It's just one of those words that's completely defined by a movie for me. I can't help it. It always gets pronounced as Jefe says it, and it's generally followed by a comment about piñatas. Does that make me a bad person? No. It means I have good taste in films. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that I don't like you. That might make me a bad person, but I'm actually pretty comfortable with that. Mr. Rogers and Bruno Mars taught me that I'm perfect just the way I am. Also, I'm a ninja. You can't prove I'm not. That's got absolutely nothing to do with anything, though. Next topic: tonight's quiz.

Round one was Recently In Stuff. Did you know that Adam Yauch died? Of course you did. Did you know that Rick Santorum is a douche? Of course you knew that, too. Does the phrase "Dr. Shaquille O'Neal" freak you out? You're goddamn right it does. "Dr. Kazaam," too. Finally, I'll be boycotting America's Got Talent, because America apparently does NOT have anything interesting to show off.

Round two was hit or miss for our teams. You either knew most or you didn't know squat. I fall into the latter category. The lattergory, if you will. See what I did there? It's funny. Like Scattergories. I've never actually played Scattergories. What matters is that I don't know anything about the songs from round two, so I'm not going to talk about them.

Round three was about diamonds, hearts, and spades. David Spade. Kingdom Hearts. That sort of thing. It's where "plethora" came into action. Piñatas. Hehe. Love that! People got a little tripped up on One Eyed Kings and Pentacles, but that's to be expected. You can't know everything. Unless you're me, in which case you DO know everything. Please disregard my round two comments.

Round four was "'Ram' It!" I'm ignoring this round in protest at Mola Ram not being included in any form. Somebody needs their still-beating heart torn out and magically set on fire.

Round five featured rock candy in two forms: crack and simple syrup. I'm not sure which I prefer. Hollandaise was on there as well. I've always been a little wary of hollandaise sauce, to be quite honest. I'm not sure why. I guess it's just basic prejudice against the Dutch.

Round six was full of pot jokes. Only one team knew Kif Kroker's full name. Nobody knew Buddy Rich, which is a little sad. Resulted in some good answers, though. Buddy Guy? Not a drummer. Buddy Waters? Not a real person. Buddy Lee? Man of action. Oh yeah.

Round seven - fun with crackheads! Double or nothin'! Jack Bauer got to do heroin for his job. I wish I could do heroin for my job. Or that I had a job at all. Well, a full time job. I also wish I could watch somebody snort a cocaine outline of Ukraine. Can it be done? Maybe. I hope so. I don't really wanna watch anyone die.

Round eight was random knowledge, and shook up the standings a bit since nobody had jokered before (round 2 would have been a wise move for a few teams - just sayin'). In round eight, I discovered that a) There is a joint congressional resolution defining Mother's Day and b) I was most definitely wrong about it being last week. I mean, my mom was nice enough to inform me that my call was early, but she appreciated me making an effort to call her all the same. I don't do that enough.

Final scores: Purple Nurple won it all. A come-from-behind 2nd place to Burt & Ernie. Third place went to Oops I Pooped My Pants, but they had more than six so the prize defaulted to The Pretty Pink Zebras. I'm not sure if that means the black parts are pink or the white parts are. I dunno. But, like children, they're all pink on the inside.

Aaaand that's it, folks. I'm out. I'll see y'all back at Moe's next week for more hot quiz love!

It’s been a while since I hosted at Moe’s. In fact, it’s been so long that the last time I was there I was subbing for Jeanette, not Logan. But Logan was out of town babysitting our new Cleveland QM during her first quiz, so I answered his call for aid, not so much because I like Logan, but because it’s hard to pass on the food at Moe’s. Om nom nom!

And man, Moe’s was packed last night! And not just packed, but with kids in tow. I generally swear like a sailor, so it always makes me a bit dismayed to see young’uns about during quiz, because that means I have to pay attention to what I say, and let’s face it: I QM better when I can just turn off my brain and let loose a torrent of profanity.

But you know what? It wasn’t so bad, even when a dad and his two kids sat down at the table directly adjacent to me. The kids were old enough (more or less) to at least be mildly interested in the actual quiz, so at least I didn’t have to worry about them running around the place and screaming while I worked. And they left after Round 6 or so, so I finally got to say things like Shit load of Dimes (which was “Bum load of Dimes” while the kids were around) and My Dixie Wrecked without long, pregnant pauses between each word, just to make sure it didn’t sound like I said “dick.” But I must admit, I couldn’t help but inwardly snigger when the kid next to me asked his dad what a “pimp” was.

As for the quiz itself, it was maybe a wee bit tough, but not overly so. You guys seemed to dig the Cash Cab round, and why not? Cash Cab rules. Or ruled, I suppose. Not that it really matters to me. I’ve been without cable for so long that I had no idea there was a Chicago version of the show, let alone that they’d cancelled it.

Our first audio round featured Del Amitri’s “Roll To Me,” and I was surprised to find that a good portion of you knew not just the title of the song, but the name Del Amitri. Name one other song by him. Exactly. I was not surprised, however, to find that you knew the song was from the movie Flipper. That’s how the Geek Nation rolls (heheh).

I was shocked to learn from our speed round that only 10 shows have earned the #1 spot in the yearly network rankings since the ’90-91 season. 10 shows. In 20+ years. And not one of them was The Simpsons. You make me sad sometimes, America. So very sad.

But the real story of the night was your utter contempt for our Round 7, which featured dubstep versions of TV show music. Apparently some of you weren’t even familiar with dubstep before last night’s quiz. Well, now you are, and I can say with nearly 100% surety that you’re not fans. I can’t blame you. Once upon a time, I used to hit up the rave scene and quite enjoyed house and trance music, but I could never get into jungle/drum & bass, so it’s no surprise that its bastard offspring isn’t popular. All I can say is that we had another of these rounds on Wednesday night, and those tracks were better (“better” being a relative term of course). I suppose it depends on who’s doing the remixing, ‘cause this one is actually pretty cool (assuming you have the patience to deal with the repetition inherent in most electronic music).

At the end of the night, we had to break a tie for third place. Most of you were slavering for a dance-off, but I have a strict No Forced Dance-Off policy and neither of the two teams was diggin’ the idea, so we did it true Geek style: battle of the minds! It was a close one, but The Master Debaters won best two out of three for the win. Well, for third place, anyway.

Track List:

The Black Keys – Lonely Boy

Morris Day & The Time – Jungle Love

Sublime – Scarlet Begonias

Big Boi vs. LCD Soundsystem – Shutterbugg Yrslf

Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock – It Takes Two

Louis Prima – Just a Gigolo/I Ain’t Got Nobody

AC/DC vs. Ray Parker Jr. – Thunderstruck vs. Ghostbusters

The Beatles – Strawberry Fields (Love Mix)

Tyga – Rack City

Rancid – You Don’t Care Nothin’

The Misfits – Last Caress

The Ramones – Judy Is a Punk

Queen – Fat Bottomed Girls

Richard Cheese – Somebody Told Me

The Sonics – Strychnine

Jay-Z vs. Flight of the Conchords – Hola’ Hovito vs. The Most Beautiful Girl (In the Room)

The Bloodhound Gang – I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks

Black Sabbath vs. Led Zeppelin – War Pigs vs. Whole Lotta Love

The Rundown

Round 1: Cash, Cabs, & Cash Cab

High Score: 7 (achieved by The Master Debaters) 

Average Score: 5.09/8

Low Score: 3

Round 2: Roll With It (Audio Round)

High Score: 13 + joker (achieved by My Dixie Wrecked)

Average Score: 9.91/16

Low Score: 2

Round 3: Who Needs Variety?

High Score: 5 (achieved by operation hot mother and Sweet Teas)

Average Score: 3.91/8

Low Score: 2

Round 4: The Search For Answers

High Score: 7 (achieved by Jean Claude Van Darn and The Master Debaters)

Average Score: 5.09/8

Low Score: 4

Round 5: What a Piece of Ship (Visual Round)

High Score: 7 (achieved by Drunks Who Geek)

Average Score: 4.55/8

Low Score:

Round 6: EGOTmania

High Score: 6 (achieved by four teams)

Average Score: 4/8

Low Score: 1

Round 7: The Last Time Something This Big Dropped It Ended World War II (Audio Round)

High Score: 6 (achieved by Erik’s Scorned Mistresses (Jenn²))

Average Score: 2.36/8

Low Score: 1

Round 8: Random Knowledge

High Score: 10 + joker (achieved by Made in Detroit and John Holmes’ Massive Resurrection)

Average Score: 8.91/16

Low Score: 7

This week’s E-mail Bonus Question winner was Tony, who got a plastic hut!

3^rd Place: The Master Debaters

2^nd Place: Jean Claude Van Darn

1^st Place: My Dixie Wrecked

Last night, we quizzed. Today, we slept in. Well, I slept in. I dunno what you guys did. Not really my problem. Last night was great, though. Had lots of friendly faces returning, and had a good share of new players. That's always exciting. On of those faces looked to me like Jim Butcher. Apparently he just gets "Jesus" a lot. Not everyone with a beard is Jesus. That's blasphemery and I only tolerate it when it's funny, k?

Round one was brought to you by the number three, and apparently the letters F and U. You guys did not know well. One guy was really excited about Primary Colors, though. Take that as you will.

Round two was human centipede style. It's been a while since we had one of those. Again, pretty rough with a high score of only 11. I would have gotten 9 myself, which is surprising since I normally suck at music rounds. Like, real bad.
Round three was about the time Melvin Ingram got picked up by the San Diego chargers. That was my big takeaway. Specifically, I learned that NFL teams are idiots for letting him slip so low. He's better than Coples, Irvin, and Cox, easily. Good job, Chargers. You got lucky that nobody snatched him up sooner.

Round four was the debut for Quizmaster-In-Training, Jeremy! He read us rounds four (the end is the beginning) (human ourobouros, if you will), and six (sand, witches, and sandwiches). I, for one, think he did well for his first night on the mic. Also, he apparently he's an asshole who does a lot of karaoke, so he should fit in nicely with the rest of us Denver QMs. My main complaints: he didn't make fun of Cher enough, and he didn't sound sarcastic enough when he read the Winona Ryder question. Round five happened in between there, and was screenshots from Drawsomething. I liked 'em.

Round seven was standup comedians. Hells yeah. Dave Attell is awesome, Gilbert Gottfried is too offensive to play a duck, and Roseanne is not and has never been funny. Ever. There is nothing in the world to defend her as a comedian. If you like Roseanne, I don't like you. Rita Rudner rocks and is not appreciated enough, though.

And finally, round eight, where I totally did not make a mistake and give away an answer. At all. Nope. Didn't happen. Shut up. Even were that to happen, it would have been an easy answer that everybody got, and the high score on the round was still a mere 10. I believe only one team got all 4 legion answers, and we got some interesting spellings on Lake Vostok, but then everyone died of dysentary and we had to call it a night.

Our winners were An End To Gopher Trouble, and we had a lovely danceoff between Petit Pigs and I Just Blue Myself for second. Blue didn't really "dance" so much as "move his arms a little and turn in place." Piggy went all out, and took the money home. Well done.

That does it, folks. See y'all back here next week!

• Bumsted's - Tucson 8:00 PM
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