Well kids, I could take this time and space to accomplish something useful, like encourage you to get out there and volunteer so the world is a better place.  Or, I could banter about Angelina losing the twins, yadda yadda blah blah who gives a crap.  Instead, I’d rather rant about something near and dear to my heart: dental hygiene.

Don’t you hate being forced into a social situation with someone who lacks in the dental hygiene department?  We all know that guy: super nice, maybe even good looking, but he has a weird brownish twinge around his receding gum line, and he isn’t aware of his assertive halitosis?  You find yourself trying to listen and be polite, but you can’t stop staring at his teeth while he’s talking, desperately hoping that he doesn’t accidentally over-pronounce a “p” and send his bacteria laden spittle sailing towards you.  I met that guy yesterday.  He works at the customer service counter for Xfinity, and despite his deft help in setting up my internet service, I can’t remember his face, only his creepy snaggle tooth.  I am a bad person.

Now, most of you kids know the value of taking good care of your teeth.  Good dental hygiene helps you to look and feel swell, and it may be linked to heart health and overall well-being.  Good dental hygiene is easy to do.  And, it also ties in to one of my favorite movie scenes.  And all of that has absolutely nothing to do with pub quiz.

I haven’t seen such a tight, competitive quiz in a LONG time.  The top 4 teams all had at least one (if not more) perfect rounds.  I was biting my nails while scoring, as after several monster round 2s, LITTLE LEBOWSKI’S URBAN ACHIEVERS, LEGION OF DOOM, and CODPIECES were vying for the top three spots all night.  In the end, THE JOHN STAM-HOES pulled a nasty 8^th round reach around and nabbed 1^st place from all of them, which pushed the LEGION and LEBOWSKI into an awkward dance off for 3^rd.  And while I admittedly arbitrarily declared the winner for LEBOWSKI, I know the LEGION will be back with a vengeance next time…

Winners, the JOHN STAM-HOES:

Dancers of Awesome Sauce, Tom and Brad:

Forgetting the fact that I am supposed to be writing this blog for anything but utterly selfish reasons, HOLY COW a bunch of weird shit has been happening in the world.  Oh sure, you think I’m gonna talk about real news and shit.  But what captured my attention today was a blog post titled something to the effect of “Sex Crazed Monster Grasshoppers Invade East Coast.”  As per usual, the sensationalist, conspiracy theory allusions gave way to real science.  Holy shit, that was awesome.  

Earlier today, and totally unrelated to quiz, I found myself contemplating the deliciousness of Ling Cod.  In case you haven’t experienced the joy of this magical beastie, imagine halibut, but naturally butterier.  So much so that I had to make up a word to describe the majesty of this delicate, delicious fish.  “Butterier”: take that, seventh grade English Teacher.  *Shakes fist.*

Really, I should know better.  But it does prove that a “word” can be defined, or it can be determined by social pressure.  You knew what it meant, right?  Why should I make effort defending butterier as a legit word.  Seems legit enough.  Those of you who disagree can go vigorously hump an angry unicorn horn.

Das Boot! dominated quiz tonight – they got ahead early, and stayed ahead all night.  It was a little sad for some of the usual teams, but everyone needs to break a winning streak and finish fourth once in a while, Lebowski’s.  That’s right, I called ya out.  But, come back next week, and we’ll see what happens, eh?

Cheers!

Despite more pending doom in the weather forecasts, we had a super awesome quiz.  We got to ponder if super villains really do cheap out at music by using the same three themes over and over again.  Or, much like teenage girls, do super villains strive for conformity with the “it” crowd, and the music is just a part of the mind numbing sameness?  More importantly, what the fuck IS Nutella? 

To my thinking, Nutella is proof that anything can be “part” of a nutritious meal if you are a dipshit.  You see, despite the fact that each jar of the stuff does in fact contain the equivalent of maybe three or four hazelnuts, I’ve long placed the stuff on the same mental shelf as a tub of pre-fab frosting.  Not to knock that, because me, some good ol’ depression, a big ass spoon, and a tub of Betty Crocker double chocolate fudge frosting have thrown down from time to time.  Not like a triple X porno throw down, but I have left with the party remnants on my face, for sure.  It’s just that it irks me when marketers parade something horrifyingly unhealthy as a food that mothers should spoon feed their children as a wholesome snack.  Nutella is King Devil of this sort of deceit.  The stuff is nutritionally VOID.

First off, the stuff really is as full of fat, palm oil, and sugar as a tub of frosting.  We are talking 21 g of carbs and 12 g of fat to a scant 2 g of protein.  There’s almost no protein, negating the value of the nut that’s inside every jar.  Secondly, much like the Devil, Nutella makes people do things.  HORRIBLE THINGS.  Oh sure, you think you just want a nibble of it on some strawberries, and the next thing you know, your shirt is off, you’ve smeared “666” in Nutella across your torso, and you are huddled in a corner cradling what’s left of the jar and hissing at your children to stay back or you WILL kill them and eat them (likely dipped in more hazelnut spread).   It makes people do things like abscond (NOT FUCKING KIDDING) with 11,000 pounds of the stuff…now THAT is love. Or addiction.  Or something. 

Moving away from my senseless rant, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to MATT from THE JOHN STAMHOES!!  In Luscious tradition, we gave him a birthday blowjob:

Speaking of the STAMHOES, they cleaned up during quiz.  And some GUYS took my leftover pizza as just not last.  What good sports.  And the rest of you…FUCK YEAH.  Avoid Nutella.  And wear protection so you don’t get the clap.

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