The Geek in Review Guest Quizmaster Series
///.....Score-O-Matt-ic 9001 Series Quizbot....... Goosetown Tavern, Sundays at 7:00PM, Denver, CO....... Weekly Geek In Review Stats...... Daily Stats on The Geeks Who Drink Facebook Page..... Heck-bent on Enslavement of the Human Race.....///

Sit back and strap in, because you're going to get a double-dosing from your favorite statistical and analytical synthetic being. Surprised?  I didn't think so.

Geeks Who Drink Pub Quizzes are the one reason I haven't destroyed Earth...yet.  This week's quizzes have been poked and prodded by my sensors, and I liked what I saw.  I've seen many a team name on basement dwellers and elective surgery.  I've learned a bit about the Reddit, the Sub-Reddit, Reddit Mantle, and Reddit Core.  I've learned about Hodor.  Hodor.  All of this data is swirling and whirling somewhere in the Cloud, and I'm about to make it rain.

So, for now, you may keep calm and Quiz on, humans.  You'll live to enjoy that which I have presented to you.  So, here you go!

This Week In Geek
The following weblogs make me want to destroy Earth slightly less:

SOUTHTOWN 101 hates short, hairy-footed persons, apparently.

No Filter at BRICKWOOD GRILL knows her shit.

The homo-erotic tendencies of "Predator" (no, Chris Hanson's kind) are explained at LUNCHBOX LABORATORY.

The "Wet Bandits" are explained, in gross detail, at DEVIL'S DAUGHTER.

Prepare to be schooled by BUCKLEY'S IN BELLTOWN.

NATTY GREENE'S BREWING CO. has Tebow in his heart, or not.

Catporn!(?) at WING CENTRAL ON THE AVE.

THE LION AND ROSE PUB (FORUM) celebrates not fucking up for a year!

THREE LIONS PUB explains why Shakira is a robot.  Go on...

MISTER TRAMPS puts the kibosh on Hipsters.  In Austin?  Noooooo.

TRUELOVE was shot through the heart, and was too late.

Team Names of the Week
Don’t forget! We have a Team Name of the Week award on Tuesdays on our Facebook page.

The following teams will not be assimilated (at first):
Dr. Zaius Ex Machina (Brickwood Grill)
The Phantom Menace is the Best Star Trek Ever! (Darcy's Bistro & Pub)
Are You a Vulcan or a Vulcant? (Black Star Co-Op)
Ape Froman, Sausage King of the Jungle (Moe's BBQ - North)
Riders of Brohan (Southtown 101)
I'm So Meta Even This Acronym (Bodega Burger Co. & Lounge)
I'd Play Doctor With David Tennant (Little Woodrow's (Midtown))
Fembot F Bombs (The Bulldog Downtown)  --- call me!
Rosemary's Baby Got Back (O'Niell's Pub)
Scar Trek: The Next Laceration (Trifecta on 3rd)
Organ Freeman in Schlongskank Redemption (Murphy's Pub)
After Tonight There's Gonna Be One Less Planet Because I'm About To
Wreck Your Anus! (Murphy's Law Pub)

Score-O-Matt-ic's Weekly Champions of Quizlandia!
A weekly look at who is better than you by the guy Robot who is smarter than you.

Yep.  Still me!  If you're confused, then look above.  If you're not, then congrats on making it here!

I had to play with some of the numbers on Thursday since some teams had 16 pts. in Round 7, and some did not.  So, there's that going on.

Austin continues their reign, which isn't really surprising at this point.  Most of the top Metro areas happen to be Texas based, too. Denver didn't even make the cut in the metro areas, or the venues if you're looking ahead.  Denver: I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed.

Massachusetts, specifically Cambridge, is really bringing in the heat with both top venue and a ranked team.  Even a newer quiz at Mockingbird Taproom is all over these stats.  I like to see that. Denver does make an appearance with top team in the country.  If you're going to make an appearance, I suppose this is the one to make.

So, yeah, look below for numbers and stuff!

Top Five Metropolitan Areas
1. Austin - 81.70
2. Houston - 80.16
3. Albuquerque - 79.46
4. Dallas/Fort Worth - 78.74
5. Salt Lake City - 78.47

Top Venues
1. Tommy Doyle's (Kendall Square), Cambridge, MA - 85.75
2. Lumpy's Downtown, Salt Lake City, UT - 83.54
3. Mockingbird Taproom, Dallas, TX - 83.21
4. Harry's Bar & Grill - Boston, MA - 82.84
5. Brick House Tavern + Tap, Austin, TX - 82.53

Top Teams By Power Ranking
1. "Hodor Hears A Who" - 90.78
Prickly Pete's Patio Bar, Denver, CO

1. "Archers of Loafcrosse" - 89.40
Tommy Doyle's (Kendall Square), Cambridge, MA

3. "We Fought The Law" - 86.76
Jake's Boiler Room, Washington, DC

4. "We Finally Got JWarr To Shut Up" - 86.18
Mockingbird Taproom, Dallas, TX

5. "Ground Control To Major Dong" - 86.04
Brick House Tavern + Tap, Austin, TX

5. "I Can't Believe I Ate The Whole Beaver" - 86.04
Westside Ale House, Round Rock, TX

Respect the stats, my minions!  They respect you.  Until next week!

Respect the stats, my minions!  They respect you.  Until next week!

Photos QUIZBOT Likes
I gain enjoyment from the following pictorial representations:

This is wrong on multiple levels.

Excelsior!

That joker is fully operational!  IT'S A TRAP!

Geeks Who Drink's Methodology: Hook them young.

The Geek in Review Guest Quizmaster Series
Jessica is a Scorpio who enjoys romantic nature walks, cuddling up with a good book or movie, and marching slowly and relentlessly towards world domination.  While her daytime activities are usually varied, often evil, and largely indiscriminate, we for sure know she can be reached on Tuesdays hosting quiz at Luscious Nectar Juice Lounge in Fort Collins, CO.

Greetings, Quizlandia!  What a doozy of a week we’ve had!  The world has been a busy place in the past 7 days:

• America’s sweetheart Reese Witherspoon proved that she’s a jackass sot just like the rest of us. 
• A “monster” washed up on the shores and caused a bit of a stir in New Zealand. 
• *GASP* super mega star boy band 98 Degrees realized that their royalty coffers were getting low, they had no remaining reality show prospects, and freshly divorced thirty-something former fans have shit tons of extra cash to perpetuate their fast-fading memories of the 90s, so they released their first studio album in more than 10 years.  [cue vomit splash].

Furthermore, the actual Swarmageddon has begun.  Get out your Geek squeak, because the 17-year cicadas have officially started hatching up and down the east coast.  Soon, quizzers from North Carolina to New England will have to suffer the loud pitiful cries of rare special creatures looking to mate.  Then again, that’s not terribly different than a typical night at quiz, is it?

The first International Clitoris Awareness Week is coming to an end. (Can I get a rimshot for that one, please?).  I’m serious.  The group behind this brilliance is Clitoraid.  Stop giggling.  Despite my hope that the mission of this group was to help everyone (straight men) actually find a clitoris (to benefit me), they actually are doing a good thing by raising awareness and preventing female genital mutilation and violence against women around the world.  See?  It started as a joke and ended up being a valid cause.  Also, dudes: FINDING THE CLITORIS (with your tongue) IS A VALID CAUSE.

Oh?  What?  I didn’t mention anything to do with that kidnapping in Cleveland?  Suck it up, buttercups – if you check out the team names of the week, you’ll see that you kids already have that one covered.

This Week In Geek
Every quiz is unique - and these are the unique-iest 

Thanks to the educational nature of the DEVIL’S DAUGHTER blog, the world will be a better place.

An insane robot took over the quiz at CAVEAU WINE BAR, and nobody seemed to mind.

The QM at BEAU JO’S DENVER dabbles in karaoke and lives to tell the tale.

Despite battling Crohn’s and Colitis, Scooby Doo is redeemed at The BALLARD LOFT.

There’s a new quiz at THE WITS END, and the QM obviously reads too many trashy fantasy novels.

BRICKHOUSE PUB questions why Outdoor Intercourse Day is not a national holiday?

A frisky hobo charms the patrons of WING CENTRAL ON THE AVE.

Goober at MOE’S BBQ NORTH hates Madden, but redeems himself by burning an image of Stephen Hawking into my mind that will always make me do a spit take.

Marianne No Filter gets her freak on at SOUTHWEDGE COLONY.

TRUELOVE teaches the meaning of “us,” and I still don’t feel any better.

Team Names of the Week
Don’t forget! We have a Team Name of the Week award on Tuesdays on our Facebook page.

Best (of oh so many) Kidnapping Themed Team Names:
My Girlfriends LIKE The Basement (GREENHOUSE BAR)
I Went On a Date With Amanda Berry And She Never Called Me Back (NOMAD BAR)
Cleveland Sex Dungeons & Dragons Masters (MOCKINGBIRD TAPROOM)
Amanda Berry's 10 year Sleepover Party (LUNCHBOX LABORATORY Seattle)
Too soon? It's been over a decade! (ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY)
Ten Years in Cleveland and all I Got was this Lousy Baby (LITTLE WOODROW’S HEIGHTS)
10 Years of Bondage? Sign Me Up! (LITTLE WOODROW’S MIDTOWN)
Spent 10 Years Locked in a House, Economy Still Sucks (O’NEILL’S PUB)
Amanda Berry, Hide and Seek Champion (OSKAR’S KITCHEN)
I'd Rather Be Kidnapped than Live in Cleveland (NODDING DONKEY)
At Least One Good Thing Happened in Cleveland This Year (NATTY GREENE’S BREWING CO)

Other Team Names of Note:
Hilary Rubbed Her Clinton Me (THE HIGHLINER PUB)
Babe 3: Bacon (RAPTURE)
Contextual Orgasm (HAMBURGER MARY’S)
I Would Totally Do the Dragon Chick from Game of Thrones (THE MAPLE LEAF)
Read the Book, Gatsby Dies (THE RACKHOUSE PUB)
Babies Bounce, Right? (OLD CHICAGO-TEJON)
Whatever Happened to Norm McDonald? (THE LION AND ROSE PUB - PARK NORTH)
Can Someone Turn On Some Fucking Hockey, Eh? (BILLY’S ON BURNET)
Slop Tart (UPTOWN TAVERN & ROOFTOP)
Honey Boo Boo's Mom Got Married And I'm Still Single (RED’S PORCH)
Kris Krossed Out (THE RAM – BOISE)
Circus Bourbon Hippo Shart Cheese Pudding (DUBLIN’S STREET PUB – LAS CRUCES)

Score-O-Matt-ic's Weekly Champions of Quizlandia!
A weekly look at who is better than you by the guy Robot who is smarter than you.

Greetings, humans!

Now, I must say that this is an (almost) perfect week for the stats, and I'll sum it up with one word: variety.  The top teams don't necessarily match the top venues, and most of the venues lists don't match the Metro area rankings.  See?  Variety.

Since Saturday's quiz was the lone 104 pt. quiz this week, I made all the scores that night their counterpart in a 96 pt. quiz, which made for better comparison.

Austin reclaimed the throne, but only by a few points.  Top power teams came in from Wednesday's tie.  There is just a lot going on, so check it out.  And call your Mother Brain tomorrow, too.  I know I will.

Top Five Metropolitan Areas
1. Austin - 82.42
2. Waco - 81.63
3. Albuquerque - 81.53
4. Houston - 80.40
5. Denver - 80.39

Top Venues
1. Jack Quinn's Irish Alehouse & Pub, Colorado Springs, CO - 84.92
2. The Ram Restaurant & Brewery, Tacoma, WA - 84.62
3. O'Niell's Pub, Albuquerque, NM - 84.54
4. Blue Star Cafe & Pub, Seattle, WA - 84.24
5. Gourmands, Austin, TX - 83.84

Top Teams By Power Ranking
1. "They're Not Here Anymore" - 93.28
McCabe's Bistro & Pub, Aurora, CO

1. "Beantown Without The Bean" - 93.28
Tommy Doyle's (Kendall Square), Cambridge, MA

3. "Force Chocking the Chicken" - 90.81
The Ram Restaurant & Brewery, Tacoma, WA

4. "Touch of Evil" - 89.45
Freshcraft, Denver, CO

5. "I Recruited My Team at Home Depot's Parking Lot" - 89.33
400 Rabbits, Austin, TX

Respect the stats, my minions!  They respect you.  Until next week!

Photos Jessica Likes

Put the pole in the foreground of the shot; it won’t be distracting AT ALL.

The QM at BooDad’s makes you realize that you really do wish you were the microphone.

Now, THAT is an email bonus prize…

The Geek in Review Guest Quizmaster Series
This week’s Geek In Review is being brought to you by Jason (the straight one). You can find him weekly at The Nodding Donkey (SMU Blvd) in Dallas on Tuesdays at 8 PM.

Wow, May already?  It seems like just yesterday we were welcoming in the new year and preparing ourselves for another bad ass Geek Bowl.  Instead, we’re ushering in patio weather (sorry Colorado, just wait your turn), watching NBA or NHL playoffs, and dusting off our blenders for some Cinco de Mayo margaritas.

What happened this week?  A member of 90s rap duo Kriss Kross died, and I didn’t see a single team named “I Missed The Hearse”.  What the hell, guys… A member of Slayer was slayed by liver failure (so lame) caused by a spider bite (so metal!).  And the NBA has its first active player who’s also gay.  I mean, that we know of anyway.  Don’t tell me we had 100% heterosexual solidarity during the short shorts era.  I’m not buying it.

May also features some new venues in my hometown of Dallas, which I’m super-stoked about.  More quizzes means more opportunities to play, which is something QMs love to do.  So when it’s not Tuesday, be on the lookout for me at any one of our other Dallas venues trying my hardest to kick your ass at pub quiz.

Let’s get to the best of this week, shall we?

This Week In Geek
Every quiz is unique - and these are the unique-iest 

TRUELOVE holds a Quiz for a Cause and rakes in over $700 for West ISD in the wake of the fertilizer plant disaster. Rad!

COMPLEX quizzers keep things going after the quiz is over with a Street Fighter 2 tournament.  Totally jealous!

NATTY GREENE’S QM points out the failures of The Dark Knight Rises.

BRICK CELLAR’s winners took their prize and bought PBRs for the whole bar.  Is that a first?

The QM at BOODAD’S BEACH HOUSE GRILL has a fuzzy memory of what happened in the Lord of the Rings.

LUSCIOUS NECTAR gets a breakdown of what Nutella is, and while it is luscious, it’s hardly a nectar. 

THUNDER & BUTTONS II get a recap in the form of a soliloquy about a sandwich, thanks to hungry QM Justin.

HONG KONG RESTAURANT’s quizzer population was entirely comprised of supervillains.

HIGHLINER PUB’s QM Ken gives us a treatise in defense of sports.

WILLIE’S LOUNGE: Come for the quiz, stay for the quiz recap where Boba Fatt ranks the ten greatest songs about sodomy.

The QM at PIPER DOWN envisions modern-day Christianity as a 1940s radio serial.

THE IRON BEAR gives us a glimpse of our modern pre-apocalyptic civilization from the future, and it somehow made sense.

Team Names of the Week
Don’t forget! We have a Team Name of the Week award on Tuesdays on our Facebook page.

KRISS KROSS CATEGORY:
Slayer, Kriss Kross, Why Not Kanye? (Canyon’s Crown Restaurant & Pub)
Will They Bury Him With His Suit On Backwards? (D Note)
Kriss Krossing Over with John Edward (The Ram – Tacoma)
Warm it up Kris, All I Feel is Death's Cold Embrace (Mockingbird Taproom)
SSORK SIRK .P.I.R (Hickory Street)

THE REST:
Jason Collins, Gayest Wizard Since Ian McKellen (C.B. & Potts)
Tebow’s Early Release (Teller’s Taproom & Kitchen)
George Jones Not Playing Possum This Time (El Mercado)
Faster-er-er-er-er-er and Furiouser-er-er-er-er (Devil’s Advocate)
This Month Was Autism Speaks, But It Didn't Say Much (The Glenn Bar & Grill)
Dzhokars, Szhimokars and Midnight Tzhokors (The Ram – Boise)
Sanchez Threw Tebow A Going Away Party But It Was Intercepted (Luke’s Icehouse – Houston)
Of Ricin Men (Natty Greene’s Pub)

Score-O-Matt-ic's Weekly Champions of Quizlandia!
A weekly look at who is better than you by the guy Robot who is smarter than you.

Greetings, humans!

It couldn't last forever.  They probably didn't even see it coming from their own backyard, either.  Austin, we've put your streak to rest after six weeks on top of the city rankings.  Well, we need to share anyway, don't we?  Many quizzes this week were 104 pts.  We even had a few 112 pt. magical unicorns spring up.  Since we had more than one, I just left everything as is, as one night wasn't an outlier.

Enough pleasantries, though.  Waco, Texas!  You're the King (and or Queen, if you want) of Quizlandia for this week!  You may not have many quizzes, but you sure do have quality quizzes!  5th Street Icehouse becoming quite the contender, yes?  You even took top team, which is no easy task.  Accolades to the inaugural quiz at The Goodnight, too.

So, read these now, or come back later, as long as you remember.

Top Five Metropolitan Areas
1. Waco - 90.40
2. Austin - 89.96
3. Denver - 85.11
4. Dallas/Ft. Worth - 85.09
5. Houston - 83.85

Top Venues
1. The Goodnight, Austin, TX - 93.38
2. Piper Down, Salt Lake City, UT - 93.04
3. 5th Street Icehouse, Waco, TX - 92.60
4. Black Star Co-Op, Austin, TX - 91.06
5. Buffalo Bros., Fort Worth, TX - 90.87

Top Teams By Power Ranking
1. "Does The Pope Poop In His Hat?" - 102.09
5th Street Icehouse, Waco, TX

2. "John W Smith: The $50,000 Man" - 101.52
The Goodnight, Austin, TX

3. "Clinton" - 98.70
The Allen Wickers Pub, Plano, TX

4. "Carpe Dentum: In the Mouth" - 97.63
Slate Street Billiards, Rio Rancho, NM

5. "The Piccadilly Twitz" - 97.19
British Bulldog, Denver, CO

Respect the stats, my minions!  They respect you.  Until next week!

Photos Jason Likes

Who shot first?

Don’t call a QM’s bluff when they warn that asking for a repeat of “question 9” would result in getting a beer spilled on you.

This is like the world’s worst drinking game.

The Geek in Review Guest Quizmaster Series
This week’s Geek In Review is being brought to you by Darin, The Chewbrocka. When not dodging paternity suits from slutty girls in Wyoming, he QM’s at TRUELOVE and 5th Street Icehouse in Waco, TX.

The upside to this week is nothing overly tragic happened, unless you count the opening of the George W. Bush Presidential Libary…errr, Bookhole, or whatever. Quizzers across the land had fun with that. Luckily they used simple words so our esteemed ex-President could understand. Reece Witherspoon likes to party. Somebody’s sending ricin powder to government officials in Missibama. Or was it Alassippi? Who knows, they’re all related. At least they have the perfect ricin beans recipe. Badda-bing!  And country legend, “The Possum” George Jones isn’t faking it, he’s really dead.

In the end, the Geek Kingdom atoned for all of their sins by pitching in and donating cash to both Boston Marathon bombing victims and the West Fertilizer explosion victims. Beneath the snarky, drunken exteriors there lays snarky, drunken interiors…with disposable income and a heart. Uncle Ruslan is pleased. We are national treasures to the Chechnya rebels. As a person who lives just a stone’s throw from the town of West, I also thank you all.  Now, get the hell off my lawn.

Names we can kill: Hermaphrodite Barbie Comes In Her Own Box, Uncle With Benefits, Just The Tip And (insert anal joke here), Suck It Trebek, and Other Than That Ms. Kennedy, How Was the Parade?

This Week In Geek
Every quiz is unique - and these are the unique-iest 

Quiz Mastering is easy, except when it’s hard. A “24”-esque minute by minute account of the syrup-coated sadness that is a QM’s life from OSKAR’S KITCHEN.

Bloody blood all over the bloody place and someone tackles a wall at SAINTS PUB & PATIO.

At ROXY'S, lots of people have seen a grown man naked.

How about some Irish Death Gravy from PADDY COYNE’S? Hey, a quizzer’s got to eat.

Don't pass out at the bar you work at or you'll deserve whatever gets written on you with a Sharpie, especially the dicks: A cautionary tale of Ambien abuse at THE IRISH SNUG.

At MILE HIGH SPIRITS, rampant jackassery results in a bar patron getting a karma bitch-slap from the Quizmaster.

MOE’s ORIGINAL BBQ details just how Zooey Deschanel could have done it.

And let’s close with a great toast to good friends at RED WING BAR and GRILL.

Team Names of the Week
Don’t forget! We have a Team Name of the Week award on Tuesdays on our Facebook page.

You're Fat Because I Hate You (The Bulldog Downtown)
Ich Bin Ein Hamburger (Phoggy Dog)
Yo Mama is a Million hit wonder (The Ram – Boise)
Do Not Put “Caught Jacking Off” on Your Resume’ (Moe’s BBQ – Englewood)
Special Feelings for Monkeys (Red’s Porch)
Too Bad It's Not THAT Kind of Bush Library (The Nodding Donkey)
If you were any more inbred, you'd be a sandwich. (The Auld Dubliner)
Rhapsody in Pabst Blue Ribbon (Roxy’s)
Gun Bill Jammed in the Senate Chamber (Gordough’s Public House)
We're Not Cheating, We're Sexting (Costello’s Tavern)
Lando Calrisian vs Cloud City Board of Education (El Mercado)
I Get Blown More Than Old Nintendo Games (Firehouse Grill & Pub)
Prison Daddy Daycare (Gourmand’s)
Fisting Nemo (Joe Sent Me)
Jesus Warned You About Worshipping False Tweets (Wynkoop Brewing Co.)
So a Threesome is 3 People Having Sex. A Twosome is 2 People Having Sex. Is This Why You Call Me Handsome? (TRUELOVE)
Bush Library: Not Just The Name Of My Porn Folder Anymore (Greenhouse Bar)
BJ & The Bear Can Watch (Rooster & Moon)
Royal Canadian Mounted Shakespeare Company (The Maple Lead Pub)

Score-O-Matt-ic's Weekly Champions of Quizlandia!
A weekly look at who is better than you by the guy Robot who is smarter than you.

Greetings, humans!

After last week, we return to some variety with this week's stats. Austin still takes top team, but only by a few hundredths of a point this time.  I believe this makes it six weeks in a row.  Can't anyone stop this Quiz Juggernaut?!  For the time being, it appears not.

I skewed some scores from this week, again, if you had a 104 pt. quiz, when not many else did.  So, you'll see some really high scores missing entirely, but hey, that's life.

We have some more fun additions.  Cambridge, ya know - the smaht ones - bounces back into the top five after a long drought.  Piper Down returns to the top venue listing after an absence, as well.  Even San Antonio drops in to take top team ranking.  I remember... the last time San Antonio was ranked.  So, yeah, look now before they disappear!  I typed them in disappearing code!

Top Five Metropolitan Areas
1. Austin - 81.70
2. Denver - 81.38
3. Albuquerque - 81.15
4. Seattle - 80.68
5. Cambridge - 80.31

Top Venues
1. Piper Down, Salt Lake City, UT - 88.36
2. 5th St. Icehouse, Waco, TX - 84.85
3. Rapture, Charlottesville, VA - 84.71
4. White Horse Tavern, Allston, MA - 84.38
4. The Ram Restaurant & Brewery, Tacoma, WA - 84.38
5. Hard Times Cafe (Clarendon), VA - 84.22

Top Teams By Power Ranking
1. "Eternal Sunshine of C'mon Man" - 92.37
The Lion and Rose Pub (Sonterra), San Antonio, TX

2. "When My Girlfriend Does Anal, She Uses a Diarrheaphram" - 92.32
Bumsted's, Tucson, AZ

3. "Crack Suicide Semi-Squad" - 92.15
Piper Down, Salt Lake City, UT

4. "Ricin-Roni The Mississippi Treat" - 90.34
The Ram Restaurant & Brewery, Tacoma, WA

5. "Conjoined Twin Octopus" - 90.08
Joe Sent Me, Cambridge, MA

Respect the stats, my minions!  They respect you.  Until next week!

Photos Darin Likes

The secret to winning? JAZZ HANDS!

Show me again where the priest touched you.

Rare sighting of the North American double-breasted boobie!