Geeks Who Drink - The Irish Rover

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The Irish Rover
54 S Broadway
Denver, CO 80209
Wednesdays: 8:00 PM

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12:03 PM, May 10, 2012


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Scores

Al Harrington's Facemask	76

Travolta's Happy Moneyshot	75

Clownbabies	69

Travolta's Willing Masseuse	64

Atomic Mushroom Stompers	58

Castles in the Clouds	57

Sext Me Later	52

Amber's Army	51

War Were Declared	49

Genital Hospital	39

Seals	33

Six Season and a movie	30

Panties in my Purse, Y'all.

Chella Negro

Man, there was some weird shit happening in the late 80s and early 90s.

Take, for example, that zebra from the Fruit Stripes campaign. That whacked out bit of psychedelia was named “Yipes” and enjoyed spazzing the fuck out and in-line skating. He (?) also was super into a gum that’s flavor lasted for around five minutes. That shit was cray and regularily pumped into our heads every Saturday morning in between The Guys Next Door and California Dreams. Both of those shows, by the way, gave me a false sense of life in the record industry. I have yet to ride a surfboard while playing guitar and I still don’t have a fast talking manager with a heart of gold.

Bullshit.

Speaking of weird shit in the music industry (because we so clearly were), what the hell was going through Trace Adkins head while he was writing, "Honky Tonk BaDonkaDonk?" It is an embarrassingly awful song. Don't believe me? Here's a sampling of the lyrics:

"Got it goin' on like Donkey Kong
And ooo wee, shut my mouth, slap your grandma
There outta be a law, get the Sheriff on the phone
Lord have mercy, how's she even get them britches on?
That honky tonk badonkadonk
(Aww son)"

This is just the worst. Just the worst. And now, we are forever damned to hear this terrible jam at every Midwestern karaoke bar.

Fuck you, Trace Adkins. This song is execrable.

How cool was it to have Ken Jennings read Round 6 tonight??!! I mean, after I explained to you all who Ken Jennings is. Jeopardy, guys! Jeopardy!

And here's another thing: why is it that, when animals talk, the animal is almost always some sort of rodent? Think about it. Rodents, cats and dogs. But mostly rodents. Oh, and horses. But mostly rodents.

I don't want to talk to a rat about anything.

Guys, next week you should totally come to quiz. I'm going to get jiggy wit' it.

JIGGY.

xoxo,

Chells.

The Irish Rover
54 S Broadway
Denver, CO 80209
Wednesdays: 8:00 PM

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12:43 PM, May 03, 2012


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Scores

Archipelago a go-go	62

Deeeeeeez Nutz	59

The Waitresses	58

The Walrus of Condemnation	57

shitty Beatles	53

Reese's Penises	51

Ass Kickers	50

Curry Tater tots	49

Pizzle Rots	46

Plan B	42

Hasn't Cleveland Suffered Enough??

Chella Negro

Did you know that in the time it takes to write a fascinating and informative Geeks Who Drink blog, Eddie Money's under eye skin will have sagged another 60 percent? You didn't? Well, it's a fact.

Here are a few other tidbits of knowledge gained during last night's rousing and raucous pub quiz:

1. I am too old to understand, like and listen to dubstep. It's awful and it all sounds the same. Now get these damn kids off of my lawn.

2. I used Bengay while on the pageant curcuit to tighten up my skin and reduce the appearance of cellulite.

3. Everyone knew the title of George Hamilton's Zorro spoof. Why? Everyone? My teams are weird.

4. Tempestt Bledsoe is the forgotten Cosby Kid. If you ain't Rudy, you ain't shit.

5. Eating at KFC is a really bad idea. Like, really bad.

6. Death metal vocalists have the life expectancy of a running back in the NFL. Get rich quick, Screamo. You don't have long.

Next week at pub quiz, we'll uncover the great mysteries of the popularity of Katy Perry. Pay attention, there'll be a test afterwards.

xo.

The Irish Rover
54 S Broadway
Denver, CO 80209
Wednesdays: 8:00 PM

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11:15 AM, April 26, 2012


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Scores

Archipelago A Go Go	81

Murdah Death Hiatus 2nd place	80

Secret Servicers	80

Al Harrington	77

Hot Girls Have Problems Too	64

Whiskeypedia	63

Who Takes Their Daughter to a Nervous Breakdown	57

Of Moose & Men	47

The Compound	46

Pellohill	41

Lonestar	38

Flat Cats	37

6 Person Groups Are For Losers	20

Too-Tall Jones & the Bo Jackson Five

Chella Negro

So, what does it mean to "smell like I sound?"

For a long time, this was a question I would ask only to myself. I figured I had to have the lyrics wrong. Sure, Duran Duran have never been known to be the 80s masters of songcraft but still..."I smell like I sound?" That makes NO SENSE.

Because this song came up in Round Two (a round on something called Hunger Games), I feel like this is a good platform to discuss "Hungry Like The Wolf" and whatever the fuck Simon LeBon was talking about.

So, he's a wolf or a man chasing a lady who turns into a wolf or something and that wolf/woman hasn't eaten in awhile. He is, no doubt, very sweaty from running around the jungle in a white linen suit and his hair is very freshly dyed blonde. (I know this to be fact b/c I'm reading this awesome oral history on MTV and they discuss this video in depth) All of this leads me to believe that Simon LeBon might not smell very good. So, if he smells like he sounds...I mean, as a vocalist, I would never admit to having a bad show. And here is Duran Duran, for all eternity, proclaiming their vocals are the stinkiest.

Round Seven was all about Harold & Kumar, those loveable, horny stoners we've all drawn tight to our pop culture bosoms. Did you know they did other films? Yeah, it's true. And did you also know that those films were largely art-house films?

That's not true.

Movies such as "Epic Movie," "Van Wilder," and that shitty show about mothers. In fact, Harold (Kumar?) is responsible for bringing MILF into our vernacular. Ugh, American Cinema.

I wish that NBA Basketball would go back to the days when the superstars had their own Saturday morning cartoons and weren't too tatted up or brutally, explosively violent (MWP, I'm talking to you). Back to a time when they would star in feature-length motion pictures alongside Marvin the Martian.

Those were good days.

Sigh...

Well, now that I've set adrift on memory bliss, let me just say that 1991 sounds like it was a real bummer. I mean, I was there and everything but I was an 8th grader and the only I cared about was Jeremy Lawrence and Banana Republic. I should have gotten more involved. I mean, a 29cent stamp??!! Insane.

Lastly, I have to send a huge hug to my favorite team (yes, my favorite) the Murdahs. Murdah Death Kill, Murdah She Wrote, Crow Murdahs...whatever you want to call them, I call them adorable and funny. In fact, all of the traits I'm looking for in my next boyfriend are in that team.

They are leaving me to play softball on Wednesdays. Yeah, they said they'd come back and see me every once in awhile but I know how these things go. Pretty soon, they'll find another quiz night and another quizmaster to both entertain and antagonize. I'll just be another memory they dust off when they need a smile. And that's fine. That's what I'm here for.

God Bless, Murdahs. I'll be seeing you...

For the teams that have stayed loyal and aren't into group sports, see you next week. I'll bake you all cupcakes with some sort of illegal substance in them. What substance, you ask? Take one and guess.

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