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The Whiskey Bar
2203 Larimer St
Denver, CO 80205
Saturdays: 7:00 PM
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1:12 PM, May 19, 2013


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Poontang State	74

Whiskey Dicks	68

Squirrel Nuts - 3rd in OT	66

Pen Is Mightier	66

Bolivia Wilde	54

And That Was The Day I Realized That People Still Listen To Limp Bizkwik

Quizma$ter$ of the Univer$e

On my way to WB last night, my route took me past Denver's famous Fillmore Auditorium (home to Geek Bowl V, btw) and I noticed on the marquee that Lymp Bizness was playing later that night. I laughed ha ha ha to myself, imagining a nearly empty (except for the handful of haggard, meth-addled groupies just there to fuck former fame) room while Ferd Dunst & Co. dejectedly hurry through the absolute minimum set list they could get away with and still get paid. They might draw a few people in Oklahoma or the Kansas State Fair, I thought to myself, but Denver is way too cool of a town to show up for Lump Buttsnacks.

So imagine my surprise when I came around the corner to see an actual line, halfway down the block, of people waiting to get into the venue. Waiting. In line. To see Limp Bizquitz.

Just recalling and writing the above has made my head swim and given me a touch of writer's block. I think I probably gave myself a brain tumor. I can't remember how I was gonna finish this thought. Oh yeah...

Now, I could see if this was Korn or one of the slightly less odious rap-rock/nu-metal/whatever bands from the late 90's, one of those bands who actually had a hint of a career in the last ten years. Or one of those bands that has an actual fan base. But has Lemon Buntcake been anything other than a punchline since 2000? Have you ever heard anyone call themselves a fan of Loose Buttstuff? If it was any other shitty band, I could see people going to the show ironically. But judging by the look of the throngs waiting... in... line... they were there legitimately.

Now I have to come to terms with the idea that every though about shitty music I hold dear could be wrong. Maybe Limp Bizkit actually have fans? Maybe Bob Seager isn't the aural holocaust I always thought he was? Maybe Los Lonely Boys aren't haunting me from this side of the grave?

Nah, I refuse to believe any of those things, lest my entire worldview end up on its ear.

***

Okay, I'm going to go cop myself a serious heroin problem just so I can forget about the above unpleasantness. I suggest you do the same. But don't get it so bad that you can't drag your strung-out ass back to Ye Olde Whiskeye Barre Saloon and Haunted Whorehouse next week. We can fix together.

The Whiskey Bar
2203 Larimer St
Denver, CO 80205
Saturdays: 7:00 PM
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12:49 PM, May 12, 2013


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Benitez And The Jets	72

Poontang State	69

Condom On The Capital - 3rd in OT	67

Feline AIDS	67

Thankfully We're Not At The Point Where People Are Naming Their Shitty Kids "Ashton"

Quizma$ter$ of the Univer$e

Because when that day comes, we'll deserve whatever the Chinese give us. I'm happily learning Mandarin as I type this. ?????

Thanks, Porn for the Blind, for sharing 2G1C with the previously-lucky non-sighted community. That was the one thing blind people had going for them (aside from all their Daredevil-like superpowers) that they never had to experience that hsit (literally).

Yum Brands should change their name to Lower Gastrointestinal Distress Brands.

Way to be, B-B-B-B-Benitez and the Jets. 1st place ain't s-s-s-s-sneeze at.

Later, jerks.

The Whiskey Bar
2203 Larimer St
Denver, CO 80205
Saturdays: 7:00 PM
View All Posts

Comment Now

12:51 PM, May 05, 2013


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Scafflaws	78

Quizmaster von Clownstick	73

Your Wusiness Better Come In Handy	66

Whose Puto? MAH-puto!	64

Dazed & Confused	63

Kentucky Fried Panda	61

Sweaty Muffin Top	60

Charlie Brown & The Penis-Nuts	49

Another Thing You Shouldn't Do After 30: Make Your Living As A QM

Quizma$ter$ of the Univer$e

I am not an adult. I tried for a while to have responsible "real" jobs. Shit, I had grown up jobs up until I was 31. But I'm not cut out for that kind of thing. I'm not what you would call the "cooks with a pan" type. I don't really go in for all your fancy "bank accounts" or "going to to bed at a decent hour" or "furniture." Nope, I tried responsible adulting and it didn't fit me. I'm pretty okay with that.

Bunch of brand nubians a la Ye Olde Whiskeye Barre and Dildoe Repaire last night. Except without the nubian part. It was pretty white down there. Brand newbiens? Either way, quiz virgins, whose cherries I popped mercilessly. And now I'm thinking about the phrase "popped cherry" and how goddamn vulgar and evocative it is as it relates to the hymen. Ugh, what sadistic fuck thought up that expression?

Did Birkenstock make Heidi Klum grow out her leg hair as a condition of working for them? You know, because hippies.

I will never stop using the "hey Alanis, why the long face?" joke, no matter how stale it is. That joke is as much a part of me as my left foot. I hope I don't lose my left foot.

This blog is of the sufficient length, and so I will end it here.

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