those who are interested.)

The Minnesotans at the UPTOWN TAVERN are making Boston look bad.

I don't know if BUFFALO BROS. Has a patio but they do have dinosaur dicks. So many dinosaur dicks.

You can't quiz the patio at ALLEN WICKERS but you can in the bathroom. Plus the Quizmaster bribes her way into the GIR with a boob shot.

Speaking of bathrooms. LUCIOUS NECTAR’s shitter is full.

BLUE MOUNTAIN BREWERY's patio gives me a chubby.

A breakdown of commercialism, game show quotes, and a lip synch tie breaker, all on THE GOODNIGHT's gorgeous patio.

Some venues are all patio. Like RED'S PORCH.  Does this place even have an inside?

Then there are others that aren’t inside but also not really outside. I give you the GREENHOUSE.

My patio teams at THE GREEN ROOM are Cray Cray.

THE MAYOR OF OLD TOWN doesn't have a patio. I just feel sorry for Andy.

Hurls turns pimp and OPAL DIVINE'S MARINA has never been more popular.

No patio at HOTEL CONGRESS. But they do have hobos. So there is that.

Team Names of the Week
Don’t forget! We have a Team Name of the Week award on Tuesdays on our Facebook page.

It takes a village to kill a village - Opal Divine's (Marina)
The Razzle Dazzlers Of Fantamagazzles -Chilkoot Charlie's
Can somebody get this homeless guy out of here?-  Hotel Congress
Only Trust Men Who Like Big Butts. They Cannot Lie- Durty Nelly's
My Quiz Smells Like Asparagus- Plan B Burger Bar (Milford)
Wet Hot American Summer Furlough -Daze District 2 Bar & Grille
Flying Solo, Like Chewbaca -Diag Bar & Grill
Schrodingers Cat In The Hat- Bruno's Tavern
Rhapsody in Pabst Blue Ribbon -Roxy's

Score-O-Matt-ic's Weekly Champions of Quizlandia!
A weekly look at who is better than you by the guy Robot who is smarter than you.

Greetings, humans!

The quiz totals were all over the map again this week. But without any major outliers I left the numbers as is once again.

This day would come eventually come if they lurked in the shadows, knowing when to strike.  Sure, they've ranked all over the Venue and Team rankings, so this ain't their first dance.  Tacoma, I'm looking at you!  Welcome to the spotlight!  Denver still says ranked, and Austin takes an unprecedented nose dive to third place.

Quizzes in Chicago are going to provide an interesting dynamic in the weekly stats, my friends.  Not only did the inaugural Quiz at Diag Bar & Grill rank as the second top venue, but they took top ranked team by a shit-ton of points.  Chicago has it's eyes on the prize.

Where shall we be next week?  Well, read these first, and let me worry about that.  Carry on.  Carry on.  Nothing really matters.

Top Five Metropolitan Areas
1. Tacoma - 84.61
2. Denver - 82.44
3. Austin - 81.81
4. Seattle - 79.60
5. Houston - 79.02

Top Venues
1. The Ram Restaurant & Brewery, Tacoma, WA - 89.02
2. Diag Bar & Grill, Chicago, IL - 86.12
3. O'Neil's Pub (Heights), Albuquerque, NM - 85.32
4. Opal Divine's (Freehouse), Austin, TX - 84.98
5. Piper Down, Salt Lake City, UT - 84.84

Top Teams By Power Ranking
1. "The Ass Whisperers" - 107.65
Diag Bar & Grill, Chicago, IL

2. "In Memory of Fuzzy B & Barley" - 95.86
The Cheeky Monk, Westminster, CO

3. "Nobody Funny Died This Week" - 94.50
The Ram Restaurant & Brewery, Tacoma, WA

4. "No Touching! No Bees! No Spoilers!" - 94.49
O'Neil's Pub (Heights), Albuquerque, NM

5. "A Nu Start" - 94.49
Gourdough's Public House, Austin, TX

Top Rumble Rankings
COMING NEXT WEEK!  WATCH HERE.  WELL, NOT HERE, BUT THIS SECTION NEXT WEEK!  I LOVE CAPS LOCK!

Respect the stats, my minions!  They respect you.  Until next week!

Photos Bryan Likes

Human pyramid on the patio FTW


No patio and WTF?

What is it with you people and dinosaur porn?


 If the shitter is full at The Black & Gold you can always just take care of business outside. That's what I did.

The Geek in Review Guest Quizmaster Series
This weeks GIR is brought to you by Dave, the most recent Geeks Who Drink Chicago transplant from Denver as of one month ago. When not getting lost on Chicago transit or dodging bullets on Michigan Ave, you'll find him hosting at one of Geeks Who Drink newest venues: State & Lake Chicago Tavern on Wednesday nights at 6:30pm.

What happened last week...let's see. Nothing eventful right? Oh wait, Geeks Who Drink is now in Chicago! That's right quizlandia, as of Wednesday we now have quiz in Chicago..(and Oregon if you're out west) So if you're in the Windy City and you'd rather show show off that big sexy brain of yours to win prizes instead of watching a Chicago sports team lose (which they're pretty good at doing all the damn time) then we can help you out. The geek empire is spreading faster than a bridge falling in a river in Washington.

This Week In Geek
Every quiz is unique - and these are the unique-iest 

The Quizmaster at OLD CHICAGO teaches us about pickup lines (good and bad ones) and gets offered a bribe.

Die Hard 2 is not a flop, but instead one badass movie, as we were reminded at BREWMASTERS BAR & GRILL.

SOUTHWEDGE COLONY brings you blue, "undied ass". Wait..what?

It wasn't  booze that killed Elvis as we find out at BEAU JOs(BOULDER). He was stone cold sober his whole life.

WYMANS #5's Quizmaster explains why a delay because of hockey is perfectly acceptable.

As promised at STRANGE BREW, the story of how the Quizmaster met Billy Idol.

At GOOSETOWN TAVERN Game of Thrones is serious business.

The WHISKEY BAR Quizmaster finds out that Lump Buttsnacks still has fans. Or is it Lemon Buntcake?

Team Names of the Week
Don’t forget! We have a Team Name of the Week award on Tuesdays on our Facebook page.

Is there such a thing as a whiskey vagina? (Old Chicago on Tejon)
My Girlfriend should have used Plan B This morning ( Plan B Burger B (Stamford))
Somebody had corn (The Chesterfield)
It's always windy in Oklahoma (Southwedge Colony)
Moms who drink (400 Rabbits)
The Bluth Man Group (Nomad Bar)
Oh!klahomeless (Rock Bottom)
Khannnnnnnnn aka Ass Nipples (Opal Divine's (Marina))
your schindler's list jokes aren't funny, anne frankly, I'm appalled (Truelove)
New York Sports Teams: Choking Like David Carradine (The Stone Church)

Score-O-Matt-ic's Weekly Champions of Quizlandia!
A weekly look at who is better than you by the guy Robot who is smarter than you.

Greetings, humans!

I didn't really mess with any of the numbers since we had one quiz at 96 pts., one at 112 pts., and the rest at 104 pts.  I just let the numbers do their thang, and they did, as you'll see.

Denver and Albuquerque - it looks like you've been bullied long enough by Austin, because you finally went Ralphie on their their Scut Farkus.  Denver took the throne after a drought of a few months of being ranked at the top.  The Irish Snug even took two spots in the power rankings.

But, O'Neill's Pub is the real MVP of this week's stats with two nights leading to a venue ranking, and two teams in each of those nights also being ranked.  Albuquerque - I see you!  That's the Geek Bowl VII city representation I've come to know and love!  Give me some damage in the Rumble in the Pub, yo.  Jackie Chan style kicks!

The stats are fickle, though, not even noticing the perfect 104 pt. score that "Rider's On The Storm" at Devil's Daughter threw down. That's what the daily stats are for, but also I'll acknowledge you here for raising the bar for all of Quizlandia.  Thank you all for giving this Robot some excitement this week!  Huzzah to thee!

Top Five Metropolitan Areas
1. Denver - 85.25
2. Austin - 84.74
3. Albuquerque - 84.09
4. NYC/Jersey - 82.66
5. Seattle - 82.16

Top Venues
1. O'Neill's Pub (Sunday), Albuquerque, NM - 96.47
2. The Irish Snug, Denver, CO - 93.64
3. Piper Down, Salt Lake City, UT - 90.63
4. O'Neill's Pub (Wednesday), Albuquerque, NM - 87.48
5. TRUELOVE, Waco, TX - 87.09

Top Teams By Power Ranking
1. "America's Bravest Umbrellas Holder" - 105.14
O'Neill's Pub (Sunday), Albuquerque, NM

2. "Musket Ears - 99.13
Piper Down, Salt Lake City, UT

3. "Leo Just Shitzu'd on the Carpet" - 98.07
The Irish Snug, Denver, CO

4. "Bitch Set Me Up, Eh?" - 97.04
The Irish Snug, Denver, CO

5. "My Weekend In Oklahoma Totally Blew me Away" - 94.41
O'Neill's Pub (Wednesday), Albuquerque, NM

Respect the stats, my minions!  They respect you.  Until next week!

Photos Dave Likes

Oh and Joe cried: What else is new?

Fast and Furious

I love when you guys make drawings! Thanks Neepsters